"I Don't Feel Loved In My Marriage"

As I was scrolling through social media, I came across a blog with these words, " I don't feel loved in my marriage so I am leaving it."

My heart literally broke in two because I wondered how many people were reading this blog and forming an opinion of their marriage because at some point or another, you have felt that way in your marriage. I also wondered how many single people were reading the blog and forming an unrealistic idea of marriage. I'm currently writing a book on marriage so I figured I would share a snippet of a chapter because that blog literally lined up with what I was talking about in that chapter.

How many times has my husband felt unloved by me in the about 10 years we've been together?
Too many to count. 

How many times have I felt unloved by my husband?
Too many to count. 

Is my marriage headed towards divorce?
Absolutely not.

How many times has God felt unloved by you?
Too many times to count

How many times have you ran from Jesus?
Too many times to count. 

As a believer,  love the example of Jesus. He gives me perspective on every relationship, including my marriage. What happens when Jesus doesn't feel loved by you? What if He just left you? What if He just quit on you? Does Jesus make you happy 100%? It's impossible to make you happy all of the time because we are made up of this flesh, carnal nature. One minute we are living for Jesus and the next minute, we think about and want things that we know that we can't have.

 Listen to me - to everyone who is single or married and never forget this:

Just because you don't at times feel loved in your marriage, it is not an excuse to leave it. The danger in leaving your marriage for someone who "loves" you better is that you may get more of what you think you need in order to be happy while compromising in another area. He may touch you more, clean up around the house and work a job but he may also be touching another woman. Your husband was a great leader, he just didn't use words of affirmation. The next man will post about you all day and night and affirm you but that's about it. He's a terrible leader and spiritually, you have to lead the marriage because he gives you the control. Maybe your last husband had no job and your new boo is a lawyer. But instead of coming home to you he works and travels non-stop. Any free time he does have, he goes to the bar with his buddies. Pick your poison. Every marriage gets to work OUT their marriage to make it work. There's GOING to be conflict along the way. The question before I do is, "Find out his issue and see if you can live with it for the rest of your life." Because.. it may never change. But, I am talking to those of you who are currently married.

If our measuring stick for leaving your marriage is "I don't feel loved" then it's simply NOT good enough. Yes, you may be going through a tough time. Yes, your husband may not understand you, Yes you may be frustrated but do you remember your vows? "For Better or For Worse" will get tested. No HUMAN on this entire earth is going to be able to make you happy 100% of the time. The fight you're fighting is a spiritual one, not a physical one. Your enemy is NOT your spouse, its the devil. Some of you are in marriages right now and it's a pretty healthy marriage, you just have some areas where you're not happy. You've grown WEARY. You constantly wait for him to "change" but he never does. So, then do you just leave? So, you have this good man but this man doesn't meet up to the image of who you think he should be in your head?

Who told you that he has to be some other image?

Social media? Comparing your marriage to another marriage? Your family? A friend who recently divorced and bashes all marriages? Your messy single friends or that one single friend that would love to be married to your man?

Maybe it's not your spouse? Maybe it's you? Maybe you're completely unlovable. Maybe you're constantly psychoanalyzing him, trying to be his mama, maybe you treat him like trash and disrespect him. Maybe you nag and criticize him into a corner.

No, I cannot cheer you on for leaving.

Please hear my heart that I do understand cases where there's divorce and it's unwanted. Maybe your husband left you and ran off with some 18 year old. Maybe he cheated so many times or maybe he has physically abused you to the point where you are FORCED to leave. Now, I am not talking to those cases. That is called abandonment and it's NEVER ok for him to treat you that way. I am specifically talking to men that actually come home to their wives, he works an honest job, goes to church and he is TRYING to be good to you. You may not see all of the effort that you want to see, but you see SOME of it.

Isn't it crazy how we focus on what our spouse is doing but we don't make them 100% happy? Kinda hypocritical right? (And, I'm talking to myself too)

How do I know that you may not be the most loveable person at times?

Because I was her.

I was the most complaining, "higher than thou" wife. My husband felt like nothing that he did was good enough for me. That nagging, complaining, discontent spirit from my single days showed its ugly face in my marriage.

So, what do I do when I don't feel loved in my marriage?

I love.
Let me challenge you with this:

1 Corinthians 13:1-10 tells us:
"If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.
 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love."

Did you read verse 4? It says that Love is PATIENT.

What does patience mean?
The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset:

Whoa.
So, I'm supposed to love without getting upset? But HE troubled me. He made me suffer. He ignored me! He won't get a job! He won't touch me and he knows my love language is TOUCH. He really hurt me in the past. He cheated on me. YES, I forgive him and we moved on but I have a hard time being patient with him.

Love doesn't demand it's own way. 

"You don't LISTEN. I am more spiritual. I am better with money. I am a better leader. I have more schooling. Let's do it THIS way."

It's it amazing that we are serving in the church, helping people and doing all of these things but we don't love the person that we share a bed with? That is your first ministry. Your HOME ministry. You hate your own husband. How can we say that we really love Jesus but we hate the one we are ONE with?

I like 1 John 4:20, it says "If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?"

But Heather, my husband ain't saved. He hasn't cheated or anything but he won't turn to Jesus. I want to leave!

1 Peter 3:1 tells us, "In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by your quiet and gentle spirit."

I can tell you this. With every test of "love" I have passed, GOD HAS REWARDED ME. In those times where I wanted to leave my marriage or run - I STAYED and ENDURED and TRUSTED God to change ME and my spouse. (Guess that's what happens when two alpha personalities marry!) AND I watched God grow our love, our ministry, and our life anoint us for our obedience. I have watched the Lord use my husband to reveal my heart and weaknesses. I have watched myself change and get better because of those tough times.

It takes NOTHING to quit on your marriage. Your marriage will force you to grow, mature, develop and CHANGE. If your marriage has grown apart, it's because you let it. Don't give satan an open door. Don't let him in to destroy your marriage. Do your part, God will reward you!

If you're fighting with your spouse now - text him right now and go get your marriage back. Don't give the devil an open door into your life or marriage. Not now, not tomorrow or the next day.

