Tuesday, August 28, 2012

"The Fear Struggle"

So this area has been heavy on my heart lately. Why talk about fear? Because fear attacks our hearts everyday—from “WHEN am I going to get married?! What happens if I can’t get pregnant? What if something happens to my baby?  Am I going to be too old to have kids? Am I going to randomly get shot in a movie theatre? What about my kids? What if their friends make the wrong decisions and peer pressure my child to do the wrong thing? What if I get evicted? What if something happens to my husband---Oh gosh, I couldn’t live on this earth without him! What if something happens to my mother or father?  WORRY.. worry.. worry & FEAR.. Fear FEAR. It is PARALYZING you from really enjoying Christ and your relationship with Him.

Isn’t it ironic that we immediately think of all the bad things that could happen to our loved ones and the crazy thing is—those things have never happened to our loved ones! Along the way—we’ve picked up fear from CNN, Fox News, TV, movies, other families and google. And yes, I say google because the second we have an issue, we run to google to see if other people have gone through what we are going through. And honestly, if you go online you will find so many BAD stories and very few success stories.  And I have to be honest with you, if you have  “friend” that is FILLED with fear and is ALWAYS saying crazy, negative stuff—you should probably limit the amount of time you spend with them. They are poisonous to your life and you will find yourself fearing things you never feared before. Also, turn off First 48, Law & Order or any other show that creates fear in your heart.

So I’m writing this blog to encourage you to rest. I sense such a worry in the hearts of so many. A complete fear, When we fear we tell God that we really don’t trust Him or His guiding. God is clear—Our days our numbered on this earth (Ps. 103:15) As much as we can kick and scream at that scripture, at some point—we all will leave this earth. So while you’re here—you have to make it good and you have to place your trust and hope in Jesus Christ alone.

The sad thing is, we fear all of these natural disasters and freak accidents but we don’t fear laying in the bed with our little boyfriend and having sex outside of marriage.  We don’t fear not submitting to our husbands. We don't fear sneaking & watching pornography on our phones. We don’t fear reaching out to ex boyfriends that you’re still in love with while married on facebook and creating emotional ties that lead to physical ties. We don’t fear lying here & there.. we don’t really fear God. We fear things the obvious  “fears” will affect us physically (even though the secret sins do just as much damage). Our fear is about us and it has nothing to do with God. We don’t want to get hurt. WE don’t want to get evicted. It’s all selfish & about you.

What happen? When did we start fearing things and stop fearing God?!? A fear of God says—I’m in awe of you God. You created the heavens, earth & all these humans on this earth. You’re in control of it all and I ain’t gonna sit up here and let the enemy harass my mind.  Fearing God is being holy because He his Holy (1 Peter 1:16). Fearing God says you want what God wants and you want to do what He wants you to do. It’s because you love Him so much, you have a reverential fear for Him. This crazy love.

You may say—look, Heather—I aint there. How can I get this fear back for God? I ask you to look at your life. When you deliberately sin,, you harden your heart against God. If you are intentional about ignoring Him and more focused on doing what you want to do, you God’s strong voice that gave you that check in your heart in the beginning.. will slowly disappear. You have hardened your heart against God and turned your heart towards sin. Of course you don’t fear God anymore. You’ve built & created idols and now you worship those things with your life and not the living God.  And it’s too hard for you in your head to cut off a bad relationship or a friendship because you don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings but you KNOW it aint right. Everytime you disobey God.. and ignore Him on purpose.. you’re hardening your heart. Obey QUICKLY. Don’t even entertain those crazy emotions that say “you’ll hurt their feelings, what about this? What about that?!” Let’s stack it up—place God & that person, job or thing next to Him. Which one do you want? You may quickly say “GOD!” I want GOD! If you really want HIM.. you’ll CHOOSE Him. Your life will demonstrate your choice.

