Holiday Blues?

So, it’s time for the Holidays (Thanksgiving + Christmas), plus it’s time for a ton of engagements. If you’re currently in a season right now where you’re not completely satisfied with your portion, I want to encourage you today.

Don’t let the questions and interviews from your family distract you from the season that you’re in.

If you’re single – they want to know why you don’t have a man as they try to give you advice on how to get and find one.

Then, if you’re newly married –everyone is going to have the best marriage advice that works for your marriage. And, they will be questioning you on when you’re going to have kids. They know that you were only married for 2.3 months but they want a child.
Then, if you’ve had a couple kids, they want to know when you’re going to stop or what form of birth control are you using. They will also tell you how you need to raise your children. (Although they may have some good tips, take those and reject the bad stuff)

Do you see the trend? Don’t let your family’s discontentment rub off on you. They may come from a good place, but if you know that God hasn’t opened those doors for a reason, then you have to be so sure of your identity in Christ, that you won’t let what anyone else says ruffle your feathers.

Identity defined: “The fact of being who or what a person or thing is”

Let's look at these scriptures:

Ephesians 1:5 "He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will."

Romans 6:6 "For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin."

Genesis 1:27 "So God created mankind in HI sown image, in the image of God He created them, male and female He created them."

Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you a prophet to the nations."

1 Peter 2:9 "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s royal special possession, that you may declare the praises to Him who called you out of darkness."

Whew.

So, if you know that you IDENTITY is this: 
1. You belong to Jesus Christ.
2. He adopted you as His own.
3. Your old man is gone, so you no longer think, act and pursue what the world pursues.
4. You’re created in His image, so there’s nothing “wrong with the way you look.”
5. Before you were even born, God assigned you with a purpose and a PATH for your life, this path won’t look like anybody else’s path.

It’s very easy for me to lovingly correct family members (or anyone else) if they say things that are out of line. I know my lane. I know my identity. I know what I am called to do. I know who I am. When you are confident in your identity in Christ and WHO He called you to be, you can stand firm in where God has placed you in this season because you TRUST HIM and HIS timing.

So, if you’re getting any of the:

“You’re not getting any older.”

“Your clock is ticking.”

“You better hurry up.”

“You need more of this or that.”

Remind them that:

“The plans that God has for you are so good and at the right TIME, you will be sure to let them know of the great things that He has done.”

Show the love of Christ through your EXAMPLE of patience. This generation is very impatient and NEVER satisfied. But you, my sister, are satisfied and content with your portion.

Anybody can get a ring. You don’t just wanna bring any o’le man to the house. You want a godly man sent by the Lord. Generations will be affected by your obedience.

And, rejoice with your godly friends that get engaged this season. I went through a season where everyone was getting engaged and God was telling me to break things off with my then boyfriend. I’m like JESUS. You mean to tell me that I have to START all over? And while they’re planning weddings, I am over here – still single?
It was during that season that I really turned to scripture to see who I was in Christ. I asked myself a few questions:
1. Am I still valuable as a single? YES
2. Does God still have a purpose for me right now? YES
3. Do I want to be married?  YES

But, more than wanting to be married – was recognizing that I am valuable right now and I have purpose right now. I never ignored my desire to get married. I never ignored my desire to have children or even a good marriage. I prayed for those things. I prayed for a godly man as a single. I prayed for godly children – even after our miscarriage.

Although my desires were THERE, my attention shifted to knowing my IDENITY.  When I became confident in WHO God called me to be, I became content in Heather alone – free from titles and whatever else. I didn’t NEED (this or that) in order to be satisfied. I was satisfied with our without those things.

If you’re finding yourself in the midst of conflict this Thanksgiving with family or friends – my best advice would be to pursue PEACE. You cannot change those family members. What is the point of getting involved in meaningless conversations that bring drama?

Philippians 2:14 says “Do everything without complaining or arguing.”
2 Timothy 2:23-24 says, “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.”

There are certain conversations and discussions that I will not engage in. For example, if you know that a certain family supports the LGBT community and rallies against it every year and you do not – then why argue with them AGAIN this year about it? Instead, pray that their eyes will be opened to the truth. Pray that they will see God’s design for marriage. And, when you ask about it- lovingly tell them: “we are going to agree to disagree on this one. Let’s just enjoy dinner. How’s your job going?”

As believers, we must have some fruit of the spirit – or self-control in our lives. I believe that living for Jesus will plant seeds in your families heart that will encourage them to live for Jesus!

So, this holiday season – let’s pursue peace, be content in our portion, refuse to engage in silly arguments and walk by faith.

