Overcoming Depression, Anxiety & Mental Health

So, I don't run Pinky Promise alone. I have a "Dream Team" of about 15 women that help me and it was on my heart to ask a few of them to share their testimonies of an area where they overcame. My sweet sister in Christ, Wynter Dean is sharing her story on Overcoming mental health - Depression. I truly believe that this is a silent area that people deal with so I am excited that Wynter is sharing her story.  I pray that it ministers to you. 

"Toughen up!" "You just aren't praying hard enough!" "Black girls don't get depressed (anxiety), you come from a strong family!" "Girl, you just too sensitive!" These were just a few statements I got from some well-meaning people in my life when I tried to discuss my mental health concerns.
Long before I was formally diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and Dysthymia (mild/chronic depression) I knew something wasn't right. I knew that my moods were greater than "worrying" or "stressing". I knew that shutting myself off from friends and family wasn't healthy. I knew that trying to operate on less than 12 hours of sleep a week wasn't making me the most productive or pleasant person and I knew that not leaving the bed for days was not necessarily the best thing to do. There were many days when I literally could not move. I had zero motivation to do anything but sit up, let my dogs out and habitually go over scenarios that either never happened or were totally out of my control.
I knew that I needed to talk to someone....but that meant I wasn't trusting God...right?! I mean 1 Peter 5:7 clearly says that we are to "cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Going to a doctor isn't the “Him” this scripture is referring to so clearly going to a psychiatrist or therapist was bad right?! I was so confused and had fully isolated myself from everyone that cared about me. I had a mind full of very scary thoughts and started quickly spiraling out of control. I thought about how many pills I needed to take to sleep because I was so exhausted, 10? 15? Anything to help me sleep and quiet my mind down. It was then that the same God I was so worried that I was not trusting or that I was disappointing nudged me to seek help.

Action Steps:
1. Seeking help doesn't mean you don't trust God: “Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NLT

The first thing you have to do is realize you have an issue, while also remembering that God placed doctors, therapists, social workers etc. in those positions to help. Find a therapist you like and trust. You’re going to be real transparent during your sessions, so be sure you feel safe with the person you select. There are tons of services that help you narrow down someone, take your time. Your mental health is really important so you want someone that will hold you accountable and really listen to you. I knew my psychiatrist was the right person for me as soon as I met her. When she talked, I was at peace and I felt that God gave her the desire to serve people that were hurting. I know that God was in control and ultimately gives her the tools to say exactly what I needed to hear. Lastly, remember that going to a therapist or psychiatrist is a partnership. They will give you advice and possibly prescriptions that you are expected to take. Be honest with your therapist, if the prescriptions make you feel groggy: Tell them. If you are having new struggles: Tell them. Honesty and transparency goes a long way in this process. How can you expect them to get to core issues if you don't discuss them? So I encourage you, as you build this relationship to be as honest as you can about how you feel. You play a huge role in your mental health, seeking help is the first step, doing what your clinician suggests and keeping them abreast of what is going on in your life is another huge move towards healing.