I struggled with fear GREATLY throughout my life. I was a huge worrier. I definitely got it from my mama! I guess if you had 24 children (adopted all but one, including me! J) You may find yourself worried about their lives in some type of way. My mom always got so involved in every situation someone was going through & she brought it on herself. Most recently, I had to tell her—“MAMA! You’re 70 years old! Stop all that stressing out! You are too old to take on the cares of everybody else. All of your children are 18 and older—old enough to make decisions for themselves. You can no longer control that.”  Anyway , I somehow picked that up growing up. I also experienced death with family members at a young age. Although I don’t remember them very well, my two brothers passed away when I was about 5 or 6. One murdered, one had a heart transplant and his body rejected the heart. Then, when I was 16 (One day after my birthday) on September 19th, 1998 my best friend and sister, Kimmy died. Gosh. My heart was officially broken. I was crushed. She’s the one who first told me about Christ and she was like a second mom. She was only 21. The doctors overdosed her on anesthetic during a routine checkup for Cystic Fibrosis.  No, we didn’t sue. We didn’t want to re-live & fight with anyone. My parents were those types of people. They believed that God’s vengeance was stronger then their own.  Then, my father passed away in 2000. It was devastating. I was at Michigan State University for a summer program and he passed. He had been sick for awhile, but it was still hard. Then, a few years passed and my mother remarried and after 7 years—my step-father passed way—taking me up to this past year. Then, a month later, my nephew committed suicide. THEN, my girlfriend, Cathy passed away suddenly of a brain aneurysm. All within about 2 months. TALK about FEAR! 

...The second Cornelius (my husband) left the house for two seconds I would get these crazy thoughts! What if someone hurts him in the parking lot. What if a homeless guy attacks him? What if this.. what if that?! I was so wrapped up in fear and abandonment. So I would give him the LONGEST hug & kiss before he left and I would tell him like 50 million times how much I loved him. I just had too many people die in my life and I wanted to hold on tight to those that I loved. After I CLUNG to my husband for a couple more months.. I realized that my clinging was based in fear. Fear that I would lose him like I lost so many others. Fear of going through what my mother went through twice. Gosh, it was so hard. So one day, as I was spending time with God—His presence wrecked me. He showed me how much I didn’t really trust Him. He showed me that no matter what happens in my life that He is with me and that He won’t put more on me then I can bear.  As hard as it was—I decided to take baby steps by faith and trust Him. Have I all the way arrived?! HECK no! I will never arrive. Even as I type this—I’m sitting on a plane. I feared planes for years—because I knew if I crashed, my tail was gonna die. Now, while flying—I look out the window and I get to see a birds eye view of what God sees. It makes my issues seem so tiny. God is so huge! He’s in control of our lives!! He has our back!! He LOVES us so much!! I have completely submitted my whole heart to Jesus so my life is REALLY in His hands. I don’t have to put up with getting harassed by satan and NEITHER do YOU. I know that … I can do all things through Christ WHO strengthens ME. And it is through Him.. we are free from fear. It is THROUGH Him.. we have peace in peaceless situations. It’s through HIM.. we have joy when it looks like we shouldn’t be happy. Our hope is in Jesus alone. Let’s not place it in anybody or anyone else.

If you’re struggling with fear, I recommend that you meditate on these scriptures in addition to guarding your heart:

2 Timothy 1:7- I have not given you the spirit of fear, put of power, love and of a sound mind.

1 John 4:18- There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear, because fear hath torment. He that fearth is not made perfect in love.

Luke 4:10- For it is written, He shall give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee. And in their hands they shall bear me up, if I dash my foot against a stone.

Fun reminders:

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If you want to sign up for the Pinky Promise Conference in Atlanta--I would LOVE to see you! More details are here: 

GOD loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

"Our Two Year Wedding Anniversary: 15 Things I've Learned"

Sooo, today is our 2 year wedding anniversary! I'm SOOO excited to be spending it with the man of my dreams and my best friend. I decided that it was fitting to share some of the things I've learned from marriage for the past two years. 

1. Marriage is work. I didn't know. I mean, you hear about it-- but in order to keep your marriage strong, you have to work it it. Meaning, you can't "starve" certain areas of your marriage. My husband said that it was important to him that I spoke to him in a sweet, respectful tone. I can't do it for two months & then start cockin' my neck at him & talking to him like he's a child a month later. You really have to listen, meet in the middle & pray often. 

2. The joys of "shut up."-- You ain't ready to get married if you aren't ready to meet in the middle (OR go all the way), shut up & choose your battles. Every single discussion isn't worth a full- blown-out argument. It's not worth it. Sometimes, if my husband thinks that he is right about an area and we've gone back & forth about it in the past.. I just rub his back and tell him ok, & I love him. And don't roll your eyes at me for that. It doesn't mean I'm a doormat. Who told you that WORDS would win your guy over?! 1 Peter 3:1 says to win your husband over without words but by your BEHAVIOR. 

