"How To Recognize A Woman Collector"

What is a collector? A collector is a man or a woman that collects people and keeps them around that they aren't 100% sold on. They do this because they like certain aspects about you, but it's not enough to full commit to you. So, they collect relationships in their phone and they reach out just enough to keep you hanging on a string. When you begin to complain about not getting enough time or energy, they either get upset, disappear only to return another day or they are very apologetic. All three tactics are to keep you around -- still, without commitment. 

Don't get me wrong, men and women can both be collectors. If I can keep it real, I was once a collector, so it defintely happens. But, because I like to talk directly to my sisters and preach to them because I am one, I am going to refer towards men. 

These men will sleep with you, take you out on dates, text you late at night when they're bored and find ways to keep you around just enough where you will be waiting and hoping that there's a chance for a relationship. Although you may not recognize it, they pick you up off of the shelf and put you back on the shelf as they feel led. They don't respect nor value you. They would never see themselves marrying you and can cut you off the moment they meet someone they really want to be with. This is why most times, your relationship is "private" and not out in the open. The collector blames it on, "keeping your business to yourselves."

I actually dated a guy like that on and off for about seven years. SEVEN YEARS. Everytime he would text me, I would get so excited. I was always hoping that we would one day work out.. (I thought in my head.) But, all the while, he continued to have babies by other women and he made zero effort to pursue me. Only, when it was convenient. "I wasn't like other women. I was like his best friend that understood him." (honey, that's a lie) He only really reached out when he was in town, when him and his 10 other women weren't working out. When he was bored. And, I let him. So, I now blame myself for even entertaining that foolishness as a single. Of course, I have forgiven myself :) But, if I can encourage you to recognize a collector, cut him off quickly. 

The Dream

I remember having this dream about him and in the dream, I was walking with him and we were going down different pathways together and at the end of each pathway was a different woman. I would watch him flirt with her and completely ignore me. I was so mad in my dream because there were SO many women. Then, I heard the Lord say, "Let him go Heather, there is no profit in this relationship." 

Well, needless to say, that was the last time I dealt with him. What a waste of time! I was hoping and praying that this guy would see my worth and value. The thing is, he talked all the good talk. When I got saved, He talked about the bible/Jesus with me. Then, right before the dream, he told me that God told him that I was supposed to be his wife. (#BoyBye) 

The crazy thing is, based on the worlds standards, this guy looked amazing on paper. He had it together from the worlds standpoint. Huge figure salary and all. But, biblically, we were absolutely unequally yoked. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says: Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? I was almost willing to FORCE it to work because of our "history." I can assure you that I would NOT be doing what I am doing today if he was my leader or my head in marriage. I would have TEAMED up with darkness and absolutely settled in that relationship. I knew we had little in common, except. History. 

I am thankful that the Lord shut that relationship down and that next year, I met my now husband. One of the first questions Cornelius asked me was "Who helps me carry my groceries?" Now, if I was entertaining the woman collector, then I would have had that answer for him. And, we may not have talked because godly men want a godly woman, not a woman that jumps from man to man, looking for worth and value. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I forgave the woman collector after that dream and I understood that he wasn't a believer, (even though he claimed to be, his life clearly proved otherwise) so I am sharing this so that you won't be deceived and hurt when he marries the woman he really wants to be with. 

It's important that even if this guy goes to your church, that you recognize a woman collector. So, yes, he can be in the church, serving, praying and SILL struggle with this area. Just because he is in church doesn't mean that he believes what is being preached. Hey may, just like attention and you give it to him. This is why it's vital that we test every spirit. "Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.” (1 John 4:1). Testing the spirits means that one must know how to “examine the Scriptures.” Rather than accept every teaching, discerning Christians diligently study the Scriptures. Then YOU know what the Bible says and therefore can “test all things and hold fast to what is true.” In order to do this, a Christian must “be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). The Word of God is to be “a lamp” and “a light” to our path (Psalm 119:105). We must let its light shine on the teachings and doctrines of the day; the Bible alone is the standard by which all truth must be judged. 