2. Align yourself with strong friends. "Iron sharpens iron, such as a friend sharpens a friend" Proverbs 27:17 NLT

I have been blessed to be loved by strong family and friends. I recognized that God was beginning a pruning process very early on, however, pruning and isolation are completely different things. When God prunes you, he removes things/people that are unlike him, people that stunt your growth and the purpose that he has for you. Though pruning was never an easy process, I knew God was using it to make me better. However, when I isolated myself from my support group, it essentially made me weaker. Gone were the people that held me accountable, gone were the people that made sure I got my tail off the couch, the check-in calls were unanswered and the random texts weren’t responded to. It was a really lonely time and being/feeling alone can be really dangerous. It was during this time that I thought about how the world might look without me. I obsessed about EVERY bad decision I made in my life and how those decisions made me a failure in God’s eyes. This was a dark place, a scary place, this was a place the enemy loved seeing me in because not only did I push my loved ones away, but I also pushed God away. One night after staying up almost 24 hours, I looked at my phone, ignored the missed calls and instead looked at a message from my GroupMe. I saw a message from one of my Pinky Promise Dream Team sisters. Though short and sweet, it snapped me out of the haze I was in and I made a conscious decision to GET UP. The message said “Wynter, you were on my heart. God wanted me to encourage you to put up some scriptures and whenever you have a thought that doesn’t line up with the Word pull one of those scriptures out”. Belonging to such a wonderful group of women has literally been a Godsend. We laugh together, pray together, hold one another accountable, and most of all we LOVE each other. Outside of my Dream Team family I have a network of friends, family, and an amazing boyfriend that lovingly makes sure I never stay in a funk for too long. I also have to make sure that I do my part. My loved ones encourage me, but I have to make the conscious decision every day to make sure I don’t let my depression or anxiety take me over. I get out and walk, take pictures, write calligraphy, write things I am thankful for, or visit family; anything to make sure I get out of my funk. For me my depression and anxiety intensifies when I am idle, so I try not to sit around too much and try to get out of the house even when my brain tells me not to.

According to a 2014 report by the American Association of Suicidology, African- Americans accounted for 5.46 per 100,000 suicides in the United States with African American men accounting for 80.30% of the population. When I read this, the numbers were jarring and I saw how my situation could have went another way. If God hadn’t stepped in when he did, if my loved ones wouldn’t have been so persistent, I could have been a statistic. A young woman that people thought had it all together. They would probably say “well she was so happy on social media” not knowing that behind that smile was a lot of hurt, pain and silent suffering. I think that the most dangerous part of this disorder is that it gives you the perception that you are alone. It exacerbates little setbacks and makes you feel hopeless. When you a feel alone, the enemy can do a number on your mind, but God reminds us that we a NEVER alone. Deuteronomy 31:6 says “So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Isaiah 41:10 states “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand”.  One of my personal favorite verses that I continually run to when I am in a depressive or anxious state is Psalms 34:17-18 “The lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed”. 

These are just a few reminders out of several in the Bible that God never leaves us, He will never forsake us, and He is always present. If you know me personally then you know that I am a person that really can’t stand clichés. But one statement that I always remember is “if you feel far away from God, it’s you that moved”. For me this statement is cliché but very true. During my intense depressive and anxious state, God was there, I didn’t feel him because I didn’t want to. I was resting in my misery and I blocked him out. Even though I was blaming him for everything I thought was wrong during this time, even though I was being extremely ungrateful for everything he has done for me, He still saved me. God stopped me from taking the pills I counted out and He is still constantly reminding me how much I mean to him and how I have a purpose. There is something that I need to do or someone that I need to help and without God stepping in when he did, I would not be here to live the life He has for me.

I may always struggle with depression and anxiety, but I will never be in that place I was in before I got help. I still see my psychiatrist twice a month for check-in appointments and medication management. My loved ones make sure that I never go missing for long. If I don’t answer my phone or respond to texts after a couple of tries, I can count on someone being on my front porch.  As I stated before, I make the decision everyday not to sit in the house seeping in my emotions. When I am feeling like laying on the sofa or not to get out of the bed I push myself to get outside, even if it is to walk the dogs or sit in my backyard. Lastly, I thank God every day for never leaving me and for loving me in spite of myself. So if you are struggling with issues regarding your mental health here are a few resources and reminders that helped me.

You….yes YOU…. have a purpose, SO get out and meet folks that love Jesus, join a Pinky Promise group in your area and align yourself with women that are on fire for God and His purpose! Scripture says in Ecclesiastes 4:12 that “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken”. Keep your circle strong and all of your relationships intentional. Know that you are NEVER alone (despite what the enemy tries to make you believe) and most importantly know in your heart that the same God that created the heavens and the earth LOVES you like crazy!!

Lovingly,

Wynter D.

(@the_coldest_wynter)

Resources:

·       Mental Health Referral Line: SAMHSA Treatment Referral Helpline – 1‑877‑SAMHSA7 (1‑877‑726‑4727)

 

·       National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:1‑800‑273‑TALK (8255)

 

·       http://www.everydayhealth.com/depression/guide/resources/

 

·       https://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/ask-and-learn/resources

 

“The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

Thank you Wynter for sharing your story! 

