Why I Said "NO" To His Engagement Proposal"

I am married and I've never said no to my husband's wedding proposal. Actually, I fell to my knees, cried and we actually waited to kiss until our wedding day when my now husband proposed to me. I was so excited!.

But, prior to him, I did say no-- a couple times to men I once dated. 

I said no to men prior to him for a few important reasons that I really want you, single woman to consider. Understand that marriage is supposed to be forever and you don't want to marry someone out of fear or because you're afraid of being alone. When I was in these unhealthy relationships, I was searching for value or worth. I was searching for affirmation. I was searching for wholeness. I was searching for fulfillment. I was searching for happiness. I was searching for love. 

But..

I kept coming up empty. 

So, I got into a relationship with someone and we were together for awhile. But, I wasn't totally sold on him. I continued to stay in the relationship because I felt like he hit on my basic needs in a relationship. He was affectionate, nice, kind and giving. He said he loved Jesus and he served at church. Not only that, he assured me that the Lord called him into ministry one day. Perfect fit right? I kinda, sorta thought so. One thing was missing. 

My peace. 

"Lord, help me understand!? I mean, I don't see any other guys around and I think I want to marry him? I mean, I'm not totally sold on him, nor do I respect him as a man, but it works... God, I just.want.to.be.married.

So, we begin to move forward and discuss marriage. My heart constantly said no. My mind says no and my gut says no. But, I'm in my twenties.. my friends are getting married & I sure don't feel like starting over. 

So, he asks me and I tell him no. Then I tell him to stop asking me! I was AFRAID of marriage! What was I doing? I was buying time and stringing him along which was SO wrong. 

I said no to marriage to him because:

1. I didn't respect him as a man. I didn't believe in him and it didn't matter how much money he had or where he was working, I knew all of those things were temporary. I needed a man with vision, I needed someone I could believe in if he LOST all temporary things on this earth. When my now husband and I got married, he had a very high position at his old job. 3 months into our marriage-- God told him to leave his job and move to Mississippi and study the bible. HUH? You mean, God told you not to work and to just study & spend time with Him? To the natural eye, it may sound crazy but I believed in my husband and I still do. He would spend 10-12 hours a day with studying His bible. One year later, we started Pinky Promise. One year and a half later, we moved back to Atlanta and we started The Gathering Oasis- Church. God was preparing us. So, let me ask you this sis: If he wants to pack up and move to Alaska, will you be shopping for snow boots or will you nag him until he doubts what God told him?

2. I didn't have peace. The man pushed me away from Jesus and I clearly made our relationship my god. There was no standards. There were no boundaries. We had sex outside of marriage. It was emotionally led. It was controlling. My thing is this, if you led our relationship to SEX (fornication)-- a fruit of the FLESH, then what will our marriage look like? If I'm going to submit to you-- I need to know that YOU know where we are going and that you can properly lead me.  

3. I wasn't getting better as a woman. In Ephesians 5:25 it says "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her  to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." Ok, I had to ask myself this question:  Was this man presenting me as a radiant church without spot or wrinkle? Um. No. Granted, I had a part to play too- I could have said "no" to the sex outside of marriage. But it was hard. I told him I didn't want to kiss until our wedding day and I quickly learned that he tried to kiss me everywhere else BUT on my face. Really? It takes TWO people to be on the SAME page. Amos 3:3 says that how can TWO people walk together unless they agree?? It's not enough for one person to want purity & the other person to want sex. Guess what, he's going to make you stumble sis. Let him go because it's much easier to pull you off the chair than it is to pull you up onto it. 

4. He wasn't a leader. Well, maybe he was a leader? But he sure wasn't leading me and I knew that he wouldn't lead my one day son that he wanted to have & I refused to birth a generation of wimpy men. Remember that you marry his mindset & his ways and he pours that into your kid, if he's around. 

5. I didn't trust him. Because he couldn't keep his hands off of me, we kept breaking up. Then I would find that he would run back to other women. Clearly, he had the same problem that I once had-- allowing humans to fill my voids. So, what would happen when our "marriage" hit a rough spot?? Would you run off to your co-worker?

6. I wasn't attracted to him. You have to wake up and love who you're looking at. I took all of the above + the fact that I wasn't attracted to him. I understand that physical ain't everything. It's FAR from it, but I wanted to be attracted to my one-day husband. 

