"WHERE is my ADAM?!?!"

Ever asked yourself this question? I get this question a TON from my sisters in Christ. They are trying to be patient as they watch everybody else change their relationship status on Facebook from .. Single.. to "In a Relationship" to "Engaged" & then "Married"-- and every summer they dread getting fifty million wedding invitations. 

You could be serving Jesus with ALL of your heart and pushing a certain age. As the world around you seems to be skipping off in the wind, you may feel like WHEN is my time GOD??! WHEN is my ADAM going to WAKE up and find me???!  God, I serve you-- I LIVE for you-- I serve in the church, I'm a virgin or a born again virgin-- I'm turning down these guys left and right because they are a hot mess and they're sorta saved. I mean, I deserve a great guy. I want kids, I want to start a family, I'm a good catch! WHAT is the issue GOD??!??! You may paste.. a smile on your face but deep down, its a lingering question in your heart. At times, you get down about it every now and then. My beautiful sister in Christ.. I want to encourage you-- YOU are being PREPARED for not just a man-- but the very PURPOSE you were being created for. It's much bigger than you having a pair of thighs in your bed. 

So if you ever asked yourself this question. I pray that this encourages you.

If you don't understand what I mean about your Adam waking up.. check this out these quick summaries:

Genesis 2:18- “It’s NOT good for man to be alone—I’m going to create a help meet for him.” (ladies, I didn’t write it—God did) YOU’RE a HELP-MEET. God has placed so many beautiful gifts inside of you to HELP your man to fulfill everything that God has called him to do. That doesn’t mean you don’t have a career or a life as I work an own a consulting company where I work full time and I’m in ministry full time.  The above scripture doesn’t say—I’m going to create a leader for him. So stop trying to run your man. (I’ll blog about the 2012 woman at later time)

Then, Adam gave PURPOSE to every thing in verse 19, 20 and went on and named all of the animals. He called them a name with a PURPOSE. Which means.. that if you’re in a relationship that doesn’t carry a purpose, you probably shouldn’t be in it.

Let’s get to the meat of your “Adam.”

“Vs. 21- And the Lord God caused a DEEP sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept and took one of his ribs & closed up the flesh thereof; vs. 22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman and brought her unto the man. Vs. 23 And Adam said, “THIS is now bone of my bone & flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of man—therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother & cleave to his wife.”

Ok—so the ABOVE scripture tells me that EVE did nothing in light of pursing Adam. She didn’t have to SWITCH all hard past him, dress half naked, sleep with him, tell him that “HE was gonna be her hussssband” or anything else. God PREPARED her behind the scenes and when she was FULLY prepared—God presented her perfectly for Adam and guess what—ADAM recognized her!! He wasn’t confused with her & the billy goat or the horse—He KNEW that Eve was his wife. There was no question. So run from the man that is confused about who he wants to be with. You are NOT someone’s option. YOUR Adam will quickly recognize YOU & take action to lock you in because he will SEE your great value and worth. He wouldn’t dare do anything to mess up the relationship because he wouldn’t want to lose you OR see you go to another “Adam.”

So the above tells me that …

1. Every relationship that you do have—should have purpose, whether male or female. (And no, guys & girls cannot be friends—I blogged about it here)
2.  You should stop settling for a bunch of randoms that want to date you when convenient. You’re trying to fill VOIDS that can only be filled by CHRIST. So, just stop it.
3.  If you have to sit and question a guy—he aint the one.
4.  God is the best matchmaker—HE organizes & prepares OUR life for His glory.
5.  Your Adam is in a DEEP sleep & that’s why HE hasn’t FOUND you.
6.  When God wakes him up—you both will be able to recognize each other.
7.  Calm down
8.  Ladies, you’re a help meet—You’re supposed to HELP him—why are you trying to help a  wanna-be-rapper with no job, no vision, no future and 5 baby mamas?
9. You are to help him to accomplish the purpose of God over your life.. not helping to each other to your bodies prior to marriage.
10. You cannot wake up your Adam—clearly, God put Adam in a deep sleep & woke his tail up.

So now that we see all of that—STOP going around and trying to wake up your Adam! STOP trying to get him to see your body, hips, and thighs and focus on spending time with CHRIST and letting CHRIST develop this crazy inner beauty about you. And I aint trying to toot my own horn because I WAS a straight train wreck while I was single but one thing I did do—was spend crazy time with God. As you spend this crazy time with Him.. He begins to put this light on you, an anointing. I made spending time with God a PRIORITY every SINGLE day—I would pour out, get on my face, pray often, meditate on scriptures like it was fresh water & I stalked Jesus. MEN were DRAWN to my anointing. Yeah, they probably thought I was cute too—but there’s a ton of “cute” not saved women out there. It was the CHRIST in me that they were drawn TO. When guys would meet me—they would say that they were so drawn to me  & wanted to run off in the wind & get married. Thus, it made it harder to weed them out & stay focused on Christ because I HAD them banging down my door. Now—let me also say this—they weren’t WHAT I knew I was supposed to be with, thus—I never dated them.

