Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentines Day: Single Awareness Day?

So, February 14th has rolled around and you're single again. You may have a few quick thoughts about it.
1. Dang, I'm single again & it's another stupid holiday where I have to hear about peoples love for each other. 
2. Forget a relationship, there's no good men out there.
3. I'm content in Christ. (talking yourself into it)
4. No, really-- I'm chilling. I trust God's timing & I've TRIED to make it happen by myself & it doesn't work-- so I'm really trusting Him. (And you really mean it)

And in all honesty, you're probably thinking-- Heather cannot understand what I am going through because she's married. Honey, I've been single. I had to be single at one point in order to get married. And if I was single, you would probably say: "How can you speak on what I'm going through & you single with me- you don't have a man!" I'm writing this very blog because I understand what you're going through. I know that feeling and those thoughts that pop in your head & say "How much longer, God?" or "When is my time?" You may look around you and see a bunch of standard less men & think-- will I ever meet a guy that actually .. loves God, won't screw me, recognizes his purpose & really lives for Christ?? YES! IT IS SO POSSIBLE!!!!! The question is, are you going to have a pair of thighs in your bed tonight as you deal with your loneliness OR are you going to sit at the feet of Christ and enjoy Him?

 You cannot get so tired of being single that you settle and go out with some random man today or any other day-- "just to do something." You will go out to the restaurant and see all of these other happy couples and it will make you want what they have.  You'll compare your life to their life as you snuggle up to this man that you know is more interested in taking you home & exploring your body than setting boundaries and actually living by them. You really don't know him, but you tonight is fun to you because you can pretend that you have a real relationship. Then, after dinner-- you'll go back and forth with yourself on the ride home. Should I invite him up? Should I not? Gosh, he's fine. We're having such a good time. He makes me laugh. I don't want this night to end! So now, your emotions are leading your life. So, you'll invite him upstairs. I mean, you're not really going to do anything, right? You have this under control. So you're upstairs and you know it's wrong. Yes. You. With your arms raised in the church, serving the Lord on Sunday. You don't want to do it (so you say). But your actions prove otherwise. Your actions prove that you want what pleases your flesh. You are tired of being alone and it's much better to feel temporary pleasure than to deal with feeling lonely. So, one thing leads to the next & you end up having sex with him.

Then, the overwhelming guilt overwhelms you. WHY WHY WHY you ask yourself! WHY did I fall yet again to this same temptation?!??! WHY can't I just live for Christ? Why can't I meet anyone who will wait for me & honor my body? And WHY did his phone ring afterward at 3AM from some chick named Tiffany who cannot wait to see him again soon & do dirty things to him? And you didn't have a condom- but whatever you think. You begin to not even care about your own body. You think God hates you when He really loves you. You think that you'll never be forgiven so you don't bother repenting.

Three months later. You find out you have a STD and you're pregnant and you haven't heard from him since that day. He's changed his number and you have a baby on the way. You're about to be a single mother and this was never the plan.

If only you knew the end from the beginning. If only you knew, you would never, ever would have gone out with Him. Let's evaluate a few things. 

1. Most likely, the Holy Spirit told you NOT to go out on that date. It's like.. you got this check in your spirit. But you rationalized and ignored it. A little date won't hurt anybody. When God checks you-- HE is WARNING you. You have to listen to that gut check in your stomach.

2. Then, when the thoughts began to pop in your head & even consider having sex with the man, you should have 2 Corinthians 10:5 those thoughts by "Casting down every thought that is contrary to God's word by speaking the Word over your life." Just because you messed up and when on the date doesn't mean you continue in your sin & throw out the bible. Fight BACK. 

3. Then, we have to look at 1 Corinthians 10:13- "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." So, God is saying that I WILL GIVE YOU A WAY OUT!! Don't GIVE IN!! Even if you are in a so-called committed relationship, having sex outside of marriage will NEVER glorify God. If you want to be committed to each other- prove it & get married. Don't feed me the "we only have sex with each other lie"-- because you've made each other your gods & are using worldly reasons for not getting married. The bible tells us to flee fornication. "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." (1 Corinthians 6:18)

4. Now, you have a STD & a child on the way. Don't beat yourself down, prayerfully-- you can get medicine and believe God for your healing. Hopefully it's curable. There ARE consequences for disobedience to God and although God may be forgiving and loving-- HIV, Herpes & AIDS may not be. The Lord has a plan for your child & so repent of your past sin and raise that child to learn and know Christ.