I challenge you right now to write out 10 things that you love about your spouse. Starting, now. Focus on those things vs. what he isn't doing.

I see God healing marriages right now. I see restoration in broken marriages right now. I see hope again.

In Jesus name.

God loves you like crazy,

Love always,
Heather Lindsey

1. The 2017 Pinky Promise Conference was EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like literally. Here's the night I taught on "Running From God." Registration is open now! www.pinkypromiseconference.com 

2. Ah, I'm SO excited that the Pinky Promise Movement page has a new look! Check it out HERE. 

3. ALSO, the Pinky Promise Boutique has a new look too PLUS a ton of cute MODEST, FAB, CLOTHES, jewelry, promise rings, clothes, journals, etc! Check it out HERE.

4. Be sure to check my calendar to see if I'm in your city soon! (under Calendar)

5. Are you in Atlanta? Come and visit our church! We are in Sandy Springs! The Gathering Oasis Church - we meet at the Galloway Private School in the Amphitheatre. 215 W Wieuca Rd NW Atlanta, GA 30327 every Sunday at 10AM EST.

5. My New Book, Silent Seasons was on the Amazon Best Seller's List as the #1 in New Releases and in Religious for 5 weeks! ahh!! Find it HERE.  or on Amazon/Kindle/Ibooks/Audio Book.

6. My dear friends, Havilah Cunnington and Lisa Bevere have an amazing 12 part series titled #MomOfMen - teaching you how to raise godly children. Sign up now and recieve a FREE e-book. You can sign up HERE.

Our wedding day :) 8/14/10

Tough Season? What Are You Saying?

Yes, your situation may look like a hot mess.

Yes, you may be straight going through it.

Yes, your heart may be broken.

It's true - you may not understand what is going on in your life.

You may have just lost your job.

Your husband may have left you while you were completely faithful to him.

It may seem like you have no purpose.

It may seem like everyone has forgotten about you.

It may seem like you're at a dead end job today.

It may seem like the only thing that appeared to be comfortable was your past.

It may seem like everyone is leaving you.

It may seem like your life is a failure.

Regardless of what you are "feeling" today, I came to ask you, "What are you saying in the midst of it all?" Yes, you may get crazy thoughts about yourself based on what you can see, but the reality is that you have a choice. You can either sit and believe the devil's lies, or you can call him the LIAR that he is and decide to trust God through this situation.

Your good words and thoughts can literally trigger happy endorphins to be released in your body that make you physically feel better. Who knew that we can actually control those crazy thoughts that come through our heart? We don't have to accept the lies of the enemy, most of us just choose to believe him. If the mailman tried to drop off a package of live rattlesnakes, I'm quite sure that you wouldn't sign for the package - but sadly, many of us are signing for a package of negative words every single day.

On this earth, we will have tribulation, we will go through hard times, we will get frustrated. You may even be justified in your complaining because you have small kids,  you hate your job, or you've been single and saved for a longggg time and you are straight tired. Regardless of your season in life, I want you to remember this scripture:

Proverbs 18:21
The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

Whoa.

My words can bring LIFE or death to a situation?? And there are consequences to what I SAY? I believe that we would be MUCH more careful of what we said if we knew that it could HINDER where God is taking us. Some of us have become so used to complaining and grumbling that we literally WOKE up this morning, complained and fussed while we went into our prayer time. Then after fussing at God for about 30 minutes, we got dressed and went to work, fussing. The traffic, the train ride, the this, the that. THEN, we got to work and we are complaining.. until we opened up this blog. :)

Either we are going to have a great attitude today and decide to trust God or we are going to look exactly like this world and complain. YOU HAVE A CHOICE. 

Let's look at another scripture:

Matthew 12:36
"I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak."

Whoa.

EVERY WORD. Every word you THINK. Every WORD you SPEAK. EVERY word you TYPE. (Yes, even what you say on social media and the arguments that you have will be judged)
Heather, that scripture does not say the words I thought. But, if you read Matthew 5:27-28 it says, “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

So, even in THINKING about lust is a sin. So, THINKING about complaining, rolling your eyes at that co-worker, your friends group me message or your husband is complaining in your heart.

James 3:5 says "The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do."

How do we get help in this area?

1. First, we must be emptied out. What is in your heart? If you find that you have a ton of jealousy, pride, hate, etc - run to the feet of the Father. Repent of your sins! Ask God to cleanse you and make you whole.

2. Now, fill back up again. With God's word, sermons on unforgiveness, sermons on guarding your heart. Grab a journal, a Bible you can understand, spend time with God, stop hanging out with messy, gossiping people and maybe even do a fast from social media if it's causing you to hate everyone, including your life.

3. Surrounding yourself with believers is key. Find a local, word-based church. Join a Pinky Promise Group or start one.  

4. Fast from complaining. Yup, that's right. Train your flesh to say the opposite of what you want to say (only if it's bad!)

5. FIGHT back with the word of God. Write out scriptures on this area and when the attacks come, fight back! Here's a few!

Proverbs 12:18

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Matthew 12:36

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak,

Proverbs 16:24 

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

Proverbs 15:1 

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Matthew 15:18

But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.

Hebrews 4:12 

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Sisters, WE CAN do this! We CAN speak LIFE. We WILL have a good attitude. There WILL be a joy and light about us as we live for Jesus! We WILL align our words with what God says about us!

Few things!

1. The 2017 Pinky Promise Conference was EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like literally. Here's the night I taught on "Running From God." I will be opening up registration for 2018 this upcoming FRIDAY via www.pinkypromisemovement.com

2. Ah, I'm SO excited that the Pinky Promise Movement page has a new look! Check it out HERE. 

3. ALSO, the Pinky Promise Boutique has a new look too PLUS a ton of cute jewelry, promise rings, clothes, journals, etc! Check it out HERE.