You may be in a situation where you feel like no guys call you or try to talk to you. Trust me—this is even better then having fifty million randoms banging down your door. IT is very distracting. In the midst of the randoms.. I just knew that God had the right one for me. Of course, I could have married ANY of them.. but I just KNEW that there was one that I would go & start a ministry with and travel all over this crazy world & share Christ.  God told me my purpose in 2003 after we had a date night together. He told me that I would travel all over this world & preach the gospel and that millions of people will come into the knowledge of WHO He is through me & my husband’s ministry. Now—I had just broke up with my little boyfriend from college so I was thinking—wow! I have a huge standard. Just can’t marry anybody.

I want to encourage you sisters. Satan is after your mindset. He wants you to think that you’ll be like sister so & so & single your whole life. He wants you to think that you’ll never get married. He wants you to think that you’ll be too old to have kids, He wants you to believe his stupid LIES. IF you believe his lies, you’ll be WAY too wrapped up & distracted to do what God called you to do. You’ll serve in church but deep down, your heart will hurt & you’ll grow frustrated. I want to challenge you to have JOY RIGHT NOW. No matter what season you’re in!! Some of you may think that.. it’s “easy” for me to say that because I’m married but my DUE date for marriage was August 14^th 2010. YOU have a due date for marriage that has been PRE-ARRANGED by Christ.. and there’s NOTHING you can do right NOW to make that time come any quicker. Being pissed off at God & everyone else who is getting married sure won’t make that season come any sooner. So, dear daughters of Jesus.. rest sis. God loves you. He’s with you. He cares for you. He hasn’t forgotten about you. Your Adam will wake up in DUE time but that just can no longer be the focus of your mindset & cares. If you DRILL in your head that you’re going to trust God and HIS timing & be determined to enjoy life.. YOU will. If you drill in your head .. stupid love songs & stalking your ex boyfriends new life & girlfriend on his facebook page, you’re going to be sad & down. Keep your eyes on your OWN grass & water that grass.. clean it up… make it pretty. Let God develop beautiful gifts & areas into your heart. Pass some tests. Stop being so darn emotional. Surround yourself around positive women. Stop going to the club to finds you a man. STOP having sex with randoms.  Stop complaining about your “time.” Bring something to the table of your one-day marriage besides discontentment your entire single life.

I also taught a message called "How to be a Woman After God's Own Heart"-- & I taught the above & so much more!! check it out here. 

God wants ALL of you.

He LOVES you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

WHY won't they COMMIT?!?!

Ever found yourself in that place? Maybe you had an ex boyfriend that you went back and forth with.. or an ex girlfriend you used to just sleep with or maybe it's just that friend with benefits & things didn't quite work out.. ya'll never had a title and both of you would always get into other relationships but there was still a hope deep in your heart that you would go from side chick to main chick. (same for guys as well)

If that person cannot figure out what they want in a relationship & who they want to be with-- help them out. Make the decision for them & remove yourself! You're not someones option! Get yourself out of the competition already. The one God has for you will recognize your value & commit to you. Don't settle another day of your life with a random-- it sure doesn't take all that drama & its such a waste of time & energy.

Let's be clear, people DO what they want to DO. So if someone needs some water-- they go to the faucet and get water. If they want to work out, they go to the gym. If they WANT to go to school, they go to school. If they SEE your value, they make a point to develop a relationship with you & STAY with you. WHY do we get so confused when people don't WANT to be with us? Stop making it so complicated. It just IS what is IS. We must understand that GOD closes & opens certain relationships doors for your PROTECTION! You can no longer cry over spilled milk. Instead, dust yourself off-- GET up and get FOCUSED. God has a plan for your life and it's much bigger than your relationship status! Satan is trying to have you all messed up & confused and sad and Jesus is interceding on your behalf -- saying, my CHILD, I want your WHOLE heart so I can LEAD your life & introduce you to MY best for you.

I wouldn't have CRIED over all of my exes if I knew WHAT I know now! Stop crying over people you were never meant to be with! All the signs were there-- but you lifted your STANDARDS because they were "fine" or your "clock was tickin" or you were lonely.. so instead of refusing to get into that relationship-- you slowly excepted their cursing.. lying, sexual antics.. staying the night.. smoking.. drinking.. clubbing.. well he only cheated.. 3 times.. or 5.. or 6.

