Monday, June 25, 2012

"Why He Won't Marry You"

So, I've seen so many worldly blogs and articles on this subject, I figured I would clear it all up and talk to you like your sister in Christ.
Maybe you're single, or dating someone and you want to get married. But homeboy is taking forever. Your girlfriend probably told you that you need to give a certain "look", flirt around, "put yourself out there", go online & date or whatever else. WHY he won't marry you is for so many reasons, including your PROTECTION.

So, let's jump right into this.

1. He's not 100% sold on you. For him, there may be a ton of other fishes in the sea and he's not totally sold on you. So he'll drag you along forever without giving you a ring and telling you that you need to be "this" or "that" before he marries you. It's all based in some stupid condition. Lets all be clear-- you can lose everything 2 days after you get married so it can't be based on some material or condition. Marriage is supposed to last forever.

2. The non-committed. This non-committer knows that he's a "good" catch so he's not going to totally commit to you because as his career, degree or whatever else grows.. he needs to make sure that you're good enough to go where he's going (or good arm-candy). Which is sad again-- and based on a ton of conditions. If he doesn't see the amazing in you, help his way to the door & wave goodbye.

3. Free milk. Are you giving them' goodies up? WHY would he run & marry you if you are giving him all your goodies, playing house, sleeping with him.. as you cook, clean and do his laundry. I mean.. why would he need to get a marriage license when you do all of those things with your maiden name?

4. God's timing. Well, you weren't supposed to wake "up" this Adam-- and he's a random. God is really closing this door. You're sad, trying to MAKE it work and everything else.. but it just is NOT working and.. you wished that it would. You try to do everything he wants you to do & please him but no matter what, God still closes your little relationship door.

5. The Visionary. This guy.. wants his career 100% together, and all of his ducks totally in LINE before he thinks about marriage and a family. He doesn't want to take on the responsibility of YOU if.. he feels like his career hasn't jumped off. My question to  him would be.. "WHO IS YOUR SOURCE?!" If you know that you're supposed to be together, been courting for awhile.. stop waiting for money to come in to help your decision. PAINT your picture together. Again, what happens if you lose your job as soon as you get back from the honeymoon? So you waited FOREVER, played around, rubbed, touched, dishonored God while dating.. finally got the job.. got married and lost it all. It's WORLDLY. That whole mind-set is of the WORLD. We are to be led by GOD daily so if God showed you your girl, marry her already & figure it out & grow together.

6. Sorta-Christian. This man isn't totally sold on God & sure isn't being led by Him. I'm not even sure why you would wanna marry this fool but I have to put this in. This guy doesn't understand the marriage between Christ & His Church or "dying" to yourself so he's selfish. He says, " I aint ready to get married", goes to the club, looks at women's behinds everytime they walk by. This guy is carnal and is vocal about not wanting to marry you. Please, let him go already.

7. The Married Man. Yup, Had to put this one in-- he may not marry you because he is STILL legally married to his WIFE. This man is on the rebound & searching for someone to affirm him again and get what he couldn't get from his wife. He could be going back & forth with his first wife.. messing with her & you. IF you wanna court this man.. he needs some time to himself after the divorce to get whole. Period. Don't be his little void-filler.

8. Flirt. The flirt won't marry you because he craves the attention of so many other women.. just getting it from you would be boring. So, he'll end up married at about 40 or 50 because by then it will get old. He likes the idea of communicating to you with no commitment & pretending like something will be there that never will be.

9. The Baby-Daddy. Homeboy has like 5 kids by 5 different baby mamas. I'm not clear on why you think he'll marry you but he didn't marry them? Please. Move on.

10. The Liar. This man wouldn't marry you because he's so busy lying to you & everyone else while holding a secret life as a down-low brother, with other women, at strip clubs while up in the church, Praising the Lord. He's torn with his life and cannot figure out how to really give his whole heart to Christ so he lives this lie. He is not confident in leading you because he doesn't believe he's really led by God.

