"So, The Lord told you "he" was the one?"

(Me & my hubby toasting in Africa last month!)

I get this question a ton-- people say, "The Lord told me that so & so was the one," so I figured that I would address it in my blog.

Let me tell you my quick husband story. My husband and I attended the same church. I was extremely active in ministry as I was a part of the Media Team, Dance Ministry, Women's Ministry, Prayer Counselor and the Special Events Team. I was busy about pursuing God. Granted, I kept me a boyfriend on the side here & there but for the most part-- I was committed to Christ. I attended the church in New York-- my now husband attended the church in Atlanta (same church, two locations). He would always travel with the pastor because at the time, he was his assistant and right hand man. So, every Saturday, the pastor and Cornelius would travel to New York and I would always see this young guy in a suit running around-- looking all serious! Was I attracted to him? I mean, I thought he was cute-- but he was always so serious and like I mentioned before, I kept me a little boyfriend so I always was pretty focused on them. So we walked by each other for three years. We both attended the same meetings together and we were even in a room with just 2 other people & spoke briefly just 2 years before we actually started courting. 

4 months pregnant at an event :)

Three years after walking by each other-- and one day we started talking. I'll be honest with you, I knew within 15 minutes of talking to my now husband that we were going to get married & have a ministry. HOWEVER, 4-5 years earlier than that-- I thought I heard the same thing. I was being introduced to this guy at church and I shook his hand, I heard "That is going to be your husband"--I thought.. HUH? No way! And just kept it moving. A few months later, we became friends-- always hanging with the same group of people and then I started to become attracted to how nice he was. He wasn't my TYPE whatsoever but he was such a nice person-- I almost felt obligated to give him a chance. Plus, I mean.. I "heard" he was going to be my husband right? Mind you-- I knew my purpose. I knew that one day I would be in ministry full time with my husband and do all these things for Christ. I was confused on how this was going to happen because that relationship began to NOT glorify God. We started to do things that SEPARATED us from God. And I won't beat around the bush, I told the guy I didn't want to kiss until I get married .. and we ended up fornicating. Then, I couldn't stop! I couldn't find the breaks. Then, what I thought I heard.. I began to not believe. The proof was in the pudding. Our relationship was pushing me FURTHER & further AWAY from God. Our relationship was so far from ...

Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

So as I read that scripture, I begin to weep. I said.. God.. how is my then boyfriend who said he's going to be my one-day husband presenting me? It scared me because I knew the answer. My one-day husband was supposed to PUSH me closer to Christ and I knew that it started in the courting process. Although he said he loved me & we were boyfriend & girlfriend for a long time.. I knew that I became his idol and vice versa. God is clear in Exodus 20:3 that I was to NOT worship any other god but Him. So although I was saying that God was my God.. and I served in all these ministries and prayed for all these people.. my heart was so far from Him. I called out His name with my lips but went right back into the bed with my little boyfriend and SHOWED God who my real "god" was. It was my flesh. It was my desires. It wasn't GOD. If it was REALLY GOD-- I WOULD HAVE LIVED LIKE IT!!

Long story short, we broke up. God told me over & over again to BREAK IT OFF. I learned that EVEN if you "hear" that a certain guy is the "one"-- you may be WRONG. You may have mis-heard God. The proof is in the pudding baby. God is so powerful, so awesome that He knows in advance EVERY situation and EVERY relationship. He even foreknew who would CHOOSE Him one day and get saved. He knew that guy wasn't my husband!!!!!!!! That was either my emotions or satan telling me that lie. GOD knew my husband was going to be Cornelius & wasn't surprised by it!! It was a DISTRACTION and some of the things we think we "hear" distract us and PUSH us so far from GOD! We get all wrapped up in what we think we heard & then the guy marries another girl .. & then you're all mad at God so you ignore Him & start dating some thug guy that sleeps with you & everything else that moves. Guess what sis? 

God didn't tell you that "he" was the one! Why would God tell you that when you cannot be faithful in small things? Why would He tell you that & now its got you ALL messed up because now.. you're trying to throw yourself at some guy to "make" something work that wasn't meant to be!! Why would he tell you something that would replace your desire for HIM for another man? 

