Tuesday, November 19, 2013

"Feeling like Second Best?"

Ever been in a situation where someone left you or choose someone else over you? You're attacked with the thoughts:

1. Why wasn't I good enough??
2. Why didn't they make the effort with ME but made it with them?
3. God, will I ever meet someone that will love me for me?
4. What could have I done differently to make the relationship work?
5. Whatever else

Honestly sis, NO matter WHAT-- GOD closed that door. Yes, GOD was protecting you!! I know it didn't feel good, I know you didn't feel loved. I know you felt used, abandoned and rejected but lets be honest sis, God had to close a door that YOU should have never opened. Ask yourself where you were when you started that relationship with him. You had butterflies, you texted that random all day but deep down in your heart.. you had this check that said "danger." But he was fine, said he loves Jesus and whatever else but you know DEEP down that HE wasn't right for you! Maybe you told God, "I'm going to make this work, I'm tired of being single & lonely" or whatever else. Or maybe you KNEW homeboy wasn't saved in the first place but you wanted you some sex, hoping that it would make you feel good again, but you KEPT coming up EMPTY. Then, dysfunction took place (as if it was a surprise) and NOW you're dealing with the consequences of ignoring God-- which is a broken heart.

Sis, God longs to heal every part of your broken heart. He longs to bring you to a place of peace and joy again.

You have to realize this. 

1. That God closes doors for your protection 
2. He's much more concerned about your purpose than you feelings. He HAS to lead you back to the proper path and it may be painful.
3. You don't have to feel lonely & cry yourself to sleep every night. If you feel that way, it's God drawing you back by His spirit. He's JEALOUS for you. 
4. Everybody ain't for you, especially those random men that you choose to try to fill your voids. 
5. In order for God to take you where He wants to take you, you have to let go of the baggage from your PAST. 

I remember there was a time where I LOVED this guy. Well, I didn't know what love was, so I lusted him. I didn't know what love was-- I just wanted to feel accepted. I tried to make the relationship work for YEARS. We would get back together and break up again. We called each other "best friends" -- but we weren't really friends. We were void fillers for each other when the going got tough in other relationships. He would give me lip service & say that "one day we will get married"-- but he had no plans to marry me. He pretended to get saved and give his heart to Christ just because I told him I got saved & he knew I wouldn't marry a guy that wasn't saved. He still continued to try to give me lip service. Then, I had a dream that wrecked me. This was the dream:

I saw him from a distance talking to all these different girls. Each time I confronted him in the dream (8 different times) he made excuses for talking to each woman & said they were just "friends"-- but I could see him through this invisible wall FLIRTING with all of these women! Then, when after the 8th woman, I was screaming at him & the Lord said this SO loud: HEATHER, THERE IS NO PROFIT IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. LET IT GO. 

Do you know that those few words freed me? Everytime he texted me, I remembered.. "there's no profit in this relationship. It's not going anywhere."

What about you? Who are you still holding onto? Who has God showed you in a person but you're scared to let them go?

So today, your healing starts. No more worrying and wondering why a person doesn't love you. No more crying yourself to sleep. No more wishing things worked out with a man that treated you like crap. No more distractions!

We're going to do a few things together to walk in this freedom.

1. Repent to God for hanging around in relationships that we shouldn't be in. (1 John)
2. Cry it all out. Scream, yell, lay on the floor in your bedroom & cry out to God. Get it all out, then get up & leave those emotional & soul ties at the feet of Jesus.
3.You cannot get saved, give your heart to God but refuse to read your bible or guard your heart. If you sweep your house clean but refuse to fill it with Christ, 7 spirits more evil than the one that left you will return to your life & wreak havoc. (Luke 11:26). I also blogged about spending time with God here:
4. Block them from all social media & any messenger apps on your phone. Change you number if you have to. You MUST guard your heart! (Proverbs 4:23)
5. Surround yourself with believers & women that have a heart for God. Join a Pinky Promise group locally or start one yourself! You aren't in this thing alone!

You're not alone. Stay focused sis.
Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think modest, fashionable, affordable clothes for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out!www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 16,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. So sorry I haven't been blogging. I was in London, Texas, Alabama & the Bahamas this past 3 weeks & I am exhausted! I will be blogging more! 

God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey

(Me & Logan in the Bahamas! This is his first time experiencing the ocean!)


  1. This is right on point! I just wrote a blog about watching who you associate with and who you associate with is who you are. God bless and get some rest if you can!

  2. Thank you for this word! I am going through this right now and am desperately heartbroken...Thank you sis you are truly annointed and I thank God for His healing in advance!

  3. Thank you so much for answering my question. I feel so much stronger now

  4. Thank you,sis! I am going through exactly this situation RIGHT NOW and am desperately heartbroken...I needed this word...You are such a blessing to me, keep doing what you're doing...please pray for me. I'm believing God for His healing of my heart!

  5. This is right on point! I just wrote a blog about watching who you associate with and who you associate with is who you are. God bless and get some rest if you can!