3. My marriage is like no other. I cannot compare my husband to anybody else. He is Cornelius Lindsey & no other. He aint my ex, he aint some person on TV, he ain't anybody but WHO he is and how DARE I try to put pressure on him to be anything or anybody other than WHO God called him to be. He's an amazing man after God's own heart that presses INTO Christ daily. He listens to me, he's a beautiful leader & has a awesome vision. I am working with WHAT he got as God develops him in other areas. Let's all be honest, you have areas you need to work on too-- #grace. 

4. ME. I learned about me. Oh, I knew I had issues when I was single.. but I was pretty convinced that I was pretty close to perfect as I pursued God & lived for Him. lol. PLEASE! Marriage is a MIRROR that will show you YOURSELF. It's like my husband goes into my heart & plucks out (vice versa) areas in our hearts that don't look like God. God allows us to expose each other so HE can HEAL us. Our marriage brings HEALING. 

5. Everything doesn't always work out. T'is true. But now, you have someone to work things out with TOGETHER. There was a time period where my husband and I were having issues with our bank account & until it got settled, we had to eat rice just about everyday. WE didn't fight with each other, we laughed about it!! We enjoyed our rice & created meals out of nothing! We stuck together. In HARD times, don't QUIT. Work through them. Things will get better. GOD is our Provider alone. (matthew 6:33)

6. My husband aint me. Yeah, I have a SUPER happy personality. Even this morning-- I've been up since 6am waiting for my husband to wake up. As soon as he woke up, I started kicking like a little kid & he sat up & said "Please, just give me a minute"-- hahaha!! I KNOW my husband isn't a morning person. I'm pretty much on HIGH 24-7! So I had to really tune into the Holy Spirit & let Him lead me with my excitement. There's a time & place for that. My husband LOVES my happy personality but I also have to meet him in the middle at times. 

7. The head of every wife is her husband, the head of her husband is Christ and the head of Christ is God- 1 Corinthians 11:3. Imagine this with me. Take a knife & cut my head off (not really, but you  know), and cut my husbands head off.. and cut Christ's head off. Take my husband's head & place it on my body. Take Christ's head and place it on my husband. Where does my head go?! To my one day children. But as of right now, my head is gone & my husband's head is sitting on it. Which means my husband and I are ONE & HE is loving ME like HE would LOVE his own body. WHEN I look to my husband's body, on HIS head is CHRIST. So, as I SUBMIT myself to my husband, I'm really submitting my BODY to CHRIST. So it sure makes it a lot easier to submit to someone.. when the wife is constantly looking at CHRIST. 

8. Stay snatched. I learned that  you have to bend in the way you look. You are no longer dressing "cute" for anybody else but first your husband. My husband wasn't crazy about my blonde hair-- so now it's dark brown with highlights. I had to meet him in the middle. We work out to stay healthy & look good for each other. You gotta maintain this area. There is not thrown' down on KFC & Big Macs for dinner in our home. We eat HEALTHY meals. WE need to be around for a long time to preach, write books and everything else. 

9. God speaks to my husband better than me. Umm. yeah. This was a fun one to learn. I used to nag in the beginning of our marriage. HE NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND. Girl, bye. That man just went into the man cave of his heart & he won't be coming out anytime soon. I learned to rest & place my trust in God concerning my husband. YES, I still addressed issues in our marriage but at times, God would tell me to shut it up because HE was handling it. WE are help-meets. So are you helping or hindering him? Make sure you move out of the way so your guy can hear from God. 

10. My husband has my best interest at heart. I had to learn to trust him in this area. I had been SO hurt in past relationships. I had to LET my guard down & trust the GOD in him to lead our family, not abandon our marriage and to believe the best. EVEN in times IN our marriage where we said.. "WHY did I MARRY YOU!?" Yes-- we've had our share of arguments. Fights will happen. Things happen in marriage. God weans you and at times, it sure doesn't feel good. But it's for your good. If you just stick it out, you'll see the fruit of it. Our first thought shouldn't divorce.. but reconciliation. LOVE bears up under ANYTHING. (1 Cor 13:4) 

11. NEVER SLEEP APART. Even if you're arguing. FORCE your mad tail right back into bed. Don't let your spouse run you out of your bed. Arguments WILL happen. It's marriage. The bible tells us "not to let the sun go down while you're still angry"-Ephesians 4:26. Don't get in the habit of running out of your bed when you're upset. You'll create a habit of sleeping apart.. or in other places. No matter HOW bad the fight is.. tears & all, I know my husband and I will be right in that bed together that night. Thankfully, we don't fight as much as we did the first year. lol Matter of fact, we don't really fight at all anymore. We have mastered peace. 

