What IS the purpose of dating?! This is an opportunity for you to check out that’s person’s get down! How do they deal with conflict? Do they really do what the bible says to do? What are their issues? Do they compromise? How do they treat me when they are angry? What are their vision & standards? Ok, in seeing all of that--can I LIVE with this person for the rest of my life?
Do you REALLY think that you can figure all of that out if you are in a emotionally based relationship built on the foundation of SEX? NO! Do you see how deceptive sex can be before marriage?! Yeah, it may feel good but in all honesty, it’s got you ALL messed up. The only way I was able to see the above is because Cornelius and I didn’t kiss. I saw him for WHO he really was! KISSING is foreplay. What is foreplay? Foreplay prepares you for SEX. So why even kiss someone unless you plan on preparing to have sex with them? You are just going to want more..and more..and more, then oops. Then, sex becomes your foundation for your relationship. Sex is GREAT in marriage—but it’s NOT the most important thing. You may have sex for 1 hour out of the day—and you still got 23 hours to communicate and deal with this person who is all up in your space.
So, the dating process with Cornelius for me was ROUGH. Why? IT’s because I had to get rid of that old sorry way of thinking. I had to learn to develop emotionally with Cornelius without relying on my emotions & being physical to sustain the relationship. It was built on the word of God. So yes, living this way is going to COST you something. It didn’t FEEL good. There was a lot of RESIDUE and mess in me from the past that I had to yank up.
So, we finally kissed. What was it like?! I've been asked this question many times! It was surreal. It was so cool to be able to kiss him after studying and developing with him for almost two years. It was soooooooo worth the WAIT!! And people say, what if you don't have chemistry? Chemistry is a INWARD thang before it happens on the outside. A person can be FINE as can be on the outside, but if you have no "chemistry" with them in talking, it's a no go. And we had "Chemistry" from day one, so it legally exploded on our wedding night. Yes.
Romans 12:1- Present your bodies unto God has a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable. So, if I am presenting this NOTE to you, I aint the note—I’m the presenter. So if you are presenting your BODY to God, it aint yours! You are supposed to do what He told you to do with it. I challenge you today to REFOCUS & figure it out. God has something better for your relationships. Stop settling & expecting better results. Let’s go higher.
I love this!!! Yes its going to be a challenge but the question is what you will and wont for God who puts breathe in your body, the God who will never leave you nor forsake you.
ReplyDeleteWell Ive been celibate for a few years and have not considered excluding kissing. I've refrained from so much already, and cuddling is not sexual at all, can you at least do that?
ReplyDeleteThis ia a huge inspiration! I thought I was crazy to wait
ReplyDeleteI have some serious respect for you, Heather! You are a great inspiration. God Bless you and your marriage a million times!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work, i'm 19....still trying to figure out a life with Jesus, and how to keep them boys away....can you post stuff up for teenagers like me :). thanks
ReplyDeleteYes! I'm actually about to post a blog on "How to Live for Christ in High School & College!" :) I'm here if you have any specific questions! Askheatherlove@gmail.com
DeleteI agree with Anonymous above. I just got out of a relationship with a guy I dated for 3 years. I honestly felt like with spiritual & mental growth, he was the ONE. Neither one of us have kids, he is very intelligent, but extremely immature. So I recently moved to another city to break away from that relationship. I believe God gave me signs throughout my relationship to stop putting my boyfriend first, but I did not listen. My problem now is filling that void but keeping my #pinkypromise. I do accept your challenge Heather. But it is difficult not knowing when or who you will marry. Which is something I always desired. I still keep in contact with my ex because it's hard to let go completely and I feel I invested SO much time with him. What is your advice as far as maintaining a friendship with an ex?
ReplyDeleteI don't recommend it b/c you both have already been there physically! I would also refer to my blog: Can Guys & Girls Be.. Just Friends? I think that you'll just put yourself back in that romantic place because that is what you were "used" too. Especially if you're lonely or bored. I encourage your past to stay in your past. xoxo
Deletethis was awesome. i am 27 years old and i have dealt with the same guy since i was 17. our "relationship" was built on everything but God. I am so happy that I have moved on from that situation. I know that my past has purpose and I can only learn from the mistakes I have made. Thankful for articles such as this one that I can go to on my journey of getting closer to God.