Let's all be clear, no person is perfect but you need to have deal breakers from the very beginning! For example-- are you a Christian? Ok, you are? What KIND of Christian are you? Do you just go to "church" on Sunday but will try to sleep with me Monday? Ok, do you really LIVE this thing? Are you going to pressure me to do things that dishonor God?? And while we're at it.. WHO told you your body was yours?!? Your BODY is the temple of the HOLY SPIRIT!! (1 Cor. 6:19-20) The Holy Spirit lives in YOU. Does He like to live in you or does HE want OUT?! Are you filling your heart.. and body with more randoms..?

I have to be raw and honest with just a few reasons why they won't commit to you.

1. They aren't 100% sold. That sounds horrible, I know- but it's the truth. They think you have some great qualities.. but not enough to lock it in forever. He or she is "waiting" for you to get "better" here or there but in all honestly, LOVE is PATIENT-- it grows & develops with you & if you can't take them JUST like they are-- then you don't need to be with them. Don't marry an expectation that YOU can change a person. Everybody has an issue.. including you.

2. Fear of commitment. Maybe they saw their mama or daddy or someone else NOT commit for years. For them, it's like confinement. It's WRONG. Perfect LOVE casts out all fear (John 4:18), including that one.

3. That's NOT Gods best for your life. We all think sometimes that we can control our little lives & "make it work"-- once I was in a relationship & wanted to marry the guy. I was determined to DO things God's way to MAKE it work. It got so unhealthy-- the Lord told me that if we dont' break things off-- it's only going to get worse. It was God's way of closing a door that "looked good" in my head & LEADING & guiding my LIFE because I submitted all of it to Him.

4. WHY buy your cow if YOU are giving homie the milk for free? I'm just saying!! If you PLAY house with him.. cook his meals, sleep with him & help pay the bills.. WHY would he marry you? Put some standards up & stop playing house.

5. Money. THIS is a huge one. STOP waiting for everything to be perfect. Guess what? The conditions will never be "perfect" for marriage, kids or whatever else. This could ALSO be a man's excuse for one of the above as a cover up. I'm just sayin'. Some men SAY it's money but they are really SCARED of the responsibility of being a husband to ONE woman. BUILD your kingdom together with your woman. Start with a blank canvas.. and save, pay off debt-- do what you have to do. Plus, you can save ALL your money & prepare, prepare, prepare-- and something happens where you LOSE it all. Now what? Are you going to divorce? Of course not! Marriage will COME with it's own struggles. You cannot run when life gets hard-- take it head on. And more than anything.. GOD is your provider. He has your back.

Know your worth. Know that God values you. God provides for you. He's WITH you. He SHOWS you the hearts of all people so that He can lead & guide you to healthy relationships.

And a quick side note: This isn't your chance to run to your person & say.. is it "one of these reasons?!!?"-- because most likely, they won't tell you. This is what you do-- have OPEN & honest communication about the PURPOSE of the relationship. If it DOESN'T have a purpose, YOU shouldnt' be in it. So NO, I will not "date this person for 10 years." Ask God for wisdom if you think the realtionship should end. He most likely has already SHOWN you. Obey Him.

God LOVES you like crazy!

Heather

Join the *Journal Challenge*

I've learned that spending time with God daily will eliminate most of your problems. Does it mean that your problems disappear? Heck no. They will still be there as John 16:33 says "I have told you these things so that in ME you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble! But take heart!! I have overcome the world"-- INSTEAD your perspective is gonna CHANGE. The MORE time you spend with GOD-- the more PEACE, joy, understanding and clarity you will have! Tests are designed to GROW you up-- the issue is, we keep running from them or "going around that mountain" for 40 years and it turns into a temptation. You don't have to accept every test that comes your way. Last year, I went through HELL ( I blogged about it here). 2011 was the worst year of my life. I lost three people close to me due to death. My husband & I stepped out into ministry. We lost a ton of "pretend friends." I had a CHOICE to make last year. God told me to get my tail up & DO what HE was telling me to do!! I continued to press on & tell my emotions to shut up. I KNEW what God called my husband and I to do and I wasn't gonna let no silent season make me THROW away what I KNEW to be true. 
So yeah, the tests came. But you better believe I passed them. I was "tempted" to get weary but I stayed on my face before GOD. I got crazy close to Him during that season. I knew He loved me. I knew that I wasn't "cursed." I knew that I belonged to HIM. I also knew that I needed to GROW up in some areas. ...

