Sunday, June 17, 2012

“Balancing Life: The Life of a BUSY woman”

(at a recent speaking engagement!)

 As a woman, I understand how pulled we can be in so many directions. Every minute of my time is filled with doing something. Even now, as I’m on a two hour flight to Phoenix, I planned on studying, reading, blogging and working on my book because I knew I would have some uninterrupted time.  I want to just share some of what I do just to give you perspective.

First, I’m a wife. That in itself is a full time job. Everything I’m about to name afterward besides spending regular time with God comes second to my husband. Even with that—I have to manage it & work it around my husband’s schedule. Let me explain—my husband comes first on this earth next to the Holy Spirit who leads & guides me. ANY and all projects can get disrupted, shut down, put on the back burner & prioritized when my husband sees fit. Thankfully, I didn’t marry no crazy, controlling man. I married a fair, just man. When I first started Pinky Promise, my husband and I got into a heated discussion about my schedule. He said that I was married to Pinky Promise. I’m like WHAT??! He said I spend all of my time, responding to emails, praying with girls, making bracelets, and working on my business plan. He no longer was cooked for or paid attention to him—and at night, I sure worked until about 3am making bracelets or responding to emails so the time we used to have to talk to one another was being filled by work. Although all of those things were GOOD, they weren’t good if Cornelius wasn’t second to God and God would clearly tell me to make sure my husband had his priority. My husband isn’t a needy type of man at ALL. He just wanted some eggs in the morning. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.. I need to prioritize. If all of this ministry stuff fades away.. what will I have? My FAMILY. And Cornelius is my family. Him & I are the first of our family and I need to make sure that I’m being a loving wife. I gotta be honest with you, I’m a businesswoman. I’m not knocking the woman who is a housewife because THAT in itself is a gift—I know you WORK your tail off. But the Lord didn’t call ME to just be a housewife—housewife duties don’t come “natural” to me. Creating and implementing a business plan gets me excited and keeps me up all night. Cooking a few times a week,-- is ok because we gotta eat and I wanted my husband to eat healthy but cleaning meant I hired someone to come into my  house to take care of it.  My husband’s love language is “acts of service” which means.. HE feels most loved when I’m cooking, cleaning and doing things for him. Which can be hard for my mindset because of my schedule!! Let me share. I own my own consulting firm. I’ve been consulting and working with one particular company for 4 years. That’s pretty much a 9-6 job but I get to work from home—which is awesome! I’m thankful. But I really have to be available, meet deadlines and work on huge projects that take a LONG time. I have to be able to dedicate time and energy to that company as a consultant.

Then,  I have Pinky Promise. Pinky Promise is the organization I started that reminds women of their value and worth. It’s my baby. I love Pinky Promise—a Promise to honor God with your life and body. ( It was birthed when I started selling Pinky Promise bracelets and gear (  I knew that it wouldn’t be enough to just give people bracelets to encourage them to not cheat on their husbands, have sex outside of marriage or to cut out watching stupid reality TV. I needed to get them involved, so I started a network online that has grew into the thousands and has over 125 groups all over the world including the US, Africa and London. Lets stop really quick and talk about the moving part of having a Pinky Promise store. It’s SO much work!! There’s orders, changes in addresses, items that were lost in the mail, items that arrived, but were stolen, people that want me to donate, people that want bulk orders, back order issues, shipped the wrong item, the list goes ON & ON! There’s a huge customer service aspect to it that people don’t’ realize. When you’re selling thousands and thousands of product, you’re bound to have issues. Plus, I am now working with a ton of vendors and most of our bracelets are made from scratch. I hired a team in Michigan who makes the bracelets and I make them as well, including the two interns I have.  Again, there’s moving parts—getting the product wholesale where we can, searching for better lettering beads (which we have and switched over! These beads last forever!), then, the string is out of stock for 2 weeks, then my T-shirt vendor cannot print shirts for another week, then, my team is running out of supplies in Michigan, then, they need to get paid.. The list goes on & on. I’m constantly searching for new, fun products for women to rock to remind them of their value.  So, YES! It’s a TON! Then, within all of that, I decided to start the Network ( as I said before, I needed to get the women involved. Involved in their community, involved with each other, praying, encouraging and supporting one another. So I started the network, and women started creating groups! But of course they need material! So.. I pray for the women and ask the Lord what He wants me to create for the women to study. I create curriculum so they have something to study every time they meet. Then, I teach once a month to them and encourage them to come up with things to do as a group. I'm also planning a Pinky Promise Conference in January with a TON of women. There's so many moving parts to that as well.  ( I ain't complaining, I'm just sharing because I'm GRACED to do all this. I'm thankful.

