Friday, October 7, 2011

Why won't my MAN change???!

Ever asked yourself WHY the person you were dating or married to won't change?! We have or are currently struggling in this area. Let me tell you a funny (now it's funny, but it wasn't funny then) story.

In 2009 while my husband and I were dating, I had flown to Atlanta to visit him. We were sitting in his driveway talking before I went to my hotel. I told him, look--if you are going to be my one day husband, YOU are gonna have to be like this: .. and I named off my top 25 things that he had to be. ..

How crazy is that?! I put so much pressure on him to be something that he hadn't developed too. I do think that in the Christian church the focus is marriage--as it should be while dating, but before you get there--you have to be friends & get to KNOW the person. On our first date--we knew that we were going to get married one day, so now it was like.. let's talk, let's get to know each other, lets fight & figure this thing out.

 Prayer basically forces not only our husband to change, but us! When we pray, and the more we pray, the more we grow closer to the Holy Spirit, and the more we realize how much we have to change ourselves. He knows us better than we know ourselves and sometimes He is a funny guy and will wait to change our husbands UNTIL WE DECIDE TO let go of the reins and give it up to Him. Don't get frustrated, stay praying at ALL times, and TRUST that He can change your man. 
So, you're probably thinking.."pray, pray, pray.. I'm TIRED of prayin' for that sorry man, he just won't change!!" Let me encourage you.. I remember the first couple years of my husband & I's relationships (Mind you, we've only been together for 3 years in total) He was the LEAST affectionate person ever. I wanted to rip my hair out because my love language was TOUCH! So I used to complain, we'd argue, & on & on.. Then I got the revelation. If I just shut my mouth & give him an opportunity to be affectionate I could REALLY let God do the work that I'm "supposed" to believe that He is doing. So, I scaled back. I shut my mouth, and I started to really rest in God concerning my needs being met (esp. after we got married--cuz that's when you can do the most touchin'! :)) So I started to SAY what I wanted to see over my husband. I called those things that be not as though they were. Every morning in my quiet time I went before God covering him in prayer and saying what I desired to see.. 

"Lord, I thank you that Cornelius has a heart after you! I declare that He is whole & complete in you and that he has the very mind of Christ. I say that he thinks on good things and guards his eye and ear gates. He only speaks life and thinks on good things. I declare that he sits amongst kings and that he is about his father's business. I declare that he loves me like Christ loves the church & that he is constantly dying to himself. He is affectionate, compassionate & caring. He only has eyes for me. He's a great leader over our home and is a skilled businessman. Cornelius is healthy physically and has strong conviction concerning the food he eats (he's come a LONG way! So proud of him!), He loves to work out and he is not only physically fit but spiritually fit as well... (and I go on & on)

  .. this is just an example of my daily covering but I want to encourage YOU to do the same!! Just keep believing the best & don't quit. This area applies to any area of your life...from work, to your boss, family members, etc. WHILE you are praying for THEM, God will begin to show you your heart & where you need to change. He showed me that  I was selfish and way too focused on my needs being met. So I took my eyes off of what my husband was or wasn't doing & I really put them on Jesus. I served my husband as though he was Christ (.. for if you have done it to the least of them, you have done it to me..)

And I look back and I'm so thankful & so grateful. My husband is so compassionate, caring, sweet, kind, understanding, affectionate and so many other wonderful things! He is a CHANGED man from those first few rough months. So stick it out. Don't nag. Allow God to change your mate, because in all honesty, you really can't. And if he does change for you, it will only be via will power & temporary or to shut you up. I know it's hard to hear that.. but it's true. Practice resting. God know's your mate, He created them.. & has your best interest in mind. 

Love you all & speak only life!


  1. This is a blessing, as a newlywed this was much needed. AMEN!!!!

  2. Please come back to lipstick alley. Some of the girls could benefit from your input in the relationship and religion forums!

  3. aww! I like lipstick alley, it's just so confusing! If there's a certain forum you want me to comment on, please post the link! I don't even know where to start on that site! It's packed! lol

  4. This was wonderful! My prayer life needs strengthening and this has given me the boost I needed! I love the guy I'm dating and when we first me, we felt an instant connection. I've been discouraged because of some traits that I don't like and I've been frustrated that he doesn't communicate the way I would like or try new things, etc., but now, I will just pray for him and I will be more receptive to the changes that I need to make as well!

  5. Wow...powerful.. thank you for sharing. I've been married for 3 years and few months and thought that my husband was just not an affectionate guy. I almost wanted to give up on our intimacy but now I'm reminded of the power of prayer. God is awesome. Please continue to allow HIM to use you because you never know who He can use you to bless even when most of us already know what to do. It is always good to be encouraged and you are doing just that. Continual blessings to you and your hubby.:)))

  6. Mrs Lindsey you are such a great encouragement, i have noticed that the devil does not fight small stuff, the more challenges and trials one face it is an indication that you carry something great from God. i have learn so much from your blog spot.

    bless you woman of God.


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