So.. how do we avoid the above? WHEN we spend TIME with God daily, HE shows us the hearts of ALL men (including YOURSELF & where YOU need to change). The thing is, we have to start LISTENING to when GOD is leading & guiding our lives!! At some point, we have to start doing OUR part. Let's start now. Cut off any of the above. Get quiet before God & whole. You don't wanna marry the above, you want to marry God's best for YOU. Sometimes, we stick around.. hoping that they will change. Don't marry an expectation that you can change someone because you cannot. THEY have to want to change & you may wait a lifetime for that to happen.

Praying for you.

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

Sunday, June 17, 2012

“Balancing Life: The Life of a BUSY woman”

(at a recent speaking engagement!)

 As a woman, I understand how pulled we can be in so many directions. Every minute of my time is filled with doing something. Even now, as I’m on a two hour flight to Phoenix, I planned on studying, reading, blogging and working on my book because I knew I would have some uninterrupted time.  I want to just share some of what I do just to give you perspective.

First, I’m a wife. That in itself is a full time job. Everything I’m about to name afterward besides spending regular time with God comes second to my husband. Even with that—I have to manage it & work it around my husband’s schedule. Let me explain—my husband comes first on this earth next to the Holy Spirit who leads & guides me. ANY and all projects can get disrupted, shut down, put on the back burner & prioritized when my husband sees fit. Thankfully, I didn’t marry no crazy, controlling man. I married a fair, just man. When I first started Pinky Promise, my husband and I got into a heated discussion about my schedule. He said that I was married to Pinky Promise. I’m like WHAT??! He said I spend all of my time, responding to emails, praying with girls, making bracelets, and working on my business plan. He no longer was cooked for or paid attention to him—and at night, I sure worked until about 3am making bracelets or responding to emails so the time we used to have to talk to one another was being filled by work. Although all of those things were GOOD, they weren’t good if Cornelius wasn’t second to God and God would clearly tell me to make sure my husband had his priority. My husband isn’t a needy type of man at ALL. He just wanted some eggs in the morning. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.. I need to prioritize. If all of this ministry stuff fades away.. what will I have? My FAMILY. And Cornelius is my family. Him & I are the first of our family and I need to make sure that I’m being a loving wife. I gotta be honest with you, I’m a businesswoman. I’m not knocking the woman who is a housewife because THAT in itself is a gift—I know you WORK your tail off. But the Lord didn’t call ME to just be a housewife—housewife duties don’t come “natural” to me. Creating and implementing a business plan gets me excited and keeps me up all night. Cooking a few times a week,-- is ok because we gotta eat and I wanted my husband to eat healthy but cleaning meant I hired someone to come into my  house to take care of it.  My husband’s love language is “acts of service” which means.. HE feels most loved when I’m cooking, cleaning and doing things for him. Which can be hard for my mindset because of my schedule!! Let me share. I own my own consulting firm. I’ve been consulting and working with one particular company for 4 years. That’s pretty much a 9-6 job but I get to work from home—which is awesome! I’m thankful. But I really have to be available, meet deadlines and work on huge projects that take a LONG time. I have to be able to dedicate time and energy to that company as a consultant.

