"Why he's NOT going to be your Husband"

Can I be honest? I believe that there's this growing trend in the church of women, "waiting for their adam" to wake up and instead of trusting God & His timing-- they are becoming distracted. Its important that if you're "waiting" for your Adam to wake up, that your eyes are completely on Jesus and not crushing on every man at the church and social media. 

Lets check out these scenarios:

1. "Girlllll, you see that new man in that blue suit at church today? He is so fine. And did you see the way he looked at me and then when he went up for prayer? I was singing at church and the Lord told me to look right and then he said.. "that's going to be your husband." And I was like ooooh myyyy gosh, it's about time, my Adam woke up!! Let me go make sure he knows that he's going to be my husband."

Response: Sis, if it's God-- He will tell BOTH parties. You cannot manipulate your will over another persons will and pray that you'll end up together. If it's really God, peace will follow and He will divinely set things up. If not, it's not Him and it's witchcraft or manipulation. So, if the above is true, then rest. The problem with the above is this:: you may have your kids and entire life planned out and he may have a girlfriend who lives in another state. Then, when he brings his girlfriend to the church and she joins your small group-- you may be mad at her because you think she took your man. BUT, God wanted to use you in each others life but because you allowed jealousy, confusion & strife into your heart-- you passed up a beautiful relationship all in the name of bitterness. And honestly, if God did tell you that "he's going to be your husband, then mind your business-- even if it takes the guy a couple years to pursue you. God isn't a liar so if it's HIM, it will happen. Time shall tell so in the interim, get your mind OFF of a ring and onto Christ. When we redirect our focus, He fills us up & we learn that we need Him, not another event.

I recall a time where me and Cornelius were engaged and he was in the bookstore after church. I wasn't visiting that weekend and this woman asked him where todays "recorded" sermon was located and he showed her-- she continued to ask and then he said, "it's right in front of you, are you blind?" (my hubby's come a long way, he used to be very blunt! lol) She responded: "I'm not blind, matter of fact, I like exactly what I see."And he said, "I'm sorry, but I'm engaged." She said, "you're not married yet." Huh? Blank-stare. Don't be that woman sis.

(While Courting- Aug 2009)

2. GIRL! Have you seen so & so's instagram page? He talks so much about Jesus. I'm going to go on  his page and post things everyday so maybe he will notice me & reach out to me. 

Response: Well, your friend has been checking for so & so too and she thinks that he's the one for her too. Now, she feels uncomfortable sharing things with you so it's become a competition in her mind. So, now-- both of you are quietly chasing for this mans attention and he doesn't even know either of you exist & you're slowly becoming bitter towards your friend as she reminds you of how much she likes him daily.
I'm reminded of:
Song of Soloman 8:4 "Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right."

There's a TIME that the love will be right and some of us are trying to wake up somebody else's adam.
So, until the right TIME comes, we have to rest and keep our eyes on Jesus. Remember this: If satan knows that you're thirsty for a man, he will send a man that your "old self" is attracted to but his heart won't be totally right with God. In your heart, you'll KNOW that you're settling. You will have zero peace about him but because you're lonely and tired of being single, you will continue to date him. You think in your mind that its better to be with someone than to be with no one & have to explain to others why you're single. But, if you continue in that mindset, you will ONLY dig a hole SO deep that you will eventually MISS out on the guy that God has for you.

If I can be transparent with you, I kept a boyfriend prior to my husband. I went from man to man, relationship to relationship because I liked the attention, to be loved and to be desired. But then, I kept hitting rock bottom in those relationships. And honestly, it wasn't always the guys-- it was ME. I was a TRAIN wreck. I tried to make those relationships idols and tag God's name to it. I tried to control the relationships and I continued to come up empty. I didn't need a man, I needed a Savior and I kept confusing the two. 

I wanted to be loved, cared for, thought about and protected but I didn't realize that I was searching in all the wrong places. Then, one day-- I realized that I will never be truly happy unless I'm whole in Jesus. I needed Him. So, I broke things off with my then boyfriend. I told him that I needed space and time to think because I'm confident that I was only ruining his life with my up and down confusion. I was single for a season and then I met my now husband. One of the FIRST questions my now husband asked me was pretty much this: "Do you have a boyfriend?"If I had a boyfriend, he would have kept it moving because a godly man with purpose doesn't have time for a woman with a bunch of baggage and a boyfriend. How do you expect the Holy Spirit to flow through that confusion? Why even start off on the wrong foot?

3. There's like NO men at my church, so I need to go after the ones that are there and get one before he's taken. 

Response: Sis, do you know that God can import a man? After I dated a few guys in NYC, I told the Lord that He is going to have to import my husband because I sure tried and I was TIRED of doing the picking. I told God that He's going to have to "drop" my husband from the sky and he literally did. :) My now husband had to fly into NYC for work every week so, he dropped into NYC from Atlanta. Isn't it funny how God has such a sense of humor? 

The truth:

You may think that getting into a relationship will fill your many voids but honestly, you will wake up one day and your bed may be filled with a husband and children but you still feel empty. You then blame your husband for not making you happy and nag him until you're blue in the face but it's not even him. You will tell him that he needs to work more hours, get your hair done, help more around the house or whatever else. But, it's not him.

Its you.

True joy comes from Jesus Christ and no human can ever, EVER, fill that void. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and our son, Logan-- but I understand that I have an assignment on this earth and that is to be a helper to my husband and to lead Logan to Jesus. Prior to this season, God really began to prepare my heart and show me who I was in Him. He showed me that humans are great people but terrible gods and he reminded me that marriage is a ministry of serving each other. If you get into a relationship with the mindset that someone is going to solve all of your problems, you may find that you're disappointed with unmet expectations. 

