"I Don't Feel Loved In My Marriage"

As I was scrolling through social media, I came across a blog with these words, " I don't feel loved in my marriage so I am leaving it."

My heart literally broke in two because I wondered how many people were reading this blog and forming an opinion of their marriage because at some point or another, you have felt that way in your marriage. I also wondered how many single people were reading the blog and forming an unrealistic idea of marriage. I'm currently writing a book on marriage so I figured I would share a snippet of a chapter because that blog literally lined up with what I was talking about in that chapter.

How many times has my husband felt unloved by me in the about 10 years we've been together?
Too many to count. 

How many times have I felt unloved by my husband?
Too many to count. 

Is my marriage headed towards divorce?
Absolutely not.

How many times has God felt unloved by you?
Too many times to count

How many times have you ran from Jesus?
Too many times to count. 

As a believer,  love the example of Jesus. He gives me perspective on every relationship, including my marriage. What happens when Jesus doesn't feel loved by you? What if He just left you? What if He just quit on you? Does Jesus make you happy 100%? It's impossible to make you happy all of the time because we are made up of this flesh, carnal nature. One minute we are living for Jesus and the next minute, we think about and want things that we know that we can't have.

 Listen to me - to everyone who is single or married and never forget this:

Just because you don't at times feel loved in your marriage, it is not an excuse to leave it. The danger in leaving your marriage for someone who "loves" you better is that you may get more of what you think you need in order to be happy while compromising in another area. He may touch you more, clean up around the house and work a job but he may also be touching another woman. Your husband was a great leader, he just didn't use words of affirmation. The next man will post about you all day and night and affirm you but that's about it. He's a terrible leader and spiritually, you have to lead the marriage because he gives you the control. Maybe your last husband had no job and your new boo is a lawyer. But instead of coming home to you he works and travels non-stop. Any free time he does have, he goes to the bar with his buddies. Pick your poison. Every marriage gets to work OUT their marriage to make it work. There's GOING to be conflict along the way. The question before I do is, "Find out his issue and see if you can live with it for the rest of your life." Because.. it may never change. But, I am talking to those of you who are currently married.

If our measuring stick for leaving your marriage is "I don't feel loved" then it's simply NOT good enough. Yes, you may be going through a tough time. Yes, your husband may not understand you, Yes you may be frustrated but do you remember your vows? "For Better or For Worse" will get tested. No HUMAN on this entire earth is going to be able to make you happy 100% of the time. The fight you're fighting is a spiritual one, not a physical one. Your enemy is NOT your spouse, its the devil. Some of you are in marriages right now and it's a pretty healthy marriage, you just have some areas where you're not happy. You've grown WEARY. You constantly wait for him to "change" but he never does. So, then do you just leave? So, you have this good man but this man doesn't meet up to the image of who you think he should be in your head?

Who told you that he has to be some other image?

Social media? Comparing your marriage to another marriage? Your family? A friend who recently divorced and bashes all marriages? Your messy single friends or that one single friend that would love to be married to your man?

Maybe it's not your spouse? Maybe it's you? Maybe you're completely unlovable. Maybe you're constantly psychoanalyzing him, trying to be his mama, maybe you treat him like trash and disrespect him. Maybe you nag and criticize him into a corner.

No, I cannot cheer you on for leaving.

Please hear my heart that I do understand cases where there's divorce and it's unwanted. Maybe your husband left you and ran off with some 18 year old. Maybe he cheated so many times or maybe he has physically abused you to the point where you are FORCED to leave. Now, I am not talking to those cases. That is called abandonment and it's NEVER ok for him to treat you that way. I am specifically talking to men that actually come home to their wives, he works an honest job, goes to church and he is TRYING to be good to you. You may not see all of the effort that you want to see, but you see SOME of it.

Isn't it crazy how we focus on what our spouse is doing but we don't make them 100% happy? Kinda hypocritical right? (And, I'm talking to myself too)

How do I know that you may not be the most loveable person at times?

Because I was her.

I was the most complaining, "higher than thou" wife. My husband felt like nothing that he did was good enough for me. That nagging, complaining, discontent spirit from my single days showed its ugly face in my marriage.

So, what do I do when I don't feel loved in my marriage?

I love.
Let me challenge you with this:

1 Corinthians 13:1-10 tells us:
"If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.
 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love."

Did you read verse 4? It says that Love is PATIENT.

What does patience mean?
The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset:

Whoa.
So, I'm supposed to love without getting upset? But HE troubled me. He made me suffer. He ignored me! He won't get a job! He won't touch me and he knows my love language is TOUCH. He really hurt me in the past. He cheated on me. YES, I forgive him and we moved on but I have a hard time being patient with him.

Love doesn't demand it's own way. 

"You don't LISTEN. I am more spiritual. I am better with money. I am a better leader. I have more schooling. Let's do it THIS way."

It's it amazing that we are serving in the church, helping people and doing all of these things but we don't love the person that we share a bed with? That is your first ministry. Your HOME ministry. You hate your own husband. How can we say that we really love Jesus but we hate the one we are ONE with?

I like 1 John 4:20, it says "If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?"

But Heather, my husband ain't saved. He hasn't cheated or anything but he won't turn to Jesus. I want to leave!

1 Peter 3:1 tells us, "In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by your quiet and gentle spirit."

I can tell you this. With every test of "love" I have passed, GOD HAS REWARDED ME. In those times where I wanted to leave my marriage or run - I STAYED and ENDURED and TRUSTED God to change ME and my spouse. (Guess that's what happens when two alpha personalities marry!) AND I watched God grow our love, our ministry, and our life anoint us for our obedience. I have watched the Lord use my husband to reveal my heart and weaknesses. I have watched myself change and get better because of those tough times.

It takes NOTHING to quit on your marriage. Your marriage will force you to grow, mature, develop and CHANGE. If your marriage has grown apart, it's because you let it. Don't give satan an open door. Don't let him in to destroy your marriage. Do your part, God will reward you!

If you're fighting with your spouse now - text him right now and go get your marriage back. Don't give the devil an open door into your life or marriage. Not now, not tomorrow or the next day.

I challenge you right now to write out 10 things that you love about your spouse. Starting, now. Focus on those things vs. what he isn't doing.

I see God healing marriages right now. I see restoration in broken marriages right now. I see hope again.

In Jesus name.

God loves you like crazy,

Love always,
Heather Lindsey

1. The 2017 Pinky Promise Conference was EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like literally. Here's the night I taught on "Running From God." Registration is open now! www.pinkypromiseconference.com 

2. Ah, I'm SO excited that the Pinky Promise Movement page has a new look! Check it out HERE. 

3. ALSO, the Pinky Promise Boutique has a new look too PLUS a ton of cute MODEST, FAB, CLOTHES, jewelry, promise rings, clothes, journals, etc! Check it out HERE.