Within all of that, I have thousands and thousands of women emailing me, calling and asking for prayer, advice and encouragement. So, I always try to get to as many as I can but I’ll be honest, it’s so hard sometimes because I really just don’t physically have the time to respond to everyone! Then, I’m blogging every week and writing a book that should come at the end of this year. I also tweet and post statuses on facebook a ton to encourage people. That’s important to me that I can encourage someone who is having a rough day.  Then, I love to work out and it helps keep those stress levels down—and my husband loves it when I work out as well, so I have to make that time to work out three times a week. Of course, with all of this—I need to make sure I’m spending time with God daily because if I don’t, I’m a trainwreck and weary. So I started the journal challenge on this blog to encourage people to spend daily time with God. It helps ME to stay on track. I’m on day 57 I believe.  I also get invited to speak places, so my husband and I will travel go to preach a few times throughout the month. Mind you, all of the above needs to keep running on track, including the Pinky Promise Conference in Atlanta, GA that I’m hosting January 24-27 2013. So…. NOW you understand why my husband felt the way he did. I felt so pulled, so overwhelmed. One day, I just broke down and cried. I had been going off of 4 hours of sleep a night, was in the middle of a huge project, trying to get out Pinky Promise orders, help people—and mind you, I still have a family and friends that expect me to call them and still continue developing a relationship with them. I couldn’t physically do it all. I was so tired.

I pulled away and got quiet before the Lord and I asked Him to help me. I wanted so bad to be this superwoman but it didn’t matter if home wasn’t happy and home sure wasn’t happy because I placed my husband at the bottom of all of that. I would cook here & there and the house was a wreck! I was a wreck too—I still wore dresses everyday while I worked from home but some days—it was yoga pants, a ponytail and no makeup. I didn’t have time in my mind to get dressed for real. During this time, I learned the real value of prioritizing. People always ask me, “How do you do it all?!” Well, I depend on God’s grace 24-7 to get me through each day and I make sure that spending time with God is my first priority and THEN my husband. So, I make a point to wake my tail up and cook for him throughout the week. This isn’t a law by any means but I want him to know that I am considering him first. Then, I get dressed because I know he likes for me to look nice—even if I work from home. Then, I go to my 9-6 and prioritize my day, making sure that I get deadlines out. I brought on two interns that come to my house a few times a week to help me get orders out. I also work into the night on bracelets but I don’t do it as much. I’ve given that responsibility to my team in Michigan who knocks out hundreds of bracelets weekly. I learned that what I think is so important, isn’t really important if my priorities aren’t in order. Don’t you understand that being “busy” breeds DISTRACTION? You’re “running here & “running there” and you’re not really getting anything done. What’s really important is not getting accomplished. We get so busy doing the work for Jesus, our kids, our family that we forget that we’re supposed to have a relationship with them as well. I stop and really listen to my husband. If he asks me to do something, I stop and do it. If I know he wants me to cook and I’m laying down after work.. exhausted, I get my butt up and serve him. I married my husband, not my job, or my ministry.  And you better count the cost when you stand up there & run ya’ tail to the alter. Marriage is WORK in itself. My husband is gracious and understanding, but deep down—he still wants his meal and.. I want him to have it because I love him and desire to serve him.