ReplyDeleteI love your post.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful story to read. THanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHi, Heather! This story and your entire journey is absolutely beautiful! You are such an inspiration!! Could you please give me your advice on my situation? Here's my story: I was dating a guy for 4 years and we got married 3 years ago. I thought he was the one. He was PERFECT, or so I thought. We were doing the long distance relationship for much of our relationship due to school and work, even after we got married we were apart for the first 1.5 years. We finally moved in together and I found out that he is very emotionally, mentally, and psychologically abusive. He is downright mean. I am a Christian and he "told" me that he was, too during our courtship. I acknowledge that I certainly have a long way to go to live like Christ would like me to, but I am trying. But my husband doesn't even try. He lies, stays out all night, swears like a sailor, calls me names, drinks himself into oblivion, has been threatening divorce since week 1, etc. In fact, he admitted that he doesn't know if he believes in God. So, now, I feel lost, like I was duped, and that he pretended to be everything I wanted in a man until he had me. I am not the biggest fan of divorce, but I feel that they only way my husband will change is with the help of God, but I know that he has to want to do better, but I don't know if he ever will. I pray and ask for guidance and I feel that all the red flags that God has given me along the way (that I ignored) were signs to GET OUT before more time is wasted! We have no kids and no major assets together. How do you feel about situations like this? I'm 30 and have my entire life ahead of me.
ReplyDeleteHey love, my heart breaks for you. I know it isn't easy. And with ANY of our spouses-- if they up & decide too.. ONE day, can just quit on God & everything else. The bible is clear-- Adultry is excusable for divorce. Yes, God hates it-- but when one steps outside of the marriage & cheats & refuses to repent & change-- you CAN leave. YOU must do what GOD is telling you to do. If it's in heart your spirit to stay & keep working things out-- do so. There's many things I don't share in my blogs that I've gone through with my husband. Although it isn't the same as the above, it was a hurdle I had to trust God with. I encourage you to get Debi Pearls "Created to Be His Helpmeet"--it helped me greatly in my marriage. I'm praying for you honey. I would never tell you to leave or stay-- but to pull away & get on your face before God & let Him lead your every step. Don't lose hope. God is great. xoox Heather
DeleteHi Heather,
DeleteI was wondering where in the bible it is clear that adultery is excusable for divorce. For some reasons, I thought it was not ok under any circumstance.
thank you :)
he Bible gives two clear grounds for divorce: (1) sexual immorality (Matthew 5:32; 19:9) and (2) abandonment by an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:15). Even in these two instances, though, divorce is not required or even encouraged. The most that can be said is that sexual immorality and abandonment are grounds (an allowance) for divorce. Confession, forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration are always the first steps. Divorce should only be viewed as a last resort.
DeleteWhat is the point of saving myself for marriage when all God uses are people who have been there/done that?
ReplyDeleteIf you could understand the HELL I went through jumping from relationship to relationship.. this crazy world NEEDS some people that will WAIT. THOSE people are used greatly by God as well to encourage others to NOT go down that route as they were a living example of staying a virgin until they are married. I went through so much.. that I would never wish on anyone. Living outside of Christ is NEVER worth it.
DeleteI found your blog at the right time in my life!
ReplyDeleteso how do you stop cuddling and all, i mean i and my bf dont hv sex, keeping ourselves for marriage, but the whole kissing and cuddling part is really hard, you kiss and it goes further. How do you advice stopping? we both love the Lord dearly and hv tried to stop but i know we cant do it on our own without involving Christ,
ReplyDeletedo you have a post for when engaged? like how to stay focused on Christ, and overcome the temptations that seem higher when close to walking down the aisle?
