1. Marriage is work. I didn't know. I mean, you hear about it-- but in order to keep your marriage strong, you have to work it it. Meaning, you can't "starve" certain areas of your marriage. My husband said that it was important to him that I spoke to him in a sweet, respectful tone. I can't do it for two months & then start cockin' my neck at him & talking to him like he's a child a month later. You really have to listen, meet in the middle & pray often.
2. The joys of "shut up."-- You ain't ready to get married if you aren't ready to meet in the middle (OR go all the way), shut up & choose your battles. Every single discussion isn't worth a full- blown-out argument. It's not worth it. Sometimes, if my husband thinks that he is right about an area and we've gone back & forth about it in the past.. I just rub his back and tell him ok, & I love him. And don't roll your eyes at me for that. It doesn't mean I'm a doormat. Who told you that WORDS would win your guy over?! 1 Peter 3:1 says to win your husband over without words but by your BEHAVIOR.
3. My marriage is like no other. I cannot compare my husband to anybody else. He is Cornelius Lindsey & no other. He aint my ex, he aint some person on TV, he ain't anybody but WHO he is and how DARE I try to put pressure on him to be anything or anybody other than WHO God called him to be. He's an amazing man after God's own heart that presses INTO Christ daily. He listens to me, he's a beautiful leader & has a awesome vision. I am working with WHAT he got as God develops him in other areas. Let's all be honest, you have areas you need to work on too-- #grace.
4. ME. I learned about me. Oh, I knew I had issues when I was single.. but I was pretty convinced that I was pretty close to perfect as I pursued God & lived for Him. lol. PLEASE! Marriage is a MIRROR that will show you YOURSELF. It's like my husband goes into my heart & plucks out (vice versa) areas in our hearts that don't look like God. God allows us to expose each other so HE can HEAL us. Our marriage brings HEALING.
5. Everything doesn't always work out. T'is true. But now, you have someone to work things out with TOGETHER. There was a time period where my husband and I were having issues with our bank account & until it got settled, we had to eat rice just about everyday. WE didn't fight with each other, we laughed about it!! We enjoyed our rice & created meals out of nothing! We stuck together. In HARD times, don't QUIT. Work through them. Things will get better. GOD is our Provider alone. (matthew 6:33)
6. My husband aint me. Yeah, I have a SUPER happy personality. Even this morning-- I've been up since 6am waiting for my husband to wake up. As soon as he woke up, I started kicking like a little kid & he sat up & said "Please, just give me a minute"-- hahaha!! I KNOW my husband isn't a morning person. I'm pretty much on HIGH 24-7! So I had to really tune into the Holy Spirit & let Him lead me with my excitement. There's a time & place for that. My husband LOVES my happy personality but I also have to meet him in the middle at times.
7. The head of every wife is her husband, the head of her husband is Christ and the head of Christ is God- 1 Corinthians 11:3. Imagine this with me. Take a knife & cut my head off (not really, but you know), and cut my husbands head off.. and cut Christ's head off. Take my husband's head & place it on my body. Take Christ's head and place it on my husband. Where does my head go?! To my one day children. But as of right now, my head is gone & my husband's head is sitting on it. Which means my husband and I are ONE & HE is loving ME like HE would LOVE his own body. WHEN I look to my husband's body, on HIS head is CHRIST. So, as I SUBMIT myself to my husband, I'm really submitting my BODY to CHRIST. So it sure makes it a lot easier to submit to someone.. when the wife is constantly looking at CHRIST.
8. Stay snatched. I learned that you have to bend in the way you look. You are no longer dressing "cute" for anybody else but first your husband. My husband wasn't crazy about my blonde hair-- so now it's dark brown with highlights. I had to meet him in the middle. We work out to stay healthy & look good for each other. You gotta maintain this area. There is not thrown' down on KFC & Big Macs for dinner in our home. We eat HEALTHY meals. WE need to be around for a long time to preach, write books and everything else.
9. God speaks to my husband better than me. Umm. yeah. This was a fun one to learn. I used to nag in the beginning of our marriage. HE NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND. Girl, bye. That man just went into the man cave of his heart & he won't be coming out anytime soon. I learned to rest & place my trust in God concerning my husband. YES, I still addressed issues in our marriage but at times, God would tell me to shut it up because HE was handling it. WE are help-meets. So are you helping or hindering him? Make sure you move out of the way so your guy can hear from God.
10. My husband has my best interest at heart. I had to learn to trust him in this area. I had been SO hurt in past relationships. I had to LET my guard down & trust the GOD in him to lead our family, not abandon our marriage and to believe the best. EVEN in times IN our marriage where we said.. "WHY did I MARRY YOU!?" Yes-- we've had our share of arguments. Fights will happen. Things happen in marriage. God weans you and at times, it sure doesn't feel good. But it's for your good. If you just stick it out, you'll see the fruit of it. Our first thought shouldn't divorce.. but reconciliation. LOVE bears up under ANYTHING. (1 Cor 13:4)
11. NEVER SLEEP APART. Even if you're arguing. FORCE your mad tail right back into bed. Don't let your spouse run you out of your bed. Arguments WILL happen. It's marriage. The bible tells us "not to let the sun go down while you're still angry"-Ephesians 4:26. Don't get in the habit of running out of your bed when you're upset. You'll create a habit of sleeping apart.. or in other places. No matter HOW bad the fight is.. tears & all, I know my husband and I will be right in that bed together that night. Thankfully, we don't fight as much as we did the first year. lol Matter of fact, we don't really fight at all anymore. We have mastered peace.
12. Code Words: How have we mastered peace? Code words are your friend. If my husband and I get into an argument, we say "JESUS"-- meaning ALL arguments cease & we will not continue this conversation any further until our emotions settle.
13. God can give you the hook up. I remember one day I was upset with Cornelius and God told me as I went for a drive-- "Heather, I created and know Cornelius. I can tell you how he functions & give you the inside on how to use wisdom with Him." Ummmm.. why didn't I THINK of that?! Thanks Jesus! :) lol
14. My husband takes longer to cool down then me. If we have a heated discussion-- I can forgive and get over it in 2 minutes. My husband may need longer to settle down. I've learned to pull back and give him space to hear from God.
15. Marriage is best, done God's way. So stop watching stupid reality TV shows of pretend marriages because you're comparing it to somebody's highlight reel of a marriage and then they end up divorced in a year. Your home is your vacation home. (that's what I call ours) Make it beautiful ladies. Be his cheerleader. Love him like crazy, spend a ton of time with God & let Him lead you.
I am sensing in my spirit some people that may not feel like their spouse is really living for God. Sis, I want to encourage you to "win him over with your quiet & gentle spirit"- 1 peter 3:1. Just cling to God and believe the BEST. If he acts a fool, cook him breakfast and ask him if he needs anything else. PLEASE believe, I'm telling you to do it because I DID it. There's times where I thought we may not work out after a HUGE argument. I got quiet before God and I recall God's spirit spoke to me.. He said that His spirit was grieved because of the argument. He told me to forgive my husband and ask my husband to forgive me for what was said. Even though my feelings were still upset.. I still got my tail up & cooked. Pursue.. PEACE. THINGS will get better. Stay encouraged.
And Happy Anniversary to my king. I adore you.
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