When we’re overworked and tired, we’re most likely discouraged. We just don’t feel like there’s enough time in the day. When you’re discouraged, you may go into self-pity and throw a self-pity party. This is a party that only you attend and whoever else will listen to you. You may say “I work so hard, why doesn’t my husband cook for me or even THINK about dinner”, “why is it always my responsibility to clean up or to initiate the cleaning”, I work my butt off—why can’t I get that new this or that?”, or whatever reason or question you come up with.. will only dig you deeper into your hole. It reminds me of 1 King 18. Elijah had a HUGE victory in his life—fire came down from heaven  and won the fight against the prophets of Baal. How AMAZING was that victory? Then, Jezebel said that she wanted him killed, so he went running for his life. He ended up running to the desert and hiding under a tree—crying out to God “Don’t you care about me??! You’re just gonna leave me out here like this Lord?” How often do we have great victories in our life and we watch God come in and do amazing things.. and then, we get distracted, weary, discouraged and wonder where He is. He’s in the SAME place HE has ALWAYS been. RIGHT there with you and at some point, you have to stop whimpering around and STAND up against stupid emotions that try to push you around. You don’t have to give into everything you “feel!” So the next time distractions or discouragement comes—fight back! If you keep reading into 1 King 19 God sent an angel to feed and protect Elijah in the midst of his frustration. So I know you may have a day where you feel overworked, tired, stressed out and out of balance but you need to go run to your Father’s feet. At His feet there is fullness of joy. At His feet there is peace. Remember that anything you cannot stop thinking about is an idol. So yes, your kids can be your idol. Your husband can be your idol. Your job can be your idol. It is out of my LOVE for Christ (If you’ve done it to the least of them, you’ve done it to me,” “Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord”) that I get my tail up and serve Him. My eyes stay on Christ. When they’re on HIM, He’ll give me the energy to work out, respond to emails, pray for the women, write my book, blog, cook, clean, take some mean time. I depend on His grace daily. It’s when I lift my eyes off of  all of these worldly things, I can finally gain perspective. You gotta adjust how you’re seeing things!

So, I wanted to share some tips of things that I do that help refresh and energize me.

1.  Spend time with God. Really. Spending time with God will give you PHYSICAL energy. I will say this in EVERY blog. Lets stop searching for some other formula.

2.   Spend time with friends. I LOVE spending time with my girlfriends. We always plan girl trips at least annually and I am very intentional about spending time with my best friends. I know that with what God called me to do, I need to get refreshed and encouraged just laughing and hanging out with them. Girl time is vital.

3. ME time. I go shopping, to the spa, window showing, or just to a park and read a book. Spending time alone gives my head time to CLEAR.

4.  I play dress up. Ok, I know it sounds kinda weird--- but I love shopping in my closet! I try on different outfits, and come up with new ones. I even do this in the middle of a deadline. It really clears my head. Lol

5.  I take a moment and vent it all to God—raw  & uncut! Lol I’m very honest with God—with my weaknesses and strengths, as HE already knows. I make it my business to shine the light on the areas where I’m a hot –mess so HE can change me. However, he seems to do a better job revealing than I do! Lol Read Psalms 62.. David poured his heart out to God daily. Such a beautiful example

6.  I have a cheerleading section. Me & the Holy Spirit. I STIR myself up and I tell my emotions to shut up and to figure it out and trust God. I just don’t run around doing what I “feel.”

7.  I step back from everything, and I ask God to help me to keep my eyes on heaven & HIS perspective and not my own.

8.  I go running. Something about working out  clears my head. Plus, it’s great for your body! #OperationSnatched

9. I cry. I’m not a big cry-person whatsoever, but sometimes, I got to get it all out and then set my mind that I trust God.

10. Spend time with my husband away from the house! We go get ice cream, or go to dinner- just to get away from the walls of the house.

This is heavy on my spirit—it’s ok to say NO to people. They will be just fine. Don’t let humans put a ton of pressure on you to do things. At times, I have to say “no” to people that want to pull on me or drain me. For example, I don’t take personal phone calls. At times, women from social media sites want me to call them to discuss their issue. I really want to be sensitive to their issue but if I called every woman that asked me too.. I would be out of balance again, drained and tired.  I LOVE all of you that reach out to me and I PRAY for you daily but my husband and other priorities HAVE to come first at times. They just do.  I work sun-up to sun DOWN and I rarely have the to come up for air. Thus, another reason I started the Pinky Promise groups—now we have an avenue to which the women can pray for each other and encourage one another. I’m only ONE person.

