Monday, March 17, 2014

My Birth Story: Logan William Lindsey 3/13/2013

So, last week marked 1 year since I gave birth to my beautiful son, Logan William Lindsey. I felt like it was fitting to do a blog on "My Birth Story" since I have yet to share it with you all. I attempted to post this on Logan's birthday but we had a huge 1st birthday party and I had a ton of family & friends in town! :)

Every BODY is different. If you are pregnant, believe GOD for the best possible situation & don't let other peoples horror stories scare you in regards to labor. Labor is natural part of the body and God will be with you & help you. Trust Him, not the words of everybody else. 

Before I get into the story, I want to share some "behind the scenes" of our desire to have children. If you watched the Pinky Promise Conference last year, you know that we shared our story about having a miscarriage prior to getting pregnant with Logan.

On March 5th, 2011 we found out that we were pregnant. Was I happy? Not really. That sounds really bad, but we had only been married for 6 months, we just moved to a new city, and I was still trying to figure out this whole marriage and purpose thing! We didn't have The Gathering Oasis and Pinky Promise-- it was just me and the hubby. So, I cried. I cried because I felt like if I get pregnant, my life and body would be OVER. Coming from living in NYC for 7 years, I had learned to think that "career" was first. You focus on your career and THEN, down the line, include kids. So, needless to say, my husband was THRILLED and I wasn't too happy about it.

Around the time we found out!

I made an appointment with the doctor and they did an ultrasound. We didn't see a baby in there and I was measuring pretty early-- so I figured, by the next appointment, I will see a baby and a heartbeat. So, we continued to go to the doctor and we only saw a sac, no baby.

I was devastated!

We were only about 6-7 weeks in and by then, we had discussed our future baby and I was settled in the idea that I was going to have a baby! I was EXCITED! Then, I started to bleed. It first it was light and then it was really  heavy with blood clots! I'm thinking, what the heck is this? I kept going to the doctor and getting my bloodwork done and they told me that my numbers weren't doubling and that although my body thinks it's pregnant, there's no baby and soon, my body would reject the sac. I sat down with the doctor and he told us the news we hoped to never hear: "I'm so sorry, you won't be having a baby right now. Your body will reject the sac soon. So, you can either let it pass naturally or get a D and C. If you get the D and C, it will be over sooner than going through the pain of letting it pass naturally.

That night, we went home with tears in our eyes. Cornelius left to go teach a mens bible study on "Trusting God" and I assured him that I would be fine at the house alone. Then, I started to cramp really bad, more clots, more blood! I'm like, what.. is going on? Then, the cramps started coming faster-- back to back. My body was reject the sac, less than 12 hours before my surgery! It felt like mini-LABOR pains. I remember rolling on the floor and calling out to God-- telling Him that I trust Him no matter what happens. I called the hubby and told him that I cannot wait for him to get home, I was calling 911. So, I went to the ER-- and ended up passing the sac there.  Was it over? I wish. I ended up getting the surgery in the morning but found out 6 months later that they didn't get all of the pregnancy tissue out of me. So, for another 6 months, my pregnancy tests showed positive along with the pregnancy symptoms. I continued to bleed for almost 6 months.

It was hard.

By then, I really wanted a baby.  You see, I was so humbled by the whole situation and I wanted to get pregnant.

By October, my body was back to normal, but I had gone through so much. I asked God, "WHY is it that all these people are getting pregnant that don't even WANT kids!!" I went through such a broken "valley" season because it seemed like I was getting tested over & over again. I learned that I cannot want anything more than I want Jesus Christ and if I do, I will most likely make an idol out of that person, thing or event. 

So, as I was learning this-- I started to track my ovulation like crazy and I researched "ways to get pregnant quickly"-- I tried to get my husband to change his diet & I SCREAMED at him when his laptop was on his lap (I read that it cooked a mans area-- was it true? Who knows, I was clearly placing my trust in the wrong place) and I became very controlling. I didn't like the person that I was becoming and I found that I would get in spats with my husband. One day, he looked at me and said, "Heather, calm down. We have to trust God & stop trying to control this situation."