--

Few Things:

1. The 2017 Pinky Promise Conference was EVERYTHING!!! Like literally. Here's the night I taught on "Running From God." Registration is open NOW! www.pinkypromiseconference.com 

2. Ah, I'm SO excited that the Pinky Promise Movement page has a new look! Check it out HERE. 

3. ALSO, the Pinky Promise Boutique has a new look too PLUS a ton of cute MODEST, FAB, CLOTHES, jewelry, promise rings, clothes, journals, etc! Check it out HERE.

4. Be sure to check my calendar to see if I'm in your city soon! (under Calendar)

5. Are you in Atlanta? Come and visit our church! We are in Sandy Springs! The Gathering Oasis Church - we meet at the Galloway Private School in the Amphitheatre. 215 W Wieuca Rd NW Atlanta, GA 30327 every Sunday at 10AM EST.

5. My New Book, Silent Seasons was on the Amazon Best Seller's List as the #1 in New Releases and in Religious for 5 weeks! ahh!! Find it HERE.  or on Amazon/Kindle/Ibooks/Audio Book.

6. My dear friends, Havilah Cunnington and Lisa Bevere have an amazing 12 part series titled #MomOfMen - teaching you how to raise godly children. Sign up now and recieve a FREE e-book. You can sign up HERE.

God loves you like crazy,
Love always,

Heather Lindsey

Rocking one of my favorite dresses from the Pinky Pomise Boutique!

"I Don't Feel Loved In My Marriage"

As I was scrolling through social media, I came across a blog with these words, " I don't feel loved in my marriage so I am leaving it."

My heart literally broke in two because I wondered how many people were reading this blog and forming an opinion of their marriage because at some point or another, you have felt that way in your marriage. I also wondered how many single people were reading the blog and forming an unrealistic idea of marriage. I'm currently writing a book on marriage so I figured I would share a snippet of a chapter because that blog literally lined up with what I was talking about in that chapter.

How many times has my husband felt unloved by me in the about 10 years we've been together?
Too many to count. 

How many times have I felt unloved by my husband?
Too many to count. 

Is my marriage headed towards divorce?
Absolutely not.

How many times has God felt unloved by you?
Too many times to count

How many times have you ran from Jesus?
Too many times to count. 

As a believer,  love the example of Jesus. He gives me perspective on every relationship, including my marriage. What happens when Jesus doesn't feel loved by you? What if He just left you? What if He just quit on you? Does Jesus make you happy 100%? It's impossible to make you happy all of the time because we are made up of this flesh, carnal nature. One minute we are living for Jesus and the next minute, we think about and want things that we know that we can't have.

 Listen to me - to everyone who is single or married and never forget this:

Just because you don't at times feel loved in your marriage, it is not an excuse to leave it. The danger in leaving your marriage for someone who "loves" you better is that you may get more of what you think you need in order to be happy while compromising in another area. He may touch you more, clean up around the house and work a job but he may also be touching another woman. Your husband was a great leader, he just didn't use words of affirmation. The next man will post about you all day and night and affirm you but that's about it. He's a terrible leader and spiritually, you have to lead the marriage because he gives you the control. Maybe your last husband had no job and your new boo is a lawyer. But instead of coming home to you he works and travels non-stop. Any free time he does have, he goes to the bar with his buddies. Pick your poison. Every marriage gets to work OUT their marriage to make it work. There's GOING to be conflict along the way. The question before I do is, "Find out his issue and see if you can live with it for the rest of your life." Because.. it may never change. But, I am talking to those of you who are currently married.

If our measuring stick for leaving your marriage is "I don't feel loved" then it's simply NOT good enough. Yes, you may be going through a tough time. Yes, your husband may not understand you, Yes you may be frustrated but do you remember your vows? "For Better or For Worse" will get tested. No HUMAN on this entire earth is going to be able to make you happy 100% of the time. The fight you're fighting is a spiritual one, not a physical one. Your enemy is NOT your spouse, its the devil. Some of you are in marriages right now and it's a pretty healthy marriage, you just have some areas where you're not happy. You've grown WEARY. You constantly wait for him to "change" but he never does. So, then do you just leave? So, you have this good man but this man doesn't meet up to the image of who you think he should be in your head?

Who told you that he has to be some other image?

Social media? Comparing your marriage to another marriage? Your family? A friend who recently divorced and bashes all marriages? Your messy single friends or that one single friend that would love to be married to your man?

Maybe it's not your spouse? Maybe it's you? Maybe you're completely unlovable. Maybe you're constantly psychoanalyzing him, trying to be his mama, maybe you treat him like trash and disrespect him. Maybe you nag and criticize him into a corner.

