Friday, May 30, 2014

"Why he's NOT going to be your Husband"

Can I be honest? I believe that there's this growing trend in the church of women, "waiting for their adam" to wake up and instead of trusting God & His timing-- they are becoming distracted. Its important that if you're "waiting" for your Adam to wake up, that your eyes are completely on Jesus and not crushing on every man at the church and social media. 

Lets check out these scenarios:

1. "Girlllll, you see that new man in that blue suit at church today? He is so fine. And did you see the way he looked at me and then when he went up for prayer? I was singing at church and the Lord told me to look right and then he said.. "that's going to be your husband." And I was like ooooh myyyy gosh, it's about time, my Adam woke up!! Let me go make sure he knows that he's going to be my husband."

Response: Sis, if it's God-- He will tell BOTH parties. You cannot manipulate your will over another persons will and pray that you'll end up together. If it's really God, peace will follow and He will divinely set things up. If not, it's not Him and it's witchcraft or manipulation. So, if the above is true, then rest. The problem with the above is this:: you may have your kids and entire life planned out and he may have a girlfriend who lives in another state. Then, when he brings his girlfriend to the church and she joins your small group-- you may be mad at her because you think she took your man. BUT, God wanted to use you in each others life but because you allowed jealousy, confusion & strife into your heart-- you passed up a beautiful relationship all in the name of bitterness. And honestly, if God did tell you that "he's going to be your husband, then mind your business-- even if it takes the guy a couple years to pursue you. God isn't a liar so if it's HIM, it will happen. Time shall tell so in the interim, get your mind OFF of a ring and onto Christ. When we redirect our focus, He fills us up & we learn that we need Him, not another event.

I recall a time where me and Cornelius were engaged and he was in the bookstore after church. I wasn't visiting that weekend and this woman asked him where todays "recorded" sermon was located and he showed her-- she continued to ask and then he said, "it's right in front of you, are you blind?" (my hubby's come a long way, he used to be very blunt! lol) She responded: "I'm not blind, matter of fact, I like exactly what I see."And he said, "I'm sorry, but I'm engaged." She said, "you're not married yet." Huh? Blank-stare. Don't be that woman sis.
(While Courting- Aug 2009)

2. GIRL! Have you seen so & so's instagram page? He talks so much about Jesus. I'm going to go on  his page and post things everyday so maybe he will notice me & reach out to me. 

Response: Well, your friend has been checking for so & so too and she thinks that he's the one for her too. Now, she feels uncomfortable sharing things with you so it's become a competition in her mind. So, now-- both of you are quietly chasing for this mans attention and he doesn't even know either of you exist & you're slowly becoming bitter towards your friend as she reminds you of how much she likes him daily.
I'm reminded of:
Song of Soloman 8:4 "Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right."

There's a TIME that the love will be right and some of us are trying to wake up somebody else's adam.
So, until the right TIME comes, we have to rest and keep our eyes on Jesus. Remember this: If satan knows that you're thirsty for a man, he will send a man that your "old self" is attracted to but his heart won't be totally right with God. In your heart, you'll KNOW that you're settling. You will have zero peace about him but because you're lonely and tired of being single, you will continue to date him. You think in your mind that its better to be with someone than to be with no one & have to explain to others why you're single. But, if you continue in that mindset, you will ONLY dig a hole SO deep that you will eventually MISS out on the guy that God has for you.

If I can be transparent with you, I kept a boyfriend prior to my husband. I went from man to man, relationship to relationship because I liked the attention, to be loved and to be desired. But then, I kept hitting rock bottom in those relationships. And honestly, it wasn't always the guys-- it was ME. I was a TRAIN wreck. I tried to make those relationships idols and tag God's name to it. I tried to control the relationships and I continued to come up empty. I didn't need a man, I needed a Savior and I kept confusing the two. 

I wanted to be loved, cared for, thought about and protected but I didn't realize that I was searching in all the wrong places. Then, one day-- I realized that I will never be truly happy unless I'm whole in Jesus. I needed Him. So, I broke things off with my then boyfriend. I told him that I needed space and time to think because I'm confident that I was only ruining his life with my up and down confusion. I was single for a season and then I met my now husband. One of the FIRST questions my now husband asked me was pretty much this: "Do you have a boyfriend?"If I had a boyfriend, he would have kept it moving because a godly man with purpose doesn't have time for a woman with a bunch of baggage and a boyfriend. How do you expect the Holy Spirit to flow through that confusion? Why even start off on the wrong foot?