Now, if you're looking at that man to be the priest of your household, then it's VITAL that you have a relationship with Jesus for yourself so that the Holy Spirit can WARN you ahead of time of those guys that are seeking to string you along. He may be sweet with his words, but the Holy Spirit can read between those lines and tell you that you're getting played. 

The danger in getting wrapped up in these relationships is that you create an entire life with someone who is creating a life with someone else. Your number and time is just there when times get rough or they're fighting for the zillionth time. He will tell you whatever lies he can to keep you around, to sleep with you just one more time and whatever else. You are being USED. Let the little birdie fly and go get focused on what God has called you to do. 

WHAT a waste of time!! The bible tells us to fill our minds with GOOD things that are worthy of report, not stalking that man's social media and wondering if he is going to call you back. My sister, it doesn't TAKE all of that. YOU are worth SO much more. A godly man wouldn't take a chance on losing you to another. So, he won't play games. 

So, if you recognize one of these guys, cut them off. Or, if you are one of these people, just stop it. You're sowing some pretty nasty seeds. You won't want to see the harvest of heartbreak over and over again because it may  happen to you. Don't keep people around to stroke your ego. Don't lead people on. Instead, pursue Jesus with all of your heart. 

The biggest thing I hearing the Lord say while writing this is that these types of relationships are DISTRACTIONS. Big distractions to get you off course. Let's get back on course, block the collectors in every way and press forward to the mark of the high calling through Jesus Christ! You're unavailability single. 

Just a few things:

1. Find my (5) books (including my NEW book, "The Purpose Room"), purity rings, shirts & all that good stuff via pinkypromiseboutiques.com!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under: Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 10:30am. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  3600 Snapfinger Rd Lithonia, GA 30038

4. Register for the 2017 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

5. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 50,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

6. We are headed on a Revival Tour to Kenya, Nigeria, London and Capetown. Register here: www.lindseyevents.com 

God loves you like crazy,

Love always,

Heather Lindsey

"How To Recognize A Woman Collector"

What is a collector? A collector is a man or a woman that collects people and keeps them around that they aren't 100% sold on. They do this because they like certain aspects about you, but it's not enough to full commit to you. So, they collect relationships in their phone and they reach out just enough to keep you hanging on a string. When you begin to complain about not getting enough time or energy, they either get upset, disappear only to return another day or they are very apologetic. All three tactics are to keep you around -- still, without commitment. 

Don't get me wrong, men and women can both be collectors. If I can keep it real, I was once a collector, so it defintely happens. But, because I like to talk directly to my sisters and preach to them because I am one, I am going to refer towards men. 

These men will sleep with you, take you out on dates, text you late at night when they're bored and find ways to keep you around just enough where you will be waiting and hoping that there's a chance for a relationship. Although you may not recognize it, they pick you up off of the shelf and put you back on the shelf as they feel led. They don't respect nor value you. They would never see themselves marrying you and can cut you off the moment they meet someone they really want to be with. 

I actually dated a guy like that on and off for about seven years. SEVEN YEARS. Everytime he would text me, I would get so excited. I was always hoping that we would one day work out.. (I thought in my head.) But, all the while, he continued to have babies by other women and he made zero effort to pursue me. Only, when it was convenient. "I wasn't like other women. I was like his best friend that understood him." (honey, that's a lie) He only really reached out when he was in town, when him and his 10 other women weren't working out. When he was bored. And, I let him. So, I now blame myself for even entertaining that foolishness as a single. Of course, I have forgiven myself :) But, if I can encourage you to recognize a collector, cut him off quickly. 

The Dream

I remember having this dream about him and in the dream, I was walking with him and we were going down different pathways together and at the end of each pathway was a different woman. I would watch him flirt with her and completely ignore me. I was so mad in my dream because there were SO many women. Then, I heard the Lord say, "Let him go Heather, there is no profit in this relationship." 