Then,  I have Pinky Promise. Pinky Promise is the organization I started that reminds women of their value and worth. It’s my baby. I love Pinky Promise—a Promise to honor God with your life and body. ( It was birthed when I started selling Pinky Promise bracelets and gear (  I knew that it wouldn’t be enough to just give people bracelets to encourage them to not cheat on their husbands, have sex outside of marriage or to cut out watching stupid reality TV. I needed to get them involved, so I started a network online that has grew into the thousands and has over 125 groups all over the world including the US, Africa and London. Lets stop really quick and talk about the moving part of having a Pinky Promise store. It’s SO much work!! There’s orders, changes in addresses, items that were lost in the mail, items that arrived, but were stolen, people that want me to donate, people that want bulk orders, back order issues, shipped the wrong item, the list goes ON & ON! There’s a huge customer service aspect to it that people don’t’ realize. When you’re selling thousands and thousands of product, you’re bound to have issues. Plus, I am now working with a ton of vendors and most of our bracelets are made from scratch. I hired a team in Michigan who makes the bracelets and I make them as well, including the two interns I have.  Again, there’s moving parts—getting the product wholesale where we can, searching for better lettering beads (which we have and switched over! These beads last forever!), then, the string is out of stock for 2 weeks, then my T-shirt vendor cannot print shirts for another week, then, my team is running out of supplies in Michigan, then, they need to get paid.. The list goes on & on. I’m constantly searching for new, fun products for women to rock to remind them of their value.  So, YES! It’s a TON! Then, within all of that, I decided to start the Network ( as I said before, I needed to get the women involved. Involved in their community, involved with each other, praying, encouraging and supporting one another. So I started the network, and women started creating groups! But of course they need material! So.. I pray for the women and ask the Lord what He wants me to create for the women to study. I create curriculum so they have something to study every time they meet. Then, I teach once a month to them and encourage them to come up with things to do as a group. I'm also planning a Pinky Promise Conference in January with a TON of women. There's so many moving parts to that as well.  ( I ain't complaining, I'm just sharing because I'm GRACED to do all this. I'm thankful.

Within all of that, I have thousands and thousands of women emailing me, calling and asking for prayer, advice and encouragement. So, I always try to get to as many as I can but I’ll be honest, it’s so hard sometimes because I really just don’t physically have the time to respond to everyone! Then, I’m blogging every week and writing a book that should come at the end of this year. I also tweet and post statuses on facebook a ton to encourage people. That’s important to me that I can encourage someone who is having a rough day.  Then, I love to work out and it helps keep those stress levels down—and my husband loves it when I work out as well, so I have to make that time to work out three times a week. Of course, with all of this—I need to make sure I’m spending time with God daily because if I don’t, I’m a trainwreck and weary. So I started the journal challenge on this blog to encourage people to spend daily time with God. It helps ME to stay on track. I’m on day 57 I believe.  I also get invited to speak places, so my husband and I will travel go to preach a few times throughout the month. Mind you, all of the above needs to keep running on track, including the Pinky Promise Conference in Atlanta, GA that I’m hosting January 24-27 2013. So…. NOW you understand why my husband felt the way he did. I felt so pulled, so overwhelmed. One day, I just broke down and cried. I had been going off of 4 hours of sleep a night, was in the middle of a huge project, trying to get out Pinky Promise orders, help people—and mind you, I still have a family and friends that expect me to call them and still continue developing a relationship with them. I couldn’t physically do it all. I was so tired.

I pulled away and got quiet before the Lord and I asked Him to help me. I wanted so bad to be this superwoman but it didn’t matter if home wasn’t happy and home sure wasn’t happy because I placed my husband at the bottom of all of that. I would cook here & there and the house was a wreck! I was a wreck too—I still wore dresses everyday while I worked from home but some days—it was yoga pants, a ponytail and no makeup. I didn’t have time in my mind to get dressed for real. During this time, I learned the real value of prioritizing. People always ask me, “How do you do it all?!” Well, I depend on God’s grace 24-7 to get me through each day and I make sure that spending time with God is my first priority and THEN my husband. So, I make a point to wake my tail up and cook for him throughout the week. This isn’t a law by any means but I want him to know that I am considering him first. Then, I get dressed because I know he likes for me to look nice—even if I work from home. Then, I go to my 9-6 and prioritize my day, making sure that I get deadlines out. I brought on two interns that come to my house a few times a week to help me get orders out. I also work into the night on bracelets but I don’t do it as much. I’ve given that responsibility to my team in Michigan who knocks out hundreds of bracelets weekly. I learned that what I think is so important, isn’t really important if my priorities aren’t in order. Don’t you understand that being “busy” breeds DISTRACTION? You’re “running here & “running there” and you’re not really getting anything done. What’s really important is not getting accomplished. We get so busy doing the work for Jesus, our kids, our family that we forget that we’re supposed to have a relationship with them as well. I stop and really listen to my husband. If he asks me to do something, I stop and do it. If I know he wants me to cook and I’m laying down after work.. exhausted, I get my butt up and serve him. I married my husband, not my job, or my ministry.  And you better count the cost when you stand up there & run ya’ tail to the alter. Marriage is WORK in itself. My husband is gracious and understanding, but deep down—he still wants his meal and.. I want him to have it because I love him and desire to serve him.