So, I gotta be honest with you. Like.. this is sister to sister-- heart to heart. If you thought you heard God say that about a person-- LET IT GO. Seriously. Let it go. If the relationship is meant to be-- IT will develop with FIRST, the man pursuing YOU. Sadly, you're taking ownership in your mind & heart over a man that doesn't even know your last name. He aint yours baby girl. Your focus must always be on Christ & NOT on the distractions of this WORLD! Your life is much greater than your MARTIAL status & if you don't get up get BUSY about what GOD is calling you to do, you're going to be switching all hard trying to get the attention of somebody else's ADAM! (I talked about "Where is my Adam here-- if you want to read it). 


      (our very first date 1/8/2009)

                                            

Now, back to the story with my husband and I. Both my husband and I KNEW within 15 minutes that we were going to marry each other. Neither one of us said anything. We just talked and talked.. and talked..and talked & got to KNOW each other. We discussed marriage & if I would be willing to move to Atlanta if we got married. We courted with PURPOSE. Sometimes, we tend to get "wrapped" up in what we think "God" said & we start playing house like we're married.. and you ain't married honey. On our first date, Cornelius said "I'm not going to kiss you until the wedding day." THEN we set up boundaries. No sleeping together, no cuddling, no kissing on the hand, the cheek, no movies, no NOTHING. We hung out in groups. I didn't dress half naked around him or try to test the standard he set up. Over time, I saw myself developing emotionally. It wasn't pretty. Courting 
was ROUGH. I began to watch God peel off my layers of heart & show me how jacked up I was through my relationship with Cornelius. Although it was hard.. I was getting better.. stronger, less emotional, less manipulative.. and gosh darn it.. Cornelius was PUSHING me closer to CHRIST! He was doing what Ephesians 5 said to do! The process was HARD but it was so worth it! The proof is in that PUDDING baby! I had PEACE about Cornelius. God told me to PRAY earnestly for him when I didn't' like the way he was treating me. God told me to be sweet with him & love him earnestly. The difference between this relationship & all others is GOD was giving me the HOOK-UP on how to work out my relationship! It was so cool & a BIG change from Him always telling me to break things off!  Finally, GOD had an input!! So, then Cornelius proposed to me 1 year after we officially started courting... 8 months later, we got married. God remained first during the courting, engaged & now as husband & wife-process. He was never on the back-end. 

Quick crazy story: While Cornelius & I were engaged, a woman came up to him at church and said "The Lord told me that you're supposed to be my husband." Cornelius said, I'm sorry-- I'm "engaged"-- she said "you aint married yet." When Cornelius told me this story-- my heart broke. I wanted to find the woman & talk to her & explain to her all of the above. Sis, don't be that girl. Pinky Promise.
                                         
                                                            Our wedding day 8/14/2010

So I want to encourage you ladies to REST. Sometimes, we want to awaken LOVE before it's time (Song of Solomon 2:7). So calm down sister. If God told you-- He will tell him, YOU don't need to go running around, telling some man that "The Lord told you that he is going to be your husband." You're only going to freak him out and embarrass yourself. Just bite your tongue & stay focused on what GOD called YOU to do. Then, you'll look up and HE will be PURSUING you. Then, you'll smile and laugh with God. 

Have you signed up for Pinky Promise? There's local groups all over the world!
www.pinkypromisemovement.com

You can rock super cute bracelets & shirts at our Pinky Promise Store! 
www.heatherlove.bigcartel.com

Have you signed up for the Pinky Promise Conference? We would love to meet you!
www.pinkypromiseconference.com

Have you picked up my husband's book? "So, You Want To Be Married?"
www.SoYouWantToBeMarried.com 

God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey

"How To Prepare for Marriage"

                          (flirting with my hubby! :) We hosted an event a couple weekends ago in AL)

Ok, so you may see the title and think in your head-- YES! I'm about to get WORKING on this list of HOW I can prepare for marriage. I think as Christians, we can be SO .. works minded. We just say, "give me this list & I'm going to do it & I'm going to be prepared for marriage." Although I am going to give you some practical TIPS, nothing can prepare you MORE for marriage than the Holy Spirit who guides your life. Granted, reading books, studying, praying for your one-day spouse are all GREAT things. I am not saying don't get knowledge-- but the MORE you know-- the more accountable you will be to that information. 