It's like I hit a brick wall that day. I pondered, "ME, God? Controlling?? I mean, I just want to do the natural part God! I just want .. to do MY part." At that moment, God reminded me that it is HIM alone that opens and closes my womb. I started to do my research & I found that other women in the bible ALSO had experienced a similar situation. The thing is this:: when you're going through a test, we have to stop relying on GOOGLE for our answers and OPEN up our SOURCE. So, I started studying out the bible & here are a few summaries:

Genesis 11:30; 21:1-7 – Sarah is barren. She is old. And according to the promise of God and by His power she gave birth to Isaac. She was beyond child bearing age, in her 90s, and she had a baby according to God’s plan and for His purposes.

Genesis 25:21– Rebekah was barren and yet as she and Isaac pleaded with God and trusted Him, in His time and according to His plan she gave birth to Jacob and Esau.

Genesis 29:31; 30:1-2; 22-24– Rachel was barren and her barrenness was a source of strife in the family. And after seeing other children born to her husband from other wives God finally opened her womb, twice. Consider the fruit of her womb, so to speak. Joseph was used of God to preserve the nation of Israel and the world around the middle east as he was elevated in the Court of Pharaoh and implemented a plan to deal with seven years of famine. And her second born, Benjamin is no less significant. One of his descendants wrote most of the New Testament! His name was Saul, and was later changed to Paul.

Judges 13:2-3; 24 – Manoah’s wife was barren but later, as God ordained it, she gave birth to Samson, a mighty man and a judge over Israel.

1 Samuel 1:1-11 – Hannah was barren and so grieved that as she prayed a priest thought she was drunk! And yet according to God’s plan in answer to her prayer, her womb was opened and she gave birth to Samuel, the prophet who anointed Kings in Israel.

Luke 1:5-7; 13-17; 24-25; 57-58 – And then there was Elizabeth. Also barren. No children and aging. And after Gabriel brought the news to her husband, she conceived and gave birth to John the Baptizer, the one who fulfilled prophecy and came to announce the coming of the Messiah.

So, by now, we are in April of 2012, just about one year after the miscarriage. I went to the Lord, like Hannah & poured my heart out to God. I told Him that I wanted a son, and that I would dedicate my son back to the Lord and I would teach my son to live for HIM. I deleted all of my apps that tracked my ovulation and I took my mind totally OFF of getting pregnant.

Dedicating Logan to the Lord this past Saturday at his Southern Royal Bash!

One month later, we found out that we were pregnant with Logan! Ahh! WHAT a joy! We were SO happy, so shocked, so thrilled! We were surprised because we totally weren't trying anymore. How did I find out out?

Well, first, I was EXHAUSTED. I had really bad heartburn, was bloated and it seemed like my brain cells were gone! lol, seriously! I put the fresh spinach in the pot drawer. I kept doing really weird things! Then, I rationalized that I wasn't pregnant because I've just been busy and maybe I'm just eating too many spicy foods.

                                               In New Orleans! The day after we found out!

I was visiting my sister-in-love and she kept telling me to take a test! So, I took a test and it was negative. I thought to myself, see! I knew I wasn't pregnant! I didn't get mad or upset at the test-- instead I just told God that I trust Him and He opens wombs. Then, I started to get a TON of emails and messages from people saying that they had a dream that I was pregnant. I laughed and thought-- I'm so not pregnant! One week later, I took another test-- and RIGHT as I was taking it, I heard the Lord say, "The test is going to be positive, don't worry." He said NOT to worry because that very MONTH, me & the hubby decided that I would stop consulting for a company I worked with for about 4 years in New York ( I worked from home). My husband was already in full time ministry and it was going to be a TOTAL faith walk! AND we were in the middle of moving! So, I'm thinking-- Lord, we are moving and I'm pregnant which means I cannot do as much!

So, the test was positive and I took it to my husband who was on the phone with his mother. He smiled in TOTAL shock! I don't think it totally registered to him. A few weeks later, we had our first ultrasound. ALL I wanted was to SEE a baby and HEAR a heartbeat. I remember that sound like it was yesterday! Tears came to my eyes as I thought, gosh, we are having a baby!