When we’re overworked and tired, we’re most likely discouraged. We just don’t feel like there’s enough time in the day. When you’re discouraged, you may go into self-pity and throw a self-pity party. This is a party that only you attend and whoever else will listen to you. You may say “I work so hard, why doesn’t my husband cook for me or even THINK about dinner”, “why is it always my responsibility to clean up or to initiate the cleaning”, I work my butt off—why can’t I get that new this or that?”, or whatever reason or question you come up with.. will only dig you deeper into your hole. It reminds me of 1 King 18. Elijah had a HUGE victory in his life—fire came down from heaven  and won the fight against the prophets of Baal. How AMAZING was that victory? Then, Jezebel said that she wanted him killed, so he went running for his life. He ended up running to the desert and hiding under a tree—crying out to God “Don’t you care about me??! You’re just gonna leave me out here like this Lord?” How often do we have great victories in our life and we watch God come in and do amazing things.. and then, we get distracted, weary, discouraged and wonder where He is. He’s in the SAME place HE has ALWAYS been. RIGHT there with you and at some point, you have to stop whimpering around and STAND up against stupid emotions that try to push you around. You don’t have to give into everything you “feel!” So the next time distractions or discouragement comes—fight back! If you keep reading into 1 King 19 God sent an angel to feed and protect Elijah in the midst of his frustration. So I know you may have a day where you feel overworked, tired, stressed out and out of balance but you need to go run to your Father’s feet. At His feet there is fullness of joy. At His feet there is peace. Remember that anything you cannot stop thinking about is an idol. So yes, your kids can be your idol. Your husband can be your idol. Your job can be your idol. It is out of my LOVE for Christ (If you’ve done it to the least of them, you’ve done it to me,” “Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord”) that I get my tail up and serve Him. My eyes stay on Christ. When they’re on HIM, He’ll give me the energy to work out, respond to emails, pray for the women, write my book, blog, cook, clean, take some mean time. I depend on His grace daily. It’s when I lift my eyes off of  all of these worldly things, I can finally gain perspective. You gotta adjust how you’re seeing things!

So, I wanted to share some tips of things that I do that help refresh and energize me.

1.  Spend time with God. Really. Spending time with God will give you PHYSICAL energy. I will say this in EVERY blog. Lets stop searching for some other formula.

2.   Spend time with friends. I LOVE spending time with my girlfriends. We always plan girl trips at least annually and I am very intentional about spending time with my best friends. I know that with what God called me to do, I need to get refreshed and encouraged just laughing and hanging out with them. Girl time is vital.

3. ME time. I go shopping, to the spa, window showing, or just to a park and read a book. Spending time alone gives my head time to CLEAR.

4.  I play dress up. Ok, I know it sounds kinda weird--- but I love shopping in my closet! I try on different outfits, and come up with new ones. I even do this in the middle of a deadline. It really clears my head. Lol

5.  I take a moment and vent it all to God—raw  & uncut! Lol I’m very honest with God—with my weaknesses and strengths, as HE already knows. I make it my business to shine the light on the areas where I’m a hot –mess so HE can change me. However, he seems to do a better job revealing than I do! Lol Read Psalms 62.. David poured his heart out to God daily. Such a beautiful example

6.  I have a cheerleading section. Me & the Holy Spirit. I STIR myself up and I tell my emotions to shut up and to figure it out and trust God. I just don’t run around doing what I “feel.”

7.  I step back from everything, and I ask God to help me to keep my eyes on heaven & HIS perspective and not my own.

8.  I go running. Something about working out  clears my head. Plus, it’s great for your body! #OperationSnatched

9. I cry. I’m not a big cry-person whatsoever, but sometimes, I got to get it all out and then set my mind that I trust God.