4. Be sure to check my calendar to see if I'm in your city soon! (under Calendar)

5. Are you in Atlanta? Come and visit our church! We are in Sandy Springs! The Gathering Oasis Church - we meet at the Galloway Private School in the Amphitheatre. 215 W Wieuca Rd NW Atlanta, GA 30327 every Sunday at 10AM EST.

5. My New Book, Silent Seasons was on the Amazon Best Seller's List as the #1 in New Releases and in Religious for 5 weeks! ahh!! Find it HERE.  or on Amazon/Kindle/Ibooks/Audio Book.

6. My dear friends, Havilah Cunnington and Lisa Bevere have an amazing 12 part series titled #MomOfMen - teaching you how to raise godly children. Sign up now and recieve a FREE e-book. You can sign up HERE.

Our wedding day :) 8/14/10

New Book: The Runaway Bride

Eeeek! I am THRILLED to announce my fourth book, "The Runaway Bride" is FINALLY here! This book is going to challenge you, convict you, make you cry, laugh and most importantly, push you closer to Jesus. After I preached "The Runaway Bride" at the 2014 Pinky Promise Conference, the Holy Spirit told me to follow the sermon with a book. I had no idea that for the next 9 months, God was going to wreck me, change me and restore me by showing me that I even run from Him in some areas.

You can find the book available NOW via a few avenues!

1. If you order it via my Pinky Promise Boutiques, for a limited time, I will sign the books BUT they won't ship until the week of June 15th! You can find the boutique HERE. 

2. You can order directly from my publisher HERE.

3. OR You can go on Kindle/Amazon & order HERE! 

P.S. I WILL be selling copies at the 2015 Pinky Promise Conference and I have a few scheduled book signings there as well!

I love you all and I'm thankful for your support!

Heather Lindsey

"Lord, Help Me to Be Content"

Gosh, what a dangerous prayer to pray.

And it seems like if you don't renew your mind in this area of being content with your season then it creeps back up around and you will look up and not even realize that.. you're discontent.

You may cry out to God and say.. "LORD! But... I thought I passed this test of contentment" and in all honesty, you did pass it at one point. But now you're experiencing tests, trials & different situations and you may find yourself simply complaining. Guess what, you passing those previous tests was wonderful, but now you're maturing and growing in Christ. There's a new level of contentment that you have to pass!

This blog was birthed from my OWN recent struggle. I'm 31 weeks pregnant (about 8 months) and I'm in the middle of finishing off the final edit of my new book coming out in less than a month, I'm planning our 2015 Pinky Promise Conference is next month & negotiating a contract for 2016, then, our statewide baby shower in September, marriage & single retreats, still running our Pinky Promise non-profit, I'm still trying to be a great wife, mother, friend, prepare for a new child and then the list goes on and on! On top of all of that, I started to get a few third trimester pains that really started to slow me down. I started to complain, I thought, "Gosh, Lord- must you pile all of this on me during the busiest time of my life?"

So, as I sat before the Lord in my quiet time yesterday, I started to complain and fuss as I prayed. Sounds crazy, right? Then, the Holy Spirit took me to Philippians 4:4 and I saw Paul write.. "always be full of the joy of the Lord." Of course, Lord-- you would take me to that scripture. But I couldn't stop reading that same line over and over again. It struck me like a ton of bricks.

First, let's break down the word always:
al·ways
adverb
1. at all times; on all occasions.

Wait, so at all times, on all occasions, be full of the joy of the Lord?

Does that also include being 8 months pregnant and trying to do a bunch of things? Does that also include when tests and trials hit your life? Does that also include when you feel rejected, hurt, mad, frustrated, lonely, lost? Does that include when you lose your job? Does that include when your boyfriend leaves you and you had plans for marriage? Does that include when a loved one passes away? Does that include when you hate your job? Does that include when you feel ugly? Does that include when you get hurt by a friend or a family member?

Yes. At all times, on all occasions, be full of the joy of the Lord.

Talk about CONVICTION!

And to add to that fun conviction, Paul is in PRISON telling the church to be CONTENT and to find JOY in the midst of their situation. He's in prison. In a tiny little cell that I'm sure is dirty, with tons of insects, it smells, other prisoners are yelling, screaming and let's not even talk about the food. He may or may not have had a small window to look outside. He sat in the prison cell, day in and day out. Not even know when he was leaving. And, he's telling your comfortable self to be content. I cannot imagine what prison is like back in those times. Paul, like the other Apostles, were hated by most of the Jews because they openly and publicly taught that Jesus was the Son of God. The Jews thought this was blasphemy against God and were more than willing to throw someone in jail over the issue. Paul was in jail for about 5 1/2-6 years in total during the time he was on this earth-- all over sharing Christ! Paul was shipwrecked, snakebitten, stoned and eventually beheaded all for the gospel of Jesus! And THIS man is telling US to be content and AT all times, on ALL occasions, be FULL of the joy of the Lord!

This slapped me in the face and seriously challenged my heart. Paul detached from earthly things because the only thing that mattered what "CHRIST BEING WITH HIM." His mindset wasn't on getting a job promotion, on that next TV show that is debuting, or that concert. It wasn't on "when he was gonna find a wife (even though he had the gift of singleness, his focus was what mattered), it wasn't on some fleshly desire. It was on Christ. He knew that he could REALLY do "All things who Christ who strengthens Him" in Philippians 4:13 because Paul was focused not on what he "thought" he should have but on the task that Jesus gave him. Most people totally use that scripture out of context! They scream verse 13 while totally ignoring the scriptures before hand while they operate in their own strength, hoping God will fund their (not His) ideas.

Are you focused on the task that Jesus gave you or are you distracted by what you think you should have?

• Lord, when is it my time for a husband? I'm tired of being single.
• Lord, when is it my time for a job promotion? I hate this stupid job that I prayed for and I want more money for doing what I do. They don't appreciate my hard word and I have EARNED it Lord!
• Lord, when is it my time to be debt free? I've been claiming debt freedom for 15 years and I'm still in debt and broke! (Honey, the same way you get outta debt is the way you got in it. Stop spending)
• Lord, when is it my time to shine?! I want a stage! I want to see my purpose come to pass! My question to you is for what? For you or for Him?

I'm sure there was a lot of things that Paul "thought" he should have but He made a decision to shut up and encourage others in the Lord. And it wasn't positive thinking. His foundation was actually really trusting in the Lord and allowing for the Holy Spirit to fill His voids. 