No, I cannot cheer you on for leaving.

Please hear my heart that I do understand cases where there's divorce and it's unwanted. Maybe your husband left you and ran off with some 18 year old. Maybe he cheated so many times or maybe he has physically abused you to the point where you are FORCED to leave. Now, I am not talking to those cases. That is called abandonment and it's NEVER ok for him to treat you that way. I am specifically talking to men that actually come home to their wives, he works an honest job, goes to church and he is TRYING to be good to you. You may not see all of the effort that you want to see, but you see SOME of it.

Isn't it crazy how we focus on what our spouse is doing but we don't make them 100% happy? Kinda hypocritical right? (And, I'm talking to myself too)

How do I know that you may not be the most loveable person at times?

Because I was her.

I was the most complaining, "higher than thou" wife. My husband felt like nothing that he did was good enough for me. That nagging, complaining, discontent spirit from my single days showed its ugly face in my marriage.

So, what do I do when I don't feel loved in my marriage?

I love.
Let me challenge you with this:

1 Corinthians 13:1-10 tells us:
"If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.
 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love."

Did you read verse 4? It says that Love is PATIENT.

What does patience mean?
The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset:

Whoa.
So, I'm supposed to love without getting upset? But HE troubled me. He made me suffer. He ignored me! He won't get a job! He won't touch me and he knows my love language is TOUCH. He really hurt me in the past. He cheated on me. YES, I forgive him and we moved on but I have a hard time being patient with him.

Love doesn't demand it's own way. 

"You don't LISTEN. I am more spiritual. I am better with money. I am a better leader. I have more schooling. Let's do it THIS way."

It's it amazing that we are serving in the church, helping people and doing all of these things but we don't love the person that we share a bed with? That is your first ministry. Your HOME ministry. You hate your own husband. How can we say that we really love Jesus but we hate the one we are ONE with?

I like 1 John 4:20, it says "If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?"

But Heather, my husband ain't saved. He hasn't cheated or anything but he won't turn to Jesus. I want to leave!

1 Peter 3:1 tells us, "In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by your quiet and gentle spirit."

I can tell you this. With every test of "love" I have passed, GOD HAS REWARDED ME. In those times where I wanted to leave my marriage or run - I STAYED and ENDURED and TRUSTED God to change ME and my spouse. (Guess that's what happens when two alpha personalities marry!) AND I watched God grow our love, our ministry, and our life anoint us for our obedience. I have watched the Lord use my husband to reveal my heart and weaknesses. I have watched myself change and get better because of those tough times.

It takes NOTHING to quit on your marriage. Your marriage will force you to grow, mature, develop and CHANGE. If your marriage has grown apart, it's because you let it. Don't give satan an open door. Don't let him in to destroy your marriage. Do your part, God will reward you!

If you're fighting with your spouse now - text him right now and go get your marriage back. Don't give the devil an open door into your life or marriage. Not now, not tomorrow or the next day.

I challenge you right now to write out 10 things that you love about your spouse. Starting, now. Focus on those things vs. what he isn't doing.

I see God healing marriages right now. I see restoration in broken marriages right now. I see hope again.

In Jesus name.

God loves you like crazy,

Love always,
Heather Lindsey

1. The 2017 Pinky Promise Conference was EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like literally. Here's the night I taught on "Running From God." Registration is open now! www.pinkypromiseconference.com 

2. Ah, I'm SO excited that the Pinky Promise Movement page has a new look! Check it out HERE. 

3. ALSO, the Pinky Promise Boutique has a new look too PLUS a ton of cute MODEST, FAB, CLOTHES, jewelry, promise rings, clothes, journals, etc! Check it out HERE.

4. Be sure to check my calendar to see if I'm in your city soon! (under Calendar)

5. Are you in Atlanta? Come and visit our church! We are in Sandy Springs! The Gathering Oasis Church - we meet at the Galloway Private School in the Amphitheatre. 215 W Wieuca Rd NW Atlanta, GA 30327 every Sunday at 10AM EST.

5. My New Book, Silent Seasons was on the Amazon Best Seller's List as the #1 in New Releases and in Religious for 5 weeks! ahh!! Find it HERE.  or on Amazon/Kindle/Ibooks/Audio Book.

6. My dear friends, Havilah Cunnington and Lisa Bevere have an amazing 12 part series titled #MomOfMen - teaching you how to raise godly children. Sign up now and recieve a FREE e-book. You can sign up HERE.

Our wedding day :) 8/14/10