Then, 2012 hit. Since DAY 1 God has been OVERWHELMING my husband & I .. with ideas.. visions.. Pinky Promise.. the Oath.. speaking engagements.. crazy open doors.. and most importantly being USED as a vehicle to share Christ. I NEEDED to go through what I went through last year. Being a Christan aint all peaches & roses. So yes, you may go through some hell but don't get mad at the only one who can help you. Are you serious??! Jesus was BEAT & hung on a CROSS. There was nothing pretty about that. So you need to leave that church that tells you if you get TESTED that it's ONLY because of your disobedience. Let's all be clear-- there is a DESTINATION to sin outside of Christ. Along that destination of disobedience is judgement if you continue to ignore God. But.. at any point, you can turn your whole heart to Jesus & stand before HIM brand new, holy, like you've never sinned. (colossians 1:22-23). So, I was living for God.. with all of my heart & got hit up. (like Job's story). GOD wanted my heart through that season and you BETTER believe HE has it. I learned to trust HIM like no other. I needed that season for this season my husband & I are in. I miss my loved ones but you better believe I'm doing what THEY couldn't do here on this earth-- and that's sharing CHRIST. And those "pretend friends"-- a REAL friend, sticks CLOSER than a brother (proverbs 18:24). So am I sweating them? No! I love & forgive them from a  distance but I aint rocking' with them. They were unqualified to join me in this season. It just is.. what it is.

I am a much better Heather after 2011. I carry the SAME joy & the SAME attitude of thankfulness towards Christ. He's my entire life. I'm so thankful for Him. So honored to belong to Him.

I started this journal challenge because I realize that at times, we have a hard time spending time with God daily.  BUT if we had a flight to Hawaii every morning at 5am that was an all expense paid trip.. we would be at the airport on time. We would MAKE time to pack.. & check in on time. Let's make SPENDING time with GOD a priority.

How amazing is it.. that hundreds of us.. will journal & write our "day" that we're on. This aint for show'-- it's us, spending time with God daily & letting Him change us from the inside out. Writing the day on your journal is ONLY for accountability.

So, what will you need?

A Journal! (this is mine! You can get it at my Pinky Promise Store (www.pinkypromisemovement.com)  (I like pretty journals) lol

Notecards! I swear by notecards! I use these often as it does something to your brain as you write down the scriptures. Then, I meditate on them throughout the day. So write out the scriptures longhand-- based on what God places on your heart to study & to meditate on.

Here's an example of how you'll start your journal. I always start mine with "Dear Daddy"-- and be sure to write the CONSISTENT day. The point of this journal challenge is to get you to be consistent in spending time with God daily. So day 1, day 2, day 50, day 56.. etc.

This is my favorite bible. The Life Application Bible- NLT version. I purchased it from a Lifeway Christian store. It's a GREAT study bible that breaks stuff down.

Ok, so now that you have all of the materials-- you may ask-- HOW do I journal?!? What do I say??! As I blogged before with "How to Spend Time With God"  - so be SURE to read that entire blog if you're joining this challenge. But to answer your question-- I look at my journal like my diary to God. I just pour out whats in my heart. I thank Him for being God-- I tell Him I love Him. I tell Him whats going on in my life & my struggles. PRIOR to this-- I put on worship music, sing out to Him & pray (as I said, be sure to read my blog)-- doing those things will help UNCLUTTER your mind from all the stuff going on in your head. I write what God shows me about the scriptures on my journal & whatever else. Remember-- you have to treat your relationship with GOD like a RELATIONSHIP. Except He already knows you.. He created YOU. But He still wants to hear from YOU.  After I write to God.. I just get QUIET. Sometimes, He shares things with me.. sometimes-- I just sit & enjoy His presence & hear nothing.. I just meditate on WHO HE is.

So the challenge starts WHENEVER you read these words. You could be reading this a month after todays date.. but I challenge you to get started in TODAY. Today is day 2  of being consistent for me. I'm excited. Just the time I spent with God today.. was so beautiful, so amazing. I'm thankful for this accountability challenge.

Before I close out.. know that satan is gonna attack you. You'll be sleepy, too busy, or whatever else. Remember that you'll desire WHAT you give your attention too. So shut your phone off, Facebook & the TV. No distractions. 

Let's go!!!!!!

God loves YOU like CRAZY!

Heather Lindsey

"How to Hear God's Voice"

I've heard this question a ton. People hear me talk about God like He's the person sitting right next to me & they look at me.. and say.. soo.. you're saying.. "God.. really talks to you?"

YES. He does. He's my Best Friend, My Creator, My Lord, My Savior, My God, My Life.. My Peace, My JOY, My Provider, My Comforter and A MILLION other things. Since He's all that.. I SHOULD be able to hear His voice right?!