You're NOT content sis! Be honest with yourself! Go to the Lord and tell Him that you're discontent, mad, bitter or whatever else! He can WORK with an honest woman! 

4. You  meet a guy at church and you hear "he's going to be your husband" and you get so excited and gitty! But, you fail to look down at his ring finger and he's really married. 

Response: So, wait. That's not going to be your husband or is he going to leave his wife for you? Why would you ever, ever want to even start a relationship off with the foundation of adultery? And if he is dumb enough to leave his wife for you, he will most likely leave you for another after a few years of marriage.  And if you are married and you're reading this-- whatever you're searching for outside of your marriage can only be find WITHIN your marriage. You want excitement again? Get your butt up and be romantic, be exciting, pray for the spark to come back into your marriage and stop thinking that some other human can satisfy you. 


5. I'm going to another church where I can get noticed and so my husband can find me. 

Response: Sis, there's 6 billion people on this earth, if God wants you to meet someone, you will meet them and connect with them based on HIS timing, not your timing. My husband and I went to the same church and walked by each other for 3 years. We even were in the same meetings together sitting just a few feet away from one another. BUT, we didn't connect until 3 years later because we both weren't READY. As a single, I learned that if I cannot trust God for my spouse, then how can I trust Him for anything else? I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to be married and have kids one day. I let GO of trying to control it and I told God that I believe that HE put the desire in my heart for a family. So, since HE put that desire in my heart, HE is going to bring it to pass-- not ME. 

So, cheers to burning the "you're going to be my husband" card. As women, we will no longer chase down a man, instead, we will chase down Christ. The end.

And one day, you will THANK GOD that "he's not going to be your husband" because God can see what you cannot SEE. God protects you more than you'll ever know and when he DOES introduce you to HIS best for your life, you will be thankful that it didn't work out with anybody else. So, let's get back to the heart of worship. Lets get back on our face with our attention turned to Jesus and not man. 


And P.S.-- sorry that I took so long in posting again. It's been an amazing month! I connected with my birth family and met my birth mother in Vegas this past week! AND I just finished my 3rd book that will be released in July! Eek! God is faithful!


Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 24,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. I will be in Detroit speaking on June 14th and I would LOVE to meet you!! http://estore.greatergrace.org/SearchResults.asp?Cat=18

8. We are hosting an event in LA on October 4th, I want to see you there! http://www.eventbee.com/v/pinkypromise/event?eid=169814152

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

Letting Go...

With tears in my eyes, I remember sitting in a church service next to a man that I really wanted to marry and hearing the Lord say: “Heather, he’s not it. I need you to let this go. If you don’t cut this relationship off—it will only get worse.”

But, WHY God?! I did what I thought I knew to do. Yes, we fell.. over & over again. Yes, we disobeyed you. Yes, we had sex outside of marriage. It’s true that I don’t feel my best in this relationship but Lord, I really want him to be the one. I don't want to start all over with anyone else new! I wanted to have all of his babies and work through lifes struggles. I have always had this “make it happen” attitude about life and I just knew that if I repented and did what I knew to do to make it right, maybe things could work. 

But I continued to hear this voice whisper to me in the midst of my rationalization. Let it go.

So, we went to this little restaurant after church and I had this plastered smile on my face as I greeted people leaving church. They have no clue. They think that our relationship is perfect on paper and from what they can see, but deep in my spirit man,  the Lord has made it so clear to me that he aint it, we’ve made each other idols & I am no longer serving the Jesus although I’m doing all of the church "things" like serving at church & attending.

As we headed towards the restaurant, I made light talk, but deep down, these scriptures were ringing in my heart.

John 14:15
"If you love me, obey my commandments.

Exodus 34:14
You must worship no other gods, for the LORD, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you.

Isaiah 2:22
Don't put your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath. What good are they?

If I really loved God, I would break things off because clearly, this relationship has turned from “excitement to pretend love to lust to dysfunction to idolatry.” How did this happen?

1. We refused to set boundaries & continued to play house.
2. Whenever God told me to not go over to his house or vice versa—I rationalized. I mean, he’s a good guy. He goes to church. He says he loves you Lord & I miss him…
3. Our purposes didn’t line up. But I was so desperate for a relationship that I was ignoring the obvious.
4. I had no peace. It was manufactured peace. I was trying to believe this lie that everything was ok but I knew deep down that it wasn’t right.
5. I wanted a man more than I wanted Gods presence. Thus, the relationship was dysfunctional.

So, we broke up that day at that restaurant. Was it hard? Umm. YES. I had to seriously guard my heart. I purposed to NOT to hang out in groups with him anymore. Not to entertain any texting, calling, or whatever else. You see, I had a pretty strong soul tie with him & if I didn’t let God rip that crap out of me, I would have gone back or became depressed. With my emotions totally raging, I told God that I needed help. That I needed Him. That I needed change. That I was sick and tired of being sick & tired. That I needed wholeness. That I needed peace. I would pull scriptures about my worry, discontentment & fear and I would STARE at them for HOURS. I would fast from social media and fight back those negative thoughts that were contrary to Gods word. You see, God will heal you. He will absolutely do His part. But how can God heal you if you don't let Him? How can God heal you when you keep surrounding yourself around that person? I understand if you have a child by him-- so deal with him concerning your child & nothing else-- but you know what I mean. You may just go over to his house.. one more time.. text, one more time.. this or that.. one more time. Babygirl, don't tell yourself that lie, you are only making it HARDER for yourself to really let go.