5. Bet you didn't think all of the above would happen based on a little date? I want to encourage you to be God-led in every decision that you make. Talk to the Holy Spirit. Vent and be honest-- Tell Him you want a spouse! Tell Him you want to do it His way & then start actually LIVING like it. If your one day husband did happen to walk by your home, would he see you getting out of the car & going into the house with some man super late? Are you avoiding the appearance of evil? Can God even BRING your spouse or is that seat always taken by Jimmy, Tom and Dejuan?

Some of you may think I'm too deep. Saying, it doesn't take all that Heather! Actually, it does take all that. God commands us to be holy as He is holy!! Why do we think we can belittle the holiness of God based on our limited mindset???!

Now, you have a choice. You can either be single God's way or single the worlds way. If you want to be single God's way, then today is a beautiful day because you know at the right TIME, you'll be in a relationship. It's just NOT your time yet. So you'll stay off of Facebook, Instagram or whatever else distracts you today into feeling sorry for being single. You must guard your heart at all times. You won't watch Scandal & other sex-adultry-driven shows because you're working on something and you cannot afford to plant those things in your heart. You will ENJOY this season because you know its temporary and each season in your life builds up to the next one.

Or, you can be single the worlds way. Go find you a date on, get you some sex and suffer the consequences. You may not see yourself suffering right away-- but when you're living outside God's will for your life and taking your life into your OWN hands, you will suffer. "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." Proverbs 14:12. So what "seems right to you?" Does having sex outside of marriage "seem" right? Does dating randoms "seems right?" Does staying with that unsaved guy "seem" right because you're trying to get him saved? What lie have you picked up over the years and called it your truth? Just because you BELIEVED the lie in your head doesn't mean that God agrees with it. 

If you really want God's best for your life, it's going to cost you something. Stop skipping around here & living the way that you want to live.. & then wonder why life isn't working for you. Go back to your FIRST love. "Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love" - Revelation 2:4 Many people will celebrate today and wish they were in your shoes if they were single. They WISH the would have slowed down, trusted God & NOT married the person they married. They had all of the warning signs but instead-- they ignored them. They liked the IMAGE of but didn't understand the work & effort that went into it. 

Today & everyday after is what you make it. I would have never met my husband if I kept me a little boyfriend on the side. How can God trust me with one of His sons if I wasn't one of His daughters? We can say we want a godly man-- but if we continue to cuss like a sailor, drop it like everything is hot, argue with everyone, sleep with everyone... we're showing who our father really is. We will attract the same kind of man based on how we act & live. Just "saying" you're a daughter doesn't make you one. How you live this life identifies WHO your father really is.

Few reminders:
My husband wrote an amazing book, "So, You Want To Be Married" & you can find it here: It ties in with what I wrote above & so much more.

If you need accountability, JOIN a Pinky Promise group. You can find a group in your local area-- there's over 10,000 women that have joined in the past year. 

You can find fabulous purity rings and bracelets that remind you of your decision to honor God here:  And just for reading today's blog- you'll get 10% off of your order. Use the discount code LOVE

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

Monday, February 4, 2013

"Your Price Tag"

So, what's your price tag? Don't look at me like you don't have one. A price tag is the amount that a person will pay for YOU to get you to drop your standards. It doesn't have to be money either honey as you look down on women that strip or prostitute themselves to men. It could be comfort from loneliness, it could be a fine man, it could be a "bad boy," a man that serves in church, the desire to no longer be single because your clock is ticking, it could be the fear of losing friends so you go out & get drunk with them and you know it ain't right. It could be attention from a man that works in a certain occupation- like a pastor, athlete, lawyer or whatever else. It could be spending your entire check on a purse so when you hang around certain girls-- they will approve of you.