Love you dearly!

xo

Heather Lindsey 

Trusting God in the Workplace: But Lord, I Had an Excuse to be Mean!"

Ever felt like you had an excuse to cut up or treat someone bad? Maybe, someone treated you badly? Maybe things didn't go your way or maybe you feel like you had a RIGHT to be upset. 

I have felt the SAME way. Let me share my story.. 

I was working with a venue for an event and I felt like the customer service was TERRIBLE. I am passionate about the events that the Lord gives me and I felt like the person I was working with was like a grimy used car salesman, trying to get over on me. 

I was ready to take my issues to corporate because I wanted everybody to feel my wrath. 

Then, the Lord AND my husband convicted my heart. 

The Lord said, the same grace that I give you daily.. I need you to give it to them. 

Wait, WHAT LORD? I don't like how they do business! As I fussed at Him, tears came to my eyes. Why is it that I am so hard on others (even if they are wrong) but at the same time I forget that I need the same grace from the Lord daily?! I'm reminded of this story in Matthew 18: 24-33:

 24 And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. 28 “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’30 And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. 31 So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. 32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me.33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ 34 And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.

I'm reminded of this because I am the person that owes a tiny bit. When I messed up in the past, I begged God to forgive me! As I repent daily for any known or unknown sin, I'm humbled by His grace & desperately need Him! Everything is great. THEN, I get tested with the person who is trying to WORK my nerves.. AND I want him to know that I think you're trying to get over on me and I don't like bad business! 

SO, because God forgave ME, I'm going to trust His word when He says .. "A gentle answer turns away wrath." Instead of fussing with whoever, I'm going to really let God fight my battles. I'm going to trust His timing and His ways and know that I don't have to be this all-powerful-superwoman-business woman. I need to be a servant of the Lord and trust that HE has my back. Its like, over the years I worked with high power business women that were at times, difficult to work with and no-nonsense. And I think it's ok to have standards and be a good business woman BUT if we are being mean, rude and just plain emotional, that aint biblical.  So, please, don't take this that you have to be some wimp. The Proverbs 31 woman was a STRONG businesswoman but she understood submission to God & her husband. She knew that she had to be led by God in her dealings and not what she picked up from other bosses. 

Lets ponder this: HOW are we any different than the world if we fight like them? Bicker like them? Argue like them? I had to ask myself, Heather.. where did you get this mindset concerning doing business?

Romans 12:2 says "And be not fashioned according to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, and ye may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

And, my husband checked me.. in saying that I needed to speak directly to who is causing the strife, not run to his manager and complain. Now, THAT was hard but He was right. I never had a full convo with the guy and it's been through email. Is it even fair? Even after we had our conversation, I still wasn't 100% satisfied but I realized that the Lord is growing my faith. Even if my event is Christian and I want Gods glory to hit that place.. along the way I may work with unbelievers. I may work with people that are trying to ruffle my feathers & are being used by the enemy! If the enemy knows what drives me nuts, he's gonna send people my way to distract me in that very area. BUT God will use it to mature me if I pass the test. 

So, are you giving into the bait of that co-worker.. that family member... that friend.. that boss that is DRIVING you up the wall? This is your chance to grow! You've been asking God to use you and then when the test came, you ran! You responded like you used to in the world! The proof is in your pudding honey and at times we can be so emotional that we don't even give the Lord a chance to FIGHT on our behalf. 

So, who is fighting your battles?

You?

Or the Lord?

It MAY be hard to grasp this concept of truly resting and trusting the Lord because we are in a society that screams, "MOVE, take ACTION, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!" But at the same time, the Lord may be speaking into your heart to rest. With a whisper He is trying to show you your own heart. That you move & take action and you don't wait for his response. You move based on your high emotions. You move based on how you feel that day. You move based on what you saw on TV. You move based on what mama & whoever said. God sent you to that place to be an example but.. you haven't started because you're too busy arguing with spirits. We have to remember that this fight is not PHYSICAL but spiritual! 

