Wednesday, April 25, 2012

WHY won't they COMMIT?!?!



Ever found yourself in that place? Maybe you had an ex boyfriend that you went back and forth with.. or an ex girlfriend you used to just sleep with or maybe it's just that friend with benefits & things didn't quite work out.. ya'll never had a title and both of you would always get into other relationships but there was still a hope deep in your heart that you would go from side chick to main chick. (same for guys as well)

If that person cannot figure out what they want in a relationship & who they want to be with-- help them out. Make the decision for them & remove yourself! You're not someones option! Get yourself out of the competition already. The one God has for you will recognize your value & commit to you. Don't settle another day of your life with a random-- it sure doesn't take all that drama & its such a waste of time & energy.

Let's be clear, people DO what they want to DO. So if someone needs some water-- they go to the faucet and get water. If they want to work out, they go to the gym. If they WANT to go to school, they go to school. If they SEE your value, they make a point to develop a relationship with you & STAY with you. WHY do we get so confused when people don't WANT to be with us? Stop making it so complicated. It just IS what is IS. We must understand that GOD closes & opens certain relationships doors for your PROTECTION! You can no longer cry over spilled milk. Instead, dust yourself off-- GET up and get FOCUSED. God has a plan for your life and it's much bigger than your relationship status! Satan is trying to have you all messed up & confused and sad and Jesus is interceding on your behalf -- saying, my CHILD, I want your WHOLE heart so I can LEAD your life & introduce you to MY best for you.

I wouldn't have CRIED over all of my exes if I knew WHAT I know now! Stop crying over people you were never meant to be with! All the signs were there-- but you lifted your STANDARDS because they were "fine" or your "clock was tickin" or you were lonely.. so instead of refusing to get into that relationship-- you slowly excepted their cursing.. lying, sexual antics.. staying the night.. smoking.. drinking.. clubbing.. well he only cheated.. 3 times.. or 5.. or 6.

Let's all be clear, no person is perfect but you need to have deal breakers from the very beginning! For example-- are you a Christian? Ok, you are? What KIND of Christian are you? Do you just go to "church" on Sunday but will try to sleep with me Monday? Ok, do you really LIVE this thing? Are you going to pressure me to do things that dishonor God?? And while we're at it.. WHO told you your body was yours?!? Your BODY is the temple of the HOLY SPIRIT!! (1 Cor. 6:19-20) The Holy Spirit lives in YOU. Does He like to live in you or does HE want OUT?! Are you filling your heart.. and body with more randoms..?

I have to be raw and honest with just a few reasons why they won't commit to you.

1. They aren't 100% sold. That sounds horrible, I know- but it's the truth. They think you have some great qualities.. but not enough to lock it in forever. He or she is "waiting" for you to get "better" here or there but in all honestly, LOVE is PATIENT-- it grows & develops with you & if you can't take them JUST like they are-- then you don't need to be with them. Don't marry an expectation that YOU can change a person. Everybody has an issue.. including you.

2. Fear of commitment. Maybe they saw their mama or daddy or someone else NOT commit for years. For them, it's like confinement. It's WRONG. Perfect LOVE casts out all fear (John 4:18), including that one.

3. That's NOT Gods best for your life. We all think sometimes that we can control our little lives & "make it work"-- once I was in a relationship & wanted to marry the guy. I was determined to DO things God's way to MAKE it work. It got so unhealthy-- the Lord told me that if we dont' break things off-- it's only going to get worse. It was God's way of closing a door that "looked good" in my head & LEADING & guiding my LIFE because I submitted all of it to Him.

4. WHY buy your cow if YOU are giving homie the milk for free? I'm just saying!! If you PLAY house with him.. cook his meals, sleep with him & help pay the bills.. WHY would he marry you? Put some standards up & stop playing house.

5. Money. THIS is a huge one. STOP waiting for everything to be perfect. Guess what? The conditions will never be "perfect" for marriage, kids or whatever else. This could ALSO be a man's excuse for one of the above as a cover up. I'm just sayin'. Some men SAY it's money but they are really SCARED of the responsibility of being a husband to ONE woman. BUILD your kingdom together with your woman. Start with a blank canvas.. and save, pay off debt-- do what you have to do. Plus, you can save ALL your money & prepare, prepare, prepare-- and something happens where you LOSE it all. Now what? Are you going to divorce? Of course not! Marriage will COME with it's own struggles. You cannot run when life gets hard-- take it head on. And more than anything.. GOD is your provider. He has your back.

Know your worth. Know that God values you. God provides for you. He's WITH you. He SHOWS you the hearts of all people so that He can lead & guide you to healthy relationships.

And a quick side note: This isn't your chance to run to your person & say.. is it "one of these reasons?!!?"-- because most likely, they won't tell you. This is what you do-- have OPEN & honest communication about the PURPOSE of the relationship. If it DOESN'T have a purpose, YOU shouldnt' be in it. So NO, I will not "date this person for 10 years." Ask God for wisdom if you think the realtionship should end. He most likely has already SHOWN you. Obey Him.