4. Be sure to check my calendar to see if I'm in your city soon! (under Calendar)

5. Are you in Atlanta? Come and visit our church! We are in Sandy Springs! The Gathering Oasis Church - we meet at the Galloway Private School in the Amphitheatre. 215 W Wieuca Rd NW Atlanta, GA 30327 every Sunday at 10AM EST.

5. Lastly, My New Book, Silent Seasons was on the Amazon Best Seller's List as the #1 in New Releases and in Religious for 5 weeks! ahh!! Find it HERE.  or on Amazon/Kindle/Ibooks/Audio Book.

God loves you like crazy,

Love always,

Heather Lindsey

Tough Year?

Have you had a tough year? I don't know about you - but 2016 has had some AMAZING highs, and some stressful low's. I have been STRETCHED spiritually like NEVER before.

I remember one day, I was at the gym, working out and I was just thinking about the spiritual attacks. As I was working out on the stair stepper, I heard the Holy Spirit interrupt my thoughts and tell me, "Heather, I am preparing you for something so much greater."

It was the sweetest, purest words to me in that moment. Although I preach about the preparation, development, trusting in the Lord, resting in His timing, rejoicing during the tests - but then that moment comes where you're faced with what you preach and post about. At times, it seems like it's so easy to encourage everyone else but when it comes to yourself? Well, you're a little bit harder on you.

As I stepped on that Stairmaster, I told the Lord that I will rejoice in this test. I told Him that I am thankful to share in a TINY bit of His persecution. I was thankful to share in a TINY bit of His suffering for righteous sake.

And, in every time and in every moment, I have watched the Lord strengthen me through those tests.

So, if 2016 has been a year of stretching for you too - I want to encourage you that if you've been SOWING love, peace, joy, OBEDIENCE, trusting God when you don't' understand and walking by FAITH - GOD HONORS it. It is NOT in vain. I love harvest season because I know when I'm passing a spiritual test, I will see a spiritual harvest. Ya'll KNOW I am not one to say that "THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR NEW YEAR" - because I don't know what season you're in but I DO know that if WE stay like those TREES that are planted by the rivers of water (Psalms 1:3) that we will BRING forth FRUIT in our season, our LEAF will not wither and whatever we do will prosper.

DUE SEASON WILL ALWAYS COME!

So, don't dig your tree up and move it somewhere else if things are hard. Stay planted. Just stay there. Stay in that test and PASS it. Don't run back to your past. Don't rush back to what was once comfortable.  I can ASSURE you that you will see something on the other side of it ALL. When you live a life of disobedience, it HINDERS the Lord from working in you. So, repent sis, turn back around and endure! God will give you the strength to pass whatever is in front of you.

I started this blog to you all this morning and then I got confirmation that I have my own show on the WORD network (AHH!) called "The Heather Lindsey Show." If you've been following the ministry, you know that I've always wanted to host again but I put it down because the Lord told me to do so for a season. And, almost 10 years later, I'm picking it back up again.

I'm completely convinced that there's a PATH for each and every one of you (Jeremiah 1:5). Your story may not look like my story because it's YOUR story, but, along that path of saying YES to Jesus - you will find the life that He has prepared for you. This doesn't mean that tests stop. Actually, they will probably increase. But, it simply means that you get to lean on and depend on the Lord for every breath. I can assure you, with tears in my eyes - God is faithful. If He does nothing else, I want you to know that He longs for a relationship with you. He longs to walk with you. He longs to be close to you. He longs to speak to you. He longs to LEAD your life. Put down that strife and division in your heart and open up your heart to Him. He's constantly waiting.

I always say that a new year isn't a new you unless you renew your mind and say Yes to our Jesus. So, cheers to committing to spend the next year at the feet of our Jesus. He never fails us.

I love you all so much. I'm not sure if you know how much I truly love you but I pray for you all on a regular basis. I want to see you win. I want to see you walk in your purpose. I want to see you free from bitterness, I want to see you bold. I want to see you committed to Jesus. So, cheers to never quitting.

Just a few things:

1. Find my (6) books (including my NEW book, "Fighting Together") purity rings, shirts & all that good stuff via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under: Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's
 
3. Register for the 2017 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

4. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 50,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

5. We are headed on a Revival Tour to Kenya, Nigeria, London and Capetown. Register here: www.lindseyevents.com 


God loves you like crazy,

Love,

Heather Lindsey

Feeling Discontent With Your Current Season?

Have you ever just checked out on what God has called you to do? Maybe you're so excited about the next "season" in your life that you aren't even there in your mind right now. Maybe you're graduating next May and you have "senioritis." Senioritis is when you're so not in class - you're just going through the motions. You're so tired of being there and you're READY to go. You're so ready to be finished. I can relate as I felt that way my last year of college. I was so ready to move to New York and get my "purpose" started. I kept saying - I'm going to really see my "purpose" when I finally graduate! I'm going to really see what God called me to do! Sadly, I TOTALLY neglected my current season. I was already gone in my head. I had checked out and I was totally missing what God wanted me to do in TODAY.

At times, we can become so focused on our "next" step, or the "new season" or the whatever else that we ignore what God wants us to do right NOW. Guess what, today .. you have PURPOSE. Today actually matters. And, today is preparing you for where God is taking you. What I didn't know as I "rushed" to my next season is that New York was going to be one of the hardest seasons in my LIFE. I was in such a rush to get there that I didn't realize that the next season in my life carried it's own sets of struggles, hardaches, tests and trials.

So, where are you at right now in your life? Are you sick and tired of this season? Maybe you're not as on fire as you were when you first started your job. Maybe you just violate every copy-write law as you write your last paper. Maybe, you're not as on fire and excited about your marriage because you're bored with it. Or, maybe you're engaged and rushing towards the aisle.

Today matters.

Get your emotions together and sit before the Lord. Ask Him to help you to not be lazy, complacent, bored, tired and giving up on where He has placed you. We must stop rushing from one thing to the next - thinking that wherever we are going is going to be better. The grass aint greener in your next season honey! The same you is going to be there. 

