Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentines Day: Single Awareness Day?

So, February 14th has rolled around and you're single again. You may have a few quick thoughts about it.
1. Dang, I'm single again & it's another stupid holiday where I have to hear about peoples love for each other. 
2. Forget a relationship, there's no good men out there.
3. I'm content in Christ. (talking yourself into it)
4. No, really-- I'm chilling. I trust God's timing & I've TRIED to make it happen by myself & it doesn't work-- so I'm really trusting Him. (And you really mean it)

And in all honesty, you're probably thinking-- Heather cannot understand what I am going through because she's married. Honey, I've been single. I had to be single at one point in order to get married. And if I was single, you would probably say: "How can you speak on what I'm going through & you single with me- you don't have a man!" I'm writing this very blog because I understand what you're going through. I know that feeling and those thoughts that pop in your head & say "How much longer, God?" or "When is my time?" You may look around you and see a bunch of standard less men & think-- will I ever meet a guy that actually .. loves God, won't screw me, recognizes his purpose & really lives for Christ?? YES! IT IS SO POSSIBLE!!!!! The question is, are you going to have a pair of thighs in your bed tonight as you deal with your loneliness OR are you going to sit at the feet of Christ and enjoy Him?

 You cannot get so tired of being single that you settle and go out with some random man today or any other day-- "just to do something." You will go out to the restaurant and see all of these other happy couples and it will make you want what they have.  You'll compare your life to their life as you snuggle up to this man that you know is more interested in taking you home & exploring your body than setting boundaries and actually living by them. You really don't know him, but you tonight is fun to you because you can pretend that you have a real relationship. Then, after dinner-- you'll go back and forth with yourself on the ride home. Should I invite him up? Should I not? Gosh, he's fine. We're having such a good time. He makes me laugh. I don't want this night to end! So now, your emotions are leading your life. So, you'll invite him upstairs. I mean, you're not really going to do anything, right? You have this under control. So you're upstairs and you know it's wrong. Yes. You. With your arms raised in the church, serving the Lord on Sunday. You don't want to do it (so you say). But your actions prove otherwise. Your actions prove that you want what pleases your flesh. You are tired of being alone and it's much better to feel temporary pleasure than to deal with feeling lonely. So, one thing leads to the next & you end up having sex with him.

Then, the overwhelming guilt overwhelms you. WHY WHY WHY you ask yourself! WHY did I fall yet again to this same temptation?!??! WHY can't I just live for Christ? Why can't I meet anyone who will wait for me & honor my body? And WHY did his phone ring afterward at 3AM from some chick named Tiffany who cannot wait to see him again soon & do dirty things to him? And you didn't have a condom- but whatever you think. You begin to not even care about your own body. You think God hates you when He really loves you. You think that you'll never be forgiven so you don't bother repenting.

Three months later. You find out you have a STD and you're pregnant and you haven't heard from him since that day. He's changed his number and you have a baby on the way. You're about to be a single mother and this was never the plan.

If only you knew the end from the beginning. If only you knew, you would never, ever would have gone out with Him. Let's evaluate a few things. 

1. Most likely, the Holy Spirit told you NOT to go out on that date. It's like.. you got this check in your spirit. But you rationalized and ignored it. A little date won't hurt anybody. When God checks you-- HE is WARNING you. You have to listen to that gut check in your stomach.

2. Then, when the thoughts began to pop in your head & even consider having sex with the man, you should have 2 Corinthians 10:5 those thoughts by "Casting down every thought that is contrary to God's word by speaking the Word over your life." Just because you messed up and when on the date doesn't mean you continue in your sin & throw out the bible. Fight BACK. 

3. Then, we have to look at 1 Corinthians 10:13- "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." So, God is saying that I WILL GIVE YOU A WAY OUT!! Don't GIVE IN!! Even if you are in a so-called committed relationship, having sex outside of marriage will NEVER glorify God. If you want to be committed to each other- prove it & get married. Don't feed me the "we only have sex with each other lie"-- because you've made each other your gods & are using worldly reasons for not getting married. The bible tells us to flee fornication. "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." (1 Corinthians 6:18)

4. Now, you have a STD & a child on the way. Don't beat yourself down, prayerfully-- you can get medicine and believe God for your healing. Hopefully it's curable. There ARE consequences for disobedience to God and although God may be forgiving and loving-- HIV, Herpes & AIDS may not be. The Lord has a plan for your child & so repent of your past sin and raise that child to learn and know Christ.

5. Bet you didn't think all of the above would happen based on a little date? I want to encourage you to be God-led in every decision that you make. Talk to the Holy Spirit. Vent and be honest-- Tell Him you want a spouse! Tell Him you want to do it His way & then start actually LIVING like it. If your one day husband did happen to walk by your home, would he see you getting out of the car & going into the house with some man super late? Are you avoiding the appearance of evil? Can God even BRING your spouse or is that seat always taken by Jimmy, Tom and Dejuan?