What do you do when you are having a rough day? Do you run to an ex, food, porn, a friend or do you run to Christ? I get it, I get it, we all need outlets and times where we pull away but you better make sure that the Holy Spirit is giving you the ok to do what you're doing. Emotional eating, shopping, rushing back to your past or watching pornography will never satisfy you. It will only produce a greater lust in your heart to continue to use those things to temporarily put a bandaid on the issue. 

Isaiah 58:11 "..And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."  

Ok, so if this scripture says that the Lord will guide and continually satisfy you, it tells me that most of are aren't giving Him a chance to satisfy our desires. We are too busy using our discontentment as an excuse to continue in our sin. And lets be honest and call it like it is, you just don't trust God to satisfy you. Trusting Him takes way too long  and if Jesus ain't moving fast enough, then you need to help Him out. I have learned that as the Lord guides us continually and leads us that our desires truly become HIS desires. I always say this and I will say it again, it's not that there's a shortage of good men, jobs, whatever else, there's just a storage of patient women that are willing to be developed by the Lord to actually go through the process of trusting Him.

This also goes for your marriage. Some of you are in your marriage and you are not content. You're sitting there dumbfounded because you thought that marriage would cure those feelings that you have but nothing your spouse does is good enough for you. You're just not content with him. Honestly, if you aren't content with him, you're not content with you. You are one flesh and you have brought the spirit of discontentment into your marriage. Instead of bashing him for what he's not doing, why don't you start appreciating him and thanking him for what he IS doing. Maybe he doesn't always take out the trash or clean up after himself. But, he goes to work, loves you, is faithful and he at least tries. Maybe, if he sees you taking out the trash, he will feel convicted and help you. For some reason, we have a hard time with 1 Peter 3:4 and that says that "we should win our husbands over with our quiet and gentle spirits." Let me translate in Heather terms: Shut up and stop nagging him for 10 minutes so the Holy Spirit can speak to him. Your husbands job is not to make you happy. Marriage is ministry and marriage is about serving one another and it's his job to love you like Christ loved the church. Jesus could care less about your happiness because your happiness is relative. It could make you happy to cheat on your spouse. It could make you happy to overeat. Jesus is much more concerned about your eternal salvation than you being led by your happy flesh feelings on this earth. So, it was on my heart in the midst of this blog to just say, "give your husband a break from all of that complaining." Build him up and pray for him like crazy. Speak up as the Holy Spirit leads you and be gracious in your tone.

So, how can one be content?

1. It's time to refocus, spend time with the Lord and really renew our minds concerning the things that are important to us. Search the scriptures on contentment and see what the bible says about it and ask yourself questions like, "have I ever been content? What does contentment mean to me?"

2. Identify open doors. If your void filler is shopping, maybe you need to delete the app that pops up every time there's a sale.  If your void filler is that ex, you need to erase and block his number so you aren't tempted to reach out. If it's overworking, you need to set boundaries and go home at a certain time to make sure that Christ is truly in the center of your life.

3. Admit it. It's time to be totally honest with ourselves and say, "I'm not content with my life and I compare myself to others, Lord help me." Don't push it under the rug & say, "no, that's not me, I'm good. I'm content." But deep down, you desire this things in the pit of your stomach and you constantly question God about those things. Contentment says, in all season, at all time, on all occasions, I will trust in you Lord. 

4. Recognize your problem areas. This goes back to #2. If you know that after a huge test, you want to "go to a bar, drink and get drunk", then you have to avoid those tempting situations. Don't just go and tell yourself that you're getting a "Cranberry drink." If your issue is sex, it's not the best idea to go up to his house or apartment if you know what happens when you do so.

5. Communicate daily to the Holy Spirit. Talk to Him throughout the day. Tell Him that you're not happy, vent, take moments where you just ask Him how He's doing. He's real! He's active and He's more real than the person sitting next to you.

Bonus: PRACTICE this contentment and remind yourself that God provides for you and that you have what you need. It's not going to happen overnight, especially if you have 15 years of discontentment.

You're NOT alone in this walk and satan is after your mindset concerning contentment! He wants you to think that God has forgotten about you and isn't for you. Instead, recognize that on this earth, we WILL experience tests and trials and these tests will develop things OUT of us that aren't like Him.

Just a few things:

1. Find my (3) books, purity rings, shirts & all that good stuff via pinkypromiseboutiques.com!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under: Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Midtown Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA. 

4. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year and it's 99%  sold out now, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com 

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 35,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. Pinky Promise is hosting a statewide baby shower for low income & single mamas in Atlanta, GA on September 12. If you want to donate or be a part of it, please email pinkypromisequestions@gmail.com For donations only, you can send the payment via PayPal to pinkypmovement@gmail.com & be sure to note that its for the Statewide Baby Shower. All donations are tax deductible. 

Hang in there.
God loves you like crazy,

Love ya'll!
Heather Lindsey


A maternity photo! :) 8 more weeks to go!

"Trusting God Through the Hard Times"

I know that its hard to trust God at times. I know that you have your good days and then you have some really rough days where you're like.. Lord, how long before.. this or that?

I've learned that I can't focus on "this or that" or what I think I'm lacking. My focus must be on the Lord alone because if I ain't content with just Him, then He won't bring things into my life so that I can make those things my idols. 

Philippians 4:11-13 New Living Translation (NLT)

 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ,[a] who gives me strength.

So, the secret to not having a man or having a man is Christ. The secret to not getting that promotion or getting it is Christ. The secret to not having a car or having a car in Christ. Now, insert your situation. The answer is knowing that Christ gives you strength to be content and to trust Him, even when you don't understand. So, whether it happens or not, you are content in Christ. Isn't that a powerful statement? You may have read that scripture a million times but maybe it hasn't really become real in your heart. We must come to a place in our walk where we say, "Lord, whether it happens or not, you are my portion, you are my strength, you are my joy. I TRUST you as a good Father to provide what I NEED in due season."

Do I "have" everything I want? 

Gosh, that's no longer my focus. It can't be your focus either. Just wake up, take each day.. day by day and give your days the the Lord. I used to focus on what I didn't have and then those things became amplified in my heart. If you stare at something long enough, that thing will be all you can see. And some of us keep staring at other peoples relationships, other peoples ministries, other peoples success, other peoples this or that. We've taken our eyes off of Christ and we have put them on humans. 

How can we change this?

Our focus must shift from what we think we need to the cross. So, if that door opens or not, it doesn't matter. Our focus was never in that door opening, it's in Christ so if the door opens, great, if not, It wasn't supposed to open so I trust Him. 