Philippians 4:11-13 

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Let's talk about that word contentment.  Philippians 4:11 says in WHATEVER situation, be content. Not happy? - Not encouraged? - Bored? - Wishing you had whatever? - It says in whatever situation that you're in, be content. And, keep reading. It says that you can do all things THROUGH Christ. Not through yourself, through your degree, through your season or through whatever else you think you need in order to be happy. 

I just sense that some of ya'll are so not happy about your current state of your marriage. Maybe, you think your marriage was fun at one point but now, it's become routine. Instead of comparing your husband to another man, focus on what your husband DOES right. Maybe, he is great with the kids, he comes home to you EVERY night, He leads you in bringing the family to church. "Well, Heather - those are things he's supposed to do." I totally understand, but sadly you have too many expectations. Let me explain. Unmet expectations birth frustrations. Instead of focusing on all of your expectations in your marriage, focus on the Lord. Then, you will burn your laundry list of what your husband needs to "be." And allow for the Holy Spirit to work on him & change him. You cannot change that man. You cannot change Him. But, you can work on you. You can let the Holy Spirit change you. Did you know that God created marriage and He can give you the inside scoop on how to make it sweet? So, give your expectations to the Lord. I'm with you on having a godly husband, that comes home to you and loves you like Christ loves the church. There's times where I feel like, "My husband isn't loving me like Christ loves the church!!" Then, the Lord asked me a questions - are you submitting to him as unto the Lord?" Umm.. well. Not really. I believe as women we become perfectionist in telling everyone what they need to do while ignoring the part we play. 

Regardless of your current season, this still holds true -- we need to finish strong and finish what we were supposed to complete or ENDURE where God has placed you (ie. Marriage). Don't allow laziness to rob you from doing what God has called you to do. So, maybe you know you're about to leave a current job for a new job. Is your employer sad that you're leaving or are they pushing you out the door in relief that they don't have to do with your attitude anymore? Maybe, you do your work, but you do it with a heart that's checked out. People can sense that you're doing  your work grudgingly and not as unto the Lord. Colossians 3:23 "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people."

Many times, we want God to bless where we are going but we aren't being faithful in where we are today.  So, cheers to not letting your emotions & feeling dictate where you are in life. Let's press forward & do what the Lord has called us to do as long as it's called today. 

Just a few things:

1. Find my (4) books (including my NEW book, "The Runaway Bride"), purity rings, shirts & all that good stuff via pinkypromiseboutiques.com!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under: Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Midtown Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA. 

4. Register for the 2016 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

5. We are headed to London for the Holy Desperation Conference! Join us! www.lindseysinlondon2016.eventbee.com 

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 40,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

God loves you like crazy,
Love you all so much!

Heather Lindsey

Family Trip to Maui, Hawaii 

"Lord, Help Me to Be Content"

Gosh, what a dangerous prayer to pray.

And it seems like if you don't renew your mind in this area of being content with your season then it creeps back up around and you will look up and not even realize that.. you're discontent.

You may cry out to God and say.. "LORD! But... I thought I passed this test of contentment" and in all honesty, you did pass it at one point. But now you're experiencing tests, trials & different situations and you may find yourself simply complaining. Guess what, you passing those previous tests was wonderful, but now you're maturing and growing in Christ. There's a new level of contentment that you have to pass!

This blog was birthed from my OWN recent struggle. I'm 31 weeks pregnant (about 8 months) and I'm in the middle of finishing off the final edit of my new book coming out in less than a month, I'm planning our 2015 Pinky Promise Conference is next month & negotiating a contract for 2016, then, our statewide baby shower in September, marriage & single retreats, still running our Pinky Promise non-profit, I'm still trying to be a great wife, mother, friend, prepare for a new child and then the list goes on and on! On top of all of that, I started to get a few third trimester pains that really started to slow me down. I started to complain, I thought, "Gosh, Lord- must you pile all of this on me during the busiest time of my life?"

So, as I sat before the Lord in my quiet time yesterday, I started to complain and fuss as I prayed. Sounds crazy, right? Then, the Holy Spirit took me to Philippians 4:4 and I saw Paul write.. "always be full of the joy of the Lord." Of course, Lord-- you would take me to that scripture. But I couldn't stop reading that same line over and over again. It struck me like a ton of bricks.

First, let's break down the word always:
al·ways
adverb
1. at all times; on all occasions.

Wait, so at all times, on all occasions, be full of the joy of the Lord?

Does that also include being 8 months pregnant and trying to do a bunch of things? Does that also include when tests and trials hit your life? Does that also include when you feel rejected, hurt, mad, frustrated, lonely, lost? Does that include when you lose your job? Does that include when your boyfriend leaves you and you had plans for marriage? Does that include when a loved one passes away? Does that include when you hate your job? Does that include when you feel ugly? Does that include when you get hurt by a friend or a family member?

Yes. At all times, on all occasions, be full of the joy of the Lord.

Talk about CONVICTION!

And to add to that fun conviction, Paul is in PRISON telling the church to be CONTENT and to find JOY in the midst of their situation. He's in prison. In a tiny little cell that I'm sure is dirty, with tons of insects, it smells, other prisoners are yelling, screaming and let's not even talk about the food. He may or may not have had a small window to look outside. He sat in the prison cell, day in and day out. Not even know when he was leaving. And, he's telling your comfortable self to be content. I cannot imagine what prison is like back in those times. Paul, like the other Apostles, were hated by most of the Jews because they openly and publicly taught that Jesus was the Son of God. The Jews thought this was blasphemy against God and were more than willing to throw someone in jail over the issue. Paul was in jail for about 5 1/2-6 years in total during the time he was on this earth-- all over sharing Christ! Paul was shipwrecked, snakebitten, stoned and eventually beheaded all for the gospel of Jesus! And THIS man is telling US to be content and AT all times, on ALL occasions, be FULL of the joy of the Lord!