Don’t be afraid to cut people off that drain you and suck all your energy. If you’re surrounding yourself around a bunch of draining people, please believe that you’ll most likely be even more overwhelmed and tired trying to please them and keep up with your schedule as you walk on egg shells around them. That just raises your blood pressure. Aint worth it. I have eliminated any friendship where I believed that I couldn’t be myself. That may sound harsh but I aint got time to be babyin’ anybody. Either you’re gonna give me the benefit of the doubt as a friend or you’re gonna have to move to the side. I totally LOVE you still. No hard feelings. You just cannot rock with me. You’re draining me and I need to be FOCUSED on what GOD is calling ME to do.

AND if you'll be in Charlotte, NC this weekend-- I will be preaching at the Ruckus House June 22nd at 7:30pm- located at 3650 Ruckus Road in Harrisburg, NC. Here's a link to the venue where I'll be teaching.

God loves you like crazy,

(Had a girls trip this past weekend in Scottsdale, AZ at a BEAUTIFUL resort-- love my best friend Delan!)

Heather Lindsey  


  1. great post, balance is so necessary

  2. Love it. New respect.

  3. Great advice. Thanks for sharing! What kind of consulting work do you do from home?

  4. This post was so enlightening. Thanks for the words of wisdom.

  5. I loved this and needed it! Definitely was right on time and encouraging me to get back to prioritizing and setting a schedule that works around the Lord instead of being like, "God, let me see when I can fit You in." God bless you and just as you pray for us, we're praying for you as well. Love ya!

  6. Amazing post MRS Lindsey, so important for future wives as well. I hope my future hubby is learning a lot about His role as I am learning so much about my role from you!

    *So thankful God gives you time to write such great post for us!

  7. I second Candi's comment. I sooooo needed to hear(read) this right now. I'm very overwhelmed trying to do everything and getting nothing accomplished. Along with everyone in my life as well as myself feeling neglected. This post was right on time!!! Thank you!

  8. You are a busy woman! Thanks for the words of advice. I love the part where you say, "I have eliminated any friendship where I believed that I couldn’t be myself." God bless you Heather!

  9. Wow! Heather Lindsey I needed to read this! Being a single momma, working full-time, and starting my makeup business is a ton of work. But God and my daughter come before all of it! Thank you Heather for always reminding me how great our God truly is. You give the best tips as well! Love you hun!

  10. I SO needed to read this. I'm a single mom, active in church, working part time AND I'm about to start my theology program at Emory this August. I don't really know how I'll do it all -- but this post just gave me so much insight. Thanks, Heather.

  11. I SO needed to read this as well! May God conitunally bless you Heather for your obedience in serving/ministering to others through your transparency and sharing these revelations! I am currently one of the BEST, and one of the Busiest seasons of my life and was starting to feel overwhelmed, Can't express how much your words blessed me... and I can't wait to pray/apply these principles to balance my life!

    - KG

  12. Heather this was right on time for me as well!!!!! I wrote a blog Friday titled "To Do List"... It basically touched on us as women being overworked and too busy to get anything done! We are pulled in SO many directions from family obligations, work obligations, church obligations, etc that we get ABSOLUTELY nothing done!! This only lets me know (as I stated in the blog) that I need to calm down, sit down and have a little talk with Jesus. Focus and RE-FOCUS my life!!! **YESSSSS**

    Heather, I followed you on InstaGram for a while, then I found you on FaceBook, then I followed you and your husband & The Gathering Oasis on Twitter, then I tuned in to a "Gathering Oasis" session, then I found your blog and MY GOD how my life is changing!!! God lead me right to you and your wonderful words and acts of encouragement.

    As I also stated in my blog my life is shifting... Away from the worldly and fleshy things and I am becoming more focused on God and what his promises.


    I've already ordered from your store and can't wait to receive my goodies.

    Thank you for all you do for us and thank you for sharing your love of Jesus!!! I feel like I'm stalking you but I promise I won't be hiding in the bushes!!! LOL!! Keep the encouragement coming!!!!

