Where is my Ring??!

So, everybody around you is getting engaged! Every day you log onto facebook you find that YET another person is engaged! Although you're happy for them, deep down-- you're thinking umm.. ANOTHER PERSON?! UGH! WHEN IS MY TIME?!??! You go to church, pray, spend time with God, you're living right but HOW is it that all of your unsaved co-workers are now engaged.. or all your friends are engaged, married.. having kids but you find yourself.. still single. 

I just want to encourage you today sis. I have felt how you've felt and I have been where you've been. First and foremost, you have got to stop comparing your life to another person. You've heard this before but I'm going to remind you that you're a Christian. You have the Holy Spirit living on the inside of you. Do you know what that means to all of heaven??! You've been adopted, set apart, pulled aside, HIDDEN and PROTECTED under the care of CHRIST. Do you think He's going to just let you run off any marry some of anybody??! Anybody can get a ring honey. You can walk outside and pick a random up off the street and make him marry you. Proverbs 24:1 says: Be not envious of evil men, nor desire to be with them. So.. that should clear up being jealous of a bunch of random unsaved people that are getting engaged. They don't belong to Christ which means that CHRIST has no say-so in their relationships! The WORST feeling in the world is for you to walk down the aisle to a man that you KNOW God didn't tell you to marry! Yes, God is always speaking. He's always with you. Are you listening? And this isn't the time to run and preach to them that they shouldn't be getting married if they aren't saved. Bashing them over the head with the bible once engaged won't make them run to Christ. Just smile, hug them and say congratulations while you pray for their salvation.

Each season in your life will develop to the next one. If you're worrying non-stop about getting married, you'll finally get married and then you'll worry about kids. "Everybody is having kids and you don't have any kids." Then, you'll finally get pregnant and then you'll compare yourself to all of the other pregnant women and worry about your entire pregnancy. Then, kids will finally come and then you will compare your kids to everybody else's child. Do you see how destructive this cycle is??! And remember, we're Christians. Jesus is so clear to us when He tells us.. 

Philippians 4:6-7
6 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

So.. are you allowing His peace to guard your mind during this season of your life? Or are you on a mad search to "finds you a man?" I want to encourage you to get off of your dating sites as you "SEEK" a spouse and get on your face before God & "SEEK" Him. Don't let being single make you bitter sis. GET UP!  You shouldn't be in that waiting room waiting for him! Single life is NOT a waiting room for MARRIAGE. Marriage is ministry and if you were lazy with your walk with God while single when you get married, you'll get smacked in the face by the EFFORT that it takes to make a marriage GOOD & last. We wait for cars, we wait at the doctors, we wait for the train, we wait for appointments. And when the mechanic, our ride, the doctor or the train is LATE.. we get frustrated! We look at our watch & we're like come ON!! If you don't know what train you're supposed to get on, you'll hop on any train that comes because you're TIRED of waiting. Some of us have been on the wrong train for awhile and we need to get off of it because it's PUSHING us further and further away from our destination. Some of us have been "dating" men that we WISH would marry us but we know deep down that that fool has zero standards and no relationship with God. He won't spend time with God, he won't pray, he would rather play with your body then study the bible, he is CLEARLY not husband material but you would rather in that moment forgo being SINGLE than to have to deal with being lonely again.

God was MUCH more concerned about my purpose than changing my last name. He knew that He needed to pair me with someone who was individually pursing Christ the same way that I was pursing Him. I believe that if it was the will of God for my life, I would have waited even longer before I met Cornelius BUT God KNEW that we would come together & get BUSY about the Kingdom of God. He knew our hearts. He knew we wanted to please Him. He knew that our #1 concern in pursing His name. We were individually pursing Christ alone. The fork finally met & we knew within 15 minutes of meeting on January 3, 2009 that we were getting married one day.