Some of you may think I'm too deep. Saying, it doesn't take all that Heather! Actually, it does take all that. God commands us to be holy as He is holy!! Why do we think we can belittle the holiness of God based on our limited mindset???!

Now, you have a choice. You can either be single God's way or single the worlds way. If you want to be single God's way, then today is a beautiful day because you know at the right TIME, you'll be in a relationship. It's just NOT your time yet. So you'll stay off of Facebook, Instagram or whatever else distracts you today into feeling sorry for being single. You must guard your heart at all times. You won't watch Scandal & other sex-adultry-driven shows because you're working on something and you cannot afford to plant those things in your heart. You will ENJOY this season because you know its temporary and each season in your life builds up to the next one.

Or, you can be single the worlds way. Go find you a date on, get you some sex and suffer the consequences. You may not see yourself suffering right away-- but when you're living outside God's will for your life and taking your life into your OWN hands, you will suffer. "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." Proverbs 14:12. So what "seems right to you?" Does having sex outside of marriage "seem" right? Does dating randoms "seems right?" Does staying with that unsaved guy "seem" right because you're trying to get him saved? What lie have you picked up over the years and called it your truth? Just because you BELIEVED the lie in your head doesn't mean that God agrees with it. 

If you really want God's best for your life, it's going to cost you something. Stop skipping around here & living the way that you want to live.. & then wonder why life isn't working for you. Go back to your FIRST love. "Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love" - Revelation 2:4 Many people will celebrate today and wish they were in your shoes if they were single. They WISH the would have slowed down, trusted God & NOT married the person they married. They had all of the warning signs but instead-- they ignored them. They liked the IMAGE of but didn't understand the work & effort that went into it. 

Today & everyday after is what you make it. I would have never met my husband if I kept me a little boyfriend on the side. How can God trust me with one of His sons if I wasn't one of His daughters? We can say we want a godly man-- but if we continue to cuss like a sailor, drop it like everything is hot, argue with everyone, sleep with everyone... we're showing who our father really is. We will attract the same kind of man based on how we act & live. Just "saying" you're a daughter doesn't make you one. How you live this life identifies WHO your father really is.

Few reminders:
My husband wrote an amazing book, "So, You Want To Be Married" & you can find it here: It ties in with what I wrote above & so much more.

If you need accountability, JOIN a Pinky Promise group. You can find a group in your local area-- there's over 10,000 women that have joined in the past year. 

You can find fabulous purity rings and bracelets that remind you of your decision to honor God here:  And just for reading today's blog- you'll get 10% off of your order. Use the discount code LOVE

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey


  1. Great post Heather! I agree with everything you said, but I won't lie, its hard. Especially when you feel like everything and every person that you "run" from, is constantly chasing you down. It gets draining. It's frustrating. And it's lonely. And for me, the aforementioned have nothing to do with a "man" per se, but rather the Christian journey as a whole. Truly sometimes I wish that I could be isolated from EVERYTHING! But untried goodness may be no goodness at all; therefore, I must continue deal with trials and temptations that come may way. I pray everyday that God protects me and shields me from stuff that isn't meant to be; things that are not in His will for me. I need Christ so much! I am NOT strong enough to deal with life without Him. So, I will just keep praying for Christ's strength, guidance and power because this is not an easy journey. However, I do believe that Christ will be by my side and if I continue to seek His righteousness then He will take care of the rest. I long for the day where I can feel such ease like you. Continue to pray for ladies like myself. Blessings to you girlie! :-)

    1. You just said everything I feel everyday! I will be praying for you also, Portia!

  2. Love the photo at the end! BBL will have lots of evidence of his parents' love for him before his birth. He is a very blessed child to have loving & godly parents.

  3. Heather, thank you for your wise words!!! I have personally verified much of what you laid out in this post. The verse that comes to mind is Romans 6:21 "What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!" NIV

    Have an amazing Valentine's Day and I will rely on THE Companion that is ever present and love never fails! Hebrews 13:5.

    Please pray for me and ladies that I minister to and worship with so that we may continue to live out our faith and wait on God's timing for a man of God worthy of us striving to be virtuous women!

  4. Thank you Heather. This touched my heart on so many different levels. This is my first Valentine's Day spending it with God and I could not be happier. Thank you for your constant uplifting and truthful posts! God Bless You and your family.

  5. Great post Heather. Definitely a blessing to have you. Thanking GOD for you and your husbands ministry. I pray that he continues to use you. I am going to send this to all my single friends. I pray it will touch them like it touched me.

  6. Thank you so much for this! It is hard living God's way but it's gets easier every time, I make a decision that is God-led rather than emotion-led. I fail but I get back up and continue on the high road. Thank you, thank you, thank you! God is reaching ladies like myself through you; thank you for answering His call.

    Many blessings!