And don't get me wrong, there's a time for correction in the workplace. But I can assure you that God will show you where YOU need to change long before He shows you where your co-worker needs to change. 

BUT guess what? God repays us when we are treated badly & we are honoring Him.  I don't know about you, but I want the Lords rewards.. not this worlds. (1 Peter 2)

How long must the Lord fight with you to get His point across? 

Just a few things:

1. There's a BOOK sale today & tomorrow! ALL of our books are only $10 each! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. No code needed! :)

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA. We also have our New Years Service at the same place at 10pm EST!

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book,  Dusty Crowns, here! 

5. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com 

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 30,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

God loves you like crazy, 

I love ya'll!

Heather Lindsey 

"I Want to Leave My Marriage"

Just to be clear, I don't want to leave my husband. I love my husband dearly and what God put together, aint NOTHING tearing apart. I can't imagine my life without my king on this earth. We have decided that divorce isn't an option and that we will work through everything.

BUT, I've spoken to many of you that want to leave your marriage. I've heard things like,

"But Heather, He's not a believer and God didn't put us together." 

"I married the wrong one." 

"I rushed into marriage and he won't change." 

"He keeps lying to me, I don't deserve this! I'm LEAVING!"

You may look at my marriage and think, "It's perfect."  You waited for Gods best and you waited to kiss until your wedding day. I bet you never have problems. 

HUH? 

Honey, I can write this blog with great conviction because we got into a FEW huge arguments and I was on the floor in my closet screaming out to God, "I MARRIED THE WRONG ONE!!!" God, WHY didn't you TELL me??!! I wanted to leave my marriage during the first year of our marriage at least 20 times. We had no ministry, nobody knew us so I started to plan out the divorce in my head. Where I would move and what I would do. It all made sense. 

Then, God stopped me in my tracks. Heather, you prayed for this, didn't you? Yes, Lord! I prayed for this man but this development I did not. 

I learned that my marriage is a MIRROR. It shows me my mess. It shows me all of the baggage I tried to hide, it showed me my hurts, it shows me my pains & made me vulnerable  It shows me where I'm selfish. It shows me myself and I didn't like it. I didn't want to see myself. I didn't want Cornelius to wash me with the water of the word (Ephesians 5) because I thought I knew everything. I wanted to RUN from my development. I wanted comfort. I thought maybe if I run back to my past I would feel comfort again but in that moment I decided to turn to God. I knew that the illusion of the grass being greener on the other side was simple that, just an illusion. ONCE I destroyed my marriage, I would find out that the grass isn't as green because I've always been the common denominator. I played a part in my own destruction. I learned that SATAN is after my marriage and I opened the door WIDE open and I gave him a chance to tap dance on my marriage.

 "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,and do not give the devil a foothold." - Ephesians 4:26-27

I walked around in my marriage (both of us did)-- with the cold shoulder. And as we hardened our hearts towards each other, God couldn't penetrate and we hardened our hearts towards him. THEN you don't wanna spend time with God because you know if you spend time with God He's gonna check you and show you YOUR heart. AND you don't want to change because you don't think it's you, you think it's your spouse.

This journey has been far from perfect. Matter of fact, it's plain hard at times so I can empathize with you when things get hard. You want your guy to change. You pray, you share with him what upsets you and it seems like he STILL doesn't listen! He still leaves his dirty socks everywhere, refuses to do the dishes and help you with the kids or whatever else. He ignores your love language and it seems like he doesn't even try. 

My question to you is this, what does he do right? 

It's so easy to focus on everything he ISN'T doing while IGNORING the things he DOES do well. 

Write a list of the wonderful things that your spouse does and stop comparing him to your friends husbands. Did you know that one of the greatest gift you can give your man is contentment? Most of us are so not content with our man that we complain, nag and act like his mama and we wonder why he doesn't like you or want to be around you. You bring up everything that bothers you and you have no filter in your marriage. You're a emotional train wreck and you blame him for everything. He doesn't feel like he does anything right with you because you're so mean and critical towards him. He has pretty much given up on trying to please you because you are UNPLEASEABLE. He takes 10 steps forward and you knock him 20 steps back, reminding him of his past and what he isn't doing as a man. Its hard for him to be around you because you're always mad at something. You play the silent treatment all while attending your church meetings and you're getting all of this information and you're using it to tell him what he needs to do. And after you attend your conferences, you shove the information and books in his place and you missed the entire point of the conference. YOU were at the conference so it can convict YOU but all you thought about.. once again is what he should do to change. 