If you look at Other religions.. their "god" -- is dead. So they pray repetitive prayers to the air, hoping & a praying. I don't know about  you but I can't serve no dead "god" that cannot hear me-- saying some repetitive prayer like it's gonna do something. OUR GOD, through Jesus Christ is LIVING, ACTIVE and sitting on the Throne in Heaven while all of heaven is bowing down & worshipping Him.. singing "Holy Holy Holy." THAT is my GOD. He speaks to me, He checks me, He shows me where I'm wrong, He encourages me, He tells me to shut up, He gives me wisdom, He tells me "not to wear that", He tells me "not to buy that"-- He tells me to GIVE, He tells me to pray, He tells me to do this & do that. Our relationship isn't this law-driven saying..ok, I HAVE to do this.. because if I don't He'll hate me. I aint like that. When you really love someone.. you WANT to serve them. For example, with my husband-- I'm not crazy about conflict in general and I don't want to ON-PURPOSE do anything to my husband that will hurt him or cause him harm. If my husband asks me to do something-- I do it because I LOVE him and marriage aint all about ME. I do what God asks of me because it's for my GOOD! He's leading me like He promised in Proverbs 3:5-6.

When I first found out..

I started spending time with God as soon as I got saved in 2003. My best friends sister told me that I'm supposed to spend time with Him daily so in my mind-- I needed to treat it like a new guy. Yes, you read that right. When you have a new little boo-- you think about them all day, call them, text them, spend time with them.. you do what you do.  IF I was REALLY going to get SERIOUS about my relationship with GOD I had to make Him a priority because I had all of the WORLD and my ex-randoms PRESSING in on me. So I went hard. I had date nights, coffee dates, went running, shopped with Him & studied together. I was INTENTIONAL in my date nights-- I talked with Him, asked Him what He thought of the movie we were watching.. you see.. if I was really going to learn Him & make Him my life.. I couldnt' do it.. without being INTIMATE with HIM.

Going to church 1x a week to get FED what another man or woman studied in their quiet time will not give you a relationship with God. HE must become your LIFE. So AS I am having these date nights and spending crazy time with God (studying & reading my bible-- listening to Praise & Worship Music)-- I begin to really practice hearing His voice. I would pray & listen to worship & then I would journal.. I would just write what He put on my heart. His voice.. became LOUDER & louder.. as I spent more & more time with HIM. You aint gonna know somebodies voice if you don't spend time with them.

                                                          The first time..

So do I hear God's voice.. audibly? Well, yes & no. I've only heard His voice audibility about 2 times. One time was in 2007 and I was in Target. I had just finished spending my entire Saturday morning on my face before God & I was checking out at the store. Then I heard a LOUD, booming voice say "Give her $20"-- it SHOOK me because I knew it was God's voice. I was so discombobulated that I almost forgot to pay for my items. The lady looked at me weird as I was searching in my purse for money. So after I paid-- I handed her the money and I said "The Lord told me to give you this"-- and the girls eyes lit up & she dropped to the ground. She said.. you have NO idea how much I needed this with tears in her eyes. I RAN out of there, I didn't need ANY credit because I sure wasnt' going to give her a dime. Not like that-- but it's not everyday you're handing money to cashiers. lol All the glory had to go to the ONE who told me to give it to her.