This slapped me in the face and seriously challenged my heart. Paul detached from earthly things because the only thing that mattered what "CHRIST BEING WITH HIM." His mindset wasn't on getting a job promotion, on that next TV show that is debuting, or that concert. It wasn't on "when he was gonna find a wife (even though he had the gift of singleness, his focus was what mattered), it wasn't on some fleshly desire. It was on Christ. He knew that he could REALLY do "All things who Christ who strengthens Him" in Philippians 4:13 because Paul was focused not on what he "thought" he should have but on the task that Jesus gave him. Most people totally use that scripture out of context! They scream verse 13 while totally ignoring the scriptures before hand while they operate in their own strength, hoping God will fund their (not His) ideas.

Are you focused on the task that Jesus gave you or are you distracted by what you think you should have?

• Lord, when is it my time for a husband? I'm tired of being single.
• Lord, when is it my time for a job promotion? I hate this stupid job that I prayed for and I want more money for doing what I do. They don't appreciate my hard word and I have EARNED it Lord!
• Lord, when is it my time to be debt free? I've been claiming debt freedom for 15 years and I'm still in debt and broke! (Honey, the same way you get outta debt is the way you got in it. Stop spending)
• Lord, when is it my time to shine?! I want a stage! I want to see my purpose come to pass! My question to you is for what? For you or for Him?

I'm sure there was a lot of things that Paul "thought" he should have but He made a decision to shut up and encourage others in the Lord. And it wasn't positive thinking. His foundation was actually really trusting in the Lord and allowing for the Holy Spirit to fill His voids. 

What do you do when you are having a rough day? Do you run to an ex, food, porn, a friend or do you run to Christ? I get it, I get it, we all need outlets and times where we pull away but you better make sure that the Holy Spirit is giving you the ok to do what you're doing. Emotional eating, shopping, rushing back to your past or watching pornography will never satisfy you. It will only produce a greater lust in your heart to continue to use those things to temporarily put a bandaid on the issue. 

Isaiah 58:11 "..And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."  

Ok, so if this scripture says that the Lord will guide and continually satisfy you, it tells me that most of are aren't giving Him a chance to satisfy our desires. We are too busy using our discontentment as an excuse to continue in our sin. And lets be honest and call it like it is, you just don't trust God to satisfy you. Trusting Him takes way too long  and if Jesus ain't moving fast enough, then you need to help Him out. I have learned that as the Lord guides us continually and leads us that our desires truly become HIS desires. I always say this and I will say it again, it's not that there's a shortage of good men, jobs, whatever else, there's just a storage of patient women that are willing to be developed by the Lord to actually go through the process of trusting Him.

This also goes for your marriage. Some of you are in your marriage and you are not content. You're sitting there dumbfounded because you thought that marriage would cure those feelings that you have but nothing your spouse does is good enough for you. You're just not content with him. Honestly, if you aren't content with him, you're not content with you. You are one flesh and you have brought the spirit of discontentment into your marriage. Instead of bashing him for what he's not doing, why don't you start appreciating him and thanking him for what he IS doing. Maybe he doesn't always take out the trash or clean up after himself. But, he goes to work, loves you, is faithful and he at least tries. Maybe, if he sees you taking out the trash, he will feel convicted and help you. For some reason, we have a hard time with 1 Peter 3:4 and that says that "we should win our husbands over with our quiet and gentle spirits." Let me translate in Heather terms: Shut up and stop nagging him for 10 minutes so the Holy Spirit can speak to him. Your husbands job is not to make you happy. Marriage is ministry and marriage is about serving one another and it's his job to love you like Christ loved the church. Jesus could care less about your happiness because your happiness is relative. It could make you happy to cheat on your spouse. It could make you happy to overeat. Jesus is much more concerned about your eternal salvation than you being led by your happy flesh feelings on this earth. So, it was on my heart in the midst of this blog to just say, "give your husband a break from all of that complaining." Build him up and pray for him like crazy. Speak up as the Holy Spirit leads you and be gracious in your tone.

So, how can one be content?

1. It's time to refocus, spend time with the Lord and really renew our minds concerning the things that are important to us. Search the scriptures on contentment and see what the bible says about it and ask yourself questions like, "have I ever been content? What does contentment mean to me?"

2. Identify open doors. If your void filler is shopping, maybe you need to delete the app that pops up every time there's a sale.  If your void filler is that ex, you need to erase and block his number so you aren't tempted to reach out. If it's overworking, you need to set boundaries and go home at a certain time to make sure that Christ is truly in the center of your life.

3. Admit it. It's time to be totally honest with ourselves and say, "I'm not content with my life and I compare myself to others, Lord help me." Don't push it under the rug & say, "no, that's not me, I'm good. I'm content." But deep down, you desire this things in the pit of your stomach and you constantly question God about those things. Contentment says, in all season, at all time, on all occasions, I will trust in you Lord. 

4. Recognize your problem areas. This goes back to #2. If you know that after a huge test, you want to "go to a bar, drink and get drunk", then you have to avoid those tempting situations. Don't just go and tell yourself that you're getting a "Cranberry drink." If your issue is sex, it's not the best idea to go up to his house or apartment if you know what happens when you do so.

5. Communicate daily to the Holy Spirit. Talk to Him throughout the day. Tell Him that you're not happy, vent, take moments where you just ask Him how He's doing. He's real! He's active and He's more real than the person sitting next to you.

Bonus: PRACTICE this contentment and remind yourself that God provides for you and that you have what you need. It's not going to happen overnight, especially if you have 15 years of discontentment.

You're NOT alone in this walk and satan is after your mindset concerning contentment! He wants you to think that God has forgotten about you and isn't for you. Instead, recognize that on this earth, we WILL experience tests and trials and these tests will develop things OUT of us that aren't like Him.

Just a few things:

1. Find my (3) books, purity rings, shirts & all that good stuff via pinkypromiseboutiques.com!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under: Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Midtown Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA. 

4. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year and it's 99%  sold out now, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com 

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 35,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. Pinky Promise is hosting a statewide baby shower for low income & single mamas in Atlanta, GA on September 12. If you want to donate or be a part of it, please email pinkypromisequestions@gmail.com For donations only, you can send the payment via PayPal to pinkypmovement@gmail.com & be sure to note that its for the Statewide Baby Shower. All donations are tax deductible. 