I blogged on “We just broke up, now what?” But… if God is telling you to let go of a bad relationship, a friend, or whatever else—know that He is protecting you. There’s been a fork in the road and that person isn’t going where you are going. After God removes people, you may go through what seems like a really quiet, dry season. During this season, God is preparing you and those people that used to be in your life weren’t qualified to continued life with you.  So, let Him lead you. I know it’s hard but what other option do we have? Let not make any more excuses of “easier said than done.” Lets instead say, God—I trust you. Lord, I need you. Lord, help me. Lord, I’m lonely. Lord, make me whole. Lord, break my heart until it breathes your heart. God,  help me.

God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out viawww.pinkypromiseboutiques.com

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 20,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!

8. I'm headed to DC this Saturday and Detroit next Saturday! I would love to meet you! Check out my calendar above!

Unequally Yoked?

I think it’s important to address this area because unequally yoked relationships are hindering our walk with God in regards to our friendships, courting, and especially in your dating relationships. Then, you look up and you’re married to this person that you’re completely unyoked with but because you were so focused on leaving the title of being “single” behind—you ignored ALL of the warning signs and married this fool who “said” he was a Christian.

Let's clear up a few things:

1. Yes, you can be unequally yoked with someone at your church or another Christian. Just because they are sitting under the same word as you-- doesn't mean that they are taking it and applying it to their life. Maturity comes when we start living this walk and passing these tests.

2. Yes, you can be unequally yoked with your friend. At times, there's a fork in the road of your relationships where maybe your friend stops pursing God as you continue to pursue Him. You may find that surrounding yourself with that friend is pushing you further and further away from God. You find yourself compromising and heading the wrong way.. but you just don't know why.

3. Yes, you and your boyfriend could be totally unyoked. Maybe you're trying to make it work because you don't want to be single. Maybe you're rationalizing because .. you're tired of being lonely. Maybe you both are working on your relationship "together" as you sleep "together?"

4. NO, you don't throw away every person you think you're "unequally yoked" with-- some relationships (mostly FEMALE friendships develop & grow into great relationships as no relationship is perfect), but YOU have to control the environment (ie. invite her to church or to a positive event.) And knowing God-- He refuses to share His glory with your little sorta-saved boyfriend so--most likely, He already told you to break that off.

5. YES, you can be free from soul ties by confessing your SIN to God and HE will cleanse it. (1 John)-- Sometimes, we think we need this whole emotional production at church to be free from a soul tie. WALK in the cleansing POWER of CHRIST & turn away from that sin. Now, by faith-- continue to choose Christ and the light. Then, GUARD your heart. Block him from social media, change your number-- do what you have to do.

6. YES, there's times you will have to pull back from your family and not surround yourself with them 24-7 as Christ builds your faith. They may not accept or understand your walk with God and criticize you for it. Stand firm in love.

Even demons can “say” they are a Christian. What would you say if satan came up to you and said.. “I’m a Christian, I’ll go to church with you on Sunday.” He goes to church with you—lifts his hands during praise and worship and shouts like he was delivered from something. Would you believe him?  Well, you’ve just met most people that are in church today. We sit in church on Sunday for one hour a week and we live the rest of the 167 hours a week like no God exists on this earth. Although they may not be satan—they live their life like they belong to Him.

 1 John 2:4- “If someone claims “I know God, “ but doesn’t obey God’s commandments, that person is a liar and is not living in the truth. But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love Him. That is how we know we are living in Him. Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did.”


So, I'm saying that you cannot just SAY that you’re a Christian and expect to get into heaven. If you belong to God—you will live in the light and stay in the light and make decision that line up with His word. Yeah, you’re not perfect but if you DO sin, He’s faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you. (1 John 1:9) However, a real Christian isn’t practicing SIN. They practice holiness. They guard their heart. They’re intentional about living for God. So I challenge you. Do a lifecheck. Is there some fruit growing on your tree that PROVES that you live for Jesus? Stop telling me that you belong to Jesus if you hate someone that hurt you. (1 John 2:10). When you take each day—day by day—you’re living for Christ. When you GIVE Him your hate, frustration, issues and problems-- and ask Him to help you and you really mean it-- you're living for HIM.

So now that we have the basics down about what a real Christian is—let’s take a look at how to identify an unequally yoked relationship. You know deep down in your heart if you aren’t equally yoked with someone. You just know. Especially if you spend time with them and see how they respond to life’s issues. You may ignore those areas because you “love” him and he’s “on his way to being saved” or you’re trying to “get him saved.” The only thing you can change on a boy is his diaper. A man has to want God for himself. You may have been with that person for a really long time and you don’t want to start over with anybody else but you know good and well that person,  (insert name) is not God’s best for your life.

2 Corinthians 5:14-16- “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.”


Remember that just because someone says they’re saved, they can still be an “unbeliever.” An unbeliever is someone who refuses to believe God’s word and live according to His ways. I'm so tired of Christians running around and saying they got saved at 4 years old and since then-- they've been living like hell on earth. YOU are LIVING for your master. Is your master GOD or satan? Your lifestyle best identifies with who your father is. 
         

Preaching in MO this past week! My hubby introduced me!

Let’s look at a couple of scenarios.

1. An unequally yoked boyfriend or girlfriend can pull you so far away from Christ. They will poison you with their “ideas” and “philosophies” about God while planting seeds in your heart.