1. MOST times, I hear God's voice with my inner ear.. or my heart. One would say.. their "gut" or their conscience. Or.. "something' told me to do that."
2.  If you read my tweets and my facebook posts, I often tweet and facebook alot.. it's not like I sit & think of these things. It's in passing as I go throughout my day-- God places the ENTIRE thing on my heart and I just post it. He just tells me in my inner ear or my heart & it pops up in my mind and then I share it with you. (Same with this blog-- that took all of 5-10 minutes to write- He places an area on my heart & I just blog it)
3. I also go with my PEACE. If I'm going to God & I don't have CLARITY on an issue, I just wait quietly & I check my peace. If I HAVE zero peace-- I aint going & I aint' doing it.
4. If I'm not sure, I'll just keep standing & not make a decision until GOD has made it clear to me. I ain't doing nothing outside of HIM. I cannot AFFORD it & NEITHER can YOU.
5. Out of nowhere-- God will start to show me a person's heart. He just drops it in my spirit to stay away from that particular person because they don't have your best interest & they are POISONOUS to your life.
6. God speaks through humans, situations & LIFE in general. If you HIT rock bottom-- it's a good thing. Now you know that this world cannot sustain you-- so now you'll go to the real source of life & get that foundation right. So God speaks through CLOSING DOORS. He also protects you through those closed doors & He opens the right ones.
7. Dont' forget that satan also speaks to you to. Reconize the difference between his voice, God's voice & your emotions. Whenever satan tries to speak to me-- he speaks doubt & unbelief. He suggests that life isn't going to work out.. or this or that isn't going to happen so give up on everything. He's a LIAR & there's NO truth IN HIM. He's the one that suggests stupid things to you all day & it's up to you to TALK back to his lies & keep it moving'. If you don't know God's voice, you may confuse it with satans.. like "God told me that man is gonna be my husband".. but he keeps sleeping with you & everything that moves. Probably not honey.
8. WHEN God speaks.. the FRUIT lines UP. I KNEW my husband was going to be the "one" within 20 minutes of talking to the man-- but over the next year and 8 months I saw the FRUIT of Cornelius being a man after God's own heart. That FRUIT lined up so don't get so wrapped up in what you thought you heard "God" say that you miss what the BIBLE says. So NO, he shouldnt' be SLEEPING with YOU.. even if ya'll "plan to get married"
9. There's also quiet seasons.. where you don't hear a ton from God. I've gone through those. But during those times.. tell your emotions to shut up & KNOW that God is with you. He promises to never leave you or forsake you. GOD is still with you, EVEN if you don't feel like it.
10. When you spend time with God (I blogged about spending time with God here), don't forget to GET QUIET & LISTEN. If you sit & vent all day & then just jump up-- run to the shower & go about your day.. you get all cluttered & God has no room to even respond. LET Him freely respond to you. Set time aside DAILY to hear His voice. So SLOW down after you talk to Him. Give Him a chance to respond. God is ALWAYS speaking.

Cheers to all of you.. spending crazy time with Jesus .. hearing His voice & letting Him lead you. Don't forget that if you "step out" because you thought you heard God's voice & things don't work out.. HE will FIND YOU if you "MISS IT." Just have the right heart & desire to worship HIM with your entire life. And Remember.. the MORE you ignore God's voice.. the more hardened your heart will be to hear Him the next time He speaks.

God loves you like crazy,

"How to Identify a RANDOM"

So I get this question a TON! So I figured it would be a good idea to just give you so me basics.. of how to recognize a RANDOM. Yeah, I'm giving you some practical tips but you have to make sure that you're spending time with God daily (I blogged about it here) & letting Him lead your life. PEACE should rule as an empire in your heart daily.

If you're new to what  "RANDOM" is-- let's define it, A Random is defined as a person you KNOW you'll never marry but you date them to fill a void because you're lonely or bored. A random is that ex boyfriend that is still trying to EMOTIONALLY connect with you and you're married. A random is a co-worker that is switching' all hard in your face trying to get your attention. A random is a unhealthy relationship. This could also go for friendships as well. It's that person you KNOW is messy & gossips about everyone..but you still hang around them. If they're talking about others, they're talking about YOU. It's that friend that says, "girlll, you better get it-- he got money"-- or that guy that says "lets hit the strip club tonight.." I also introduced a "No Randoms" pinky promise bracelet as a fun reminder to tell them to get' outta' here! :) You can get one here.

Another disclaimer: NO man or woman is perfect, so get that fantasy out of your head. If you want a fairytale, watch a Disney movie. PEOPLE will have things that they need to work on. However, you should have standards and deal breakers.

But specifically for this blog-- we'll focus on No Randoms in a relationship. These could go for MEN or WOMEN.

How to Identify a Random 101

1. The Wrong Timing Random- this random says... I think that you're PERFECT for me.. but it's just the wrong TIME. What this really means is.. I have so many options & I'm not sure which one to choose. If I go with you, I'm afraid that I'll miss out on all these other people. So if I emotionally string you along, you'll think that there will always be a chance.. that we'll end up together. Then, when you end up getting into a relationship-- I'll act mad but secretly, I didn't care about you. I was on to the next one a long time ago. This kind of random is never satisfied. They love attention and crave it from people in general. RUN from this random. You'll look up and they'll end up married to someone else. THEY NEVER WANTED YOU. IF THEY DID.. they would have pursued you.. God's way.

2. Commitment Probe Random- This random HATES commitment. They'll date you but as soon as you get "too close" for their comfort, they'll RUN. They have been hurt so much in their past that the thought of committing to someone their whole life scares them. OR they'll date you for 10 years and it will never be the "right" time to get engaged. They'll make excuses forever until you get sick & tired & give them a deadline. COURT with a purpose. Everything and everybody needs to have some type of PURPOSE in your life. IF they have no purpose.. they gotta go. 