Well, needless to say, that was the last time I dealt with him. What a waste of time! I was hoping and praying that this guy would see my worth and value. The thing is, he talked all the good talk. When I got saved, He talked about the bible/Jesus with me. Then, right before the dream, he told me that God told him that I was supposed to be his wife. (#BoyBye) 

The crazy thing is, based on the worlds standards, this guy looked amazing on paper. He had it together from the worlds standpoint. Huge figure salary and all. But, biblically, we were absolutely unequally yoked. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says: Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? I was almost willing to FORCE it to work because of our "history." I can assure you that I would NOT be doing what I am doing today if he was my leader or my head in marriage. I would have TEAMED up with darkness and absolutely settled in that relationship. I knew we had little in common, except. History. 

I am thankful that the Lord shut that relationship down and that next year, I met my now husband. One of the first questions Cornelius asked me was "Who helps me carry my groceries?" Now, if I was entertaining the woman collector, then I would have had that answer for him. And, we may not have talked because godly men want a godly woman, not a woman that jumps from man to man, looking for worth and value. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I forgave the woman collector after that dream and I understood that he wasn't a believer, (even though he claimed to be, his life clearly proved otherwise) so I am sharing this so that you won't be deceived and hurt when he marries the woman he really wants to be with. 

It's important that even if this guy goes to your church, that you recognize a woman collector. So, yes, he can be in the church, serving, praying and SILL struggle with this area. Just because he is in church doesn't mean that he believes what is being preached. Hey may, just like attention and you give it to him. This is why it's vital that we test every spirit. "Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.” (1 John 4:1). Testing the spirits means that one must know how to “examine the Scriptures.” Rather than accept every teaching, discerning Christians diligently study the Scriptures. Then YOU know what the Bible says and therefore can “test all things and hold fast to what is true.” In order to do this, a Christian must “be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). The Word of God is to be “a lamp” and “a light” to our path (Psalm 119:105). We must let its light shine on the teachings and doctrines of the day; the Bible alone is the standard by which all truth must be judged. 

Now, if you're looking at that man to be the priest of your household, then it's VITAL that you have a relationship with Jesus for yourself so that the Holy Spirit can WARN you ahead of time of those guys that are seeking to string you along. He may be sweet with his words, but the Holy Spirit can read between those lines and tell you that you're getting played. 

The danger in getting wrapped up in these relationships is that you create an entire life with someone who is creating a life with someone else. Your number and time is just there when times get rough or they're fighting for the zillionth time. He will tell you whatever lies he can to keep you around, to sleep with you just one more time and whatever else. You are being USED. Let the little birdie fly and go get focused on what God has called you to do. 

WHAT a waste of time!! The bible tells us to fill our minds with GOOD things that are worthy of report, not stalking that man's social media and wondering if he is going to call you back. My sister, it doesn't TAKE all of that. YOU are worth SO much more. A godly man wouldn't take a chance on losing you to another. So, he won't play games. 

So, if you recognize one of these guys, cut them off. Or, if you are one of these people, just stop it. You're sowing some pretty nasty seeds. You won't want to see the harvest of heartbreak over and over again because it may  happen to you. Don't keep people around to stroke your ego. Don't lead people on. Instead, pursue Jesus with all of your heart. 

The biggest thing I hearing the Lord say while writing this is that these types of relationships are DISTRACTIONS. Big distractions to get you off course. Let's get back on course, block the collectors in every way and press forward to the mark of the high calling through Jesus Christ! You're unavailability single. 

Just a few things:

1. Find my (5) books (including my NEW book, "The Purpose Room"), purity rings, shirts & all that good stuff via pinkypromiseboutiques.com!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under: Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 10:30am. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  3600 Snapfinger Rd Lithonia, GA 30038

4. Register for the 2017 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

5. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 50,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

6. We are headed on a Revival Tour to Kenya, Nigeria, London and Capetown. Register here: www.lindseyevents.com 

God loves you like crazy,

Love always,

Heather Lindsey

"Happy Birthday To My Ex"

Have you ever remembered an exes birthday? Every year when their birthday rolls around, you cannot seem to erase that day out of your mind. Although you've moved on & they have moved on-- you still roll your eyes at that day. Or, maybe every time you smell a certain scent, it takes you back to a certain season in your life where you were with someone that shouldn't have made it past hello. Or, maybe you see a guy or a girl that resembles your ex and then bitterness floods your heart. You roll your eyes and think back to "everything they did to hurt you."