10. Spend time with my husband away from the house! We go get ice cream, or go to dinner- just to get away from the walls of the house.

This is heavy on my spirit—it’s ok to say NO to people. They will be just fine. Don’t let humans put a ton of pressure on you to do things. At times, I have to say “no” to people that want to pull on me or drain me. For example, I don’t take personal phone calls. At times, women from social media sites want me to call them to discuss their issue. I really want to be sensitive to their issue but if I called every woman that asked me too.. I would be out of balance again, drained and tired.  I LOVE all of you that reach out to me and I PRAY for you daily but my husband and other priorities HAVE to come first at times. They just do.  I work sun-up to sun DOWN and I rarely have the to come up for air. Thus, another reason I started the Pinky Promise groups—now we have an avenue to which the women can pray for each other and encourage one another. I’m only ONE person.

Don’t be afraid to cut people off that drain you and suck all your energy. If you’re surrounding yourself around a bunch of draining people, please believe that you’ll most likely be even more overwhelmed and tired trying to please them and keep up with your schedule as you walk on egg shells around them. That just raises your blood pressure. Aint worth it. I have eliminated any friendship where I believed that I couldn’t be myself. That may sound harsh but I aint got time to be babyin’ anybody. Either you’re gonna give me the benefit of the doubt as a friend or you’re gonna have to move to the side. I totally LOVE you still. No hard feelings. You just cannot rock with me. You’re draining me and I need to be FOCUSED on what GOD is calling ME to do.

AND if you'll be in Charlotte, NC this weekend-- I will be preaching at the Ruckus House June 22nd at 7:30pm- located at 3650 Ruckus Road in Harrisburg, NC. Here's a link to the venue where I'll be teaching.

God loves you like crazy,

(Had a girls trip this past weekend in Scottsdale, AZ at a BEAUTIFUL resort-- love my best friend Delan!)

Heather Lindsey  

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

"Tell your Emotions to SHUT UP"

It's time to attack this area. We have struggled in this area and our emotions and little feelings have been running our life for WAY too long! Today. We're putting the smackdown on our emotions. We can no longer afford to sit & entertain our feelings as they just go with the wind. YOUR LIFE can not be determined by HOW you feel!! How does that work??! At SOME point we have to TELL our emotions WHAT to do.

Let me be honest, as most of you know from my story-- that I was a train wreck. I was an emotional little mess. I loved to manipulate my little ex boyfriends when I was single with my emotions. I would cry if I didn't get my way, I would whine, or seduce them to get what I wanted and then roll my eyes & think "you idiot." Yeah, I was wrong-- crazy & without Christ. Even WITH Christ-- I still hadn't renewed my thinking in that area. That crap even tried to creep up into my courting relationship with Cornelius when we started courting. When we first started courting, I wanted my way. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it and if you didn't give it to me-- I was going to have an attitude. You better believe Cornelius was gonna feel it. I got what I wanted.
 One weekend, I was having a rough week at work and I just wanted to get away. Back in the day, if I had a rough day-- I would book a flight and go somewhere to GET away. Yes, I ran from my problems. So, I already had a flight booked to visit Cornelius in about 3 weeks but I didn't care, I was going to Atlanta that weekend. So- I called him & said, I'm coming this weekend. I need to get away. He said, "No you're not"-- I'm like WHY!??! He was like, "We agreed that you were coming in 3 weeks and  why would that change if you're having a bad day?" And I'm like "LOOK Negro, I'm coming because I want to see my boyfriend and I want to GET away-- like NORMAL couples-- what the heck is wrong with you??" And he stood his ground. He said, "We don't make emotional decisions because we have a rough day, we don't run from our problems.."  ooohhhhhhhhhh ,I was HEATED! How was HE gonna tell me what to do?! Is he crazy? I'm fly. He must have not got the memo. After we hung up the phone.. I continued to search for flights.. I was gonna go SOMEWHERE. Then..