God LOVES you like crazy!

Heather





23 comments:

  1. Build your kingdom together! Yes Iove it. Thanks for being 100% honest and real. We've all been there. We all have cried over someone and wondered why that person didn't see us as good enough, not realizing it had nothing to do with us to begin with. You have to set standards and love yourself enough to only allow the best that God has for you in your life. Another great post! Thank you!

    XO Kelley
    http://www.keepsittingpretty.blogspot.com

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  2. this post = my last "relationship"! I can relate to every single word here... wish I could've known then what I know now :)

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  3. This came at the right time....a word just for me!
    Thank you xx

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  4. Love it...answered alot of my quetions. It wasnt the typical answers thats copied and pasted and used over and over again. Thank God for your obedience. Now I gotta step my obedience up for the kingdom

    Thank you,

    Ifey J

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  5. This was quite insightful, and very wise. Quote of the blog...

    "God has a plan for your life and it's much bigger than your relationship status!"

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  6. OMGosh!!!! U have slapped me in the face MANY times with this post. LOL!!!! I love it! Thanks so much for posting. And the funniest part for me is... I emailed you recently about my situation (which of course, is no longer a situation). Hmph. Thanks again!!!

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  7. Right message at the right time...love it all! But I've got one question, how long can you date a guy with the intention of marriage for? Thank you.

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  8. hey heather,

    now for those of the women who are not playing house with their boyfriends but still have a sexual relationship with them, would you consider that the wrong thing to do on their part? How do you want readers who are having premarital sex to read into your posts? Curious to see your response

    thanks,
    L

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    1. Hey L,

      Idk if Heather responded to you yet, but I think that you should recommend to the ladies still having sex with their boyfriends without playing house to read: 1Corinthians6:12-20,considering that they are Christians, and that fornication is a sin.

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    2. Hey lovely-
      Yes, it's wrong to have sex outside of marriage. I want my readers that are having pre-martial sex to STOP & recognize that sex is separating them from Christ. A man and a woman have not paid the price for each other-- thus they shouldn't have sex until their wedding night. I would plead with you to give your relationship to Christ & really start living for Him. There's so much that comes with pre-martial sex. It's NOT worth it.

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  10. In two days, I can't tell you how many times I've heard that statement "set your standards". So true. I'm just starting my journey with Christ, again. I have been born again before but fell on the side lines. In Luke 2 at the the end, Jesus parents left to go home with him behind them. He decided otherwise and his parents traveled for.3 days before they realized he want with them. Makes me wonder how many times we have strayed away from God to go do our own thing and how long it took us to realize God was not with us. For me it's been years. I am coming back to God broken, afraid, feeling like muck etc. I have finally decided to set some standards in my life. Pray for me.

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    1. Precious, I just gave my life back to the Lord last November after 4 years of trying to make it on my own. God is waiting with open arms, He always was!!! Run to Him and surrender your ALL!!! Spend time with Him, get to know Him, share your most secret things with Him. Treat Him like your Husband!!! Don't be afraid, God will never leave you or forsake you. Just put your faith and trust in Him. He has an awesome plan for your life, just allow Him to use you. Be encouraged!! God Bless You!!

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    2. Hey anonymous, thank you for that word of encouragement. I needed it today especially. I thank God for you. I have rededicated my life. I'm trying to get a Bible (you wont believe how hard that is. So many Bibles out there, I just want a simple NIV one that is not tainted, teachers the word of God s it should be, but for some reason everytime i'm at the bookstore it feels like rocket science. I'm currently using a Bible app on my phone but that can be a distraction coz pple text our call when i'm in the middle of spending time with God. Any suggestions on a simple NIV Bible that's true to God's word?

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  11. Wonderful post! Thank you so much for this. This came at the right time, I really needed to read something like this. xo

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  12. I really appreciate this post. Thanks Heather!

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  13. This really touched me

    Thanks

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  14. I just have to thank you so much for all of your wisdom. Your words literally has me in tears!

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart :) LOVE!!!

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  15. Hey Heather I am so in love with your blogs because they keep me going... Do you mind if I can email you for advice sometimes? I am a lost and confused 20 year old woman smh

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  16. Now I know what my prayer subject is!! I need His wisdom right now!!

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  17. Thank you Im having a hard time getting away from this guy that I really love he talks to other females on facebook writing them and tells me its just talk it doesn't mean anything then why do it... I stick around because I want to believe him he say he loves me we have a 8 month son together and I really want to make this work.Please help me. No bashing

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    1. Hey love! Honestly.. if he really loved you, he wouldn't be reaching out to those women on facebook. I know you really want it to work love but evidence of where his heart is.. is not with you. I pray that you adjust your focus and put your eyes on Christ. Let the Lord lead your relationships and shut down any hinderances. Praying for you love & I recommend, "We just broke up, now what?" xo

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