    I have one question. How do you store your note cards once your write the scriptures down?

    Thanks in Advance


    1. aww! Praise God honey!! lol You're so adorable! I actually have the notecards that are already on a ring-- so I won't lose them! :)

    2. Thank you and needed to hear this. I am so busy being a mom, wife and Christian women. Sometimes there is very little me time and I feel like I can easily loose myself. Thanks for the positive encourgagement. God Bless!

  13. Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World! !!!

  14. God will bless u more...dis really help me a lot nd come @ d right..thanx

  15. God bless you Servant, now sit down and rest ; ) Seriously, I am a semi Lindsey stalker....meaning I love everything that you and your hubby are doing. My girlfriend checked in to see if our other busybody friend, and my busybody self checked out today's post and I had not yet, so glad I did. It seems that everytime I believe I have cleaned my plate, God sends another reminder that there is more that I can shake off. It's so difficult for me because I feel like there are always "good" opportunities coming, but I have learned/am learning that if it takes you away from the specific will of God in your life it is sinful, and must be let go. Constantly reminding myself to take care of the king of my house. Love you guys and God Bless!


  16. Awesome words! I too love to play dress up in my own closet. I'm sorry but there's nothing like finding a 'new outfit' out of pieces you had in your closet for years. I give credit to Jesus's help ALL the time (lol). And I love the part where you say it's okay to say NO to people and it will also show your quickly who is really your friend and who is mature enough to handle a 'no'. I can just hear all the 'sighs of relief' after ppl read that portion of your blog. lol. <3 Thanks!

  17. Love it and Love you! Every tip you gave is so helpful, and this spoke directly to me. Thanks for all that you pour out through your work. You're touching lives, and God will bless you with more stamina and energy. Bless you hon!

  18. Wow. Amen and much needed Heather. YOur obedience has blessed many, and the Lord has a way of giving us the strength we need in order to carry out his will. You amaze and motivate me.YOur example has been a blessing to me in ways similar to my big sis Dawn. I've said this many times, but I'm so glad to have people like you two to look up to. I pray the Lord continues to use and bless you and the rest of his servants as we carry out his will! It's great to see the focus on our heavenly father:)

  19. Wow where do I begin, this is your best blog by a mile. The things that you write about are some of the things most women struggle with. Women do not have to be doing half as much the things u do, but they still have the tendency to feel drained & overworked. I was hoping & praying you wrote a blog about juggling or balancing, and I am so glad that u did. I find your story really straight forward & encouraging, and the tips you offered at the end are very very helpful & applicable. It feels like God uses every area of your life as a blessing to others, and he uses your struggles to bring healing to other people. If you can handle all of your responsibilities with God's help gracefully then I know I can too. Nothing is too difficult to handle once you have God on your side giving you the strength. I have read this particular blog twice now, and I would still read it again that's how much I loved it. Even though they have been articles written on this topic, yours is by far the best approach. I love the line My husband is gracious and understanding, but deep down—he still wants his meal and.. I want him to have it because I love him and desire to serve him. That is the best comment I have ever heard. Keep being a blessing. Love ya!

  20. Perfect timing! Thank you Lord for leading me to this. I'm dealing with this right NOW! Over the last year my life has become so busy with ministry & I was recently promoted last week at work! Its hard when you work at a place where everyone wants something done right away & they keep coming to you to do it! But one thing I'm learning is that having a good support team in whatever setting you are in is a good thing cause I CAN'T do it all. And I'm NOT SUPPOSED TO. We all have a part to play & knowing where you fit & where OTHERS fit is a part of having a BALANCED life. Jesus had balance. He knew when to pull away & commune with the Father, when His disciples needed Him, when miracles should be performed and so on & so forth. God must be the firm (balanced) foundation in all that I do otherwise nothing I build will be able to stand. :) -Mercedes

  21. This was right on time. When I read this last week, I felt like I was floundering. I was discouraged, depressed, and just needed a release and some encouragement. But when this popped up in my blog list, I immediately stopped what I was doing and read it. And I just keep referring back to it. You really truly encourage me with all of your blogs, but this! Between my husband, son, family, friends, work, church music ministry, keeping a house clean and running...its SO hard. But this blog is an amazing means of encouragement. You really blessed me. Thank you Heather.