7. I didn't like his friends. Lets just be honest, you are a reflection of your friends. His friends were playboys and loved to hang out and party. So, you can imagine how his bachelor party would look like.. strippers & all. I wanted a man that had accountability in his relationships and those men pushed him closer to the Lord. Even his "friends" at church were so carnal, I wasn't a believer. 

8. He was so secretive. If you cannot communicate and get on the same page as me while we are in a relationship, then our marriage will be in shambles. Communication wasn't a HUGE deal breaker, but after the top 7 things, I knew he wasn't it. This pairs with the leadership thing. I just don't know where we are going or if we are going to live in 10 different places in a 3-month span because I watch your life & it's so unstable. 

9. He was somebody else's husband. As I shared in "Where is my Adam" I believe that God allowed that door to be closed because it wasn't Gods will that we were to be together. Even if your relationship seems so perfect, if it's not God's will- you won't be doing what HE wants you to do. Especially if your man isn't saved. If you try to change him once you get the ring-- that man will resent the God that you serve and hate both of you. 

10. God told me no. I talked about "How to Hear God's voice" and I KNEW God was telling me NO. He was showing me WARNING signs & I never had a "good" feeling about walking down the aisle with this guy. Sis, I encourage you to tell that man NO! Even if you've already said yes. Even if the invites have been sent out. Even if you've already booked the venue. Yes, it may be hard to do it, but you'll either have a broken engagement or a broken marriage where you now include children.

A ring and a marriage ain't everything. Living for Jesus and giving our whole hearts to Him is everything. So, if you're in a relationship that you're not supposed to be in-- I encourage you to break it off and ask the Lord to give you boldness and help to keep your decision, even when you're lonely. Learn to trust God sis, I know it's hard but He is jealous for the time & the attention you give these guys! 

The worst feeling for a woman is to walk down the aisle to a man that God never told her to be with. She will remember that feeling forever. Walk down that aisle with peace instead. 

If if you did marry a man that you have no peace with, you will experience attacks that someone else may not have to go through. There is a cost to pay for disobeying God, BUT God can still use your marriage. Win your guy over with your quiet & gentle spirit & pray earnestly that God would save him.

God loves you like crazy. 

Heather Lindsey 

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com.

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 20,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!

Our wedding day! :) Eating prior to meeting the guests!

"Valentines Day Blues?"

If you're single this year for Valentines day, you may dread the 14th. You're not looking forward to all of the pictures on Facebook, Instagram and twitter that will be posted about all of these couples that are professing their undying love for one another. Although God may have told half of them not to be together-- thus another reason why you should stay in your lane. But anyway, if you find yourself wishing that you were in a relationship or had a Valentine, well-- then this blog is for you.

I just want to remind you of a few things.

1. Anybody can get a ring and get into a relationship. It's when you actually have a standard you will find that your standard "runs" off men. You may look at yourself and say-- I don't want too much! I just want a saved man that loves Jesus, is fine and isn't wimp! Is that too hard to ask?! And to answer you: NO! It's not too hard to ask! But there's seasons under the sun for everything, including a relationship. (Ecclesiastes 3:1). What do I look like getting mad at summer because it isn't here yet? I know that by about June, I can expect summer. I have faith that summer will come and I won't dwell on the fact that it's not here. Instead, I put my boots and coat on and do what I need to do. I believe that if its a desire in your heart to be in a relationship that God will open that door at the RIGHT timing. Stop trying to help God open that door. Sit down, relax. Spend crazy time with God and enjoy this season.

Note that you MAY run off men that want flings and not a wife. But that's ok-- you want a man of standard with integrity. Not some man that wants to play with you and then return you back to the rental car lot-- abused and used.  So, help him put his running shoes on & let the door hit him where the good Lord split him. :)

You may say, well-- "what about the 60 year old woman who has never been married? How do I know I won't be her?" Well, I would need more information. Maybe God did send her a FEW great men, but she shut everybody down because she was looking for a worldly man in the church that made 6 figures. She never gave her type to Jesus so she kept writing off.. godly men because she was never really a godly woman. She just said it but her actions proved that she wanted a man-- her way. I'm just sayin'.

So, don't go out with a RANDOM for the sake of just having a date on Friday. A random is somebody that you KNOW you will never marry but you are bored & lonely. Honey, He cannot fill that void.