They may say, we are planning on getting married—"it’s ok for us to have sex. Nobody is going to know—I just want to be one with you. I’m committed to you and you’re committed to me—we have each other." Sounds like something out of a movie right? You feeling’ all warm and fuzzy inside but STOP. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20  “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.  Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” YOU cannot trust that man with your own purity and you're about to trust him to lead your life in a one-day marriage?

Your little boyfriend has made his flesh his “god” and is about to rob you of your purity and relationship with God by taking what doesn’t belong to him. Don’t be that girl that goes along with him. Your relationship will only get worse as you push God to the outside of it. Remember those that choose Christ are abiding in the light. They are choosing God when it’s hard. Remember that our relationships are supposed to push us closer to God—not away from Him.

   2. They can weaken your faith. It’s that person that constantly doubts everything about God based on some weird “logic” that they came up with.  So if you’re hanging around a ton of “friends” that are of different religions, you’re setting yourself up if you aren’t strong enough. Meaning, most likely, you will end up doing what they’re doing versus your Christian values influencing them. You cannot tip-toe around this area.

1 Corinthians 5:9 says “Do not associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulged in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to believe yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, worships idols, abusive, is a drunkard or cheats people.”

You may be thinking that this is a bit extreme. God knows that you’re not going to walk around sinless and neither will those around you but this text is referring to those people that deliberately sin, feel no guilt, shame or remorse and then come up with excuses in their head to why they think it’s ok. If you continue to read that same scripture—it says to JUDGE the person inside the church who claims to be a Christian yet indulges in sexual sin. This isn’t a chance for you to yell at everyone and call the out unless you’re ready to call yourself out. You go to your sister in Christ and confront and discipline that person from a caring place of LOVE.

If you have a friend who you are watching go downhill in a certain area—talk to them in a loving way about this. But check and pull your emotions together before you speak to them. It’s vital for your walk as a Christian to make sure that you’re surrounding yourself with believers and Christians that live for Christ. More than anything- be GOD led.

Don’t you REALIZE that there’s a reason that God doesn’t want you to associate with people that aren’t going in the direction that you’re going in? God told Abraham in Genesis to LEAVE his family and go to a place where God would show him. God didn’t even give specific instructions. He just said GO. So, when God tells you to “go”—what excuse do you give? You don’t want to leave your boyfriend that keeps sleeping with you? You have chicks around you that are dropping seeds of doubt in your head? Are your “unequally yoked” friendships pushing you away from God? Of course they are. The proof is in the pudding. You get around that girl—and you find that you complain, gossip and feel heavy after leaving her presence. Back to the story—God told Abraham to get away from His family because his family worshiped idols. They didn’t belong to God. God needed Abraham to GET away from those people that were framing his thinking. They had influence on him. So.. who is influencing you?

Your life is much greater than having a billion friends and a ring on your left ring hand finger. At some point, we have to learn to trust God concerning these temporary things. Eternity is knocking at your door and you don’t want to stand before God and say “I didn’t obey you because I was too busy & distracted trying to keep a man that you never told me to keep.”

I know I will get this question—“What if you’re married?” Well, if you’re married—this isn’t a reason to run and get a divorce. You win your husband over to Christ by your quiet & gentle spirit (1 Peter 3:4). Trust me.. I've won my husband over in certain areas concerning areas in our marriage. I've watched God change my husbands heart because I learned to accept him-- ISSUES and all. I knew that I couldn't change his issues but CHRIST could if I moved out of the way and LET Him. YES 1 Corinthians 7:14- "For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." HOWEVER, your goal should not be to marry somebody who is NOT equally yoked with you. Paul is referring to a person's "current" state-- not somebody who is pre-planning to marry a random. His instructions for that was "DO NOT DO IT." Don't marry an expectation that a person will all the sudden change once you get married. You WILL deal with so many other issues that come with marriage if your husband isn't saved. So don't even gamble with it. PLUS, how can YOU trust the leadership of your one-day spouse if his father is the enemy? So if you are married-- continue to pray and ask God for grace. But if you're not-- don't use this as an excuse to run and marry somebody. You will remember my words if you do. 

At the end of the day, this Christian walk is going to cost you something. You are required to DIE. Die DAILY. Die to your old way of thinking & being and taking on the image of Christ. So, you may think.. “my situation is different, we’ve been together for years and years and he says he’s saved but—I don’t see any fruit but he’s working on it.” Well, sista- you need to let him work on it, over there. Don’t be a distraction to his walk and most likely, while he’s working on it—he’s still dealing with his carnal nature concerning his flesh and your body. Don’t allow yourself to become an idol for a new Christian. They’re searching for somebody to depend on – make sure that space is empty for Christ. And make sure that yours is empty as well so it can be filled by CHRIST. You don't really need that man to be satisfied, you need CHRIST.

Few things:
SO sorry I haven’t been blogging! Hubby and I have been traveling NON-STOP & preaching everywhere! It's currently 10:51pm and we just landed in the Bahamas today as I preach on Friday! Whew! It’s pretty awesome and I’m thankful—I’ve just been busy and this growing belly is a reminder that I need to slow down. Also, baby Lindsey is a BOY! ☺ I cannot wait for March 2013! I will be blogging more moving forward! ☺

Have you signed up for Pinky Promise? There's local groups all over the world!
www.pinkypromisemovement.com

You can rock super cute bracelets & shirts at our Pinky Promise Store! 
www.heatherlove.bigcartel.com

Have you signed up for the Pinky Promise Conference? We would love to meet you!
www.pinkypromiseconference2013.com

Have you picked up my husband's book? "So, You Want To Be Married?"
www.SoYouWantToBeMarried.com 

God loves you like crazy!