  7. Heather I don't know if you'll ever read this but I have a question. What I've you given your life to christ and decided to live his way and have been doing it the correct way for years and are constantly only meeting ungodly RANDOMS! It does get really hard. Emotionally. How do you deal with the feeling of seeing others who have a worldly relationship happy and in love but you have yet to meet someone that fully respects your lifestyle and are living the same way. That's the part that hurts the most at times. How do you deal with that?

  8. No more Randoms. I am done!! Living for Christ.

  9. thankyou heather for always speaking to my heart in an amazing way,u r truely a servant of the almighty God.God always speaks to me through you and finding your blog was the best thing that i will always thank God for.

  10. Your posts are always touching! May God continue to inspire you, uphold you, guide and protect you and your family in Jesus' name.

    I have a problem, its HUGE and I don't really have anyone to talk to, I was wondering if someone could help me, maybe? I turned 24 last December and on February 4 2013 I got married to my boyfriend but neither my mum or my pastor know about it. Nobody knows. It's been killing me inside! I agreed to go ahead with it just to help him with his immigration situation, I'm the one that initiated to help and I can say I am at fault for that.

    He says he's grateful for the help I'm giving him but I've been feeling so guilty since that time. I don't know what to do because I feel like I haven't allowed myself to submit to God completely and wait for God's best. My husband is a good man, he loves serving God but what will my mum and my pastor say when they expect me to 'get married'? We didn't go for counselling with my pastor or anything like that but now we're married but kind of living 'single'. I have to fight the guilt just so that I can get on with my day.

    We were meant to wed on 10 December 2012 but I was so scared that I pretended to faint and the wedding didn't happen. This time around, I prayed to God earnestly looking for an easy way out I suppose. I knew I just couldn't get out of it without some sort of intervention because I'm soft a bit too caring. I tried to tell my husband that I couldn't go through with it but I felt too guilty and now I feel like I may have compromised my destiny just to help someone out. I do love him, but I have a whole load of worries on my mind and I just don't know what to do, I don't want to get a divorce but fear of this marriage not ever working makes me think about it everyday. I feel like God doesn't like me either. Someone please help!

  11. This was a great read! Very inspiring and convicting. God bless you Mrs.Lindsey!

  12. Heather, you are great as usual. Just wanted to add that God forgives our iniquities and heals all our diseases(Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits,Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases)Psalms 103; 2-3. So if you have Hpv, herpes, or Hiv, STOP LIVING IN SIN. And cry out to God for healing. The blood of Jesus is amazingly powerful. Another thing, if you find that you cant stop fornicating or commiting adultery, go to God with brokeness and tears(and a fast)and ask Him to give you a new heart.(I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.)Ezekiel 36:26. Embrace the grace to hunger and thirst after righteousness(Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.Matthew 5:6)Be blessed.

  13. What I enjoy so much about Heather is that although she is now happily married, she does not leave the single crowd out. She is genuine. God bless you. Thnks for the article

  14. Thank you!Praise God!I have been struggling with being single and not having sex and I confess to be a Christian.I have gotten off track yet I will use this blog information as encouragement and inspiration to get back on track with the Lord.Thank you again!And your picture, and pictures are gorgeous!Almost there! ; )God bless you!

  15. Although I am a day late, I ran to your blog because I knew you were going to have something I needed to hear! You confirmed all that God revealed to me, and then some! My Valentines was wonderful as I lit some candles and spent some intimate time with the Lord! Thank you, Heather! I will be visiting your church on the last Sunday of this month!

  16. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I am definitely looking forward to reading the book " So you want to be married "

  17. It doesn't look like i can be your friend on facebook but are you on instagram and twitter?

  18. I'm so glad I found out about Heather. But I am struggling with selfesteem issues. I know we are all beautiful but where I was raised being big and dark skinned is ugly...even in my familiy. I know there is someone for everyone but I don't see many women who look like me in (happy) marriges. I realize I need to make changes so I have begun a weightloss challenge but I still struggles with being told I was not pretty my whole life. Its hard for me to tell myself I'm worthy of better when my own familiy told me I was not. I hope I'm not offending anyone I just need some advice and help from some sisters in Christ!

  19. I love your posts, but I feel like you usually end up refering to the ladies who struggle with sexual impurities. What about the virgins? The ladies who don't say yes to every John, James and Jordan who asks them on a date? The ladies who know their worth? I suppose we are few, but we do exist and I would greatly appreciate it if you could write your perspectives of our struggles every now and then.
    God bless

  20. I bless God for today and I feel So blessed to have come across this blog this day...I read your posts and it has answered many questions on my mind...God bless you heather Lindsey,d anointing of God upon and within u will not run dry...God bless u

  21. Wow! *Tears* This def' hit home for me. Not that i do the worldy thing but just wanting to get married. Thank you. I am definitely making it personal and intimate with my Maker #Matt6:33


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