2. Be content during this season.  I often encourage women to enjoy each season because once they do get married, they will WISH they would have enjoyed the quiet space they had. If I can be totally real with you-- I didn't enjoy that season as a single because I kept cramming randoms into that space that had NO business being there. Although I finally cut everybody off about a year before I met my husband, I still wasted YEARS chasing after men that cheated on me & played me! What a waste of precious time sis! So, lets be content in this season. Lets enjoy Jesus. Lets have date nights with Him. Lets have tea time. Lets ask Him to renew our fire & zeal for Him! I blogged about "How to Spend Time With God" here. 

3. Go hang out with your girlfriends! Now, just don't hang out with any o'le friend that will complain all day about today being "V-day" and she wants a man, and this & that. No, no, no-- you don't have time for all that! You are working on something! You are focused on what God is telling you to do! So, go out to eat with your friends, have a sleepover, do something-- but don't dwell on what you think you're lacking! If God saw fit to bring your spouse, HE would have been there by now. So, relax.

4. Enjoy quiet time alone.  I used to hate quiet time alone on a Friday night because I would hear my thoughts and I didn't like what I heard. I wanted the clutter of relationships (even if they weren't good ones) because then I didn't have to face my lonely feelings. Hang out with your friends if you have peace about it but you may need to plan a candle light dinner for one in your dining room and just talk to the Lord! Cry out to Him!

5. Burn his phone number. We HAVE to cast down stupid thoughts! 2 Corinthians 2:5 says "We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ." So, if you are getting tempted to reach out to an ex, just to say "Happy Valentines day & remising about what ya'll used to do-- you're only opening yourself up for an attack from the enemy. Because you will soon go back to that place and you will remember the way you used to feel. Even if it was dysfunctional-- anything seems better than your current state. Honey, it's a LIE. It's an ILLUSION and satan is looking to destroy your mindset! So, cast down those bad thoughts, burn his phone number, stop stalking his facebook page with his new girlfriend and STAY focused.

Well, Happy Valentines Day.

Why don't we focus on our 1st love who is Jesus Christ today versus a pretend love that never really loved us in the first place. 

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out viawww.pinkypromiseboutiques.com

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 20,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!

God Loves you Like Crazy,

Heather Lindsey

People Driving You Up The Wall?

We've all been there. Just frustrated or irratated about someone or a certain situation or feeling like you WISH your husband, man, friend, sister, brother, mama, daddy or whoever ELSE will change and stop BOTHERING YOU!!

I want to challenge you tonight in the midst of your frustration. Maybe.. it's you that needs to change? And trust me, I'm talking to myself as well. In every relationship-- we have a part to play. And while we go to God with our laundry list of ALL of the THINGS that everybody else needs to change, He begins to whisper into our heart, "You prayed for patience, so I'm giving you patience." You prayed to grow up in me, so I'm giving you changes to develop in endurance and maturity." "You prayed for peace, so you are getting opportunities to choose PEACE over stress." "You prayed for a great marriage-- so I'm showing you each other as a mirror so you can give those areas to me that don't.. quite look like Me."

You see, at times, we forget our prayers. We forget that we cry out to God and sing the songs, "I SURRENDER all GOD!!" on Sunday at church but on Monday, we cuss out our unsaved co-worker because she is trying to "throw you under the bus." Remember that the co-worker MAY not read the bible, but she or he IS reading your life and how you respond to them.

1 Peter 2: 18-23 says:

When treated unfairly by a superior, we should submissively endure by entrusting ourselves to God, the righteous Judge.

And if you continue to read it says "and LIKEWISE the same way in your MARRIAGE." I'm not referring to a situation where your life is on the line or if your man is doing things illegal-- I'm talking about the normal-- day to day (UGH!) things that he does to push your buttons. In vs. 19 it says that God is PLEASED when we endure unfair treatment and don't retaliate the SAME way that others treated us! So, how have you been responding? Or, how have you responded to him or her to start the whole spat?

If we really believe the bible like we say that we do.. we will let God be the judge over these small & large issues that can become distractions to the body of Christ. We have to trust that God will repay evil & reward unconditional love. I believe it. Do you? Lets believe it together! Let's STAND out to unbelievers as women that aren't like this world!

I'm not tryin' to say that your issue isn't real. I am not trying to say it won't be hard, but as some POINT we have to get off of the MILK of the word of God and start eating the MEAT of the word of God! It's time to mature. It's time to stop going around that same mountain.. over & OVER again. Let's RESPOND differently than we have in the past. We have the Holy Spirit on the inside of us and HE is helping us. You're not alone.

God loves you like crazy,


Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 20,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!

Love you all dearly,
Heather Lindsey

Preaching in New York this past weekend! :)