Love always,

Heather Lindsey 

(last week in MO)- 22 weeks pregnant! 

"The List"--My top things I wanted in a Husband"

(Me in 2006!)

So, I must share my top things that I wanted in a husband. I wrote this in about 2006 and I'm amazed after looking back at it because my husband came ready-made at about 90% of this list!

Before you read my list..There is NOTHING wrong with your 50 "standards"--but you better make sure that you're all those things on your little list. Don’t put a ton of pressure on a guy to be something that you aren’t . Granted, the man is supposed to be a leader, and that’s a given but my husband wasn’t EVERYTHING on my list. He grew and developed into an amazing man and now.. my dream guy. He’s still working on some stuff and I’m thankful for grace. The same grace he gives me as I need to work on things as well! Development MEANS some fights, tears, arguments, and alot of "meeting in the middle"--so don't think that the process is easy. If it was EASY, the divorce rate would be at 0%.  So if your guy or girl has the basics—stop being them down every two minutes because they haven’t changed 100%. You aren’t perfect either—as much as we’d like to think we were.  Even WITH your list, our focus should always be on Christ--not a checkbox. As long as my future husband had some of the important things & NO dealbreakers, to me--he was worth starting a relationship with. So listen to the Holy Spirit as He LEADS & guides you. Someone may have EVERYTHING you want on your list but you have zero peace about them. So--they're disqualified. God knows your end from your beginning. Trust Him.

My List… J of wants in a Husband-2006

1. He must love the Lord thy God with all of his heart mind soul and strength and love his neighbor as himself.
2. He MUST be a gentlemen open doors, hold my hand as I walk up and down stairs, help me put my coat on, pull out my chair, All that and then some…)
3. He must be a hearer and a doer of the Word of God, PERIOD. No fakin’ and makin’.
4. Must be intelligent
5. He must have a servant’s heart
6. He must understand the needs of me as a woman and the purpose for our relationship
7. He must have a JOB
8. Financially secure- How am I gone eat?!? Investments? Goals?! Plans?! Actions.. I need to see some FRUIT before the RING!
9. I desire not to be kissed until my wedding day. (crazy, but so true) **I love how this happen. We kissed on our wedding day 8/14/2010!** Go Jesus!
10. Must be a giver to God’s Kingdom.
11. Must be attractive and keep himself together, clothes, haircut, work out, a very neat person in appearance
12. Cannot have a temper
13. Must love to read
14. Someone who is secure
15. Must pray in tongues, and have prayer/bible study/ devotion every morning
16. Must keep me before the Lord, He’s the Christ in the Spirit and I’m the church, must walk side by side.
17.  Must NOT try to have sex w/ me prior to marriage- I must be precious to HIM
18.  I must be able to be myself, weakness and all
19. Must listen to me!
20. Must have a pure heart
21. NO foul language
22. Be positive in his thinking!
23. NEAT!!!
24. Must be an encourager
25. Cooking is always a bonus J
26. Affection!!!! Touching is my love language!
27. Must SPOIL me and put me first (after Jesus)

I always say this...before you get into a relationship--make sure that your foundation is Christ. If you keep jumping from relationship to relationship it's like spraying perfume but refusing to take a shower. All of that hurt from past relationships is going to seep into the next one. GOD wants your HEART. So while you're making this list.. make one to Christ.. of everything you want to be for HIM.

I just taught on Overcoming Hurt on 1/17/2012 you can catch it ----> here

God loves you like crazy,


Heather Lindsey

He's JUST Not That Into You

Have you seen that movie, He's just not that into you? I haven't.. but I'm pretty sure that based on the title I can figure it out pretty quickly. So it was on my heart to write a blog about this and it can go for "She's just not that into you as well"--so I pray that this meets you wherever you are.

Sometimes it's more NATURAL for woman to express themselves and what they want in a person. Which makes "He who finds a wife, finds a good things & obtains favor from God"--even more challenging for my ladies who want to make sure that the brotha' knows that she likes Him. Ladies, you are SO precious and SO beautiful to God. You don't have to compete for a man, throw yourself at him or lower your standards for him to be with you. When you do that, it's based in the fear that you don't think that God can fulfill your desires. And most likely, He won't. HOW can He fill your relationship slot when it's filled by a random? YOUR heart is FILLED up by the random you selected and all of the baggage from your past relationships!! God wants you so free & so whole so you can finally learn Him and experience His love. He is so jealous for all of the things you place before Him and He wants your HEART.  And throughout this time you're saying, GOD I want to hear from you--what is my purpose?!  Before He tells you your "grand" purpose--He's telling you to cut off some distractions or anyone who is keeping you from Him. He'll give you step one.. then step two. Obey Him RIGHT now. Pick up your phone, cut it off--change your number. Do what you have to do. No excuses.

It reminds me of Song of Solomon 8:4 "Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right." Solomon was THE wisest person that walked this earth (after Jesus of course). STOP trying to awaken love through your emotions until the time is right. There's amazing seasons for your life and God seriously has your back. Start small & just trust Him.

How do you know if a guy is just not that into you?!

1. You're constantly reaching out to him.
A person makes TIME for what is important to them, they just do. If you guys are just "friends"--(and don't get me started on the friend thing--because I really don't think males & females can be "friends" for real but that's another blog). Even if so--a friendship is a two-way street. Stop tracking him down.