Throughout the pregnancy I had to continue to cast down stupid thoughts that anything bad would happen to my womb. When you go through a miscarriage, those stupid thoughts try to haunt you but I had the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear that "God is babysitting Logan in my womb. HE keeps him alive. HE is with Him." And that babysitting & protecting Logan doesn't stop after he is born. It will go on into eternity.

So, I ate super healthy, drank green smoothies daily, took my probiotic, a pre-natal, I exercised and I REFUSED to stress out. Remember when you're pregnant that your baby feels everything that you feel. I would read to Logan while he was in my belly and I would pray with him. He became my little best friend.

So, onto my birth story. 

Can I be real with you? I wanted a natural birth. I watched "The Business of Being Born"(TOTALLY RECOMMEND!) on Netflix and thought, I can do this! It's totally mind over matter and I CAN go natural!

So, I wrote out a ton of scriptures on trusting God and that babies are a gift from the Lord. I wanted to make sure I was prepared on that day when I went into labor. As I went throughout the pregnancy, I noticed that Logan (BBL= baby boy lindsey) was a BIG boy. He was measuring about 6 or 7 pounds at 7.5 months which made me a little nervous! I'm like, how BIG is  he going to be Lord? And I'm not a large woman. I'm about 5'8 and pre-baby was 120 pounds. At about 7.5 months I had gained almost 25 pounds and my doctor actually TOLD me to go on a diet! Needless to say, she stopped being my doctor after that and a few other things. She kept trying to put fear in my heart about Logan being such a big baby. I'm like, you're either on my team or not woman! I get that you are a doctor but you're not helping me by telling me to not eat as much because my son is growing so fast. I told her, "diet? I eat vegetables and fruits all day! She said, "Fruits have sugars." lol-- nonetheless, I continued to eat very healthy, worked out and simply trusted God.

ONE week before the Pinky Promise Conference (Jan 24, 2013), I was on BEDREST for really bad round ligament pain. I couldn't walk because my hips and body was spreading to accommodate Logan! My husband had to carry me around so I was really just trusting God that I would be able to preach twice and walk at the conference. Thank God I was totally fine a week later! :)

By 40 weeks of pregnancy, my new doctor (same office, new doctor) continued to see if I dilated. Nothing. .5 cm MAYBE. At this point, the doctor gave me a couple options. He said that I can wait things out OR I can get induced on March 12th. Personally, I wanted to go into labor NATURALLY because I felt like if I get induced with drugs then I'm going to eventually need drugs to sustain me. So, I walked, I ate a ton of eggplant, and rolled on my Yoga ball for hours-- hoping this baby would come out! And.. nothing happened. I learned quickly that babies come when they want to come, not when we try to force them out. Throughout this time, I kept getting Braxton Hicks contracts pretty bad-- but still no baby.

So, I went into prayer and discussed things with Cornelius and God placed it on my heart to go into the hospital on March 12th to get induced. Although it wasn't what I wanted to do, I had a peace and almost an urgency to move the process along. I went into the hospital that night at 6pm. I was prepared with my scriptures, my yoga ball, a snack can for the nurses (hey, they're helping me out!), and a ton of snacks for the hubby!

I forgot what they did (although I researched it like crazy at that time)-- but it was supposed to help me dilate & get the labor process started. I slept with it that night and I woke up & they started to officially induce me. My hope was that I would go into labor naturally-- but still nothing. My doctor came in and broke my water. And he found that Logan already had his first bowl movement in my belly-- which means that when I did give birth, we have to be very careful that he doesn't take a deep breath & inhale stool. It was another sign that Logan had to come out soon.