My husband and I took a walk the other day and we walked by this apartment building that was being demolished. It looked TERRIBLE! Bulldozers were everywhere and I was thinking, gosh, what a huge undertaking! The Holy Spirit told me that THIS is what we look like when we give our lives to Jesus. It looks like a huge bulldozer came in and destroyed your entire heart. God wrecks our relationships, our old mindset and our lives and then, brick by brick with the RIGHT foundation.. He prepares our hearts. And, this is where it gets hard. 

Why?

Because you're used to a certain level of being comfortable prior to Christ. And although the foundation was jacked up, you were still comfortable in your bondage. You were comfortable in your dysfunctional relationships. You were comfortable in your depression.  You were comfortable in your sin. 

Then Christ came and changed your heart. He convicted you of your sin and the Holy Spirit came in, destroyed the sin and started the real healing process. So, as the foundation is laid.. it can be pretty painful. It can be hard. It can be frustrating. Things can seem slow. God won't allow certain bricks to be laid from your past. Things can seem almost like you're forgotten but you must stay faithful to the Lord an keep living for Him. You cannot stop, you cannot quit, you cannot run back to the vomit that the Lord has freed you from! There's NO profit there! One day, your house will stand tall and beautiful with the RIGHT foundation. So then, when the attacks and the winds of this world come, it won't be able to knock your house down. 

Matthew 7:25 "The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock."

Jesus is preparing you for ETERNITY. This life is so much bigger than these temporary things. SO, learn to be content RIGHT where you are. An event won't change a discontent heart so even with that child you prayed for, you still may find yourself unhappy. Even with that husband you believed God for, you will still find that he ain't the source of your joy. Even moving to that new location, you will find ways to be unhappy. Being content is a heart issue. Your contentment proves who you trust. 

Who do you trust?

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

6 Months Pregnant with baby girl Lindsey! :) Me & my best friend Delan!

Just a few things:

1. Find my (3) books, purity rings, shirts & all that good stuff via pinkypromiseboutiques.com!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA. We also have our New Years Service at the same place at 10pm EST! Join us! 

4. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com 

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 32,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. Pinky Promise is hosting a statewide baby shower for low income & single mamas in Atlanta, GA on September 12. If you want to donate or be a part of it, please email pinkypromisequestions@gmail.com For donations only, you can send the payment via PayPal to pinkypmovement@gmail.com & be sure to note that its for the Statewide Baby Shower. All donations are tax deductible. 

8. I'm headed to California & VA/DC area in April. Check my calendar for event details!

"Why Most People Waste Their Single Life"

Can I let you in on a very real conversation I had with my husband tonight?

Me: Babe, I have a speaking engagement in September in this certain state. 

Cornelius: Is it confirmed? 

Me: No, they just requested me. 

Cornelius: We will have a newborn and a 2 year old. Heather, I know you want to help people and I get it but we can't be so focused on going on the road that we aren't taking care of our home.
*Sorry, I didn't announce it here, but I am pregnant! :) Due early July 2015*

Me: Wait, what babe? I never leave the home unkept!

Cornelius: I know Heather, but things are changing now. Your family is a priority before your speaking engagements. If you travel on Friday or Saturday, then I would have to study with 2 babies and then get them ready for church. So, if you plan on going or you really feel led to go to a certain one, make sure that my mom or someone is here to keep the babies so we can keep this ship moving.

Me: You're right. I will adjust and make sure that I'm taking as many and I will be sure to be led by the Lord.

My family 

As soon as our conversation finished, this scripture grew in my heart:

1 Corinthians 7:33-35

I should like you to be free of anxieties. An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord.

But a married man is anxious about the things of the world, how he may please his wife,

and he is divided. An unmarried woman or a virgin is anxious about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy in both body and spirit. A married woman, on the other hand, is anxious about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

I am telling you this for your own benefit, not to impose a restraint upon you, but for the sake of propriety and adherence to the Lord without distraction.

You maybe thinking, "HEATHER! That is NOT fair! How is he going to tell you that you cannot take as many speaking engagements? Why can't you just take one kid with you? Why not this.. why not that? How is he gonna CONTROL you?! Nobody should control you! 

Well, to answer that question: 


Matthew 11:5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

My  husband and I are one flesh. YOU lose the right to be "independent" of him or her when you get married. You have a responsibility to ANSWER to someone else. You left your family, your single life, your ways, your mindset, your decisions and you become ONE flesh with your spouse. And.. if you do run off & ignore what they say..

Mark 3:25 And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.

Amos 3:3 How can two walk together unless they agree?

So if you continue in your separate thinking, your house will be divided and it won't stand. There will be frustration, confusion and sorrow. WHY bring that independent, rebellious attitude into a marriage? Then, when you have kids.. they will feel the wrath and so will your spouse who feels like a single parent. This is why you make sure you discuss these things before the ring. I knew that my husband was a family man (as I'm family woman) & I knew that the priority was family first, THEN ministry. He didn't want a wife that was out of the home for 90 hours a week, so I wasn't surprised. Same goes from me to him. I didn't want a husband that traveled and was out of the home for 90 hours a week. I didn't want a man that was NEVER at home. I didn't want a man that never came home at night. 

Even in the above, I was tempted to think the same way as many of you that read that first part until the birth of our son Logan. Then, I realized how much he needs his mama. I realized that God gave me a responsibility to raise and teach Logan and I cannot push that responsibility off on mama in law & them. I'm still breastfeeding Logan at 21 months and when I'm away, I have to pump, prepare and travel with the milk. When I'm not at home, there's a missing piece in our household.  I put down Logan every night for bed and I enjoy these moments that we can never get back. We have a church and a local responsibility so on Sundays, I get our son ready and I'm up with him at night. I want my husband to be prepared and alert to preach on Sunday morning. My family needs me. What good am I if I run all over the world to help everybody else but I'm neglecting to take care of my first responsibility, my FIRST ministry, my HOME?

Titus 2:4-5 New Living Translation (NLT)

"These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children,

To live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes,[a] to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God."

Now, don't get me wrong. I get that women can work outside the home. I get that they can travel without their families. I get it. BUT you have to do what works for YOUR home. In my home, we travel together, work together and pretty much do everything together. We do take man trips & girl trips here & there. There's no "law" in our home. BUT there is a level or respect that says, my family is FIRST after God. (So, GOD is our entire foundation as He comes first, then my family, work & ministry life) My husband rarely takes speaking engagements mostly because he thinks it will disrupt the flow of our home and traveling with children takes ALOT out of you. We don't want our son to feel second to ministry as a preachers child. I believe that most "PK"s rebel because mama & daddy put them second to the church and the stage. I've talked to the most stable PK's & I'm like.. WHAT did your parents do differently? They always respond: "they included me in everything. They never felt like they had to compete with the church." And in our home, we like to set that same atmosphere. You still may not understand why we do what we do.. but you could only REALLY understand if you lived in our home with us! :) It works for US. So, communicate with your one-day spouse & get on the same page PRIOR to "I do" so you can make sure there's no huge surprises there. 

