Monday, October 24, 2016

"How To Recognize A Woman Collector"

What is a collector? A collector is a man or a woman that collects people and keeps them around that they aren't 100% sold on. They do this because they like certain aspects about you, but it's not enough to full commit to you. So, they collect relationships in their phone and they reach out just enough to keep you hanging on a string. When you begin to complain about not getting enough time or energy, they either get upset, disappear only to return another day or they are very apologetic. All three tactics are to keep you around -- still, without commitment. 

Don't get me wrong, men and women can both be collectors. If I can keep it real, I was once a collector, so it defintely happens. But, because I like to talk directly to my sisters and preach to them because I am one, I am going to refer towards men. 

These men will sleep with you, take you out on dates, text you late at night when they're bored and find ways to keep you around just enough where you will be waiting and hoping that there's a chance for a relationship. Although you may not recognize it, they pick you up off of the shelf and put you back on the shelf as they feel led. They don't respect nor value you. They would never see themselves marrying you and can cut you off the moment they meet someone they really want to be with. 

I actually dated a guy like that on and off for about seven years. SEVEN YEARS. Everytime he would text me, I would get so excited. I was always hoping that we would one day work out.. (I thought in my head.) But, all the while, he continued to have babies by other women and he made zero effort to pursue me. Only, when it was convenient. "I wasn't like other women. I was like his best friend that understood him." (honey, that's a lie) He only really reached out when he was in town, when him and his 10 other women weren't working out. When he was bored. And, I let him. So, I now blame myself for even entertaining that foolishness as a single. Of course, I have forgiven myself :) But, if I can encourage you to recognize a collector, cut him off quickly. 

The Dream

I remember having this dream about him and in the dream, I was walking with him and we were going down different pathways together and at the end of each pathway was a different woman. I would watch him flirt with her and completely ignore me. I was so mad in my dream because there were SO many women. Then, I heard the Lord say, "Let him go Heather, there is no profit in this relationship." 

Well, needless to say, that was the last time I dealt with him. What a waste of time! I was hoping and praying that this guy would see my worth and value. The thing is, he talked all the good talk. When I got saved, He talked about the bible/Jesus with me. Then, right before the dream, he told me that God told him that I was supposed to be his wife. (#BoyBye) 

The crazy thing is, based on the worlds standards, this guy looked amazing on paper. He had it together from the worlds standpoint. Huge figure salary and all. But, biblically, we were absolutely unequally yoked. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says: Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? I was almost willing to FORCE it to work because of our "history." I can assure you that I would NOT be doing what I am doing today if he was my leader or my head in marriage. I would have TEAMED up with darkness and absolutely settled in that relationship. I knew we had little in common, except. History. 

I am thankful that the Lord shut that relationship down and that next year, I met my now husband. One of the first questions Cornelius asked me was "Who helps me carry my groceries?" Now, if I was entertaining the woman collector, then I would have had that answer for him. And, we may not have talked because godly men want a godly woman, not a woman that jumps from man to man, looking for worth and value. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I forgave the woman collector after that dream and I understood that he wasn't a believer, (even though he claimed to be, his life clearly proved otherwise) so I am sharing this so that you won't be deceived and hurt when he marries the woman he really wants to be with. 

It's important that even if this guy goes to your church, that you recognize a woman collector. So, yes, he can be in the church, serving, praying and SILL struggle with this area. Just because he is in church doesn't mean that he believes what is being preached. Hey may, just like attention and you give it to him. This is why it's vital that we test every spirit. "Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.” (1 John 4:1). Testing the spirits means that one must know how to “examine the Scriptures.” Rather than accept every teaching, discerning Christians diligently study the Scriptures. Then YOU know what the Bible says and therefore can “test all things and hold fast to what is true.” In order to do this, a Christian must “be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). The Word of God is to be “a lamp” and “a light” to our path (Psalm 119:105). We must let its light shine on the teachings and doctrines of the day; the Bible alone is the standard by which all truth must be judged. 