3. Charming Random- This random.. is a CHARMER. They make everyone feel good about themselves. They have a way with words, has "swag", can dress, is usually the popular kid and is a big time FLIRT. Dating this random will put you in positions where you're often telling them to STOP talking to other people of the opposite sex in the way that they do. You'll argue about their many friends of the opposite sex & they just won't ever get the memo. They'll blame you as they continue to flirt with the entire world & roll their eyes at you. They will eventually despise you because you'll never accept their need for attention and the attention you give them.. is not enough. 

4. Clinging Random- This random.. loves to make you their god. That's a strong word, right? Well, this random does EVERYTHING for you. Cooks, cleans, stays the night often, wants to be with you 24-7, calls you the second they have any issue and pretty much replaces YOU with God. I mean, why do they need God if they have YOU who responds to their many emotional needs? They REFUSE to finally give God their heart and blame you & everyone else for their unhappiness. God is VERY clear in Exodus 20:3-- "there should be NO other God but Me." If that PERSON wants to be FIRST to God-- they have to GO. This random is also really controlling because they feel like you are all they have. Remember, don't BE a void filler. That's God's responsibility. These relationships end with a ton of screaming, crying & drama.

5. Random with a trillion chicks or guys- Yeah, you know. Its the guy or girl that has a little black book of people from Elementary that they can just reach out to at will that will fill their little emotional and sexual needs. Is it right? Heck no! But they end up falling for you... and find it way to hard to really commit to just one person. So you become their main squeeze with a plethora of other side chicks or guys. You have to sneak around and look at their cell phones and Facebook page messages often because they just cannot be trusted. They feel like they have SO many options.. they cannot just possible settle with you. Let's all be clear-- this random needs some time ALONE to get whole with GOD before they try to get into a relationship with YOU.

6. Sorta Random Christian- This random.. goes to church on Sunday but is at the club on Saturday night. They sleep around, curse, dress half naked and refuse to change their life. This person wears the title of a Christian but NOTHING about their life identifies that they really trust God & that they live for Him. This random will PULL you off the chair and CONFUSE you because they were just at church with you.. praying in tongues and then right after church.. they are trying to pull off your clothes behind clothes doors.  This random isn't completely sold that God's way is the best way so they work real hard & try to figure out their life & call it God but in all honesty.. God has NOTHING to do with it. RUN from this random quickly. You need to see some FRUIT in their life & some standards before you kick it with them.

7. Play-House Random- This Random wants you to stay the night 24-7, cook, clean, call you "wifey" or "hubby" but refuses to propose. This person wants to sleep with you, make a ton of babies and pretend to be married but not really commit to you. They want all the benefits of marriage and quickly tell you.. "things are perfect-- why do we need to change it with a piece of paper-- we know in our "hearts" we're married"-- FAIL. HUSBANDS get HUSBAND treatment and BOYFRIENDS get BOYFRIEND treatment. Same goes for girlfriend treatment. I'm jus saying'. 

8. Immature Random- This random.. is so immature it drives you nuts. They REFUSE to change and they blame everything on you and everyone that hurt them since they were 5. They refuse to take ANY responsibility for any of the arguments and when you tell them what you want in a relationship, they refuse to meet your needs. They're selfish. This random will drive you nuts because you just want them to really see themselves and grow up already. If you're dating one of these.. you'll develop greatly in patience. If they're a good guy or girl, just stay on your face before God & let Him work on them. Respond in love.

9. Critical Random- This random crushes all of your ideas and visions. They don't believe ANY of the passions in your heart and think you're crazy. If you hang around the long enough-- you'll begin to believe the lie and  your confidence will drop significantly. YOUR job is never good enough for this random. They want you to be a doctor or something.. anything BUT what you're doing now. Your job values you to this random.  They'll try to change EVERYTHING about your look because you need to make them look good .. so you're too skinny, too fat, too this too that. They tell you it's because they care for you.. but in all honestly, they don't believe in you. Lets all be clear, you have enough issues to deal with in this world, you don't need to be with someone that doesn't respect you & really LISTEN & love you. 

10. Ex-Relationship Random- This random is your ex boo. You've been on & off forever & you still sleep together every now & then. You know that you aren't supposed to be together but you're torn. You know they ain't no good but you want to feel good about yourself & your lonely. This random fills your little voids. So when you want to feel pretty or not deal with your emotions, you call each other. But deep down, you know it's over. You had nothing in common and you GREW apart because you fit each others DYSFUNCTION. SO STOP RUNNING BACK TO THAT EX. You want to know how to get free? Finally make the decision and CUT THEM OFF. Guard your heart.. Proverbs 4:23.

These randoms want you to miss them, text them, call them, Facebook them.. for they have planted seeds to wheel you in. They planted seeds in YOU and so many others. So if you really want to know, you're not the only ONE.  You see, a random finds value in their many options and they like attention and wish that they can take bits and pieces of people and make one. They aren't satisfied with JUST you alone.. if they were, they would have committed to you & figured it out.