Sis, I want to encourage you to get back to the place of worship and begin to trust God wholeheartedly.  As a NOW wife I SEE how much work goes into a marriage and I'm telling you that you want homeboy to have the basics. You're going to want your one-day marriage to glorify God and then when you DO have kids.. you're going to want your HUSBAND to lead your household as a Christian leader. You may not see how important it is because your clock is "ticking" but I want to remind you that Sarah got pregnant at 99. If you don't know who Sarah is-- read Genesis.

 So remove the words "I'm waiting for my man" from your vocabulary and replace them with "I TRUST GOD'S TIMING concerning EVERY AREA." We must become desperate for Christ and stop being desperate for a relationship.

You didn't get a ring this engagement season because it's not your TIME. YOUR ADAM has yet to awake (click on the link for the blog about it) and you cannot let those around you that are getting married DISTRACT you. On Christmas day 2008, I spent it alone with my family as a single woman. I met my now husband 9 days later. He proposed 12 months later.. on Christmas day 2009. You never know how God can turn things around! First step: Be content wherever He has you right now! Trust that if that DOOR was supposed to be opened, HE would have opened it.

(1 minute after Cornelius proposed!)

So what do you do in the interim?

1. Guard your heart: If Facebook is ruffling your feathers, maybe you need to pull away from it for a little while so you can focus. Stop watching stupid shows on TV that include sex, adultery, fantasies, or whatever else. Don't you realize those things can OPEN a door into your heart?

2. Be happy for others: If you aren't happy with yourself, you won't be able to be happy with others. So sit before God & be honest. You can tell Him that you're jealous & bitter and TIRED of being single. Ask Him to HELP you to want to WANT to be ok with being single.

3. Ask Him to show you the joys of being single. Get prepared to get tested.. but don't worry, the tests will make you stronger & mature you. Remember that you're SUPPOSED to be doing something during this season. What is God trying to accomplish & get you to DEVELOP in? Is He having a hard time because you're ignoring Him & focused on .. this world?

4. Find a local church & get involved! Surround yourself with like-minded Christian women! If you aren't in a Pinky Promise group, there's about 300 groups all over the world! These groups are SISTERHOODS. Period. We encourage each other-- build each other up. Work on studies every month and really keep each other accountable. www.pinkypromisemovement.com

5. SPEND TIME WITH GOD! Honey, when you're on your face before God-- you don't have time to be worry about what is on sister susie's ring hand finger! You're BUSY about PURSING God and you're TIRED at the end of the day. You won't have time to be jealous of anybody.

Stay focused & encouraged sis!

And before I go.. I'm BEYOND excited to announce that my FIRST book is being released next Friday, January 4th!!!! This book is for the woman that is completely dressed up and broken inside. It's for the woman that feels like.. she isn't doing enough, saved enough or whatever-enough. It's truly the all-in-one book for the woman after God's own heart! It will be available via Kindle, Amazon & my own personal site! To pair with the book, "Pink Lips & Empty Hearts" I'm coming out with my OWN lipstick line with 3 shades of PINK! I will share those details later AND the link to purchase the book when I have it!

Here's a few things I will discuss: 

• Find contentment whether they are single or married

• Develop a deep, intimate relationship with Christ

• Eliminate the desire to play the comparing game

• Prioritize their busy, day-to-day schedules

• Develop and grow into the gifts that God has placed inside of them

• BONUS: Practical tips about hair and beauty, as well as other money saving tips and resources

And speaking of rings.. I have a Pinky Promise Sterling Silver ring that you can wear on your left ring hand finger that serves as a reminder that you're married to Christ (Isaiah 54:5). So wear IT or another ring as a reminder until your one-day husband replaces it with your engagement ring. You can find it at the Pinky Promise Store! www.heatherlove.bigcartel.com. I've always said if you want a ring so bad, buy one & get over the hype. :)

AND Check out my new website that has my calendar and other fun updates about the new church we're starting in Atlanta, GA! :) www.heatherllindsey.com! 