Hang in there.
God loves you like crazy,

Love ya'll!
Heather Lindsey


A maternity photo! :) 8 more weeks to go!

"Help Me, I Can't Stop Procrastinating"

So, if you're in a season where you feel super sluggish, kinda lazy and you feel like doing nothing, I can relate. Being now 18 weeks pregnant, I have had my days where I only want to lay in the bed for the entire day. But even before I was pregnant, I had my seasons where I struggled in this area. It's almost like, it's on my checklist to take care of this but I just got too busy throughout the day to get to it or by the time I got home, I had zero energy to accomplish that task.

Let's just be honest. We don't see the other side of accomplishing what God told us to do so because we see what we can see, like our jobs, class, school, tending to our families (which are all good things)-- we tend to let being busy overshadow what the Lord told us to do.  If I can be totally honest, some of need to be cured from the "Martha Syndrome" in Luke 10:38.

As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Some of us are doing "good" things but those things aren't divinely directed by the Holy Spirit to do at that time. So now, you're too busy and too distracted to sit at the feet of Jesus. Although in the back of your mind, you know God told you to write that book, start that organization, break up with that loser boyfriend, distance yourself from that friend that is influencing you, putting the donut down and picking up some veggies or whatever else, you still are TOO busy and TOO distracted to do what He told you to do because EVERYTHING else is keeping you.. busy. EVEN scrolling around online when you DO get free time is dangerous. Because 10 minutes turns into 2 hours. You want to do something that doesn't require thought because you're so overwhelmed by your schedule. 

This is why it's important that we go before the Lord and we ask Him, "Lord, is my schedule pleasing to you? Do I need to remove anything from my schedule that is distracting me?" 

And if I can be totally honest with you, you being lazy or procrastinating about what God told you to do could come from a number of factors. 

1. "Lord, that thing is too big and I don't know how I'm going to do it." 

My thoughts: Hebrews 11:1 - Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. Great! It's supposed to be bigger than you! If it wasn't then you would probably think that you can handle it alone!

2."I'm afraid to step out on faith because I'm scared of failing." 

My thoughts: Well, in our own ability, you should be afraid but when you step out on faith, it's not about you-- it's about bringing glory to God so if HE started the work in you, HE will complete it. And where did you get that fear from? 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." And who told you that you're going to fail? Mama & them? 

3." I don't know where to start."

My thoughts:  Whose voice are you listening too? If we are listening to the Lord, then He will instruct us, open the right doors and send the right people to help. My "ministry" started long before I started blogging. It started when I bagged groceries at the grocery store when I was 16. It started when I worked for difficult bosses. It started when I stopped stealing the staples and the ink from my company for my bible studies. THEN after I started to grow, walk in love, forgive people that were mean to me, get stripped of just about everything.. the Lord told me to start blogging. THEN, all of ya'll came out of nowhere. (group hug! :) ) So, your full time ministry is wherever you are right.. now. 

4. "I don't have time to do those things that I know I need to do."

My thoughts: You don't lack time, you lack desire. You desire a paycheck so you go to work. You desire to build your friendships, so you have girl time. When you're hungry you pursue food. When your spirit man is starved you get on Facebook. You procrastinate. You call friends and pour your heart out. You go online shopping. You run internally. You desire and pursue the things that you give your attention to on a regular basis. And lets be honest, at times, you just don't desire God and the proof in that pudding is your lack of time with Him. If you knew that you had a scheduled breakfast every morning with Jesus and He would physically come down from heaven, you would be right there to sit and eat with him. You would cook breakfast, make sure the house was together.. (Martha..) and you would NEVER miss a day with Him. Well, He sent the Holy Spirit and He's as real as the person sitting next to you. 

5. "I don't know when it's Gods time to open that door."

My thoughts: I can relate to this. I wanted to sell bedazzled journals and shirts with purpose before I opened up my Pinky Promise Boutique but my husband cautioned that it wasn't the right time. This was about 2 months before I started Pinky Promise. I also attempted to go to grad school for what I'm doing now.. and I didn't need it (before I got married.) I at times ran ahead of God and I had to quickly understand that I needed to slow down and be led by His spirit, not what I think I needed to do to accomplish the will of God. Proverbs 3:6 "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." So procrastinating may not be your issue. Your issue may be not trusting Gods timing and SPRINTING past Him. Either way, it's just as dangerous because you create "Towers of Babel" that HE never told you to build. So, acknowledge Him and I can ASSURE you that He will show you when it's the right time. You will just KNOW because you talk to Him at breakfast every morning alone.. & then though out the day.

Now that we understand that we are giving excuses to why we can't do things, I want to encourage you that nations are waiting for your obedience. Other people are directly IMPACTED by your disobedience. For example, what if I never started Pinky Promise? We currently have over 31,000 ladies in the organization that made a decision to honor God with their bodies and life. What if I was afraid to share my pitfalls? What if I was afraid to share my past because of what others think of me? Then I would be skipping around here like my life is so perfect and that I've never had an issue which would help NOBODY. This crazy world needs YOU. They need your story. They need your transparency. They need you to be obedient to what God told YOU to do. They need YOU because you were created to solve a problem and due to the reasons above, you've been pushing off whatever. Now, don't rush ahead, create a go fund me account or copy somebody else's ministry or business. Go and sit before the Lord. Paul and Peter didn't have a go fund me, they had Jesus and we have Him too who is our ultimate Provider. Now, God can USE a go fund me account if He tells you to start one, but most of us, lets be honest.. He told you to trust Him & stop asking humans to fund your tower of babel. (genesis 11) 

There is a SPIRIT behind this area that is trying to keep you from obeying God! We bind that spirit in the name of Jesus! Satan doesn't care if you spend all day looking at pornography or all day on Facebook, as long as you aren't spending all day in Gods Book.

So, cheers to stepping out on faith. Let's just start. Right now. No holding back. No questioning God. No rationalizing. No more intentional sin. No more chasing down little Johnny cuz' we lonely. It's time to grow up and mature and do what the Lord is telling  US to do! 