2. You're trying to get his attention
When you know you'll see him--are you dressing up? Putting extra care into your makeup and hair? There's nothing wrong with that. But make sure you're doing it for the right reasons and that's for you. When I was single, I liked to look good for me. I liked to keep myself together, eat healthy, work out, get my hair done (or do my hair myself), do my makeup and find clothes that worked for me. I did this because I wanted to represent CHRIST. Yeah that's not the most important thing as God is looking at our HEART. I made sure I spent time with God daily and then I stepped out into the "world"--the world is looking at your PHYSICAL. So maybe someone would come up to me and tell me they liked my hair color and it ended up turning into me inviting them to church & sharing Christ--and eventually salvation. We gotta catch people before we clean them. Let's refuse to be sloppy. If you constantly dress up to look good for someone who couldn't care less.. you set yourself up for continual disappointment. Especially when he turns up with a new girlfriend that next week.

3. You guys broke up...but you're still hoping & wishing
Girl, let it go. Whoever is supposed to be in your life will never leave it. And if that guy is supposed to be there--he'll do what it takes to be with you. It's not rocket science. It's not "timing" or the other lies he tells you. It just IS what it IS. He's not into you, but it's GOOD. You sure don't want to marry someone who doesn't know your value.

4. He's married..but you think you still have a chance because he loves you..
Seriously? He married who he wants to be with. You'll reap what you sow--so I wouldnt' mess with anybody else's marriage. Cut him off quickly. You'll always be second (...or third..or forth) to his wife. And more than anything, you've made him your idol by that point. Harsh word, right? He'll fill up your thoughts as you hope, wish and fantasize about the day you guys will be together as he promises you everything. That is a formula for heartache. LET IT GO.

5. We're dating.. BUT
So you're dating. He constantly RIPS you down, tells you that you aren't good enough and is trying to change everything about you. He tells you that you're too skinny, too fat, not smart enough.. or WAIT- you should be a doctor or maybe go to law school? Your passion isn't good enough for him because he needs to be with a "certain" type of woman. You work SUPER hard to make him happy and NOTHING is good enough. Babygirl, nothing will ever be good enough for this type of man. Let him go QUICKLY. Staying with him will only make you feel insecure, inadequate and build up more walls.

Now if you're married and the above is happening--work it out & just believe God. (that's another blog too)

God loves you all soooooo so much. He wants the BEST for you. So stop settling and make some changes.


God loves you like crazy,

Heather

Why won't my MAN change???!

Ever asked yourself WHY the person you were dating or married to won't change?! We have or are currently struggling in this area. Let me tell you a funny (now it's funny, but it wasn't funny then) story.


In 2009 while my husband and I were dating, I had flown to Atlanta to visit him. We were sitting in his driveway talking before I went to my hotel. I told him, look--if you are going to be my one day husband, YOU are gonna have to be like this: .. and I named off my top 25 things that he had to be. ..

How crazy is that?! I put so much pressure on him to be something that he hadn't developed too. I do think that in the Christian church the focus is marriage--as it should be while dating, but before you get there--you have to be friends & get to KNOW the person. On our first date--we knew that we were going to get married one day, so now it was like.. let's talk, let's get to know each other, lets fight & figure this thing out.

 Prayer basically forces not only our husband to change, but us! When we pray, and the more we pray, the more we grow closer to the Holy Spirit, and the more we realize how much we have to change ourselves. He knows us better than we know ourselves and sometimes He is a funny guy and will wait to change our husbands UNTIL WE DECIDE TO let go of the reins and give it up to Him. Don't get frustrated, stay praying at ALL times, and TRUST that He can change your man. 
So, you're probably thinking.."pray, pray, pray.. I'm TIRED of prayin' for that sorry man, he just won't change!!" Let me encourage you.. I remember the first couple years of my husband & I's relationships (Mind you, we've only been together for 3 years in total) He was the LEAST affectionate person ever. I wanted to rip my hair out because my love language was TOUCH! So I used to complain, we'd argue, & on & on.. Then I got the revelation. If I just shut my mouth & give him an opportunity to be affectionate I could REALLY let God do the work that I'm "supposed" to believe that He is doing. So, I scaled back. I shut my mouth, and I started to really rest in God concerning my needs being met (esp. after we got married--cuz that's when you can do the most touchin'! :)) So I started to SAY what I wanted to see over my husband. I called those things that be not as though they were. Every morning in my quiet time I went before God covering him in prayer and saying what I desired to see.. 


"Lord, I thank you that Cornelius has a heart after you! I declare that He is whole & complete in you and that he has the very mind of Christ. I say that he thinks on good things and guards his eye and ear gates. He only speaks life and thinks on good things. I declare that he sits amongst kings and that he is about his father's business. I declare that he loves me like Christ loves the church & that he is constantly dying to himself. He is affectionate, compassionate & caring. He only has eyes for me. He's a great leader over our home and is a skilled businessman. Cornelius is healthy physically and has strong conviction concerning the food he eats (he's come a LONG way! So proud of him!), He loves to work out and he is not only physically fit but spiritually fit as well... (and I go on & on)


  .. this is just an example of my daily covering but I want to encourage YOU to do the same!! Just keep believing the best & don't quit. This area applies to any area of your life...from work, to your boss, family members, etc. WHILE you are praying for THEM, God will begin to show you your heart & where you need to change. He showed me that  I was selfish and way too focused on my needs being met. So I took my eyes off of what my husband was or wasn't doing & I really put them on Jesus. I served my husband as though he was Christ (.. for if you have done it to the least of them, you have done it to me..)