God LOVES you like CRAZY,

Heather Lindsey

It was worth the trust.

The night of the engagement!

"Why He Won't Marry You"

So, I've seen so many worldly blogs and articles on this subject, I figured I would clear it all up and talk to you like your sister in Christ.
Maybe you're single, or dating someone and you want to get married. But homeboy is taking forever. Your girlfriend probably told you that you need to give a certain "look", flirt around, "put yourself out there", go online & date or whatever else. WHY he won't marry you is for so many reasons, including your PROTECTION.

So, let's jump right into this.

1. He's not 100% sold on you. For him, there may be a ton of other fishes in the sea and he's not totally sold on you. So he'll drag you along forever without giving you a ring and telling you that you need to be "this" or "that" before he marries you. It's all based in some stupid condition. Lets all be clear-- you can lose everything 2 days after you get married so it can't be based on some material or condition. Marriage is supposed to last forever.

2. The non-committed. This non-committer knows that he's a "good" catch so he's not going to totally commit to you because as his career, degree or whatever else grows.. he needs to make sure that you're good enough to go where he's going (or good arm-candy). Which is sad again-- and based on a ton of conditions. If he doesn't see the amazing in you, help his way to the door & wave goodbye.

3. Free milk. Are you giving them' goodies up? WHY would he run & marry you if you are giving him all your goodies, playing house, sleeping with him.. as you cook, clean and do his laundry. I mean.. why would he need to get a marriage license when you do all of those things with your maiden name?

4. God's timing. Well, you weren't supposed to wake "up" this Adam-- and he's a random. God is really closing this door. You're sad, trying to MAKE it work and everything else.. but it just is NOT working and.. you wished that it would. You try to do everything he wants you to do & please him but no matter what, God still closes your little relationship door.

5. The Visionary. This guy.. wants his career 100% together, and all of his ducks totally in LINE before he thinks about marriage and a family. He doesn't want to take on the responsibility of YOU if.. he feels like his career hasn't jumped off. My question to  him would be.. "WHO IS YOUR SOURCE?!" If you know that you're supposed to be together, been courting for awhile.. stop waiting for money to come in to help your decision. PAINT your picture together. Again, what happens if you lose your job as soon as you get back from the honeymoon? So you waited FOREVER, played around, rubbed, touched, dishonored God while dating.. finally got the job.. got married and lost it all. It's WORLDLY. That whole mind-set is of the WORLD. We are to be led by GOD daily so if God showed you your girl, marry her already & figure it out & grow together.

6. Sorta-Christian. This man isn't totally sold on God & sure isn't being led by Him. I'm not even sure why you would wanna marry this fool but I have to put this in. This guy doesn't understand the marriage between Christ & His Church or "dying" to yourself so he's selfish. He says, " I aint ready to get married", goes to the club, looks at women's behinds everytime they walk by. This guy is carnal and is vocal about not wanting to marry you. Please, let him go already.

7. The Married Man. Yup, Had to put this one in-- he may not marry you because he is STILL legally married to his WIFE. This man is on the rebound & searching for someone to affirm him again and get what he couldn't get from his wife. He could be going back & forth with his first wife.. messing with her & you. IF you wanna court this man.. he needs some time to himself after the divorce to get whole. Period. Don't be his little void-filler.

8. Flirt. The flirt won't marry you because he craves the attention of so many other women.. just getting it from you would be boring. So, he'll end up married at about 40 or 50 because by then it will get old. He likes the idea of communicating to you with no commitment & pretending like something will be there that never will be.

9. The Baby-Daddy. Homeboy has like 5 kids by 5 different baby mamas. I'm not clear on why you think he'll marry you but he didn't marry them? Please. Move on.

10. The Liar. This man wouldn't marry you because he's so busy lying to you & everyone else while holding a secret life as a down-low brother, with other women, at strip clubs while up in the church, Praising the Lord. He's torn with his life and cannot figure out how to really give his whole heart to Christ so he lives this lie. He is not confident in leading you because he doesn't believe he's really led by God.