Now, if you're looking at that man to be the priest of your household, then it's VITAL that you have a relationship with Jesus for yourself so that the Holy Spirit can WARN you ahead of time of those guys that are seeking to string you along. He may be sweet with his words, but the Holy Spirit can read between those lines and tell you that you're getting played. 

The danger in getting wrapped up in these relationships is that you create an entire life with someone who is creating a life with someone else. Your number and time is just there when times get rough or they're fighting for the zillionth time. He will tell you whatever lies he can to keep you around, to sleep with you just one more time and whatever else. You are being USED. Let the little birdie fly and go get focused on what God has called you to do. 

WHAT a waste of time!! The bible tells us to fill our minds with GOOD things that are worthy of report, not stalking that man's social media and wondering if he is going to call you back. My sister, it doesn't TAKE all of that. YOU are worth SO much more. A godly man wouldn't take a chance on losing you to another. So, he won't play games. 

So, if you recognize one of these guys, cut them off. Or, if you are one of these people, just stop it. You're sowing some pretty nasty seeds. You won't want to see the harvest of heartbreak over and over again because it may  happen to you. Don't keep people around to stroke your ego. Don't lead people on. Instead, pursue Jesus with all of your heart. 

The biggest thing I hearing the Lord say while writing this is that these types of relationships are DISTRACTIONS. Big distractions to get you off course. Let's get back on course, block the collectors in every way and press forward to the mark of the high calling through Jesus Christ! You're unavailability single. 

Just a few things:

1. Find my (5) books (including my NEW book, "The Purpose Room"), purity rings, shirts & all that good stuff via!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under: Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 10:30am. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  3600 Snapfinger Rd Lithonia, GA 30038

4. Register for the 2017 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year so you don't want to miss out!

5. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 50,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:

6. We are headed on a Revival Tour to Kenya, Nigeria, London and Capetown. Register here: 

God loves you like crazy,
Love always,

Heather Lindsey


  1. Lord have mercy, you are preaching right here. I was kept hanging around for ten years, contacted almost daily and visited twice or thrice a week without fail, then he met a woman and committed to her in a fortnight. Funny, I have forgiven him but not myself. Who allows herself to be used for a decade, who does that? And in any case, the woman was a decade younger than I, a million times prettier than I - and moreover was a 'good woman with much value' as he explained to me. How, for a DECADE, did I not see he thought of me as a bad woman with no value? Self-forgiveness is proving very difficult. I could have met a godly man in that time but instead am here, lonely, broken and full of self-reproach and the most painful of unanswered questions...

    1. Thinking 'if this or if that ...' won't change the past. The situation has happened & now you have to get yourself together and move on. Thank God He showed you this man's true colours now & you won't be on 'his shelf' for another decade.

      You are special, you are good enough & truly valuable. Things can only get better from here because you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you, including forgiving yourself!!!

  2. This had definitely designated to my soul! I can say that I am guilty of this at the moment. It is hard when you care for someone, and don't want to leave because you don't want to hurt their feelings.. or if they are more serious than you are, ESPECIALLY when a child is involved. Not my child, but a connection has been established. LIFE and choices, great man, but maybe not for me! I don't want anyone being hurt on my behalf! Pray for me����

  3. I am currently in this situation and as hard as it may seem,il do just advised by Heather because even before reading this,I always knew at the back of my mind he is wrong for me.Thank you Heather,God bless you.

  4. This was for me. Thank you Lord God.

  5. Thank You For Sharing This Wisdom. THANK GOD AND THE HOLY SPIRIT for knocking this knowledge into me

  6. A-2-Da-Men!!!! This is so humbling...sigh

  7. I dated one for a couple years and it was absolute torture and confusion. I was mad at myself because I allowed him to use me for all those years just to leave and be with the person he really wanted. Heather you really helped me during that time when I decided that from here on out I'm going to focus on God. I'm happy to say that I'm now happily married! No more confusion!


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