Even if you do all of these things to prepare for marriage I want you to know that in marriage.. you will have your bad days. You will have days where you don't feel good and you don't feel like cooking or cleaning. You will have days where you want to quit your job. You will have days where your spouse is driving you up the wall. You will have days where you feel lonely. You will have days where you feel broken. You will have days where you don't want to be bothered. A list of top ten whatever will be thrown out the window. You will know what to do, but you still won't do it because of pride, hurt or whatever else. 

Marriage is beautiful. It really is. But if you're a train-wreck as a single, reading a page long blog sure won't make your marriage work. The only One that can fix what is going on in your heart is CHRIST alone. If you're bitter at every person that is getting married, having kids or getting a promotion then not even a marriage is going to make it better. A marriage will only reveal more of your heart and include someone else into your life. If you marry a man that doesn't understand your past or that he is supposed to LEAD you & go into your heart & pluck out the wrong areas and lead you toward's healing & Christ-- you'll marry a man that gets MAD at your past. He won't know how to deal with it. He'll stay frustrated, so will you. You won't submit. He won't die to himself. Thus, why the divorce rate for Christians is at 50%.

I'm not one for formulas. I believe God is very creative but I believe examples encourage us & remind us to trust God. 

You finally recognize that no man can fill your little voids. As soon as you decide to cut off all men that distract you.. then, 10 more try to date you. You continue to take the steps needed because you KNOW that it's not your time for a relationship. A mature woman knows that if she gets into a relationship right now-- that she will MESS up somebody's life. So she cuts out all of the idols. She gets quiet before God. She spends time with God daily & gets into that secret place. She knows that it's not enough to say "I pray throughout the day & spend time with God that way--I don't have set aside time."--she has both. She understands that talking to God throughout the day is BIRTHED from that secret PLACE. She continues to stay on her face before God before she heads off to to work & throughout her day. Her friends get married around her & she's so excited for THEM because her contentment comes from that secret place of quiet time with God & not some external circumstance. She doesn't compare her life to others. She is continually pursued by men-- I mean GOOD men. Christian lawyers.. doctors whoever else. But still..she's not attracted to them. She doesn't have peace about pursing a relationship with those guys. So she stays quiet before God. Time continues to pass & she continues to stay consistent in her relationship with God. She knows what God called her to do & she don't wavier from it. The holidays roll around and you're sitting at home alone with your family. Your family is on you about your clock ticking & being single. You smile & remind them that God's timing is perfect as His peace overwhelms your heart. The jabs about your single life.. no longer bother you. You long for that secret place to spend time with God away from humans.. because there's nothing like Him. So you pull away from your family & find a quiet room. You sit before God and tell him that you would rather be single for the NEXT 10 years then to date another random. 

10 days later you meet your husband and you recognize him within 10 minutes. 

This was my story. I believe that I best prepared for marriage by taking my eyes off of marriage & putting my eyes on Christ. I used my example because I saw a shift in my life where my heart went from getting the attention of some little boy to sitting at the feet of Jesus. Regardless of how long you wait for you husband I want to encourage you to STOP waiting. Lets look at the definition of waiting:

wait·ing  (w'tng)
n.
1. The act of remaining inactive or stationary.
2. A period of time spent waiting.

So if we're looking at the definition it tells me that its a period of being inactive or stationary. YOU should NEVER be inactive in your walk with God. We should always be moving forward in a direction of RUNNING towards HIM. If single or married-- one thing should be consistent and that is your walk with God. It shouldn't change. So if you're sitting around--just a-waiting for your one-day husband; you may wait a long time. Don't you get a little impatient as you wait at the doctors office and you're just sitting in this little room and it takes FOREVER for the doctor to finally see you? You're thinking.. you just wasted an hour of my life that I cannot get back. Then, imagine hanging with your best friend in the world! You only have an hour lunch & you're just chatting and then you look up and it's been one hour. You say "Gosh, time flew by!!" Do you see the difference? YOU STOPPED WAITING. You didn't look at the clock. You didn't compare your life to others. You were having a blast by hanging out with your best friend. THIS is how it should be with God. We should be so enjoying Him and His presence then we look up and say-- gosh, God. Time FLEW by! Now, you presented your best to me. This is so cool! I wasn't even sweating anyone & you totally hooked me up! Thanks Jesus! You're like amazing! :) 

Ok, now that we have the basics DOWN pat-- I can give you some basic 101. I like practical tips because I believe that as women-- we should bring more to the table of a marriage then some eye liner and lipstick. 