NOW to main point.

If you're single. Excuse my english: 

You aint gotta deal with that. 

If you're single you can go backpack in Europe for 6 months, eat cereal every night for dinner and nobody will complain, you can take a job as a flight attendant and fly all over the world! You can join 20 ministries at church and devote your weekends to your friends and feeding the homeless. You can go do missions in Africa for 6 months, you can wear yoga pants ALL day long with your hair wrapped up.

This isn't to "high" five single life or to bash marriage because BOTH have their proper seasons. The focus is to get you to realize that some of ya'll are WASTING your single life WONDERING "When your Adam is going to wake up?!" You're worried about God's timing. You're wondering, hoping and wishing about your husband. Every new guy that comes in the church "is your husband" and your focus is totally off! There's a SEASON under the sun for everything! You are literally WAITING for your life to start when you meet that "person." So, you won't buy a house, you won't buy a bed, you won't do much of anything because you're "waiting for your  man."

You've made it an idol. 

Let's look at this example: 

If I'm walking towards a building, my eyes are totally on the building. I'm not focused on what's going on around me, my eyes are glued to the building. My focus is set. I'm headed in that direction. 

This is how it should be when we are single and this prepares us for marriage. Our eyes our set on Jesus! He's our foundation, our hope, our peace, our wisdom, our joy! 

But, some of us are focused on the shed that is opposite of the "building." Although we know that we should trust God & live for Him.. we still feel like maybe God is taking too long and we have to "help" Him out. So, we take our focus from the building to the shed. But if you would turn around and focus back on the building with the RIGHT foundation, then God can really lead your life. There will be many seasons in your life. You will have quiet seasons. You will have seasons where God has you busy. You will have seasons where you feel lonely. You will have seasons where God wants you to travel. You may ask, Heather, I don't have the money do "do what I want to do." Honey, if God wants you to do it, He will provide a way! Let Him lead your footsteps. 

I look back over my life and I believe that I wasted ALOT of time as a single. I remember that I had an opportunity to go study abroad to London during my Junior Year in college but I passed on it because my then boyfriend didn't want to go. I was so insecure that he was going to cheat on me, (which he did when I was right down the street) so I PASSED on going to London for some man that I ain't with today. That was just ONE of many time wasters when I was single. 

Do I miss being single?

Single Days NYC 2004

                                                             

Of course not! I LOVE my little family. But I DO miss the FREE time that I once had to roam about uninterrupted. This morning, I was woken up by a 21 month old at 6AM who wanted me to make him some juice. So, I woke up and made juice. Then, he started screaming, "Eggs mommy! I want eggs!!" So, I made him eggs. (Mind you, I'm 3 months pregnant and still battling morning sickness). Daddy was downstairs working out and I didn't want to interrupt him.. so, to making the eggs I went. Then, I needed to change his diaper. Get him showered, dressed. Then,  pray, then read, then do this.. then do that. 

I USED to wake up when I was single and I would go straight to my quiet time bay window and I would spend an hour with the Lord before work. 

Life has surely changed. And I wouldn't change it for everything but it does put things in perspective. I am THANKFUL that I set a foundation as a single to spend time with God because now that I'm married, it's even HARDER to get to that place but because I KNOW better, I am intentional about that time. So, don't wake up in regret one day of all of the time you wasted when you could have been TOTALLY devoted to the Lord. 

If you have children and you're not married, you may be thinking, what about me?

I'm not sure if your situation but if you have shared custody, you're still free to run around when your child is with the other parent! Or, if you have good, solid family members that will keep your child while you're away-- that's great too! Just don't stay away too long because again, you have responsibilities to be a mother or father. 

I pray that you really hear my heart on this. When you trust God's timing, you will be focusing on HIM, not WHEN.

And honestly, this mindset of "waiting" for your man doesn't hold too well in marriage. Once you DO get married, you will look to your spouse to fill every void, every hobby and make you happy because you set in your mind for YEARS that a relationship will ONLY make you happy. It's like it was the missing piece to your joy. But GOD is the only missing FOUNDATION and from Him comes all gifts. I ran into this problem when we got married because I made everything about my husband that I didn't have a LIFE. Those first 6 months were hard because we moved to a new state and we didn't have friends. But in my "head" I had this fantasy of what I think marriage should be like and I put PRESSURE on my now husband in the beginning because of this lie I made up in my head. Things got much better after I started blogging, doing small groups with women then eventually starting Pinky Promise because life was back dependent on God and not a human. My husband is amazing, but a terrible god.

Don't train your mindset to think that joy comes from people. It comes from the Lord.

So, what do you do?

1. Go spend time with God.  Let Him lead & direct your paths.
2. Find a good church home that teaches the TRUE word of God. Not all that crazy, weird, confusion.
3. Join a local Pinky Promise Group for sisterhood. (Or find something in your area with like-minded Christians
4. Obey God immediately.
5. Renew your mind daily. You can't live off of last weeks bible study.

Hugs!

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

And then there were 4. Coming soon: July 2015

Just a few things:

1. Find my books, purity rings, shirts & all that good stuff via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA. We also have our New Years Service at the same place at 10pm EST! Join us! 

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book,  Dusty Crowns, here! 

5. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com 

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 30,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

"The Private War: Trusting God through the Silent Seasons"

Ever felt like you have gone through seasons where things were moving and shaking? It seems like you were growing in Christ, doors were flying open and life was good! You enjoyed your time with the Lord and then.. out of now where.. you hit a quiet season.

Doors don't seem like they are opening, you don't feel like you have clear instructions from God, you almost want to run back to that happy season but even those doors seem closed. And it seems like God isn't as close to you as He was before. 

If you have ever felt that way, I want you to know that it's ok & it's NORMAL. You're simply going through a test and you have the option to pass the test & totally rely on God OR, you have the option to go & create a life and open your own doors that will end up in turmoil.

Lets read this story together:

Genesis 11 New King James Version

The Tower of Babel

11 Now the whole earth had one language and one speech. 2 And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar, and they dwelt there. 3 Then they said to one another, “Come, let us make bricks and bake them thoroughly.” They had brick for stone, and they had asphalt for mortar. 4 And they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city, and a tower whose top is in the heavens; let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be scattered abroad over the face of the whole earth.”

5 But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower which the sons of men had built. 6 And the Lord said, “Indeed the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them. 7 Come, let Us go down and there confuse their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech.” 8 So the Lord scattered them abroad from there over the face of all the earth, and they ceased building the city. 9 Therefore its name is called Babel, because there the Lord confused the language of all the earth; and from there the Lord scattered them abroad over the face of all the earth.