So.. how do we avoid the above? WHEN we spend TIME with God daily, HE shows us the hearts of ALL men (including YOURSELF & where YOU need to change). The thing is, we have to start LISTENING to when GOD is leading & guiding our lives!! At some point, we have to start doing OUR part. Let's start now. Cut off any of the above. Get quiet before God & whole. You don't wanna marry the above, you want to marry God's best for YOU. Sometimes, we stick around.. hoping that they will change. Don't marry an expectation that you can change someone because you cannot. THEY have to want to change & you may wait a lifetime for that to happen.

Praying for you.

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

"How to Identify a RANDOM"

So I get this question a TON! So I figured it would be a good idea to just give you so me basics.. of how to recognize a RANDOM. Yeah, I'm giving you some practical tips but you have to make sure that you're spending time with God daily (I blogged about it here) & letting Him lead your life. PEACE should rule as an empire in your heart daily.

If you're new to what  "RANDOM" is-- let's define it, A Random is defined as a person you KNOW you'll never marry but you date them to fill a void because you're lonely or bored. A random is that ex boyfriend that is still trying to EMOTIONALLY connect with you and you're married. A random is a co-worker that is switching' all hard in your face trying to get your attention. A random is a unhealthy relationship. This could also go for friendships as well. It's that person you KNOW is messy & gossips about everyone..but you still hang around them. If they're talking about others, they're talking about YOU. It's that friend that says, "girlll, you better get it-- he got money"-- or that guy that says "lets hit the strip club tonight.." I also introduced a "No Randoms" pinky promise bracelet as a fun reminder to tell them to get' outta' here! :) You can get one here.

Another disclaimer: NO man or woman is perfect, so get that fantasy out of your head. If you want a fairytale, watch a Disney movie. PEOPLE will have things that they need to work on. However, you should have standards and deal breakers.

But specifically for this blog-- we'll focus on No Randoms in a relationship. These could go for MEN or WOMEN.

How to Identify a Random 101

1. The Wrong Timing Random- this random says... I think that you're PERFECT for me.. but it's just the wrong TIME. What this really means is.. I have so many options & I'm not sure which one to choose. If I go with you, I'm afraid that I'll miss out on all these other people. So if I emotionally string you along, you'll think that there will always be a chance.. that we'll end up together. Then, when you end up getting into a relationship-- I'll act mad but secretly, I didn't care about you. I was on to the next one a long time ago. This kind of random is never satisfied. They love attention and crave it from people in general. RUN from this random. You'll look up and they'll end up married to someone else. THEY NEVER WANTED YOU. IF THEY DID.. they would have pursued you.. God's way.

2. Commitment Probe Random- This random HATES commitment. They'll date you but as soon as you get "too close" for their comfort, they'll RUN. They have been hurt so much in their past that the thought of committing to someone their whole life scares them. OR they'll date you for 10 years and it will never be the "right" time to get engaged. They'll make excuses forever until you get sick & tired & give them a deadline. COURT with a purpose. Everything and everybody needs to have some type of PURPOSE in your life. IF they have no purpose.. they gotta go. 

3. Charming Random- This random.. is a CHARMER. They make everyone feel good about themselves. They have a way with words, has "swag", can dress, is usually the popular kid and is a big time FLIRT. Dating this random will put you in positions where you're often telling them to STOP talking to other people of the opposite sex in the way that they do. You'll argue about their many friends of the opposite sex & they just won't ever get the memo. They'll blame you as they continue to flirt with the entire world & roll their eyes at you. They will eventually despise you because you'll never accept their need for attention and the attention you give them.. is not enough. 