1. Take a cooking class. And not just some southern fried chicken class. You don't need to assist in pumping your family with unhealthy foods & aiding in a shorter life span. Take a HEALTHY eating cooking class. Introduce healthier lifestyles into your families life. My husband didn't want a southern woman that only cooked friend chicken and grits. He wanted a woman that would cook healthy & show him a different lifestyle of eating. When I was single, I would cook meals for my roommate. It's a good test to have a close friend who can be honest about your foods to help you to grow. In addition to that-- check out the raw food diet & get books on it. Do cleanses. Be intentional about learning. 

2. Develop some fruit of the spirit. Are you loving, kind, patient? Use the tests and trials that come from your job, your family and other life situations to develop you. You should have some fruit on your tree. You're going to need that patience in a marriage. 

3. Stop dumping every friend that makes you mad. Now, I'm not saying that everybody should be in your life but I am saying that we get rid of people so quickly without even DEVELOPING those friendships. Are you the type of person that gets scared of a commitment of a friendship or anyone getting close to you in fear of getting hurt? Face that fear with the Holy Spirit. He has not given you the spirit of fear-- but of power, love and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7) The more you dump every friendship and every family member that rubs you the wrong way-- the more conflict you will have in marriage. You must learn to develop relationally. If you practice dumping every person when you get married, you will only continue the divorce you practiced. Let God lead you in your relationships. It cannot possibly be everybody else-- YOU may have a part to play in that and you may be running from a really great friendship. 

4. Clean your house. Honestly, I'm still working on this area. I NEVER had to clean up after myself thanks to my mother :). But no excuses-- I've learned to clean up as I go and to pick up after myself. Depending on if your hubby is a neat freak or not-- it will help if you practice being organized. 

5. Pay your bills on TIME. When two people get married-- you both take on each others debt. You become ONE. Your money is she money. She money is he money. So don't bring 500,000 of debt in credit cards. Discipline yourself & buy what you NEED. Plus, what if you want to purchase a house.. or a car & you want to take out a loan and they need both of your credit background?

6. BOOKS! I recommend reading about marriage. If someone has been there & done that and is a successful in their marriage-- why wouldn't we pull from their experience? My husband wrote a book called "So, you want to be married?"-- you can check it out here: www.SoYouWantToBeMarried.com and if you want it on kindle, go to amazon & type in "Cornelius Lindsey." God has so many avenues that He uses to help us along the way. We get a ton of feedback from people and they say "I wish someone told me this when I was single"-- I'm we're like-- we tried to tell you! You just didn't listen! lol 

7. A life. I know you're thinking-- a life? Yeah, a life. Figure out what God called you to do. Inside of you is so many gifts and talents. I was in grad school when I met my husband, working on wall street, writing a book, working with a ton of young girls--mentoring, teamed up with ACS--and I mentored displaced young girls that had family struggles, I was involved in 5 ministries at my church and I traveled all over. When you get married, you don't want to sit around and just watch your husband. YES we make him our priority and all that good stuff but get busy about what God has called YOU to do and make sure whatever it is' doesn't distract you from your priority which is God and your husband. 

8. Work out! If you worked out single, why wouldn't you work out married? Let's make sure we stay in shape and create habits of staying healthy in every way! Find a gym, go to a track-- include working out into your daily regimen! I always say that the external man is NO WHERE as near as important as the internal man.. but if you walk around in sweatpants with your hair wrapped up and some flip flops all day.. you have to remember that a man is VISUAL. So look good for YOU. Get up, do your hair, put on some bronzer & lip gloss. Look cute for you & your husband, Jesus. :)

9. Wisdom with spending! Ladies-- you don't have to pay full price for everything! You can even make some DIY things for your home to make it more comfy! Check out vintage thrift stores, Ebay, Pintrest and other avenues to be more creative if you lack in these areas! You may say that you don't  have the time or energy but again-- even in my own marriage- I see my husband may think he has to pay full price for something and with a little research online, I was able to save him 50%! 