Newsflash:

Your man doesn't need a mother, he needs a wife. He needs a helpmeet. 

My question to you is this: HOW are you helping him? 

"Well, Heather-- he aint got no purpose, no nothing. He ain't doing what he's supposed to be doing." 

There you go again. You're blaming him for what he isn't doing. Maybe he's not doing what he's supposed to do but God made you HIS helpmeet. So are you HELPING him in accomplishing what God called him to do or are you too busy focusing on what you think he needs to be to qualify as a good husband?

Maybe he's got a passion for art. He's super creative. He loves it but you bash every idea because it doesn't "pay the bills." Everytime he tries to share his dreams with you, you CRUSH them. No wonder why he wants to be around his friends all of the time and not you. This isn't to bash you sis, this is your sister in Christ LOVING you. I WANT YOUR MARRIAGE TO WORK.  I can understand where you are because I've been that nagging woman that tried to change her man. AND you leaving your spouse affects not only you, but me, the rest of the body of Christ and your future generation of children.  

You may say, "Heather, I'm not HAPPY in my marriage." Honey, happy is relative. One day you're happy. One day you're sad. It changes but true joy comes from the Lord. True joy comes from being patient in the midst of attacks and trusting God when it doesn't look like you should trust Him .. and yes that includes your marriage. You may be looking for me to give you a list of reasons or excuses to leave your marriage but I'm not going to give you one. I believe that we focus too much on reasons to leave than we do reasons to stay. And I have to be honest, some of you have experienced really crazy things in your marriage, things I may never understand BUT I am assured of this: 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

The scripture says, "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things."This is what LOVE does. True, unconditional, the world calls you crazy kinda love does this. It doesn't give up, it doesn't quit. It presses through BEYOND it's emotions and it trusts God when it doesn't look like it should. Now, if you are getting physically abused I DO recommend counseling and for the couple to get HELP. If your husband is abusing you, he has an anger problem and I believe that God can even heal that. (whoaaaa, Heather! How dare you?) Yes, I believe that God can heal a broken, battered, marriage. If you're dealing with infidelity in your marriage my heart breaks for you. I'm sure it's very difficult and painful and its stretching you to your breaking point. The best thing to do is  “turn all your worries over to Him. He cares about you” (1 Peter 5:7). Go to the Lord for comfort, wisdom, and direction on a daily basis. God can help us through the deepest of trials.

Adultery is always wrong. “God will judge the person who commits adultery” (Hebrews 13:4). If you've been hurt by this, you have to trust that God is the avenger. Don't rush out and try to get revenge by sleeping with someone else. Love God so much that you would never want to do anything to hurt  Him.  God will do a much better job that you can concerning vengeance. 

So, what do we do moving forward?

FORGIVE. “Forgive people when they sin against you. If you do, your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive people their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14, 15). This may seem impossible, and it will take time, but with God’s grace the victim can make it an act of the will in obedience to God’s Word. To harbor bitterness will affect attitudes, emotions, and the desire to obey God, and it will negatively affect everyday decisions. Refusal to forgive is more detrimental to the offended party than it is to the offender. This does not mean that the betrayed spouse is not going to suffer the effects of deep hurt. Forgiveness also does not make the offense “okay.” Forgiveness is about receiving God’s grace and trusting Him to redeem everything in our lives. It is appropriate to engage the anger and hurt caused by infidelity. Expressing these emotions to God can be a first step toward true forgiveness. Forgiveness is an act of the will, but it also must be heartfelt. Giving our emotions and needs over to God allows Him to minister to our hearts so that we can let go of the offense and forgive as we have been forgiven.