4. Clinging Random- This random.. loves to make you their god. That's a strong word, right? Well, this random does EVERYTHING for you. Cooks, cleans, stays the night often, wants to be with you 24-7, calls you the second they have any issue and pretty much replaces YOU with God. I mean, why do they need God if they have YOU who responds to their many emotional needs? They REFUSE to finally give God their heart and blame you & everyone else for their unhappiness. God is VERY clear in Exodus 20:3-- "there should be NO other God but Me." If that PERSON wants to be FIRST to God-- they have to GO. This random is also really controlling because they feel like you are all they have. Remember, don't BE a void filler. That's God's responsibility. These relationships end with a ton of screaming, crying & drama.

5. Random with a trillion chicks or guys- Yeah, you know. Its the guy or girl that has a little black book of people from Elementary that they can just reach out to at will that will fill their little emotional and sexual needs. Is it right? Heck no! But they end up falling for you... and find it way to hard to really commit to just one person. So you become their main squeeze with a plethora of other side chicks or guys. You have to sneak around and look at their cell phones and Facebook page messages often because they just cannot be trusted. They feel like they have SO many options.. they cannot just possible settle with you. Let's all be clear-- this random needs some time ALONE to get whole with GOD before they try to get into a relationship with YOU.

6. Sorta Random Christian- This random.. goes to church on Sunday but is at the club on Saturday night. They sleep around, curse, dress half naked and refuse to change their life. This person wears the title of a Christian but NOTHING about their life identifies that they really trust God & that they live for Him. This random will PULL you off the chair and CONFUSE you because they were just at church with you.. praying in tongues and then right after church.. they are trying to pull off your clothes behind clothes doors.  This random isn't completely sold that God's way is the best way so they work real hard & try to figure out their life & call it God but in all honesty.. God has NOTHING to do with it. RUN from this random quickly. You need to see some FRUIT in their life & some standards before you kick it with them.

7. Play-House Random- This Random wants you to stay the night 24-7, cook, clean, call you "wifey" or "hubby" but refuses to propose. This person wants to sleep with you, make a ton of babies and pretend to be married but not really commit to you. They want all the benefits of marriage and quickly tell you.. "things are perfect-- why do we need to change it with a piece of paper-- we know in our "hearts" we're married"-- FAIL. HUSBANDS get HUSBAND treatment and BOYFRIENDS get BOYFRIEND treatment. Same goes for girlfriend treatment. I'm jus saying'. 

8. Immature Random- This random.. is so immature it drives you nuts. They REFUSE to change and they blame everything on you and everyone that hurt them since they were 5. They refuse to take ANY responsibility for any of the arguments and when you tell them what you want in a relationship, they refuse to meet your needs. They're selfish. This random will drive you nuts because you just want them to really see themselves and grow up already. If you're dating one of these.. you'll develop greatly in patience. If they're a good guy or girl, just stay on your face before God & let Him work on them. Respond in love.

9. Critical Random- This random crushes all of your ideas and visions. They don't believe ANY of the passions in your heart and think you're crazy. If you hang around the long enough-- you'll begin to believe the lie and  your confidence will drop significantly. YOUR job is never good enough for this random. They want you to be a doctor or something.. anything BUT what you're doing now. Your job values you to this random.  They'll try to change EVERYTHING about your look because you need to make them look good .. so you're too skinny, too fat, too this too that. They tell you it's because they care for you.. but in all honestly, they don't believe in you. Lets all be clear, you have enough issues to deal with in this world, you don't need to be with someone that doesn't respect you & really LISTEN & love you. 

10. Ex-Relationship Random- This random is your ex boo. You've been on & off forever & you still sleep together every now & then. You know that you aren't supposed to be together but you're torn. You know they ain't no good but you want to feel good about yourself & your lonely. This random fills your little voids. So when you want to feel pretty or not deal with your emotions, you call each other. But deep down, you know it's over. You had nothing in common and you GREW apart because you fit each others DYSFUNCTION. SO STOP RUNNING BACK TO THAT EX. You want to know how to get free? Finally make the decision and CUT THEM OFF. Guard your heart.. Proverbs 4:23.