10. Spending time with God daily. THIS is the most important one. Period. Create a habit of spending time aside from everyone and everything. You are going to NEED it in your one-day marriage. Trust me. God knows your husband and he can give you the hook-up on how he works! Even as a single, you can be praying for your one-day husband that he has a heart that's turned towards God. Again, don't make it your FOCUS-- include it in your prayers in general. 

Ok, that's it for now. I am praying for you who desire to be married. Today, we learned that sitting at the feet of Jesus is where we prepare for not only marriage-- but every area of our life. Let's keep our focus on Him & not a human. 

Andddd I have an announcement. As most of you may or may not know-- we are expecting a Baby Lindsey!! :) We're SO excited to announce that we will meet baby Lindsey in March 2013! We're OVERJOYED at the idea of being parents & pouring into our very own. I will blog more about motherhood and what I learned-- and I'm writing a book for you soon-to-be mothers! :)

4 Months Pregnant! :) 

Don't forget!

If you want some cute Pinky Promise jewelry, shirts, or journals go here:

If you want to sign up for a local Pinky Promise Group in your area-- go here! There's about 5300 girls in groups all over the world! Pretty awesome! Go here: 

If you want to sign up for the Pinky Promise Conference in Atlanta--I would LOVE to see you! More details are here: 

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey 

(Me & my fine hubby!)

"God Closing Doors vs. You Opening Them"

You may be in a season where people leave you, job ends, money runs out, things aren’t 100% working out, you’re losing friends or just experiencing loss in general. Gosh, trust me that I understand. I honestly believe I went through that very thing for an entire YEAR. It was the longest year of my life. You really learn who you trust in your darkest hours. I learned that I could lean on and really trust God. He didn’t just become a part of my daily bible ritual—He really became my entire life. I had to cling to Him. It seems like your whole world is caving in and the only One that makes sense is Christ alone. That’s if we decide to turn to Him instead of our circumstances.

I can recall certain situations in life where I tried to stay in a relationship, a job or in a certain place and I just knew deep down that God was closing that door that I desperately kept propped up. I wanted to so badly to stay in those situations—to stay comfortable versus dealing with the fear of the unknown. The fear of being single, the fear of not having enough to pay my bills, the fear of losing loved ones, the fear of not measuring up, the fear of not being good enough or whatever else.  Sometimes, we try to put a comma where God puts a period. Although I shouldn’t have been surprised—God shut those doors. He popped my little pretend-happy bubble. I could have continued to stay in those places and continued those sentences. I could have had a run-on sentence & created an entire storyline.. where God put a period. So, while we’re here—I ask you, do you have any sentences that have continued that you know God ..never intended for you to continue? Most of those sad stories should have never happened. It comes with the territory of ignoring God and living the life we want to live. The heartache, the lies, the abuse, the abortions, the loneliness—you see, God knew these things would come if you stayed around longer then you were supposed to. You couldn’t see those things ahead of time because you were blinded by pretend love, money, status, power, sex, drugs, being comfortable or whatever else. I  DO believe that God does work out things for our good when we live for Him. So don’t beat yourself down if you created an entire storyline.  If you aren’t living for Christ right now, that can change right now. It’s wrapped up in a daily decision to just wake up and live for Him again. God can heal us; no matter how far we’ve fallen away from Him. He longs for your entire heart.

I recall spending the night at my boyfriend’s house when I was single but I would wake up every morning no matter what and would spend hours with God. Sounds weird right? Yeah, one would think that I would start applying what I learned and take my tail home. Anyway,  I continued to spend time with God  & I sat on the guy’s bed and the Lord would show me that I needed to break the relationship off and if I didn’t, it would only get worse. How’s for that? Not long after, we broke up. I was heartbroken but now I understand. God put a period there and it’s not for me to go & try to create some story that should have never been written.  I watched the relationship go downhill. No matter how much I prayed, hoped and wished things would work out or whatever else..The season was over. It was time to move on. Matter of fact, I question the very start of some of my past relationships & situations, those doors were opened by Heather and not Jesus.