You tell everyone that you're over him and deep down, you want to be but something is still holding onto a little bit of rejection. You wonder, "why didn't things work out?" "Why did he choose another girl over me?" "Was I not good enough?"

If it still stings when you think about him.. sis, it's not totally over. Not in your heart anyway. But I have good news! The good news is this: if you're tested and you find that you still have bitterness in your heart-- you can truly let it go and give it to God. I mean, really, intentionally let him go. 

I know maybe you hoped that things would work out, but it's not that you weren't good enough, it's that your very purpose and plan that was predesigned before the earth didn't include that relationship. No matter how many times you replay in your mind what you could have done differently, it wouldn't have mattered-- things happened exactly how they were supposed to happen. 

Whenever I see the bathroom door open, I run and close it as my 1 year old son, Logan going for it as well. I know if I leave the door open, he is going to go right for the toilet and he will have a field day playing in toilet water. He's also going to totally destroy the bathroom. One day, he won't even consider or think about playing in the toilet or the bathroom but as his mama, I have to close that door in his life. He just doesn't know better, but I know better for him. 

Same goes for God. He knew that you were going to play in a "toilet" of that messy relationship and to PROTECT you, He quickly ran & shut the door because He knew what was best for you. Logan typically whines and cries when I shut the door and he even attempts to open it, but I stand firm in my decision and I lovingly pull him away from the door. One day, I will let Logan open the door and go to the bathroom because I know that he won't abuse the bathroom. He will use it for what it's purposed use. Until he is mature enough, I will keep that door closed. 

So, what about you? Did God close a door and are you sitting outside of the door with your arms crossed and mad at him because He won't let you play in the toilet? How silly does that look? Sis, one day-- God will open the door to the RIGHT man. When He opens it, you will be READY. But before He opens that door, you have to let him HEAL you from all of those times you sat bitterly outside of the door-- mad at God.

God loves you so much that He is constantly going in front of you and closing the WRONG doors & OPENING the right ones. Some of us are still prying open old doors and allowing that bad way of thinking to torment us. 

Did you know that He allowed that door to be closed in your heart because you thought that you were going in the right direction but He had to show you that there was no profit? He had to show you that YOUR will wasn't lining up with HIS will. I know it was hard, I know it stung a bit, but it's time to move on.

Want to know why you cannot forget that scent, birthday or whatever else?

This is why:

Brain research shows that every conscious thought is recorded in our "internal" hard drive called the cerebral cortex. When we have the same thought again, the line of the original thought is deepened, causing a "memory trace." (ie. your past). With each continuous thought, the trace goes deeper and deeper, forming and embedding a pattern of thoughts. When an emotion is tied to that thought pattern, the memory trace grows STRONGER.

So, we get saved, break up but we still have that memory trace from our past. 2 Corinthians helps us to deal with that in vs. 10:5- "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."
So, capturing those stinkin' thoughts is going to take some EFFORT and some work on your part. Yes, he broke your heart. Yes, he choose someone else over you. Yes, he played you but either you are going to think on that, or THINK on CHRIST! You have a CHOICE! I don't know about you but as for me & my thought process, I'm choosing to think on Christ! I have been played, cheated on, lied to, verbally abused, beat up and everything else you can think of and I REFUSE to let my past push me around!!

Isaiah 43:18 tells us to "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past."- so, I'm dwelling on Jesus and I'm talkin' back to those memories that I should have never experienced.

Now that you understand what is happening.

Let Go.

It's time to burn down memory lane & stop crossing that bridge. 

In Christ, He changes our actions. So don't focus on changing your actions-- focus on HIM. When you wake up and spend time with Him-- it sets your mindset so that you won't just think any type of way. When you are thinking on Him, you don't have TIME to be thinking on whatever else. You're focused. You are a purposed woman and you don't have time for games. When you're thinking of Him, you don't have time to be depressed. When your'e thinking on Him, you aren't focused on your "clock ticking." You see the difference? Whatever you focus on, will amplify. So today, lets focus on Jesus Christ, our Lord & Savior. The end.