ReplyDeleteHeather, you are AWESOME! I am so glad to find someone like you that believes in what I believe in. I actually came across you from my niece, Ashley Flores, I am so very proud of her. I am a mother of three, 20, 19,(both young men) and 16 (daughter). You are so encouraging and very much needed. My story is not bad actually. I courted my now ex-husband for 10yrs then married him (20yrs) and all along he was not the one. He was in church when we met but then fell off. I am a Christian and involved in church ministries and know nothing else. So as we went along, I continued to pray for us and he will change. After 30yrs of being together and 3 beautiful children he hasn't. I never saw myself divorced and I would not have believed it if someone told me. God opened my eyes and lead me from this marriage, I honestly believe that, because I prayed about it and spoke with him about. My (ex) always said, "I don't have a problem you have the problem". He stuck with that until the end. Now divorced and loving it, I have remained faithful because I knew God never makes a mistake and he must have had my Soulmate for me. To make this short, I have met someone who is God-fearing, loving, caring, involved in the ministries, and happiest when he is giving to others. He is Awesome! He knows God is the head of his life, as God is mine, and is continuing to focus on him. I never felt this Joy and Happiness I have now. He brings out the best in me. I am a believer of "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you". After I got back to seeking God for all things he added to my life. I have the Joy, Happiness, Peace, Love, and Respect that I truly deserve. We complete each other and I can relate to the no kissing part because we have been courting for 1yr and 4 months and it is great. Never putting our self in a situation of being alone for that temptation. Communication is definitely a key to success in a relationship. So this is what I am striving to spill over into my children's life. My 19yr old is so deep into the word of God until it bring tears to my eyes every time I think about it and shout Hallelujah! My 20yr old has a girlfriend and is finding his way and my 16yr old is still not dating or courting or anything, Praise God! So I am trying to keep her in the word and busy with his works to keep her on the right track. So continue to do what you do because I will continue to follow and print your stories for my children to encourage them. Thanks and Congratulations to you and your husband.
ReplyDeleteLOVE this post. thanks for keeping it 100!!
ReplyDeleteHeather, God has indeed chosen you! I read your posts and they are so genuine, so much that I can totally relate to you! I pray for God's upholding grace to be in abundance to all that you stand for and I declare that God will indeed preserve your testimony in Jesus' name. Love you so much more! *hugs and kisses*
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you and your family
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend & I have to decided to stop kissing bc we have fallen into temptation many times due to it. We are excited to go higher in God & make our relationship pleasing to Him. God is faithful I thank Him for giving us another chance. I want to encourage those who have slipped up in their relationship if u know in ur heart that he is for u be willing to fight for it in Jesus name & refocus ur relationship back on God. He is the only one who can bring restoration. Thank u Heather this has truly helped me
ReplyDeleteSo I know I'm alittle late commenting on old blog posts. Sorry, but my friend just told me about you &Im about to graduate college in December &I really want to do & be better for God &myself, I want to be happy &enjoy life I'm only 22! I've been reading the oldest ones to the newer ones &your blogs have my eyes watering, so I'm writing to you b/c this one hit a nerve it was so Beautiful congrats to you...My question if you've cuddled, kissed, had sexual relations with a guy that you think has potential to be the one could we stopped all of that &go higher (if both parties are willing) & still have a positive outcome with each other and God or is it ruined with no way of building a foundation together and we should just stop talking or strictly be only platonic friends seeing how were about to live in 2 different states soon anyway (he's in the military about to graduate college in May &become an commissioned Air Force Officer stationed in FL)?
ReplyDeleteI'm not gonna lie, I kiss, but I believe that with my significant other, because of our expectations, it is not foreplay. We never put ourselves in a position where it would feel tempting. To this day I am a 28 year old virgin. And proud of it. I see what others go through and when I DO become tempted, I look at what they have gone through and are going through and I remember to abstain until I say I DO. Thanks for this post.
ReplyDeletethis is awesome! im 22 and still a virgin waiting for marriage and no kissing on the way lol!!! cant wait for more of your vids xxx
ReplyDelete