You see, those people, jobs, places or whatever else are stumbling blocks. You are tripping over them and falling flat on your face, over and over again. If I placed stumbling blocks in your way as you were walking down the street, you would look at me like I was crazy and walk around them. You would tell me to STOP harassing you and leave you alone. You would say “Heather, clearly I can see that you’re putting huge bricks in my path, I’m not stupid, I’m just going to walk around them—why the heck would I just trip over them and fall flat on my face?”

I believe this question is what all of heaven and the angels ask when we continue in a place where we have stumbling blocks.. and we just keep tripping over them.. over & over again. So, God sends help. He sends blogs, your pastor, your friends, books or whatever else to speak into your heart. Instead, you ignore them and you continue to walk into each block. Doesn’t it sound crazy with that image of me just walking up on you & placing square bricks in your path as you’re walking? You would think I was crazy! Why don’t you feel the same way about satan? And let’s stop blaming him for everything, he sends the stumbling blocks and you have a choice. You don’t have to trip over them. You can trust God & live for HIM in the midst of whatever is going on. Remember that God will give you a way out of every temptation. What temptations are you facing? Sister or Brother, you are NOT alone. ALL of us experience those tests and trials.  I just want to remind you that you don’t need “he” or “it” to make you happy. You really need Christ and if you don’t allow Him to strip you of your idols, you will stay in bondage to those idols forever. Remember that God leads and guides your life. Trust Him, even if your story isn’t playing out the way you intended. He’s with you.

At times, people try to tell me that my life is perfect (and TRUST me, it’s FAR from it!!!!) and that I’ll never understand what they are going through. They say I have the husband, the ministry or whatever else. They see the product of my obedience to Christ but they don’t see the WORK that went into getting where I am today. I just want you to know that I could have a different life story.  Instead of trying to write my own life story, I submitted my life to the One who created me. I have a choice to live for God daily. I could have said “screw this all”—I’m staying with my ex boyfriend, even though God told me to end it. I could have said “Forget reading the bible, this takes too much.” I could have said “Waiting to kiss until my wedding day? PLEASE. I aint waiting that long, I need me some sex.” Do you know that I had a choice in the matter?  I have a choice to write this blog.  I could have said “I’m leaving my marriage at the sign of a first bad argument or whatever else. So please, don’t send me any emails saying that I don’t understand. I was once single, I know and understand the struggles you go through. Where do you think these blogs and my future book is coming from? I’m most passionate about this area of relationships because it’s where I had the most pain. I went through HELL and back as a single. & got serious about my relationship with God and stopped dating randoms & met & married my husband, God’s way. So I challenge you in your own life. YOU HAVE A CHOICE!!!!

....Instead of comparing your life to my life, a pastor, a singer, some reality tv person or whoever else; start comparing yourself to the bible. Take your life and line it up against the bible and use it as a mirror to show you your heart. Let’s not blame anybody else for where we are in life and start taking responsibility for our actions. Granted, you cannot control your life and some of the things that have happened to you but you can control how you respond to them. I want the plan that God has for my life. I don’t want anything outside of it. I want His perfect will so I’ve stopped praying for meaningless, material things and I started praying that my heart would be molded to look like His. So what if I have a couple nice things here & there—what does it mean if my  heart is wicked and hardened towards Him—as a Christian? I just cannot afford it and neither can you. I cannot afford to live this life as a pretend Christ—saying all of these things with my mouth but my heart is so far from Christ. I long to stand before God one day when this is all finished and hear Him say “Well Done my child. Thank you for living for Me & giving me your entire heart.” Oh gosh, it brings tears to my eyes if I lived this whole life and then stood before God and He said that “I never knew you—get away from me as I explained to Him that I preached in His name, wrote books in His name or whatever else.” This is a lot deeper than a blog you’re reading. I believe that God is crying out to you. Crying out to you because He wants to become your first love again. He is so jealous for all of the things and people you place in front of Him. He longs to be first. Please, sister. Brother. Give your entire heart to Him again. Spend time with Him daily and let Him lead you. I can promise you that it won’t be easy but you’ll grow spiritually and the tests & trials will give you endurance and character.

I love you & I’m praying for you.

I am writing this blog as I fly from Dubai to the United States. I was just in Africa for a week spending some time at the orphanage there that we have teamed up with to help support. It was a life changing trip. I will blog about it later and show pictures. I just want to thank everyone who prayed for our team and supported financially. I love you dearly.