Just a few things:

1. Find my (3) books, purity rings, shirts & all that good stuff via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA. We also have our New Years Service at the same place at 10pm EST! Join us! 

4. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com 

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 31,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. Pinky Promise is hosting a statewide baby shower for low income & single mamas in Atlanta, GA on September 12. If you want to donate or be a part of it, please email pinkypromisequestions@gmail.com For donations only, you can send the payment via PayPal to pinkypmovement@gmail.com & be sure to note that its for the Statewide Baby Shower. All donations are tax deductible. 

God loves you like crazy!

Love you all!

Heather Lindsey 

My crew after church this past sunday!
We are 18 weeks pregnant with our baby girl! :)

"I Think I Married the Wrong Man"

Just to quickly clear this up, I definitely didn't marry the wrong man. I am married to an awesome man by the name of Cornelius and he truly loves me like Christ loves the church. He's not PERFECT by any means. but he is sure working on being a better man DAILY as I am too. He's an amazing leader, husband, father & all that other good stuff. He really considers our family and puts us first after God.

But, have I ever thought that I married the wrong person? Um. yes. How many times? Maybe 40-50 times in our 4 years of being married. Especially during our first year of marriage. I thought, Oh, God! I wish I would have married someone that was more like this or that, which was a lie because everybody has an issue so if it's not that issue, it's something else.

Let me just give you some background- as most of you know, we waited to kiss until our wedding day.  So, you would think that BECAUSE we waited that things would be strawberries and flowers everyday afterwards-- psh, please. I realized even more that first year how IMPORTANT it is to marry a man that really loves Jesus because your marriage is going to get hit with attacks and if you don't have that solid foundation, your marriage may not make it. I seriously believe the ONLY reason that we are married to this day is because of the cross. If Jesus came and died for our sins and gave us an opportunity to be in the right relationship with Jesus-- can we not take on that same example and die to ourselves in our marriage?

Our first year was a rough year. I honestly didn't think we would make it. No, we didn't cheat on each other or anything crazy but we sure went through IT and back.

While courting, my husband worked full time at a "megachurch" and he pretty much was the chief of staff. He ran multiple departments, we had a "special" parking spot at church and had a "reserved" front row seat of a 10,000 seat church. He made great money, had a house, car and purpose. I didn't marry him for those reasons-- I married him because I believed in him, respected him, loved him and because the Lord told me to marry him. I knew that we would eventually leave and start our own ministry, I just didn't know it would be so soon.

Three months into our marriage, my husband got extremely quiet. For about 2 weeks, he didn't say much of anything to me and it was SO hard! I quickly learned that when he gets really quiet for periods of time, it's because the Lord is dealing with him about something and it's not me (that was a huge struggle, because I didn't want him to be mad at me!). So, by week two-- I got the memo. Then, he came to me and told me that the Lord wanted him to quit his job and to move to Mississippi. Huh? Wait, huh? "Well, babe-- I support you. I am excited and I will go find me a pair of cowboy boots and enjoy Mississippi." You see, Cornelius could have told me that we were moving to Alaska and I would have been online looking up snowsuits. I simply believed in my husband and that He is constantly led by the Lord. So, leaving "everything" wasn't the hard part. The hard part was when we actually GOT to Mississippi. No church. No friends.  Our old "pretend" friends were talking about us for leaving the church & saying that we missed God. Still trying to figure out how to leave your past, family and whatever else and become "one flesh." It was plain hard. We would get into huge fights because it was just him and I in this tiny 1-bedroom apartment and we weren't used to being together 24-7. I was working from home for a Software Hedge Accounting firm and he would pray and study 7-9 hours a day. It was a huge difference from our life before because our finances really became ONE. Then, we got pregnant. I cried because I didn't want to get pregnant (which was so selfish, but I came from the New York mindset of career first) and Cornelius was super excited. Then, 6 weeks later we miscarried. Then, my step dad suddenly passed away. (My father passed in 2000) Then, my nephew committed suicide, then, my friend suddenly had a brain aneurysm and died. All of these things hits me like a brick. Then, we had to cut back on everything because we were living on one salary so we would argue about money. All of this happened within 6 months of being married. I still didn't really trust him because I was crazy and had been lied to and cheated on by so many guys in my past, I felt like I had to keep tabs on him. He felt the same way and couldn't trust me either. We BOTH didn't do anything to make the other feel this way.. it was just an attack from our old mindset.  We were both a TRAIN WRECK to say the least. After one huge argument, we both screamed at each other, "I WANT A DIVORCE!!!"

As I balled my eyes out in the closet, I started to ponder where I could go. We live in Mississippi. I have no friends. I have nowhere to go. I can afford a hotel room for a night, but we don't really have it, so I felt trapped. I felt like I had no where to go and I felt like nobody understood me. I am stuck in this marriage and we waited to kiss.. & all we do is FIGHT. I learned that becoming "one flesh" wasn't a fairytale and because we had so much crap in our past-- that when we "work out our salvation.." it's going to be HARD sometimes. So as I sat there.. I questioned:

Did I marry the wrong one Lord? Show me God!

"No Heather, you didn't "marry the wrong one. Through this marriage, I will teach you what it means to love the way that I love-- and that is unconditionally. I will use Cornelius to show you your true self so that you can repent of your sin and truly be made in my image. And did you know that I created Cornelius and I can give you the insight on him? On how to deal wisely with him and how to win him over? I created him."

It hit me like a ton of bricks. 

God, YOU know Cornelius. I'm over here trying to figure out this man.. and you can show me how to have a peaceful marriage. At WHAT point did I pick up my life Lord? Oh Gosh, I'm so sorry. I repent. Teach me how to be a woman after your own heart in every single way.

Galatians 3:3
How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?

I had picked up my own life at some point and then I started to see the fruit of it. I was operating as a wife in my own human effort and ability and constantly came up short in submission, in loving him, in respecting him and a peaceful marriage. I nagged him, tried to control what he ate, how he dressed and just about everything. What's crazy is this:: I contemplated, "God, did I marry the wrong one?" AS I NAGGED the mess out of my husband. Isn't it ironic how we focus on what the other person "should" be doing while we totally reject and ignore our portion? Even in my selfish prayers of "asking my husband" to change-- God began to really deal with my heart. And, finally I let Him. He began to show me where I was wrong and that he reveals weaknesses in my husband-- not for me to bash him, but for me to pray for him. 