12. Code Words: How have we mastered peace? Code words are your friend. If my husband and I get into an argument, we say "JESUS"-- meaning ALL arguments cease & we will not continue this conversation any further until our emotions settle. 

13. God can give you the hook up. I remember one day I was upset with Cornelius and God told me as I went for a drive-- "Heather, I created and know Cornelius. I can tell you how he functions & give you the inside on how to use wisdom with Him." Ummmm.. why didn't I THINK of that?! Thanks Jesus! :) lol 

14. My husband takes longer to cool down then me. If we have a heated discussion-- I can forgive and get over it in 2 minutes. My husband may need longer to settle down. I've learned to pull back and give him space to hear from God. 

15. Marriage is best, done God's way. So stop watching stupid reality TV shows of pretend marriages because you're comparing it to somebody's highlight reel of a marriage and then they end up divorced in a year. Your home is your vacation home. (that's what I call ours) Make it beautiful ladies. Be his cheerleader. Love him like crazy, spend a ton of time with God & let Him lead you. 

I am sensing in my spirit some people that may not feel like their spouse is really living for God. Sis, I want to encourage you to "win him over with your quiet & gentle spirit"- 1 peter 3:1. Just cling to God and believe the BEST. If he acts a fool, cook him breakfast and ask him if he needs anything else. PLEASE believe, I'm telling you to do it because I DID it. There's times where I thought we may not work out after a HUGE argument. I got quiet before God and I recall God's spirit spoke to me.. He said that His spirit was grieved because of the argument. He told me to forgive my husband and ask my husband to forgive me for what was said. Even though my feelings were still upset.. I still got my tail up & cooked. Pursue.. PEACE. THINGS will get better. Stay encouraged.

And Happy Anniversary to my king. I adore you. 

Have you signed up for Pinky Promise? There's local groups all over the world!

You can rock super cute bracelets & shirts at our Pinky Promise Store

Have you signed up for the Pinky Promise Conference? We would love to meet you!

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


You're probably coming to this blog to see if you're "allowed" to get a tattoo. I had a blog on here. WITH all the scriptures-- backing up the difference between the law and the faith that we now live by in Jesus Christ. I have found that blogs like "Can I get a Tattoo"-- divides us Christians, sadly. There WILL be differences of opinion in the church about what is right or wrong. Paul says (Romans 14:1-17) that we are not to quarrel about issues that are matters of opinion. Differences should not be feared or avoided but accepted and handled with love. We cannot expect everyone, even the best possible church to agree on every subject. Though sharing ideas we can come to a fuller understanding of what the Bible teaches. We should accept, listen and respect others. Differences of opinion need not to cause division. They can be a source of learning and richness in our relationships. In addition, while the church must be uncompromising in its stand against activities that are expressly forbidden by Scripture (adultery, homosexuality, murder, theft) it should not create additional rules & regulations.. and give them equal standing with what God wants us to do. Things like tattoos, piercings & getting your hair cut.

My heart breaks for the body of Christ. It's so darn divided. It's so broken. I long for it to be one. I LONG to look like CHRIST. And you better believe that I won't have a part in dividing us Christians anymore with topics like can you get a tattoo. It's so small.. compared to what Jesus did for you on the Cross. HE WIPED your slate clean and MADE you whole! He died so that YOU may live!! So, after discussing with my hubby, we believed that it was best to remove this blog. I won't address questions like this anymore. I encourage you to do your own study.. and let God lead, guide & convict you. His ways are perfect. SOME topics.. aren't worth causing any more confusion in the body..  & this was one of them.

Romans 14:14 "I know and am convinced on the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ that no food, in and of itself is wrong to eat. But if someone believes its wrong, then for that person its wrong. And if another believer is distressed by what to eat, you are not acting in love if you eat it. Don't let your eating RUIN someone for whom Christ died. Then you will not be criticized for doing something you believe is good. For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink but of living a life of goodness & peace and JOY in the HOLY SPIRIT. If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God and others will approve of you too. So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up. "

Have you signed up for Pinky Promise? There's local groups all over the world!

You can rock super cute bracelets & shirts at our Pinky Promise Store

Have you signed up for the Pinky Promise Conference? We would love to meet you!

GOD loves you like CRAZY! 

(Me & my king in New Orleans! :))

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