 THE PERSON THAT GOD HAS FOR YOU WILL MEASURE UP!!!!! It's vital that we don't RUN to these randoms for fulfillment that ONLY comes from GOD alone. YES, God can change the above randoms and as I said before-- these are examples. You could be in a relationship with someone who is a bit immature, but he's growing and changing and you believe that God led you to that relationship. Great. Lets all remember that our focuses.. cannot be on "getting us a man or a woman"-- our eyes must stay on Christ. Don't let these little distractions KEEP you from doing what God is calling you to do. And yes, a relationship can wipe you out. 

That man or woman should PUSH you towards Christ.. not away from Him.

God loves you like CRAZY,

Heather Lindsey

(photoshoot from this past weekend by Hope Ballenger! She's an AMAZING Photographer! Check her out  (http://www.hopebphoto.com) 

Struggling with Discontentment: WHEN is my TIME?

GOD-- WHEN is MY TIME?

WHY is it that everyone else is getting married?

WHY can't I find a relationship that is worth my 5 minutes?

WHY does everyone else keep getting jobs but I cannot land one?

WHY is everyone else keep having babies?

WHY aren't things working out for me?

WHY am I not done with school??!

WHY don't I have my promotion-- I work HARD?

WHY am I not happy?

Ever had those thoughts? We ALL have!  BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ENTERTAIN THOSE THOUGHTS. If Satan can get into your mind, he's going to try to have you all messed up, sad, depressed and frustrated! All for what.. some lie he told you! He doesn't directly destroy your life.. he takes time and watches you.. and studies you and looks to see what drives you nuts and continually, strategically pushes that button until you feel like a failure. So if you KEEP getting tested in ONE area & keep failing.. you've been SET UP.

I love Ecclesiastes 3:8- It says that THERE is a time for EVERYTHING under the sun. So if there's a TIME for it-- your "TIME"-- will come and you cannot make that "TIME" come any faster by complaining, murmuring, being mad at God, your mama, daddy, boss or whoever you're placing the blame on for not having what you think you need.

If you keep staring at reality TV, people's highlight reel on facebook, gossip bogs and magazines-- what else are you going to think about? You'll compare your life to their life--wishing and hoping you had what they had but you DON'T see their daily struggles and what they go through, YES, they have issues too, they just aren't sharing them with YOU. So instead of pumping your brain with garbage-- pump it with three of my favorite contentment scriptures:

Proverbs 23:17-18 - Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

Hebrews 13:5 - Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.

I Timothy 6:6 - But godliness with contentment is great gain.

Take these scriptures and write them (long-hand--writing it out does something to your brain) on a notecard-- stare at them and look at them. The more you PUMP God's word into your heart, the less you'll be all worried and wrapped up in what you don't have. You have to change the way you THINK about yourself. If your eyes are really on heaven-- then you won't be so concerned about the things that are on earth.

The latest global statistic shows that if one has a roof over his head and a meal on his table he is richer than 93% of the world’s population. If a person wears a pair of shoes he is richer than 75% of the people in the world. In the United States alone credit card debt averages more than $16,000 per household, and we are still discontented. If you really want to be FREE, you have to give this area to God.. and then guard your HEART. (Proverbs 4:23) Remember that your HEART grows things, so what are you planting?

“Be content with such things as you have” means that WE should place our trust and confidence in God that we should be satisfied with our condition regardless of our circumstances. For we know assuredly that if we are faithful God will cause all things to work together for our good (Romans 8:28). So if EVERYTHING works for your GOOD-- you should have some JOY right now. Satan is watching you get sad at every circumstance and situation. Get MAD about worrying and stress-- trust that God provides all of your needs and that His timing is perfect! SO TELL yourself that 50 times a day. Do what you have to do.

To worry means we do not trust God. The key to overcoming our discontentment and lack of faith is to find out who God really is and how He has been faithful to supply the needs of US in the past. When you begin.. to STUDY this, it will grow your confidence and trust for the future.

I've been through a TON. I have every "right" according to my past circumstances to wallow in my own pity party. I REFUSE to allow anything in my past to determine my joy today. So YOU will get tested in this area just to GROW you. So don't be surprised when the tests come. RECOGNIZE that God is trying to wean & grow you out of yourself. Pass it.

So today, let's all pinky promise.. not to worry about our lives. To give every part of our life to Jesus and to ONLY compare our life to HIS. His grace is perfect.

God LOVES you like crazy,

Heather

(me & my very best friend, Delan in Charlotte, NC on 4/1/12!)