These randoms want you to miss them, text them, call them, Facebook them.. for they have planted seeds to wheel you in. They planted seeds in YOU and so many others. So if you really want to know, you're not the only ONE.  You see, a random finds value in their many options and they like attention and wish that they can take bits and pieces of people and make one. They aren't satisfied with JUST you alone.. if they were, they would have committed to you & figured it out.

 THE PERSON THAT GOD HAS FOR YOU WILL MEASURE UP!!!!! It's vital that we don't RUN to these randoms for fulfillment that ONLY comes from GOD alone. YES, God can change the above randoms and as I said before-- these are examples. You could be in a relationship with someone who is a bit immature, but he's growing and changing and you believe that God led you to that relationship. Great. Lets all remember that our focuses.. cannot be on "getting us a man or a woman"-- our eyes must stay on Christ. Don't let these little distractions KEEP you from doing what God is calling you to do. And yes, a relationship can wipe you out. 

That man or woman should PUSH you towards Christ.. not away from Him.

God loves you like CRAZY,

Heather Lindsey

(photoshoot from this past weekend by Hope Ballenger! She's an AMAZING Photographer! Check her out  (http://www.hopebphoto.com) 

The "Pinky Promise" & "No Randoms" Bracelets are IN!!!

It's official! "The Pinky Promise" & "No Randoms" Bracelets are in!! The MOVEMENT has begun!!

What is a Random? $10 each

For the single person: It's a person that you know you'll never marry but you date them because you're lonely or to fill a void. It's that ex that you KNOW isn't any good for you but you keep going back to them because you're comfortable. It's also for those unhealthy friendships that are distracting you and pulling you away from Christ. What a beautiful reminder that we COMMIT our whole lives to Christ daily. 

 For the married person: It's saying that you won't allow unhealthy relationships to affect your marriage. This could be a co-worker or an ex boyfriend or girlfriend that is trying to connect with you emotionally or physically. It could be that friend that talks about your spouse in a negative way or gossips about everyone and anything. "No Randoms" is a reminder of Proverbs 4:23 "Guard your heart, because out of your heart flows the issues of life"

What does Pinky Promise mean? $10 each

 

For the single person: It's a promise to honor God with your body. To refuse to give your body to anyone that hasn't paid the price for you called marriage. It's a promise to stay pure before God in EVERY single way. It's a promise that says, I won't test the boundaries in my relationship to see how far I can push it sexually--but instead--I want God to have my heart.

For the married person: It's a promise to God that you will honor your marriage convenant. It's saying that I promise not to step outside of my marriage, cheat on my spouse and that I'll work through every issue. 

Key & Respect Charms $8 each

We also wanted to introduce the key & respect charms. A man's number one need is respect and the key is the key to your heart ladies. We want YOU ladies to hold both the respect ring and the key to your heart. NO man should have that key to your heart until he proposes to you, walks you down the aisle & marries you. The respect charm is something you should ALWAYS keep with you. It's a reminder to respect your man and to not undermine him. You can add these to your favorite necklace or keep them in your wallet.

Just a few things before you purchase! 

• "No Randoms" & "Pinky Promise" Tees will be available in the mid-February!
• Not ALL charms on your bracelet are the same! Each bracelet is specially handcrafted and no two bracelets are the same. The charms are subject to availability and are given out randomly with your purchase!
• A special gift is included in each package!
• If you're a church and you would like to get your youth group involved in this movement--I do offer discounts for large orders!
• If you have ANY questions--please email askheatherlove@gmail.com
• Due to the high demand--these bracelets may take 7-10 business days before arrival. Please be patient and it will be "worth the wait!" :)
• Continue to check back as I'll be posting additional fun items as we PUSH this movement! TELL your friends about it.. get a bracelet for them! Let's ALL decide to honor God with our life & our bodies!! 

...Ready, set... go!! Here's the store link: http://heatherlove.bigcartel.com/