Also, my husband just released his first book!! It’s called “So, You Want To be Married?” This book will WRECK you and challenge you as a single or if you’re married. It’s a must read! You can find it here: www.SoYouWantToBeMarried.com

Couple usual reminders!

If you want some cute Pinky Promise bracelets, shirts, or journals go here:

If you want to sign up for a local Pinky Promise Group in your area-- go here! There's about 4500 girls in groups all over the world! Pretty awesome! Go here: 

If you want to sign up for the Pinky Promise Conference in Atlanta--I would LOVE to see you! More details are here: 

(Me in Ethiopia a couple days ago at the Raey Orphanage-- these babies were SO precious!)

"The Fear Struggle"

So this area has been heavy on my heart lately. Why talk about fear? Because fear attacks our hearts everyday—from “WHEN am I going to get married?! What happens if I can’t get pregnant? What if something happens to my baby?  Am I going to be too old to have kids? Am I going to randomly get shot in a movie theatre? What about my kids? What if their friends make the wrong decisions and peer pressure my child to do the wrong thing? What if I get evicted? What if something happens to my husband---Oh gosh, I couldn’t live on this earth without him! What if something happens to my mother or father?  WORRY.. worry.. worry & FEAR.. Fear FEAR. It is PARALYZING you from really enjoying Christ and your relationship with Him.

Isn’t it ironic that we immediately think of all the bad things that could happen to our loved ones and the crazy thing is—those things have never happened to our loved ones! Along the way—we’ve picked up fear from CNN, Fox News, TV, movies, other families and google. And yes, I say google because the second we have an issue, we run to google to see if other people have gone through what we are going through. And honestly, if you go online you will find so many BAD stories and very few success stories.  And I have to be honest with you, if you have  “friend” that is FILLED with fear and is ALWAYS saying crazy, negative stuff—you should probably limit the amount of time you spend with them. They are poisonous to your life and you will find yourself fearing things you never feared before. Also, turn off First 48, Law & Order or any other show that creates fear in your heart.

So I’m writing this blog to encourage you to rest. I sense such a worry in the hearts of so many. A complete fear, When we fear we tell God that we really don’t trust Him or His guiding. God is clear—Our days our numbered on this earth (Ps. 103:15) As much as we can kick and scream at that scripture, at some point—we all will leave this earth. So while you’re here—you have to make it good and you have to place your trust and hope in Jesus Christ alone.

The sad thing is, we fear all of these natural disasters and freak accidents but we don’t fear laying in the bed with our little boyfriend and having sex outside of marriage.  We don’t fear not submitting to our husbands. We don't fear sneaking & watching pornography on our phones. We don’t fear reaching out to ex boyfriends that you’re still in love with while married on facebook and creating emotional ties that lead to physical ties. We don’t fear lying here & there.. we don’t really fear God. We fear things the obvious  “fears” will affect us physically (even though the secret sins do just as much damage). Our fear is about us and it has nothing to do with God. We don’t want to get hurt. WE don’t want to get evicted. It’s all selfish & about you.

What happen? When did we start fearing things and stop fearing God?!? A fear of God says—I’m in awe of you God. You created the heavens, earth & all these humans on this earth. You’re in control of it all and I ain’t gonna sit up here and let the enemy harass my mind.  Fearing God is being holy because He his Holy (1 Peter 1:16). Fearing God says you want what God wants and you want to do what He wants you to do. It’s because you love Him so much, you have a reverential fear for Him. This crazy love.

You may say—look, Heather—I aint there. How can I get this fear back for God? I ask you to look at your life. When you deliberately sin,, you harden your heart against God. If you are intentional about ignoring Him and more focused on doing what you want to do, you God’s strong voice that gave you that check in your heart in the beginning.. will slowly disappear. You have hardened your heart against God and turned your heart towards sin. Of course you don’t fear God anymore. You’ve built & created idols and now you worship those things with your life and not the living God.  And it’s too hard for you in your head to cut off a bad relationship or a friendship because you don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings but you KNOW it aint right. Everytime you disobey God.. and ignore Him on purpose.. you’re hardening your heart. Obey QUICKLY. Don’t even entertain those crazy emotions that say “you’ll hurt their feelings, what about this? What about that?!” Let’s stack it up—place God & that person, job or thing next to Him. Which one do you want? You may quickly say “GOD!” I want GOD! If you really want HIM.. you’ll CHOOSE Him. Your life will demonstrate your choice.