  22. Thank you so much for writing this! I was just talking to the Lord about this, this morning. I'm a working wife and I want to know how I can be balanced, support and love on my husband in a way HE feels loved. I had somewhat of a pity party. I know I can only do all this with God's help. Though it is my desire to be a stay at home wife and mother, I will just have to be where God has me now and be faithful. Thank you!

  23. This is a long post but worth it! I'm glad that you are leveraging your business woman mindset and woman of God mindset together. That indeed displays an act of BALANCE that the Proverbs 31 woman has innate qualities of such. Thank you for being transparent about your walk. Remember, it is really helping us girls out here! Thank you! =D

  24. Wonderful words of wisdom! In a time when Christian women are taking their cues from the world rather than God's Word, this is so refreshing. God bless you, your husband, and your ministry.

  25. Thank you SO much for this post!!

  26. Thank you Heather for this post!It is wise and graceful at the same time. This reminds me of the ministry the Lord has placed me in. The Lord has convicted me on this too on this. All the running around and physical exaustion.. it's tiring .
    I believe now followers of this ministry have a clearer understanding on how busy your schedule.
    I'm glad The Lord has used you shed light on this topic.
    May the Lord continue to bless you & your spouse along with your family & friends. Also your ministry.

  27. I just love this post! The realness of this post & all your other post just seriously hit a spot in my heart, its like I can feel that spirit of Love and passion for Christ in your heart that you wrote this with. I love and appreciate your love to see us women grow & mature in Christ and find ourselves and our God given purposes.
    God blessed you greatly, I pray He strengthens you and increase even more what He's given you.
    -Tara A.

  28. Wow. The more of your blogs that I read the more I gain an even BIGGER respect for you. I had NO idea your life was sooo hectic. God bless you for your willingness to share yourself with the world about your life.

  29. This post has helped me start to put some things into perspective and prioritize things in my life God's way, not man's way. My biggest problem in the past has been not knowing how to say no and not wanting to say no to people because I would feel guilty or like they wouldn't like me or hold it against me. That was a form of bondage and people noticed it and preyed on that, which became so incredibly exhausting, both physically and spiritually.

  30. Love this article. A much needed read. On my way to recovery in learning how to prioritize..... Which is my biggest problem

  31. Love This !! .....Especially where you pointed out us supporting EACH OTHER in prayer and encouragement. I observe many times that people who are looked up to (including persons such as yourself) become an "entire" source of truth.. a shepherd to the broken when in fact you are teaching us that you have found and we CAN find these things in CHRIST!!. Thank God for your influence in our lives but everyone must realize that YOU ARE HUMAN....we are ALL equally capable of helping ourselves to truth, answers, etc. ....its a one body movement and ministry. Just as you turned to God for the Knowledge, Wisdom, and Understanding that you share with us we can turn to God for the same.I watch as many women pour out questions to you and out of love i really just want to tell them have you asked God what he thinks?? (and that isn't to discourage anyone because i was that woman at one point).....We ALL can do our part in teaching, praying, helping, loving, encouraging EACH OTHER. This IS ....THE CHURCH.

    Heather I really appreciate what you do for all of us as women, and now that i have the understanding of what your example has taught me i can now be an example for others and do the same. So thank you for your contribution to my personal spiritual growth. Keep on Inspiring and Building women of Godliness, Strength, and Greatness....... God Bless!!!

  32. Girl you are FEISTY!! Half of me really admires it ( i wuld be in a better place if I had even a quater of this fiestiness) the other part of me is just shocked (mouth half opened) lool... am I bothered tho..... for real.... the way you prioritise ur time with God at the top is admirable!!! Keep up d good work. Ill just be interested to know your views on grace, graciousness.... Also with all these success do u do a humilty check if so how?....

    God continually bless you for his glory xx

  33. Hi Heather

    Wonderful post, God bless you.
    Would love to have an updated version with Logan now featuring (kids change our lives, I know, I have three!).


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...