And I look back and I'm so thankful & so grateful. My husband is so compassionate, caring, sweet, kind, understanding, affectionate and so many other wonderful things! He is a CHANGED man from those first few rough months. So stick it out. Don't nag. Allow God to change your mate, because in all honesty, you really can't. And if he does change for you, it will only be via will power & temporary or to shut you up. I know it's hard to hear that.. but it's true. Practice resting. God know's your mate, He created them.. & has your best interest in mind. 

Love you all & speak only life!
Heather

There’s only ONE guy for me, right?

Story of our life. Me teasing Cornelius! :)

There is NO such thing as only one guy for you or the “perfect” mate. If there was, then God would take away your right to choose. You are a free moral agent, you have a CHOICE to live for God or live for Satan. You have a choice to date a good, godly man, or date a fool. You have a CHOICE to have sex before marriage or get it in everyday while you’re dating. (No wonder it’s taking him so long to propose) It’s all wrapped up in a CHOICE. Ladies, you get to choose whose vision you want to follow. If you are dating someone and he doesn’t know where he’s going..he’s taking all these random jobs, he’s confused, you are confused ..WHY the heck is he dating you? Genesis 2:18 says that “It is not good that man should be alone, I will make a help meet for him”. Adam needed a HELPER to tend the garden with him. If Adam was sittin’ in the garden sayin’ to God “I don’t feel like namin’ all them animals, I’m chillin’, I want to be a rapper. I don’t wanna tend no garden"—I bet Eve wouldn’t have come for awhile until he accepted the vision that God gave Adam earlier in that chapter. If Adam aint have no job, he wouldn’t need EVE. How you gonna HELP someone that doesn’t know what they are doing and they are more focused on “helping” themselves to your BODY then helping you to cultivate the characteristics in you so you can BE an effective helper.

Cornelius is not the only man I could marry..I’m sure there’s hundreds of men I could have married. However, we got to know each other, he was checking me out to see if I had the characteristics to HELP him with what God called him to do. I was checking out his vision, standards, and how he lived his life. We weren’t laying up, kissing, rubbin’ and putting ourselves in compromising situations. We set boundaries and stuck to them. No kissing, no sleeping under the same roof, no late night phone calls for all hours on end, no movies, nada. How can I properly see if HE can lead me if emotions and soul ties are tied up the relationship? It would have CLOUDED the vision I have of him. Then, I’ll marry “a guy” with a clouded vision of him, and then when the smoke clears..we divorce because, we “grew apart” or he fit how I "used to see myself" When Cornelius proposed to me the question he asked was “Will you marry me” AKA—Will you accept my vision.

WHY the heck would you marry a man that has no vision, no direction, unstable and without God. I can assure you that your life will continue in that. NOW, the reason Cornelius is “perfect” for me is because we gonna WORK our relationship to PERFECTION. We work DAILY to make it work. Our foundation is SOLID. A relationship is nothing but a daily decision to make it WORK. Get that dumb fantasy OUT of your mind that “prince charming” is gonna come & sweep you off your feet—cuz “Prince charming” got an issue. Everybody do. You date to see what yo issue is..and see if you can live with it.. Don’t marry an expectation that you can “change that person.” So if he AINT know Jesus befo’ ya’ll started dating…don’t try to go “get him saved”. And if he’s “charming” you, I’m sure he’s “charming” others. Charm is a SPIRIT that needs to be dealt with.

“Genesis 18:14- is anything to hard or too wonderful for the Lord..at the appointed time..Sarah will get pregnant by her husband, Abraham. “ How does that apply? The situations and circumstances didn’t look like Sarah could get pregnant at her old age. It may not look like you are meeting anyone that fits your standards, you might FEEL lonely. You MAY be getting older. I tell you today, GET your eyes off that lie. Get BUSY about the things of God. Join a church, become active, spend time with God, get authentic about your relationship with Him. The MAKER is your husband (Isaiah 54:5). CUT off any fool that’s hindering you from all of the above. If you have to ask if that person is hindering you, they are. There’s NOT just one person. But you must be EQUIPPIED to recognize the COUNTERFIET. God will present you WITH one with standards and he will measure up. Will you be patient and trust Him or will you go “make it happen?” I can assure you that if you do the latter, you’ll get YOUR results. Aren’t you tired of that? I would be.

WHY hasn't it happened for me?!

Why is it that I've been believing God for my new job for a year and haven't got it, Why don't I have a man, WHY have I been datin' this foo' for 2 years and he STILL hasn't proposed to me, why does it seem like SHE or HE always gets everything, why am I in debt still?.. Why..why..why.

My question to you is WHY are you so focused on everything you don't have?? Do you know that you opened the door and let discontentment come right in and live in your home?? You can't even enjoy the journey because you are so HEAVY with all of these thoughts weighing you down!

When you focus on what you don't have, it begins to amplify. It consumes your mind and you try to do everything you know to do & it still aint happening. You begin to question God and its not anything you would say outright but your lack of trust for Him is evident in your conversation, worry and lack of faith.