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com.

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 20,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!

8. I am headed to Birmingham, AL this Saturday and I would LOVE to meet you! Details are in my calendar above! 

Love you all dearly,

God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey

Letting Go...

With tears in my eyes, I remember sitting in a church service next to a man that I really wanted to marry and hearing the Lord say: “Heather, he’s not it. I need you to let this go. If you don’t cut this relationship off—it will only get worse.”

But, WHY God?! I did what I thought I knew to do. Yes, we fell.. over & over again. Yes, we disobeyed you. Yes, we had sex outside of marriage. It’s true that I don’t feel my best in this relationship but Lord, I really want him to be the one. I don't want to start all over with anyone else new! I wanted to have all of his babies and work through lifes struggles. I have always had this “make it happen” attitude about life and I just knew that if I repented and did what I knew to do to make it right, maybe things could work. 

But I continued to hear this voice whisper to me in the midst of my rationalization. Let it go.

So, we went to this little restaurant after church and I had this plastered smile on my face as I greeted people leaving church. They have no clue. They think that our relationship is perfect on paper and from what they can see, but deep in my spirit man,  the Lord has made it so clear to me that he aint it, we’ve made each other idols & I am no longer serving the Jesus although I’m doing all of the church "things" like serving at church & attending.

As we headed towards the restaurant, I made light talk, but deep down, these scriptures were ringing in my heart.

John 14:15
"If you love me, obey my commandments.

Exodus 34:14
You must worship no other gods, for the LORD, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you.

Isaiah 2:22
Don't put your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath. What good are they?

If I really loved God, I would break things off because clearly, this relationship has turned from “excitement to pretend love to lust to dysfunction to idolatry.” How did this happen?

1. We refused to set boundaries & continued to play house.
2. Whenever God told me to not go over to his house or vice versa—I rationalized. I mean, he’s a good guy. He goes to church. He says he loves you Lord & I miss him…
3. Our purposes didn’t line up. But I was so desperate for a relationship that I was ignoring the obvious.
4. I had no peace. It was manufactured peace. I was trying to believe this lie that everything was ok but I knew deep down that it wasn’t right.
5. I wanted a man more than I wanted Gods presence. Thus, the relationship was dysfunctional.

So, we broke up that day at that restaurant. Was it hard? Umm. YES. I had to seriously guard my heart. I purposed to NOT to hang out in groups with him anymore. Not to entertain any texting, calling, or whatever else. You see, I had a pretty strong soul tie with him & if I didn’t let God rip that crap out of me, I would have gone back or became depressed. With my emotions totally raging, I told God that I needed help. That I needed Him. That I needed change. That I was sick and tired of being sick & tired. That I needed wholeness. That I needed peace. I would pull scriptures about my worry, discontentment & fear and I would STARE at them for HOURS. I would fast from social media and fight back those negative thoughts that were contrary to Gods word. You see, God will heal you. He will absolutely do His part. But how can God heal you if you don't let Him? How can God heal you when you keep surrounding yourself around that person? I understand if you have a child by him-- so deal with him concerning your child & nothing else-- but you know what I mean. You may just go over to his house.. one more time.. text, one more time.. this or that.. one more time. Babygirl, don't tell yourself that lie, you are only making it HARDER for yourself to really let go.

I blogged on “We just broke up, now what?” But… if God is telling you to let go of a bad relationship, a friend, or whatever else—know that He is protecting you. There’s been a fork in the road and that person isn’t going where you are going. After God removes people, you may go through what seems like a really quiet, dry season. During this season, God is preparing you and those people that used to be in your life weren’t qualified to continued life with you.  So, let Him lead you. I know it’s hard but what other option do we have? Let not make any more excuses of “easier said than done.” Lets instead say, God—I trust you. Lord, I need you. Lord, help me. Lord, I’m lonely. Lord, make me whole. Lord, break my heart until it breathes your heart. God,  help me.

God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out viawww.pinkypromiseboutiques.com

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 20,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!

8. I'm headed to DC this Saturday and Detroit next Saturday! I would love to meet you! Check out my calendar above!