3. There's like NO men at my church, so I need to go after the ones that are there and get one before he's taken. 

Response: Sis, do you know that God can import a man? After I dated a few guys in NYC, I told the Lord that He is going to have to import my husband because I sure tried and I was TIRED of doing the picking. I told God that He's going to have to "drop" my husband from the sky and he literally did. :) My now husband had to fly into NYC for work every week so, he dropped into NYC from Atlanta. Isn't it funny how God has such a sense of humor? 

The truth:

You may think that getting into a relationship will fill your many voids but honestly, you will wake up one day and your bed may be filled with a husband and children but you still feel empty. You then blame your husband for not making you happy and nag him until you're blue in the face but it's not even him. You will tell him that he needs to work more hours, get your hair done, help more around the house or whatever else. But, it's not him.

Its you.

True joy comes from Jesus Christ and no human can ever, EVER, fill that void. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and our son, Logan-- but I understand that I have an assignment on this earth and that is to be a helper to my husband and to lead Logan to Jesus. Prior to this season, God really began to prepare my heart and show me who I was in Him. He showed me that humans are great people but terrible gods and he reminded me that marriage is a ministry of serving each other. If you get into a relationship with the mindset that someone is going to solve all of your problems, you may find that you're disappointed with unmet expectations. 

You're NOT content sis! Be honest with yourself! Go to the Lord and tell Him that you're discontent, mad, bitter or whatever else! He can WORK with an honest woman! 

4. You  meet a guy at church and you hear "he's going to be your husband" and you get so excited and gitty! But, you fail to look down at his ring finger and he's really married. 

Response: So, wait. That's not going to be your husband or is he going to leave his wife for you? Why would you ever, ever want to even start a relationship off with the foundation of adultery? And if he is dumb enough to leave his wife for you, he will most likely leave you for another after a few years of marriage.  And if you are married and you're reading this-- whatever you're searching for outside of your marriage can only be find WITHIN your marriage. You want excitement again? Get your butt up and be romantic, be exciting, pray for the spark to come back into your marriage and stop thinking that some other human can satisfy you. 

5. I'm going to another church where I can get noticed and so my husband can find me. 

Response: Sis, there's 6 billion people on this earth, if God wants you to meet someone, you will meet them and connect with them based on HIS timing, not your timing. My husband and I went to the same church and walked by each other for 3 years. We even were in the same meetings together sitting just a few feet away from one another. BUT, we didn't connect until 3 years later because we both weren't READY. As a single, I learned that if I cannot trust God for my spouse, then how can I trust Him for anything else? I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to be married and have kids one day. I let GO of trying to control it and I told God that I believe that HE put the desire in my heart for a family. So, since HE put that desire in my heart, HE is going to bring it to pass-- not ME. 

So, cheers to burning the "you're going to be my husband" card. As women, we will no longer chase down a man, instead, we will chase down Christ. The end.

And one day, you will THANK GOD that "he's not going to be your husband" because God can see what you cannot SEE. God protects you more than you'll ever know and when he DOES introduce you to HIS best for your life, you will be thankful that it didn't work out with anybody else. So, let's get back to the heart of worship. Lets get back on our face with our attention turned to Jesus and not man. 

And P.S.-- sorry that I took so long in posting again. It's been an amazing month! I connected with my birth family and met my birth mother in Vegas this past week! AND I just finished my 3rd book that will be released in July! Eek! God is faithful!

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via Use code JESUS for 10% off!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts: AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out!

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 24,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:

7. I will be in Detroit speaking on June 14th and I would LOVE to meet you!!

8. We are hosting an event in LA on October 4th, I want to see you there!

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey


  1. I loved this post&you and your mother are twins #beautiful#

  2. Love this! Amen

  3. you really do look like your mum :)

  4. Yes, you do look like your mum.
    God grant you more grace as you continue to change mindsets by His grace for Christ

  5. Lol at this part: I told God that He's going to have to "drop" my husband from the sky --- I tell my friends that all the time! Haha...b/c that surely how it's going to happen! :-) Love the post!

  6. Omg!! Congrats!! :) Super happy for you!! Lots of blessing for you all. And thank you for your words of wisdom <3

  7. Hello heather,my husband keeps cheating on me to this point. I cheated once because I got the attention I thought my husband wasn't giving me.Truth be told I hated myself for doing it,but in my process of finding love,I realised I had to fall in love with the lover of my soul.'s not been easy but I have broken off those ties and chasing God I step@ a time.l hope that one day my husband and I will be naked before God,totally free of secrets.

  8. Heather, can I just say you truly are an inspiration. The way your words puts everything into perspective, I look forward to reading your blog posts. You really are a blessing from God!

  9. I am genuinely happy for you that you finally got to meet your mom. I can't even begin to imagine how emotionally overwhelmed you must have been. Wow!! God bless you! Please believe that you have a sister in Christ who is praying for you, your family, and your ministry.