The whole earth came together and thought that they were going to outsmart God. So, God had to confuse their language and shut down their plans. And in your own life, God has to confuse the language you have with your boss, that boyfriend you shouldn't be with, that church or that friend that is pushing you away from Jesus. It seems like for no reason whatsoever, you guys are no longer on the same page. You don't understand it and it's frustrating but God had to stop the plans that YOU came up with for your life. 

You see, God has great plans for your life and those plans include suffering, trusting Him and letting HIM lead your life. In this private war, you may not even be able to articulate what God is doing in your heart. You have this war of the flesh, this war of trying to be who God called you to be, this war of wanting to quit, this war of resting in God, this war of "when is it my time God."

Here's the kicker.

There's times where you're going to just have to sit there and not move. I'm not telling you to be lazy, I'm telling you that God may want you to stop building YOUR tower and sit there long enough to hear HIS instructions for YOUR life. And you will have to be honest with yourself, you won't know the next step and thats OK. If you had ALL the answers for life, why would you need Jesus? HE places those voids in our hearts because we can only be filled by Him and Him alone. He is calling you back to that quiet place with Him. So, be honest with yourself.

1. You don't know where you're going, but God does. 

2. You're sitting and trusting Him until He leads you to the next step.

3. If He ain't opening the doors then you aren't going to bust open a door. 

4. If He wants to pursue something, He will make it plain to you.

5. Enjoy this season instead of running out of it. You've been running so long and trying to create your plans for so long that God had to get your attention. 

This world screams into our heart, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? What are your plans? What is next for you? Where is your new man? WHY aren't you taking that job? It makes SO much money! But there is this quiet whisper in your heart and the Holy Spirit is telling you to rest. Don't move. Sit there until He leads and instructs. You see, you ain't ready. You think you're ready but you're not ready. If you were then you would rest until God opened up the right doors. You would be OK with not knowing the next step because you know that obedience is GREATER than temporary things.  

In my own life, we've been approached by 3 large TV networks for reality shows and a publishing company all within about 2-3 months. And with all 4 "opportunities" I had no peace. I wanted to move forward with at least one of them because it seemed like a great opportunity but it just wasn't time for that door to be opened. You almost have to ask your motive for why you want open doors in your life. Are you focused on eternity or are you focused on building your name on this earth? I don't know about you but I just want God. I want the Holy Spirit to so enjoy living in Me that He bursts with joy daily. I want to be so led by the Holy Spirit that I see Gods glory like Moses did. This eternity mindset has nothing to do with the very real tests and trials that will attack you on this earth. What does the bible say about tests? Does it tells us to run? NO! It tells us to ENDURE! To stay faithful to God and to REJOICE. 

James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

So, smile the next time that somebody asks, "WHEN are you getting you a man??! WHEN are you doing this? WHEN are you doing that?  Smile because you know that you are trusting God and you aren't going to step outside of HIS will to create some tower of babel. You don't need no tower of a man, tower of some job, tower of some thing. You need the very presence of the Holy Spirit smashing out anything that isn't like God in your heart. You simply need Him and Him alone. 

Let's fight this thing together. Let's all just sit there until the Lord leads us. Even if we look crazy. Even if the world calls us crazy. We KNOW this truth:

Philippians 1:6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

GOD will complete it. God will complete it. I said, GOD WILL COMPLETE it. Even if you're about to get evicted. EVEN if you are lonely. Even IF you don't understand. EVEN if you are sad. Even if things look down. Place your FAITH in Jesus Christ and not this worlds temporary feelings and things. 

But.. will you believe that?

Lets step building things that He never told us to build and going places He never told us to go. EVEN if that means QUITTING on something YOU started.

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book,  Dusty Crowns, here! 

5. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com 

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 27,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey 

A Starved Spirit: Hungering for God Again

"My daughter, you're becoming so busy and concerned about the things of this world that you're hardening your heart against me. Being overwhelmed and worried hardens your heart against My presence in your life because you take your eyes off of me and you put them on your situation. You take your eyes off of me and your allow for worry to consume your heart. I long to flow in and out of you but I need you to stop holding onto your ways and thinking. 

So, that was a very real conversation that I had with God at one point in my life. I never thought that I was hardening my heart against Him! I mean, I'm helping people, I'm writing books, I'm praying for others, laying hands, blogging, I'm serving my family! I mean, come on God! He said, but Heather, you are doing it out of an empty, overwhelmed spirit. You are rushing from here to there and even in your prayer time with me, you are rushing through it and running off to the next thing on your to-do list all while thinking about your schedule in my presence. It's almost like, God was whispering to my heart & I screamed back through my actions, "GOD, I don't have time for that right now, I'm too busy praying." God is JEALOUS for my schedule. He is JEALOUS for the time I give all of things things & people.

At times, we can be doing all of these God things and then we feel overwhelmed and weary. We cry out to Him and we still feel the same way. You see, you're doing what you're doing out of an empty spirit. Your spirit man is STARVED. The crazy thing is this, when we are hungry, our body tells us and we run and eat some food. It's it crazy that when our Spirit man is hungry, we don't pick up the word of God, don't spend time with God, don't meditate on scripture, too busy to go to church, or whatever else! No wonder why you're distracted & overwhelmed! Now, you're stubborned & you're not longer sensitive to God like you used to be.

It's time to get back to your FIRST love. 

Hebrews 2:1

So, we must listen very carefully to the truth we have heard or we may drift away from it. 

Do you remember when you first got saved? You were SO excited about God! You would sit before Him & read your bible daily. You would apply it throughout the day! You wouldn't dare take your phone with you for quiet time because it was a precious time between you & God. You would wake up thinking about God and go to sleep thinking about God. You would listen to sermons 24-7. You talked about God all the time. You guarded your heart. You would write out scriptures and meditate on them daily. You were VERY intentional about spending time with God!

THEN, you got saved and passed a few tests, which is great! And now, you serve in a few ministries at church. You've been saved for a few years and instead of that hunger & reverence for God, it becomes this:

1. I know that scripture, I don't need to study it.
2. WHO is this minister? What are they talking about? (granted, we should test every spirit, but this isn't a testing that you're doing-- it's "I know more than you, so how did you get up there?"
3. I don't have time to go to church today or the small group. I know what they're going to teach and I already know it.
4. I don't feel like spending time with God today.. (as you spend 3 hours on Facebook or shopping online.)
5. I mean, I can still live like this, God will forgive me. You lost your standards & you took your eyes off of Him & put them on you.

John 8:31 tells us "If you will continue in my word, you are truly my disciples."