So, for the next 12-15  hours, I had contractions back to back and I was still being induced SLOWLY, (I told them to slowly increase inducing me because I wanted a fighting chance at going natural) and soon-- my contractions came every couple minutes and they lasted a good 10 LONG seconds! I would roll on my yoga ball as my hubby rubbed my back and I said scriptures. I was so determined to get through it! By 8pm, I was EXHAUSTED and I kept having contractions & guess what.. I only dilated 3 cm! WHAT? I was shocked! WHERE is this baby? What about my plans God? I had plans for a quick & easy labor! Help me God! So, my contractions are still coming non-stop with the help of the machine & my body wouldn't go into labor by itself-- which of course-- would mean that I wasn't ready to go into labor, right? Well, I just had an urgency to get my son out and I knew that I couldn't have waited another couple weeks.

So, then-- at about 8:30pm, all the sudden I see the monitor make this weird noise and then ALL of the nurses and doctors RUSH in, put on oxygen mask on me & they're trying to find Logan's heartbeat. I'm like, wait, HUH? What is going on??! What is wrong? So, Logan's heart rate was starting to drop with each contraction. The stress from being in labor for awhile was beginning to get to him. So, they're trying to find his heart beat and my husband is holding my arm & praying with me.

My doctor said, Heather, you have 2 choices. You can keep doing this for a few more DAYS and there's a chance that Logan's health will be in great danger OR you can have a C-section and you will meet him in 30 minutes.

I'm thinking-- Lord, this was not a part of the plan. It was supposed to be easier than this. It was supposed to be.. natural in every way. 

Then, I reminded myself that although things may not always pan out the way that we want them to pan out, God will still be with me along the journey. He will still help me. He's there. I decided in that moment to stop trying to wonder or question and let go. 

I told the doctor "That I'm not trying to win a medal for going natural, I want my son to be healthy and HIS health is a PRIORITY to me. That is all that matters to me." So, I went and had a C-section. Logan William Lindsey was born on 9:17pm on March 13th, 2013

We found out a few things. 

1. His umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck a few times and everytime he tried to descend, the cord continued to get wrapped up in his neck. There was no way he could have came out naturally.
2. He was 10 pounds and 1 oz!! He was SUCH a big boy! The doctor actually said that he was a "linebacker" as he began to pull him out! lol!

After the C-section, they had to run tests on him and I was nervous because my goal was to do skin-to-skin RIGHT after he was born and to breastfeed. So, when they finally brought him to me, I latched him on and he started eating right away! He was so greedy! haha! AND 1 year later and I'm still breastfeeding! :) The bond we have together is like nothing I've ever experienced! I adore that little guy!

So, how was the recovery? It wasn't bad at all! I couldn't go up or down our stairs for 2 weeks, but after that I was better. I had a great doctor so the cut is pretty much non-existant! I think a perk of eating healthy, working out and breastfeeding was that I lost almost ALL of my baby weight within 2-3 weeks!

So, as I look over everything and I ask myself what would I have done differently? Nothing at all. I believed God throughout the entire time and I trusted HIM regardless of the outcome. Living for Jesus doesn't always mean that everything will be easy, perfect or that things will work out according to what you prayed-- but it does mean that HE will be with you along your journey. When sin entered this earth, women had to endure childbirth and things happen like miscarriages and hard labors. It happens. While pregnant, you may have bad days. You may have this or that, but if Jesus is truly the center of your heart-- there's nothing you cannot accomplish through Him. He's right there babysitting YOU.. & your baby.
                         A few photos from Logan's Southern Royal Bash! We had so much fun!

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts: AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out!

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 21,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via under events!

God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey

Sunday, March 2, 2014

"Happy Birthday To My Ex"

Have you ever remembered an exes birthday? Every year when their birthday rolls around, you cannot seem to erase that day out of your mind. Although you've moved on & they have moved on-- you still roll your eyes at that day. Or, maybe every time you smell a certain scent, it takes you back to a certain season in your life where you were with someone that shouldn't have made it past hello. Or, maybe you see a guy or a girl that resembles your ex and then bitterness floods your heart. You roll your eyes and think back to "everything they did to hurt you."

You tell everyone that you're over him and deep down, you want to be but something is still holding onto a little bit of rejection. You wonder, "why didn't things work out?" "Why did he choose another girl over me?" "Was I not good enough?"