BE FORGIVEN. “But God is faithful and fair. If we admit that we have sinned, He will forgive us our sins. He will forgive every wrong thing we have done. He will make us pure” (1 John 1:9). Repent to your spouse for the part that you played in the destruction of your marriage. EVEN if you don't think you played a part. EVEN if you don't think they deserve it. EVEN if you want to kill them.  When you move your emotions out of the way, the His Holy Spirit will enable you to do what you could not do on your own. “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).

Then, as God leads, forgiveness and reconciliation can follow. No matter how long it takes, every effort must be made to forgive and reconcile. (See Matthew 5:23–24.) .

So, if you want to really leave, let's look at some practical steps. 

1. Start praying for your spouse if you haven't already. Pray that God softens their heart and that God raises your dead marriage. 

2. Expect tests and trials. There's something beautiful on the other side of the attacks that come your way and if you hang in there long enough, your marriage will get better and better and sweeter and sweeter if you stick around to see it. 

3. Fast from nagging and being critical. Just stop. 

4. When you have the urge to address something, take it to God first to see if He wants you to say anything. Everything isn't worth an argument and in comparison to eternity.. most of the silly arguments you haven't aren't worth it.. 

5. Heather, God didn't put me with him. What do I do? My response doesn't matter but HIS does matter. Lets see what the bible says:

1 Peter 3:1-6 

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,

1 Corinthians 7:13

If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.

1 Peter 3:1-22

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,

1 Peter 3:1

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,

Ephesians 5:22

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Proverbs 15:1

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

1 Peter 3:1-5

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.

Titus 2:3-5

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

1 Corinthians 7:15

But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

Ephesians 5:21 

Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

1 Corinthians 11:3 

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

I know it may be tempting to quit. I know you don't see a way out. Remember that God gives you a way out of EVERY temptation if you don't QUIT.  (1 Corinthians 10:13) God shows you a better way and that is His way. God so sees marriage as permeant and we should see it that way too. I want to encourage you to stay faithful to God, your husband and to fight FOR your marriage and not against it. You both are on the SAME team. Fight together. It's the BOTH of you AGAINST that situation, NOT you vs. him. When I want my husband to change, I take it to the Lord and I sift it past Him. MOST times, He tells me to hush up and HE will change him. Now, that's hard for me. I have a very strong personality and I almost feel like I NEED to express myself. I had to learn to win him over with my quiet and gentle spirit. My husband would ask me what was wrong.. and I would say, "Nothing sweetheart." And it's NOT being passive, it's that I have given it to God so what was wrong is NO longer wrong with me. And he's right. .there's a lot wrong in ME that's not like Jesus and as Jesus purges it out of me, I want to make sure I'm being the BEST wife to my husband. He isn't my God. He is my husband. I'm thankful for him but my hope aint in him, it's in Jesus Christ and eternity is on my mind. 

My mother gave me some wonderful advice when I first got married. She said, "Get a life heather. You cannot be so wrapped up in your husband that you keep tabs on him 24-7. You cannot depend on  him for your happiness, only God can do that." 

Welp, I got up in my marriage and I got a life while I was still submitted to my husband. I picked up hobbies and I was intentional about making sure that my hope was in Jesus and not man.

If you're still reading.. sister, I can relate to you. I know things are hard. I know you don't understand. I know you want out. I know you've read stories of women who left their marriages and they are happy now. I know you're trying to wonder if that could be you. I tell you this: Compare you life to Jesus only and ask the Holy Spirit what you should do. If you're too busy and too cluttered, you will never hear from the Lord and the voices of many will send you to divorce court. So, protect your marriage. Get an accountability couple that won't tell all of your business and that will push you towards the word. Most of all, spend crazy time with God and stay on your face until HE instructs you. 

God healed my dead marriage. It's still not perfect. But we are working towards perfection daily. He can heal yours too. 

Books I recommend for broken marriages:

1. I'm Married, Now What? - Cornelius Lindsey

2. Created to Be His Help Meet- Debi Pearl

3. The Love Dare 

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book,  Dusty Crowns, here! 

5. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com 

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 27,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

God loves YOU, yes you like crazy,

Love you all dearly,

Heather Lindsey