There's a CONTINUING in this WALK! You have to KEEP staying hungry & thirsty for God! You don't know everything! You never will! There's a CONSTANT growing and learning and if you study one scripture one day, God can give you a brand new revelation of the same scripture if you stay in EXPECTATION. If you no longer hunger for God, you have to ask God to HELP you to hunger for Him again. 

Then, the test will come your way. A opportunity to get distracted & to move in another direction. But who will you choose? Will you choose that ungodly music? Will you choose that pornography? Will you choose that man? Will you choose that friend? Will you choose to meditate on social media instead of sitting before Him?

As I was studying this, I saw a boat. The boat had no power and it was just drifting in the direction of the current. It was just floating away, further and further from it's direction. This is exactly what happens to you when you're distracted and starved. You're drifting in the direction of the world's current and you're moving further and further away from the direction because you don't have the HOLY SPIRITS POWER to go BACK to where you're supposed to be. You have no power. You're drifting away from God. You're empty. It's time to turn your boats power back ON & sit before the Lord quietly until He shows you what to do.

Ask yourself these questions:

1. Have I drifted away from God?
2. Why am I no longer hungry for Him?
3. What has taken the power from my boat?
4. Who or what has separated me from God?
5. Why am I no longer thirsting for God?

Most likely, you've started in the spirit and now, you've taken your life into your own hands. (Galatians 3:3). You're self sufficient and you tell God what He needs to do vs. you sitting at the feet of our Lord and letting HIM lead your life.

Stop drifting. It's time to return back to Him. Start today.

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book,  Dusty Crowns, here! 

5. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com 

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 26,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting an event in LA on October 4th, I want to see you there! http://www.eventbee.com/v/pinkypromise/event?eid=169814152

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

 

(Me & my hubby at the 2014 Pinky Promise Conference)

"Why We Waited Until Our Wedding Day to Kiss & WHY IT'S WORTH IT."

In honor of our 4 year wedding anniversary tomorrow, I decided to write a blog about our journey. xo

So, you may have heard our story through our books,  YouTube videos & blogs that we waited 1 year and 8 months to kiss until our wedding day. I'm not wearing it as a badge of honor to pat myself on the back, but moreso to remind this generation that there's people willing to honor God regardless of what this silly society pressures them to do. We decided to honor God NOT to bring glory to ourselves but to bring glory to HIM. He graced us during that season.

I felt led to write this blog because I'm seeing worldly blogs out there encouraging people NOT to wait to have sex until they get married. And these people claim to be Christians. I'm sorry, if you are pursuing sin and encouraging people to sin prior to marriage then you aren't a Christian. You're a liar and the truth is not in you. This may sound harsh, but I didn't set the standard, the bible did. You don't wear the title of Christian because you uttered a few words. Even demons believe in Jesus. There should be some fruit of living for Jesus in your life.

John 8:44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

1 John 2:3 Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. 4 He who says, “I know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

God is clear to us when He tells us that our bodies is the very temple of the Holy Spirit. So, if you are reading blogs that oppose that standard that I encourage you to stop reading. This life aint' about you. This life is about Jesus Christ and through HIM, we can do all things.

So, if we know that sex outside of marriage is a sin because we read these scriptures:

1 Corinthians 5:1 It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife. (KJV)

1 Corinthians 6:9–10 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. (KJV)

1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. (ESV)

2 Corinthians 12:21 And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall bewail many which have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed. (KJV)

Galatians 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness ... (KJV)

Ephesians 5:3–5 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. (KJV)

 If I can be totally honest, it breaks my heart that people would encourage others to have sex prior to marriage. It's NOT BIBLICAL. Pray for whoever's sharing the info & keep it moving. 

I'm reminded of: 

2 Timothy 3:1-5 ...'This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.'

First, I wasn't a virgin when I met my husband and he wasn't a virgin either-- but together, we decided to do something different in our relationship. He was 22 and I was 26 and we had never been in a relationship, Gods way. I grew up not thinking that sex outside of marriage was wrong. I thought it was ok. I attended a church that didn't teach anything bout fornication and I didn't even know what the word meant. I called it "fornificantion." When I was sitting in a bible study, the preacher started to talk about sex outside of marriage and I asked my friend, "wait, that's WRONG?!" I seriously didn't know.  Thank God that He took the blinders off my eyes.

Would I have waited to have sex until I met my husband if I would have known what I know NOW? Um. YES. I would have avoided silly soul ties or bridges, heartbreak and pain. I left pieces of myself with guys and those relationships tormented me years after we broke up. A piece of myself in California. A piece of myself in Michigan. A piece of myself in New York. I "almost" got married to a couple of those guys so to say that "we plan on being together anyway-- we should just have sex" doesn't make sense either because it was all based in hope with no concrete plan for the future. " We didn't have a ring. Even if we did, it wasn't final until I do. 

I struggled while I was single because I felt like I needed to be in a relationship to find value. Then, I learned that I needed a relationship with CHRIST, not with a human to be whole. No man, no job, no woman, no degree or anything else can fill this huge void in my heart that God placed there.

In 2004 while in prayer, I asked the Lord for a man that wouldn't kiss me until my wedding day. Deep down, I knew that any guy that kissed me after that.. wouldn't be my husband. Did I still kiss them? Um yes. I didn't do my part either.. but I wanted a man to lead me. I wanted him to tell me NO, we are going to honor God. I wanted a man that wouldn't dare pull my clothes off my body until my last name changed to his legally. I wanted a man that HAD A STANDARD. I wanted a man that TRULY loved JESUS. You see, it's hard for ONE person to have a standard in the relationship but if you guys aren't walking together & on the same PAGE then one person is going to cause the other person to stumble  & fall. Sis, if you don't want to have sex until you get married and your'e tired of running off men with your standard then make up in your mind that you would rather be single & whole in Jesus than to be dating randoms that are only USING your body & tossing you to the side. I had to MAKE up in my mind in 2008 that I was going to be single for the REST of my life vs. being married to somebody who fit my dysfunction. I made up in my mind that I was going to be SINGLE & content in the LORD until He brought His best. I didn't want God to bring someone into my life but there was no room for him. That seat next to me needed to be empty. Then, in 2009 the Lord brought my husband to me.  I knew within 15 minutes that we were going to get married one day. 12 months later he proposed and 8 months after that we married and kissed for the first time on our wedding day. On our FIRST date, Cornelius told me that he wasn't going to kiss me until our wedding day. I NEVER told him my desire. That night I laid in my bed with tears in my eyes and asked the Lord.. "God, how did Cornelius know? Lord, you answered my prayers. Thank you for showing me that your way is the best way."

Can I be honest..