If it still stings when you think about him.. sis, it's not totally over. Not in your heart anyway. But I have good news! The good news is this: if you're tested and you find that you still have bitterness in your heart-- you can truly let it go and give it to God. I mean, really, intentionally let him go. 

I know maybe you hoped that things would work out, but it's not that you weren't good enough, it's that your very purpose and plan that was predesigned before the earth didn't include that relationship. No matter how many times you replay in your mind what you could have done differently, it wouldn't have mattered-- things happened exactly how they were supposed to happen. 

Whenever I see the bathroom door open, I run and close it as my 1 year old son, Logan going for it as well. I know if I leave the door open, he is going to go right for the toilet and he will have a field day playing in toilet water. He's also going to totally destroy the bathroom. One day, he won't even consider or think about playing in the toilet or the bathroom but as his mama, I have to close that door in his life. He just doesn't know better, but I know better for him. 

Same goes for God. He knew that you were going to play in a "toilet" of that messy relationship and to PROTECT you, He quickly ran & shut the door because He knew what was best for you. Logan typically whines and cries when I shut the door and he even attempts to open it, but I stand firm in my decision and I lovingly pull him away from the door. One day, I will let Logan open the door and go to the bathroom because I know that he won't abuse the bathroom. He will use it for what it's purposed use. Until he is mature enough, I will keep that door closed. 

So, what about you? Did God close a door and are you sitting outside of the door with your arms crossed and mad at him because He won't let you play in the toilet? How silly does that look? Sis, one day-- God will open the door to the RIGHT man. When He opens it, you will be READY. But before He opens that door, you have to let him HEAL you from all of those times you sat bitterly outside of the door-- mad at God.

God loves you so much that He is constantly going in front of you and closing the WRONG doors & OPENING the right ones. Some of us are still prying open old doors and allowing that bad way of thinking to torment us. 

Did you know that He allowed that door to be closed in your heart because you thought that you were going in the right direction but He had to show you that there was no profit? He had to show you that YOUR will wasn't lining up with HIS will. I know it was hard, I know it stung a bit, but it's time to move on.

Want to know why you cannot forget that scent, birthday or whatever else?

This is why:

Brain research shows that every conscious thought is recorded in our "internal" hard drive called the cerebral cortex. When we have the same thought again, the line of the original thought is deepened, causing a "memory trace." (ie. your past). With each continuous thought, the trace goes deeper and deeper, forming and embedding a pattern of thoughts. When an emotion is tied to that thought pattern, the memory trace grows STRONGER.

So, we get saved, break up but we still have that memory trace from our past. 2 Corinthians helps us to deal with that in vs. 10:5- "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."
So, capturing those stinkin' thoughts is going to take some EFFORT and some work on your part. Yes, he broke your heart. Yes, he choose someone else over you. Yes, he played you but either you are going to think on that, or THINK on CHRIST! You have a CHOICE! I don't know about you but as for me & my thought process, I'm choosing to think on Christ! I have been played, cheated on, lied to, verbally abused, beat up and everything else you can think of and I REFUSE to let my past push me around!!

Isaiah 43:18 tells us to "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past."- so, I'm dwelling on Jesus and I'm talkin' back to those memories that I should have never experienced.

Now that you understand what is happening.

Let Go.

It's time to burn down memory lane & stop crossing that bridge. 

In Christ, He changes our actions. So don't focus on changing your actions-- focus on HIM. When you wake up and spend time with Him-- it sets your mindset so that you won't just think any type of way. When you are thinking on Him, you don't have TIME to be thinking on whatever else. You're focused. You are a purposed woman and you don't have time for games. When you're thinking of Him, you don't have time to be depressed. When your'e thinking on Him, you aren't focused on your "clock ticking." You see the difference? Whatever you focus on, will amplify. So today, lets focus on Jesus Christ, our Lord & Savior. The end.

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts: AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out!

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 20,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via under events!

8. I am headed to Birmingham, AL this Saturday and I would LOVE to meet you! Details are in my calendar above! 

Love you all dearly,

God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...