Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Read This If You're Suffering From the "Mommy Guilt" Syndrome

So, one morning, I was scrolling on my TimeHop app and I saw that five years ago, around this time - my husband and I were in Dubai! It was SO much fun! We went out to visit a friend and host a small bible study. 

No kids. 

No mommy guilt. 

No "what is so & so doing?"

No worrying about my babies.

No stressing out about my babies.

No food prep before you leave for your babies.

No arranging with family members. 

No nothing.

Just a couple of carefree people, enjoying Dubai! 

A photo I snapped in 2011 of our hotel in Dubai

Now, when we go on trips, things change. Either the kids are coming with us and it feels like we are packing up a small studio apartment or, we are doing all of the above to arrange a safe and healthy environment for our babies. Don't get me wrong, our babies give us a brand new reason to live outside of purpose. Our babies are beautiful assignments that we take VERY seriously on this earth. We seek to raise them to know Jesus & accomplish their purpose on this earth. Now, we have an amazing responsibility that we've never had before to take care of these little beautiful humans. 

So, the moment we go anywhere - back to work, to travel, to do anything else -- all of the sudden your mind gets overwhelmed with the "what ifs?" 

Will my babies be ok in daycare?
What if my nanny isn't loving towards our babies?
Will my milk supply be enough while I'm gone?
Did I pump enough?
What if the plane crashes while traveling?
What if something happens to me! 
Who is going to raise my babies? Nobody can raise them like me! 

If you're a mama, you have felt these things. 

But, today - in the name of Jesus - we are going to be free from the guilt, condemnation and unnecessary expectations that we place on ourselves. 

Sis, through Christ - you are enough as a mother. Stop beating yourself up about taking time away from your kids as you're directed by the Lord. I had to learn that my children are GOD'S children too and He loves them MORE than I could ever love them. I think if we can grasp that concept, then we may be less controlling when it comes to these things. I believe that if we wake up, put one foot in front of the other and depend on the Lord's wisdom on how to raise our babies then THAT is enough. 

And trust me, I don't have this all together. I literally had to preach this to myself as I was preparing to head to London this week to preach at our conference. So, I did some research on guilt. It's "a bad feeling caused by knowing or thinking that you have done something bad or wrong." 

Is going to preach the gospel bad or wrong? 

Is going to work wrong?

Is going on a weekend trip with your husband to rekindle your marriage wrong? 
*Lets talk abut this really quick. Don't look up in 20 years and be an empty nester with your husband who is a stranger to you. You have to remember that YOU guys started together. It's so easy to get wrapped up in this or that  - instead, take time to focus on each other. Your kids NEED to see a healthy marriage. 

Is pumping like a mad woman & still not getting enough milk and then being FORCED to use formula wrong?

Is going on a weekend girls trip wrong?

Our sweet Taylor!

Absolutely not. 

In my case, I get the opportunity to be at home with our babies 24-7 and they typically travel with us! Leaving every now and then is ok. I had to remember that God is their Father first, they are in excellent hands and that it's a super quick ministry trip. Even in June, I have a girls trip coming up and I refuse to feel bad about it. I need times of refreshing. Times to pull away. Time to just sit there and reflect. Also, times to go to the bathroom without little fingers wiggling under the door. :)

So, I identify these things as false guilt.  

When it comes to feeling guilty, we must find the difference between false guilt and true guilt. It is normal to have feelings of guilt when we do something wrong—this is true guilt. But it is also possible to be innocent of something yet feel guilty about it—this is false guilt.

Like, the thoughts of am I an effective mother? 

Do I make the right decisions with our children?

Am I teaching them enough?

Are they eating healthy enough?

How am I supposed to make my kid eat healthy when they only want fries and pizza?

What vitamins should I give my children? Oh gosh, what if it's my fault that they aren't healthy?

 The main difference between false guilt and true guilt is their origins. False guilt has at least two possible points of origin: ourselves and the devil. One of the names of the devil in Scripture is “the accuser” (Revelation 12:10). It is a fitting name, as he accuses us to our own minds and consciences. Satan will bring to mind fears, worry and what ifs. And, because I know it's his job to distract me, 

I fight back with the word of God. 

So, repeat this after me:


He has no authority over us. (Luke 10:19) 
 - So, why do we believe his word over God's word?

"Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life."- Romans 5:18

The word "guilt" isn't found in scripture as it's a condition. We were conditioned to be guilty due to our sin nature. But, thank God for Jesus who lived and died for us so that we may be FREE from guilt and condemnation! God has FREED you! In His eyes, if we choose to beat ourselves us, then that's OUR choice an not HIS choice for us. 

I think there's a HUGE difference between conviction and guilt. For example, if I feel convicted to not let my son go to a children's party, or a sleepovers (sleepovers are a no, no in my book), or to a library class -- than I feel convicted by the Holy Spirit. I have learned the difference. I recall one time, I was traveling to preach somewhere and I stared at Logan's photo and videos for hours. (this was before Taylor). 

I was so distracted and emotional.

I missed my Logan. 

Then, the Lord said to me:: You are distracted Heather. You are more focused on Logan than you are on preaching and preparing for his message. Logan is fine. I have been taking care of him since he was conceived in your womb and I knew Him before then.  Rest your weary mind. 


Lord, I am up here being distracted and Logan is totally fine. 

So, your turn. What new articles are you meditating on and worrying about in your own life? Social media can be a spiritual battlefield for your mind if you aren't careful. You can read an article about a hot-car death or a something happening to a child while in nursery and fear over and over again. 

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life” (Matt 6:25-27)?

I LOVE this scripture and I pray over my family! 

Psalm 91
1 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
    will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
    he is my God, and I trust him.
3 For he will rescue you from every trap
    and protect you from deadly disease.
4 He will cover you with his feathers.
    He will shelter you with his wings.
    His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies in the day.
6 Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
    nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
7 Though a thousand fall at your side,
    though ten thousand are dying around you,
    these evils will not touch you.

So, if you're struggling with any of the above, I encourage you to meditate on the scriptures, not on what you can see. Cast your care onto the Lord. He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7). God has NOT given you the spirit of fear, but of power, love & a sound mind! 

What if something happens to you? We know that God is omnipresent. He will provide for HIS babies. He will take care of your family. The seeds you planted will soon harvest so that they will know Christ. If our parents forsake us, or leave this earth - God will become their parents. I know it's a hard truth, but do what you know to do. Write a will, get life insurance. Trust that the Lord knows your days on this earth and that He will take care of your babies and your family with long life. 

He cares for you and your babies and HE will give you wisdom on how to raise them. 

So, is Satan constantly trying to make you feel guilty about something in your past or even something as simple as traveling without your babies? Whatever the case, recognize the origin of the guilt. If you're a sinning, repent. If you're pursuing Jesus - stop beating yourself down & walk out what He has called you to do. Be free from guilt. 

Just a few things:

1. Find my (4) books (including my NEW book, "The Runaway Bride"), purity rings, shirts & all that good stuff via pinkypromiseboutiques.com!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under: Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  3600 Snapfinger Rd Lithonia, GA 30038

4. Register for the 2016 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

5. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 45,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

God loves you like crazy,

Love always,
Heather Lindsey

So thankful for this guy. My hubby! :)

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