  6. Thanx Heather... Went through the exact bestfriend/voidfiller situation with a guy for about 8years. I came to know Christ about to years ago and that's when God closed that door. 2years later I'm still single and not open to dating without a purpose cause I know the mess I came from when it comes to men. God has done a mighty work in me, but I sometimes (about 2-3times in a year) find myself saddened/crying over the "loss", which is in fact a gain. Anyway this is one of those times, and he's been on my mind for a while this time. Thank you for blogging this! So encouraging! So in season!

  7. I've waited for your next post like forever :) you are an inspiration Heather. I have never met a man who treats me well my entire life all the guys I meet always lie to me. I don't know what it is to be loved.
    I'm in a relationship but I am the one who does the calling texting, since the month started I haven't seen this guy he says he is busy at work its my birthday today and he forgot I had to remind him I have thought of breaking up with him but I haven't been able to I don't have the courage to do it, I know I should do it but for some reason I'm still holding on what does one do in such a situation

  8. Woe is me, Powerful words: ~THERE IS NO PROFIT IN THIS RELATIONSHIP LET IT GO!~

    I've been there too, my hope and prayers are for my many sisters looking for love in the wrong one.
    I am amazed at the number of women in Christ who do not trust Him to provide a Godly mate.

    God bless you for your openness and passion to encourage, uplift, and inspire women to keep focused on God, and place Him in the center of their lives.

  9. Love this!! My favorite lines: "I know you felt used, abandoned and rejected but lets be honest sis, God had to close a door that YOU should have never opened. Ask yourself where you were when you started that relationship with him. You had butterflies, you texted that random all day but deep down in your heart.. you had this check that said 'danger'."

    Story of my life. Red flags flying high and proud, but I was like NOPE those aren't for me! Ha! but God always knows.

  10. I am in this season of life right now. This has blessed me so much!! Thank you for your open heart and allowing Gods word to help you help others.

  11. Oh, wow! I have had some thought about a past relationship that I know God closed. Ever time I pray to God and ask him about this person, to reveal his heart to me. God always show me that he has not changed. Thank you Lord for confirmation !

  12. I went through a situation similar to this about seven years ago. When I think about it sometimes (if it randomly crosses my mind it hurts a little still). I thought I was in love. In my mind we were destined to be together. The plan was I would go to school, and he would go into the service. After I finished in three years we would get married and be happy. HA!!! What a joke. I'm so happy I can laugh about this today. He cheated on me with multiple women, gave me an STD and married one of the women he cheated on me with , they have a family, and I asked myself all of those questions posted in this blog. Sometimes I still ask myself those questions. What a total mess that was for me. My life was in a wreck all because I was blinded by lies and lip service. I knew better, but I was being young and stupid. I often times beat myself up for some of the stupid mistakes I have made on my own..but I'm thankful that God has given me a second chance to get my life together and not just go though the motions just be going through the motions. It's so much easier to just let God do the searching and finding for you opposed to you doing it for yourself. I'm thankful to God for you and your ministry. Because of your ministry, I have come to the full understanding as to how this things should be and how I'm supposed to be living my life. Thankful that God finally closed that door for me seven years ago, although it was a hard and rude awakening for me it didn't end as I would have liked for it to end and my life changed as a result of the same. God still gets my praise and my worship in spite of because it could be worse!! I know that God has not forgotten about me and that God can and will heal all of my pain. I give it to him daily and live my life today to honor God the best way I know how. I know now that relationship was never meant for me in the first place after everything was said and done. And that most off all everything that glitters certainly isn't gold!!!

  13. What if you're reaching the age of 30, and you notice that this has been an ongoing cycle for pretty much half of your life? like in my case for instance, I've prayed for many years that God will bring someone into my life, but each time I managed to get over someone (because the person didn't feel the same way ) and moved on to someone else, it would always be the same end result. I've even made specific prayers asking God that he will break this vicious cycle , and not allow me to develop feelings for someone that won't end up being mine, and still nothing. I'll be turning 30 next year, and my life is just one big joke. I am so fed up with waiting, and believe me I've waited. I've never been with anyone before, never been kissed,etc.. And yes, I do start asking myself questions like "was I cursed by anyone?so that I wouldn't find any happiness in this life? and is God actually hearing me out or is he just simply ignoring every prayer I've sent? I feel like when I read blogs like yours or just anything that's related to God, I feel like it's all a repeat of everything that I've read, seen and heard, and it's getting tiring. It's getting boring to hear things like "|God has a special plan for me" or "things happen for a reason" bla bla.. I've actually reached the point where I have totally lost all confidence and trust in him. I even feel fear when I contemplate on bringing up a matter to him, so I've just decided not to bring anything that bothers me into prayer for fear that I will get a "no" again.