This is the issue sis, so many of us are keeping the seat next to us filled-- not with one man, but with about 10-12 men. Stacked up sitting next to you on this chair. That chair is filled with all of your soul bridges and ties and a few rotating men that you rotate out depending on who will text you back. You've seem to lost your standard & your way because you don't think that any man would truly love you the way that Christ loves the church. You're being hidden sweetheart. You are so beautiful, so purposed, so valued that God has you covered for a season. He's so jealous for you and He longs for all of you and for your eyes to finally be on Him again. He longs for the attention you give to those sorry men.

I recall prior to meeting my husband I was single and working at a record label. A male co-worker told me that I was a waste of a vagina but he used a more explicit word. Some of the artists would try to talk to me through him and he would share with them that I was "a church girl & a waste." Did I get mad at him? No. I was actually sad for him. I was sad that he was being used by the enemy to try to discourage me and he had no idea. I grieved for his soul. Although he didn't know my worth, I knew who I was in Christ and no man on this earth was going to take that away from me. He told me that I was going to be single forever and miserable. I simply smiled and told him that I was praying for him. Why argue? He was ready for a fight and I knew that God could show him much better than I could ever show him. 

This point reminds me to ask you this question: WHO are you listening to? If you're single and trusting God's timing-- why are you letting co-workers, friends, family members & whoever else pressure you to conger up some man? STICK with your standards! Its SO worth it. Don't rush into a relationship to satisfy a nagging parent. Just stop it. YOU have to wake up to that person everyday, not your family members.

So, onto our wedding day and why it was so worth it. 

I remember sitting in my bridal suite and I was so nervous! I was about to kiss my fiancé for the first time in my life. We'd been together for
almost 2 years and our communication was so amazing, I felt like I really KNEW him but I had never seen him naked. Never touched any area of his body in the wrong type of way, never had sex, never kissed- even on his hand. The first time we kissed after we were announced as "husband & wife." We kissed!!! Was it like fireworks? Not really. But it was beautiful. Kinda nerve-wrecking because all of your family is watching this moment! But I was still trying to take it ALL in. I still couldn't believe that we were "allowed" to kiss because I had trained myself so long to NOT kiss.

Now, I'm about to get really personal, when we went back to the hotel room, I was so nervous and not sure about everything. Do we shower together? Does he even like to shower together? Does he help  me take my dress off? We were BOTH super nervous about the whole thing. Did I let it overwhelm me? No. God started this relationship & HE will perfect it if I LET HIM.

Then, we started to crack jokes to help lighten the mood of all of these crazy expectations that we put on ourselves. The same God that joined us together in marriage will join us together in consummating our marriage. He will grace us. He will teach us. HE made sex for marriage. So, I casted all of my care onto Him because He cared for us! I even gave him my guilt. 

You may think, WHY did you feel guilty Heather? I had gone SO long in unhealthy relationships & having sex OUTSIDE of marriage that I felt GUILTY for those first couple months being able to have sex within marriage. I was used to beating myself up after disobeying God that I took that bad way of thinking into my marriage. I had to REMIND myself that God was with us and that HE honored our marriage covenant.

Now,  4 years into our marriage, I'm thankful that we waited to kiss until our wedding day.

1. I never really respected men because I always felt like they said one thing & did another thing. Courting Cornelius showed me that he knew where he was going and what he was doing. I respected his purpose  & direction. I didn't feel like I needed to lead him. So, your guy should be able to articulate WHERE God is taking him & the part YOU play. 
2. Waiting forced me to deal with my crazy emotions that manipulated the guys I would date. For example, I was having a rough day while we were courting and I called Cornelius and said I was flying to Atlanta (I lived in NYC at the time) to spend the weekend there. He said, "why?" And I shared with him that I was stressed out and I needed to get away. He told me no. "Wait, NO!" I screamed at him! You aren't normal! I just want to fly down there to forget about my week and you're not letting me. This is NORMAL. He responded gently, "Heather, I won't let you run from your problems. Face whatever is going on there with Gods help. He will help you & show you and I won't be a part of crippling your development." AND then he hung up. I sat there, stunned. WAIT, WHAT?! HOW dare HE?!? Does he not know that I can have anybody I want?! Then, God began to show me that I run when it gets hard and instead of turning to Him, I turn to getting away. So, that weekend I turned off my phone and I sat before the Lord. I let Him begin to pull out that crap that was in my  heart. 
3. Waiting to kiss forced him as well to deal with communication. He HATED to talk on the phone and the phone was all we had as we were long distance, but saw each other at least 2-4x a month. It forced him to develop and be intentional about picking up the phone and developing in that area. Check out his blog here about other areas it developed for him. 
4. Waiting to kiss allowed for God to truly flow through us undistracted by physical sin. I had dated this worlds way and courted Gods way. I hated that overwhelmed feeling that I would have after I was doing things I knew I shouldn't be doing. It was refreshing to be able to walk down the street with this guy and hold his hand.. knowing that God was within that relationship. I had NEVER experienced that. It was beautiful. SIN wasn't ruining my CONFIDENCE in the Lord. 
5. Lastly, amongst so many other reasons, waiting to kiss disciplined us. We had to constantly tell our flesh NO! It was hard at times to set boundaries & to trust Gods timing concerning getting married. We didn't want to rush and make an emotional decision to marry just because we weren't kissing. We wanted to know WHO we were marrying. I am a very affectionate person and for ME, not being able to express my affection was HARD. We never cuddled. We barely hugged. I had to give that care to God daily and at times, I would be in TEARS. I was so used to my fleshly needs being met while courting and this time forced me to trust God. 

There's so many other reasons, but in light of our 4 year anniversary tomorrow, I wanted to share a few things that were on my heart. Note that I'm not telling you to do the same thing as far as not kissing but I knew that kissing was foreplay that would LEAD to other things. I just didn't want to kiss-- I wanted to do ALOT more. So, kissing was the small flame that turned into a raging fire. You may think you can control yourself, but ask yourself.. how has that been working for you?

Be led by the Lord. The last thing you want to do is be in a relationship with someone that fits where you see yourself NOW and not where GOD is taking you. Cut off ANYBODY or anything that is hindering your walk with the Lord. It's never, ever, ever worth it. A tree is identified by it's FRUIT, so if she or he says they are a Christian, they will produce Christ-like fruit. 

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book,  Dusty Crowns, here! 

5. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference2015.eventbee.com!

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 24,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. Be sure to click on the calendar above for my speaking schedule! I'm headed to Miami, Atlanta, LA and a few other awesome spots!

8. We are hosting an event in LA on October 4th, I want to see you there! http://www.eventbee.com/v/pinkypromise/event?eid=169814152

God loves you like crazy,

Love you all dearly,

Heather Lindsey