I struggled with fear GREATLY throughout my life. I was a huge worrier. I definitely got it from my mama! I guess if you had 24 children (adopted all but one, including me! J) You may find yourself worried about their lives in some type of way. My mom always got so involved in every situation someone was going through & she brought it on herself. Most recently, I had to tell her—“MAMA! You’re 70 years old! Stop all that stressing out! You are too old to take on the cares of everybody else. All of your children are 18 and older—old enough to make decisions for themselves. You can no longer control that.”  Anyway , I somehow picked that up growing up. I also experienced death with family members at a young age. Although I don’t remember them very well, my two brothers passed away when I was about 5 or 6. One murdered, one had a heart transplant and his body rejected the heart. Then, when I was 16 (One day after my birthday) on September 19^th, 1998 my best friend and sister, Kimmy died. Gosh. My heart was officially broken. I was crushed. She’s the one who first told me about Christ and she was like a second mom. She was only 21. The doctors overdosed her on anesthetic during a routine checkup for Cystic Fibrosis.  No, we didn’t sue. We didn’t want to re-live & fight with anyone. My parents were those types of people. They believed that God’s vengeance was stronger then their own.  Then, my father passed away in 2000. It was devastating. I was at Michigan State University for a summer program and he passed. He had been sick for awhile, but it was still hard. Then, a few years passed and my mother remarried and after 7 years—my step-father passed way—taking me up to this past year. Then, a month later, my nephew committed suicide. THEN, my girlfriend, Cathy passed away suddenly of a brain aneurysm. All within about 2 months. TALK about FEAR! 

...The second Cornelius (my husband) left the house for two seconds I would get these crazy thoughts! What if someone hurts him in the parking lot. What if a homeless guy attacks him? What if this.. what if that?! I was so wrapped up in fear and abandonment. So I would give him the LONGEST hug & kiss before he left and I would tell him like 50 million times how much I loved him. I just had too many people die in my life and I wanted to hold on tight to those that I loved. After I CLUNG to my husband for a couple more months.. I realized that my clinging was based in fear. Fear that I would lose him like I lost so many others. Fear of going through what my mother went through twice. Gosh, it was so hard. So one day, as I was spending time with God—His presence wrecked me. He showed me how much I didn’t really trust Him. He showed me that no matter what happens in my life that He is with me and that He won’t put more on me then I can bear.  As hard as it was—I decided to take baby steps by faith and trust Him. Have I all the way arrived?! HECK no! I will never arrive. Even as I type this—I’m sitting on a plane. I feared planes for years—because I knew if I crashed, my tail was gonna die. Now, while flying—I look out the window and I get to see a birds eye view of what God sees. It makes my issues seem so tiny. God is so huge! He’s in control of our lives!! He has our back!! He LOVES us so much!! I have completely submitted my whole heart to Jesus so my life is REALLY in His hands. I don’t have to put up with getting harassed by satan and NEITHER do YOU. I know that … I can do all things through Christ WHO strengthens ME. And it is through Him.. we are free from fear. It is THROUGH Him.. we have peace in peaceless situations. It’s through HIM.. we have joy when it looks like we shouldn’t be happy. Our hope is in Jesus alone. Let’s not place it in anybody or anyone else.

If you’re struggling with fear, I recommend that you meditate on these scriptures in addition to guarding your heart:

2 Timothy 1:7- I have not given you the spirit of fear, put of power, love and of a sound mind.

1 John 4:18- There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear, because fear hath torment. He that fearth is not made perfect in love.

Luke 4:10- For it is written, He shall give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee. And in their hands they shall bear me up, if I dash my foot against a stone.

Fun reminders:

If you want some cute Pinky Promise bracelets, shirts, or journals go here:

If you want to sign up for a local Pinky Promise Group in your area-- go here! There's about 4500 girls in groups all over the world! Pretty awesome! Go here: 

If you want to sign up for the Pinky Promise Conference in Atlanta--I would LOVE to see you! More details are here: 


GOD loves you like crazy,


Heather Lindsey