    1. Hi dear,
      I cant say i know what you are going through. But what other choice do u have than to trust your maker who formed u in the womb. He knew what he was doing when he formed you and im sure u have done things your way aswell which might have given disastrous result. Just hold on a lil while longer. GOD IS CRAZY FAITHFUL... as heather would say. Xx

    2. I felt highly convicted to respond to you, at first I thought that maybe it was someone just trolling on Heather's page but once I got to the end of your comment I recognized that this is another sister crying out for advice. I feel qualified to respond because I am single, close to your age, and have felt exactly how you felt. First, Beloved it seems as though you have closed the door to your relationship with GOD and if the door is closed on Him how can you expect to receive His gift. You mention that you have been with people and it doesn't go anywhere you end up in the same cycle of nothingness , well I don't think that is such a bad thing. maybe God closed the door so quickly before anything happen with you and those randoms to protect you , the last thing that you want with someone that isn't your husband is a soul tie. You mention that you are tired of waiting but what exactly are you doing as you wait? Are you waiting bitterly or are you preparing yourself so that you will be ready when that man of God comes. Sometimes we attract what we ARE not what we WANT.

    3. @ Anonymous November 21, 2013 at 11:02 AM,

      I appreciate your honesty and I'm sure other women do as well because your struggles are something most "single & waiting" women can relate to.

      In the Bible David was promised kingship but there was a process & years of waiting before he actually received all that God promised him. David struggled with his faith in God, sometimes asking "God where are You?"(ps 10:1-2) There are so many psalms where David pours out his heart and voices frustrations that sound very similar to yours. God does not despise your pain and there are plenty of scriptures to show God is near to those who are hurting. Please be encouraged.

      Psalms 34:18- "The Lord is close to the broken hearted, He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

  14. Much needed read!!!! I am in a transitioning period and I recognize that there are some things that God wants from me...and I am pursuing him more now than ever!

  15. For some reason im just reading this and im ntt sure y i feel this way bt it seems like u wrote this just for me. im struggling heavy in a situation like this and i have a big problem with being alone so im talking to this guy and he wants to go church with me and he want to meet my family but im an emotional rack right now and i just feel like God has totally forget about....SISTERS I NEED HELP

  16. This is exactly what I needed to read. Seriously. I have been falling asleep at the wheel and letting other people drive it for me due to being lonely and wanting companionship and and that 'feeling of being loved'. I had slacked on my time with god and let worldly things take over. It came to a point when I realized that I wasn't getting what I wanted from anyone that I talked to. There was always an excuse on why we couldn't do this, or that...it was frustrating. Recently, one of the men that I talked to, whom I felt we really had a connection, just stopped calling and texting and returning my calls. I am just taking it as a sign. I do feel some kind of way because we had been talking since May and we were intimate once during that time. I can't help but wonder if it was God saying, let me take the wheel and get you back on the path. It hurts and its hard...

  17. Thank you to God be the glory for you allowing him to use you for such a time as now Heather! This Blog was a smack confirmation in my face! I believe I had met my soulmate, but it didnt turn out good and it was over before it started and I was broken hearted becsuse of the love God placed inside of me for this man! It wasnt recipricated and I was rejected! The pain was unbearable, I believed he was my soulmate, but God stepped in and closed that door! He said you opened a door that shouldnt have been opened yet! He had to close it for my protection! God provided a way out for me and has healed my brokenheart! Ive gotten peace through his word and promises! Anyone thats dealing with a broken heart I understand the pain, just know God had to protect you cause he loves you so much! He wouldn't allow the enemy to have his way!

  18. I am just about speechless after reading this blog! It is my life in a nutshell and after God shut the door and lock it and threw away the key. I allowed satan to push me to dig up the key and reopen the door! But prayer heals and changes all! Thank you!

  19. I needed to read this...God knew I needed to read this! So first ill say thank you for your words. For seven years I have been saying "one more time" i now know all along it was God showing me his love for me and shouting NO!....I never heard him before. Your blog spoke to me so strongly I'm laying here with my son crying as I write....I see the problem now. The problem was me closing myself off and thinking I knew better then the lord all mighty! Boy was I wrong! Thank you!thank you! thank you!

  20. Oh my! This is beyond on point. My first day on this blog and I already like the Lindsey's. Thank you this piece spoke to me.

  21. Lord I thank you for putting Heather and this blog on my life! I am trying to cope with being betrayed, broken hearted, single parenting and so much more. See my what I thought "love of my life" left me at 7 months pregnant and moved in with a random woman who he says he met just 3 weeks prior to moving in. He and she changed bank info, email and mailing addreses that I created to benefit him all while I was under stress and hurt and carrying his son! It was from one slap in the face to another! Today we share a 4 month old and my feelings towards him are so hateful that at times I just want to withhold my son from him until I'm healed. I need advice on how to handle this situation so that I can heal and be that strong woman I was before meeting him. Plz help!!

    1. Don't withhold your son. You are not hurting him, you are hurting your son. God heals all, if you let Him. Your pain will help someone in your future heal. Trust God no matter what...

  22. Im going through this at this very moment with a man I was with for 6yrs. I must say this is the worst pain I have ever felt and I don't even know how to begin to heal or move on.

  23. I really needed this. Thank you for sharing it


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