I sat, frustrated and started to cry as the Lord spoke to me. He said "Heather, you always run from your problems as if quickly changing your geographical location is going to fill your voids.. it may fill them temporarily but I desire to fill all of your heart, I know that you're having a rough week but I was there all along, I want your entire heart Heather. Stop trying to use humans and things to make you feel good about yourself. It's time to grow up. I stopped in my tracks... "But Lord, I hate these feelings in my heart, I hate that work stressed me out, I hate that Cornelius won't let me get my way, I'm frustrated Lord!! You have to help me!!" He whispered, "What else makes you mad?".. well, I'm frustrated about.. this.. & that. He said.. "I desire for you to be content in every way & in every area. This is a good start. Pour your heart out to me daily and stop carrying all of that care. When you spend time with me, don't make it a law or a "check" on your wall of your good deeds, spend time and enjoy me freely. I desire a relationship with you. My child, I love you. I dance over you with singing-- I knew you long before you were in your mothers womb and I called you for a purpose. We are going to get through these areas together. My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is perfected in your weakness."  I responded.. "Daddy, I'm so sorry. I repent. This issue is greater than me wanting to get away.. it was a chance for me to fill YOU with yet another person, thank GOD Cornelius stuck to his word & pushed me towards you Lord-- Daddy, I am going to work on this but I just need your help. I cannot deal with these emotions by myself, I need YOUR help. I'm lost and nothing without you Daddy."
3 weeks after with my hubby for our "planned" trip! Was worth the wait!

That DAY was a turning point for me. I realized that I was an emotionally led woman. No longer was I going to try to manipulate Cornelius with my emotions or others. I was determined to grab ahold of them. This is when I begin to tell my emotions to shut up. This is when I went hard against Satan's attacks & foreboding thoughts. This is a DECISION. When your co-worker is poppin' off at the mouth-- you don't have to respond with the same drama! Respond in LOVE. Smile, tell your emotions to hush & "win people over with your quiet & gentle spirit"- (1 Peter 3:4). If your husband or boyfriend is off the chain-- respond differently. Don't be that overly emotional woman or man. Nobody will want to be AROUND you. You want to be LOVED & not TOLERATED. If you ALWAYS have some drama going on around you, it makes it HARD for people to be themselves with you, worrying that they will "say " the wrong thing as they walk on eggshells around you. And if others around you are overly emotional-- LOVE never fails. So don't entertain it. Don't give into the attention and remember that whatever you FED will only GROW. If you continue to FEED an emotional person, they will continue to manipulate others with their emotions. Shut it down. You cannot change others, but you can change YOU. God wants your HEART.

I always like to include just a few practical tips.-- HOW to tell your emotions to SHUT UP!

1. Tell your emotions to shut up often. If you feel them rising up, check yourself.
2. Do a quick "emotion" check-- meaning that if you're upset-- slow down, analyze the situation. Ask yourself if you have a REAL reason to be UPSET or are you just being emotional. Judge yourself quickly before you run & make a decision to "confront" somebody with MORE emotions.
3. Mind your business. Half the time you're ready to pop off on someone is because of the way they "Treated someone else"-- God fights our battles. Words are powerful & they hurt LONG after the fight is over.
4. Spend crazy time with God. THIS will NEVER change. You will be less likely to pop off on someone if you're spending regular time with God. The whole goal is to SPEND time in His word & APPLY it. You should be meditating on scriptures & using those as ammo throughout your day. Join the journal challenge! This will help greatly!
5. Stop hanging with messy, overly emotional people. IF you have a ton of super emotional friends or you watch a ton of emotional Basketball wives TV shows.. what else do you think is going to come OUT of your heart??! You planted drama, you'll harvest more drama.

It's easy for you to argue & fight with everyone. It take a STRONG women to control her emotions. God wants to be able to TRUST you. Can HE?!

Before I close, just a reminder that I'm introducing Pinky Promise's first ring. If you purchase any two items off of then you can type in "CROSSRING"  as a discount and we'll ship you one for free. 100% of the proceeds this week goes to our missions trip to Ethiopia August 13th. We'll be out there feeding the homeless, preaching, laying hands on the sick and helping at the orphanage. Here's a picture of the ring.

God LOVES you like crazy,

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