  10. I love this Heather!! Thank you for letting God use you to spread his word and encourage women from all over. You truly inspire me! God bless you and your ministry!

  11. Do you have any advice for a women who are not just going through a "single season" but have lived most of their lives single? I feel like there are not many ministries for women like that, who have done their best to stay close to God and keep it Holy, but are still dealing with singleness? A life lived mostly single comes with its own set of insecurities and issues and not many ministries address that!

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. I would also like to know as well. I am young, only 23 but I have never dated. There were guys I was interested in for various reasons but they were not interested in me. Then the ones I was not interested, were interested in me. So sometimes it would make me wonder what was going on??

    3. @MaKenzi: Great point to bring up!

      @Anonymous: Girllll, tell me about it! I'm 27, but I've had those same kind of situations - I like them, they don't like me; they like me, I don't like them. To be honest, for a couple of years, I didn't even "want" anyone, I just focused on God...In recent years, though, my relationship with Him has weakened and I want to get back to that place of intimacy. I know that I'm not fit to be a wife in this moment (and sometimes wonder if that's even what I want). God has a lot of work to do in me. However, I still wonder if I have "hope" in that area.

      @Heather Lindsey: Thank you for sharing your wisdom hair and encouraging women (regardless of their marital status) to seek God first above all things. You have no idea the impact you've had on me.

      - Karys

  12. Girllll you ain't never lied, #idolcheck #focus Jesus first then He'll add everything else in Hus perfect time, God bless you for always being a timely vessel, you and ur birth mum look great and so alike, the same arch of the eyebrow, hairline, great genes, in great shape I could go on, God is faithful

  13. I love this. I see myself in some of your scenarios. I have been blessed by your ministry. :-)

  14. This was my first time reading your blog. ... up and down my alley

  15. Aww you and your mom favor so much =)
    Love you sis

  16. Thank you for this Heather, your blog really helps me to let it go, I feel no pressure on it -focus is me now.

  17. Love this article!

  18. Love, love, love this! I can even admit to a time or two where I was like "maybe I should go to another church so I can be 'noticed' by available Christian men." And then I got some sense and God was like "daughter hush and be still." LOL! I'm so good on NOT searching for a man. I'm busy chasing Christ and raising a child! Awesome post!

  19. Heather, I've been following you for a couple of years now, and it's been amazing to see what God is doing in your life. Congratulations on finding your birth mother!! She is beautiful! You prayed..You believed..God answered. Thank you for helping us with this topic as it is beginning to become a "hot" trend among "Christian" single women like myself...Thank you for blessing us once again..I pray for healing, restoration and reconciliation between you and your mother..I pray that the next 31 years are filled with hope, love, peace and the joy of the Lord..Your testimony gives so many of us hope..Keep telling it.

  20. "Sis, do you know that God can import a man? After I dated a few guys in NYC, I told the Lord that He is going to have to import my husband because I sure tried and I was TIRED of doing the picking. I told God that He's going to have to "drop" my husband from the sky and he literally did. :)"

    I have been living in NYC for two years and it's much different from my Southern upbringings. It was pretty depressing, but as I grow closely to God, I said the same thing. God will have to import my Now, I focus on the mission God has me on and spending my time with Him daily. I don't feel desperate for a fact, I am more fearful that I will end up with someone who is less than nothing as a husband lol. To avoid that I continue to listen to God. I've been single for 7 years now, as a human, you do feel loneliness and sadness. No one writes about how to handle this but I would love to hear your feedback.

    1. I know the feeling.. I've been single for pretty much forever. I've never had a man in my life, so I can totally relate. You start to lose that hope you once had in God once you reach your 30s especially if you've made so many prayers over the years, you start to question everything in your life and doubt God.

  21. Wowww Look at God!!!Just Awesome

  22. Wow this was me until this morning after receiving a text message from a married man. It was a ig post with your ig handle on it. I have so much to say. What I will say is nothing happene s before it's time rather it's permissible or not. From that post I checked your fb, twitter, ig, and now I'm on your site... All I can say is thank God for him texting me your post... Woke

  23. Wow! Well, I was in a relationship for almost 3 years. I decided to leave because he had some issues that had nothing to do with me. Plus, we were living together and I knew that is what God had intended for me nor him. I have given my life to Christ and it has been revealed to me by God that he is my husband. However, God is dealing with us both at this time in this season. So, I'm standing firm trusting Gods timing. We have to do this the right way. May Gos bless you Heather! And glory to God for reuniting you with your birth mother. In Jesus name thank you for allowing God to give us women more encouragement. ❤

  24. Another amazing post, I love reading these they're so funny and so TRUE!!! Haha, God bless you, thanks for helping to keep the rest of us on track.


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