Did you know that God promises not to be a day overdue concerning your life (Habakkuk 2:3)??! So everything you need will be there when it’s supposed to. If it aint there, it aint supposed to be. If you are blaming yourself for falling into sin over and over again—repent, keep it moving, get a new thought & it’ll be there when it’s supposed to. Stop looking at those around you that talk crazy, party all night, gossip, backbite, lie and then be in church praising the Lord hoping and a praying for their breakthrough. And then you are thinkin’.. well, they are a Christian and I don’t see it working in their life. THEY are NOT your example. You got 66 books in the bible of people that passed the test. Some failed, but they got back up again and so can you.

John 7:38 He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. This scripture tells me that something can “dam” up the flow of God in your life. What’s the living water? That’s the Holy Spirit—your helper, comforter and the One that will guide you through life! What is daming up the flow of God in your life?? Is it a energy-sucking friend, that boyfriend that feels on you all night, a mother who nags and stresses you out all day, your job that keeps you working 13 hours a day to the point where you are worn out, tired & drained??

It is God's greatest desire to flow through you and to give you what you think you need. In all honesty, you really don't "need" that man, job, 'breakthrough' or material thing. What you really need is GOD. Don't you see how DISTRACTING these things are? You get so tied up in stuff and its choking you!!!

Anything you have to have besides God to be satisfied is something satan can use against you. What do you mean, Heather? What I'm sayin' is-- what do you think you need? A man--ok, just because you are so consumed with this idea, and God knows you aint ready for a relationship because you aint even submitting to God and you aren't whole in him-- some FOOL comes and wins your heart via your emotions. You get so tied up in that person that you begin to push God out of your box and idolize your mate. Yes, folks aren't outright bowin' to a gold statue named Buddha, but they are bowing to their bosses, men, women and whoever else will give them the value they think they need. Or it can be that job you think you need--you get the job, working all day and night and then the co-workers go out for drinks and then you feel all pressured to drink so then you compromise and get all caught up. Do you see the pattern?

Child of God,Your VALUE comes from GOD. NOT anybody or ANYTHING else. Decide to be content, right now. Right where you are. STOP comparing. Spend time with God and learn his personality so you can learn to trust Him. Get so consumed in God that you don’t even realize what you don’t have and then one day you will look up and you’ll have ALL those things you wanted & so much more. It starts with a daily decision. It's not deep. DECIDE to be HAPPY- now.

"YOU are wayyy to picky, thats why you are Single."

 Friend: “Girl, you are wayyy to picky—that’s why you are single.” Ever had a friend like that? You may want to reconsider the closeness of that friendship. #1 a friend speaks into your life and builds you up where you are, not reminds of you your marital status. Do you know that Satan will use a weakness in your friend to cause doubt & unbelief in your life?! He will use whoever he can get that is close to you. So guard your relationships.

Don’t believe the lie that you are supposed to settle for some man or woman that is below your standards. I actually believed that lie as soon as I got saved. I looked around and I felt like I wasn’t attracted to most of the guys in the church. The brotha’s outside the church was more of my “heart’s desires”—their swagger, their fun lifestyles, money & friends. They weren’t all deep to me. But Heather.. In Psalms 37:4, the Bible says, "Delight thyself also in the LORD, and he shall give you the desires of your heart." That is true. God will give you HIS desires because as you delight yourself IN Him, Your desires poisoned by SIN are removed & replaced with God's desires. So please don’t use this scripture as an answered prayer for your sorta-saved boyfriend. Let’s just be honest, you are lonely & tired of being alone. Your clock could be ticking in your mind so you would rather marry than to deal with the emotions of loneliness. Or you want some sex and you don’t want to wait until you are married for it. You can repent right? I can tell you that evidence of your salvation is not you quoting some sinners prayer. Evidence of your salvation is the fruit that GOD changed you. Even Satan & all of his demons can quote some words.  I know you believe God concerning trusting Him & not using your body for fornication by evidence of takin’ your tail home & telling that person NO that wants to sit & play with your body that has NO plans to marry you.  

I believed the lie that I wouldn’t be attracted to my one day mate until  I saw a brotha (I never saw the man again, so he was just used for that day lol) that I was attracted to in church & God told me .. see Heather! You will be attracted to your one-day mate. He will measure up to your standards. What were my standards? I had like 30 written out until God challenged me and told me to make sure I am all those things on that list. (dang. Lol) So I threw my little stupid list away and realized that no man is perfect according to my list. My one day mate would have to develop into alot of those things on my little piece of paper. Instead of focusing on my list, I got focused on my relationship with Christ because I knew that I would DRAW whatever I was.  I developed a super cool, intimate  relationship with Him. We went on dates, we shopped together, we talked about EVERYTHING! I treated getting to know God like a new boyfriend. You know..you text all day, call each other…it’s like a fast forward of getting to know one another. I took all that energy and became obsessed with Jesus. It was beautiful.  And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It comes in handy as a now-wife :). The same Jesus teaches me how to be submitted to my husband because I really didn’t have an example. Practicing the above made Jesus my life. Not just a part of my Sunday morning.

A REAL man/woman has standards of his/her own that will build off of yours. YES, they are out there. NO you don’t have to settle!! I am currently LIVING on the other side of a NOT settling after I thought I had to for YEARS. You are simply beautiful & wonderfully made by the Author & Creator of TIME. Don’t you know that He will bring a mate to you at the right TIME?! You’ll have kids at the right TIME. So don’t you dare settle for one more second with a person you KNOW aint right for you. Get out of that relationship, get whole & then you will be ROOM for your real spouse. Satan is trying to get you all messed up by focusing on this worlds man-made calendar. So rest & learn God. Let Him change you. The difference between you & God is—God doesn’t think He is you. So don’t try to be Him.