Who can get you to CHANGE their standards??? Who or what can do just that "one" thing that takes you from lifting your hands on Sunday morning to falling into sin??? And let's be clear honey, you didn't fall into that sin-- you walked right into it. You say you love Jesus.. and it just makes you frustrated at how you keep ended up in that bed, overspending or waking up from that hang-over. Why is it that you go from singing "I surrender all" on Sundays to "Put a ring on it" by Beyonce on Monday?

Let's be clear, NO person on this entire earth should be able to CHANGE your STANDARDS. No MAN. No WOMAN. No JOB. No NOTHING. If you aren't fully persuaded that you're strong enough to have standards in your relationships and friendships then you should pull away for a season until you're more persuaded by God than you are a human. Because what will happen is this: Your friends and your little boyfriend will determine your life. They will determine when you have sex, when you party, when you drink, when you do whatever else. All the while, you really don't wan to do these things. You KNOW it's wrong but deep down... you just don't know how to stop. You don't know how to tell anyone NO in fear of rejection. Then, you will get into a car accident and die and stand before God. He will say: Why didn't you do what I called you to do? And you will bow your head.. and say.. "But.. I didn't want to displease anyone." Christ will look at you with tears in His eyes & say.. "My daughter, you made those people, things your god. When they called, you answered. When they told you to do this, you did it. When they told you to do that- you obeyed. When I called you-- you ignored Me, rejected my instructions and with deep sorrow.. I have to say... get away from Me. I never KNEW you." (Matthew 7:23).

I sense such an urgency in the body of Christ. We are being pushed around by the wind by those we spend our time with. We have forgotten about God and replaced Him with the opinions of this silly world. We have devalued our worth and opened up our hearts to silly music and TV shows that have set our standards FOR us. It should bring great CONVICTION to you to listen to certain music. It should bring great CONVICTION to you if you hang out with certain girls. If it doesn't- I pray that you sit before the Lord and ask Him to break your heart for what breaks His heart. The danger in no longer being convicted of your lifestyle is this: Your heart has been hardened to sin & you've turned away from God. You've turned your heart from Him to the shows, the men, the job, the approval, that whatever else. You still go to church on Sunday, get your emotional fix and leave feeling approved that you did your "good" deed for the day. Then, you don't touch your bible again until you get in your car on Sunday and head to church. It is a sign that you NO long BELONG to Him because you no longer CARE. And.. you call yourself a Christian.

So.. what makes you think attending church is going to make you righteous?? Although you confess God as your Savior; your LIFE demonstrates that your heart belongs to Satan. Yes, I said it. Satan. You like his music. You like his sons. You like his places to go (clubs, strip clubs). You like his daughters. You like his hate. You like his unforgiveness. You like his homosexuality. You like his pornography. You like his clothes. You like his adultery. You like his gossip. You like his shacking up. You like his sex outside of marriage. If you really believed in your heart that Jesus was Lord you would HATE the sin you once LOVED. You would intentionally PURSUE GOD and STOP pursuing SIN!! This doesn't mean you're perfect- it just means that you refuse to pull your pants down for that random man! It just means you turn that stupid music off when you're tempted to bounce to it. You turn off the TV and sit at the feet of Christ and repent DAILY!! You're intentionally PURSING GOD DAILY!!!

Sis, I'm crying out to you. Crying out that you let go of whoever is pushing you around. Let go of the distractions. Let go of whatever is causing you to STUMBLE.  If you only knew the destination of the sin that you're in.. you would never entertain it. You would run from it. You would hate it. Satan never shows you the end.. he only entices you with what you can see, hear, touch & feel...

As you read this-- understand that you cannot wait for your feelings to agree with the decision to live for God. You have to do what you know is RIGHT and your feelings with CATCH up. So, pick up the phone and shut it down, cut it off-- do what you have to do. You cannot afford to live a life outside of Christ ANYMORE. Read my blog on "How to Spend time with God"-- start there. Find a local church that preaches the word of God, pure and uncut. Obey God quickly with what He tells you to do. You seriously HAVE to start SOMEONE. Start right NOW. When you make a decision to live for Christ, HE will HELP you and MEET you right there.

I am praying for you & agreeing with YOU.

If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis" (there's another church that holds service there too). 931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

You can find my new book here: called "Pink Lips & Empty Hearts."

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

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