Did you know that when you PRAY for your husband, you're actually praying for yourself? You are one flesh! How beautiful is this? So, I started to bind some things up & I went before the Lord about BOTH of our weaknesses. Instead of bashing Cornelius, I started to pray earnestly for him and I stayed on my face before the Lord. During the day-- if he tried to argue or there was an opportunity to nag-- I would just shut up. I would silently cry out to the Lord and I would go to the bathroom or my quiet time space. "Lord, you know what I've been praying and that conversation didn't line up with my prayers. So, God, give me the grace to love him. Give me the grace to understand him. Show me my ways Jesus. Help me to live for you in everyday." You may be screaming, but "WHAT about YOU Heather?! Why is it that WE always have to change." Well, honey-- somebody has to change. And because you're reading this-- maybe God is encouraging you to be the bigger person & exercise that love muscle? Satan is AFTER your godly relationships. He's AFTER your marriage & you're just letting him tap-dance on your life. STOP it. LOVE back & HARD.

When you get married, you are CLOSE to another person. You see all of their weaknesses, flaws, problems, joys, strengths and struggles. So, what do you do when you're that close? Beat them up and criticize them, or do you get on your face on behalf of your spouse and cry out to God? Some of you are so mad at God because of your marriage that you don't even spend time with Him anymore. You have all together given up on your marriage and God. Sis, it's time to get back to the heart of worship. If you feel far away from God-- someone moved.

James 4:8 "Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world."

So, draw close to God. AND then, He will come close to you. Know that He is always, always, always there. But if He feels far away, you most likely pushed Him to that position while placing things over him. As you continue to read that same verse, it says that your loyalty is divided between God and that wedge is what is separating you from His sweet presence and wisdom.

You may have questions.

1. But Heather, I married an unbeliever. What do I do?
Now, this isn't an excuse to marry a unbeliever. If you're dating or engaged to someone you're unequally yoked with-- I encourage you to end that relationship. Don't make excuses that "you're going to save him" because you cannot save him sis. There's a chance that he may never get saved and that he will resent the God you love so much for the next 40 years.

Back to the question-- I know it's hard, but "Win him over with your quiet & gentle spirit." based on 1 Peter 3:4. It won't be easy and it's easier SAID than done but if you want a great marriage, we must do what the bible says in regards to bringing peace to the home.

2. You don't know my husband. He's crazy! He refuses to meet my needs!
I can totally understand how you feel. I have felt the same way before. My husbands love language is acts of service & my love language is touch. So, for a LONG time-- I felt like he was ignoring my love language as he ran around doing "acts of service." We have to remember that when we get married, it no longer becomes about "my needs." My best advice would be to stop focusing on what you think he needs to do and focus on Jesus. Yes, its that simple. I watched my marriage change when I stopped nagging my husband, having stinky attitudes, and complaining all the time. Ask the Lord to help you, He's not surprised by whats happening.

3. My husband is cheating on me. What do I do? 
My heart breaks that you're going through this huge test. I couldn't imagine what you're going through right now. My advice to you would first and foremost is to believe God for reconciliation. If your husband is repentant, try to find counseling collectively & separately. The biggest hurtle with this test is trusting and and forgiveness. FORGIVE people when they sin against you. If you do, your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive people their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14, 15). This may seem impossible, but with God's grace, the victim can make it an act of the will in obedience to God's Word. To carry bitterness will affect attitudes, emotions, and the desire to obey God, and it will negatively affect everyday decisions. But the grace of God will greatly minister to your needs. We must let God minister to our needs-- running from your marriage into the arms of another man for payback or quitting on God will get you nowhere. Not forgiving & casting your care on God will birth a unforgiving heart that will soon be tormented with vengeful thoughts, anger, wrath, etc. Then, as God leads, forgiveness and reconciliation can follow. Even if this takes time, every effort must be made to forgive and reconcile. (See Matthew 5:23-24.)

4. How long.. do I have to keep doing the right thing until he changes?
Well, what is your motive for doing the right thing? For a cookie? I don't mean to be harsh sis, but if your motive is based on conditions, you've already lost the battle. We must do what we do out of real, unconditional love-- not out of a ".. he better respond this way or else" attitude. Although your words change, your demeanor may stay the same-- so he can sense your "funkiness." I'm always reminded of the grace Jesus gives me when I want to withhold grace from my husband.

5. Heather, why are you telling me everything I need to do and you aren't blaming this man!
Well, your man isn't reading this, you are sis. Again, lets get the focus off of you & put it on Jesus. Have you given up hope that the Lord can fix your problem? Remember that nothing is impossible for Him. He can restore, heal and give life again.


I love you all, I really do. I want nothing more than to see you joyful and fulfilling the will of God for your life and strife in your relationships could hinder that. If your hardened against your husband then you are also hardened against God. TRUST me that I am taking up my cross on a DAILY basis with my very STRONG personality-husband and praying for him to become more like Christ. You're not alone in this journey.

Just a few things:

1. SO excited that I just released my NEWEST book, "Dusty Crowns!!" Find it here. 

2. My hubby just released his newest book too!! It's called "Learning how to walk: Inspiring others to walk by faith!"  You can find it here. 

3. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

4. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

5.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

6. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

7. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

8. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 24,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

9. We are hosting an event in LA on October 4th, I want to see you there! http://www.eventbee.com/v/pinkypromise/event?eid=169814152

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

"How Does Music & TV Affect MY Life?"

Ok, so I'm going to get some people that are REALLY mad at me for this one. Why? Because I've worked in the music industry. I worked at at huge record label and I saw FIRST hand the behind-the-scenes of how "music" works. So people that may know me.. may be upset that I'm talking about this area that so many tip toe around. Before I get into this blog-- the ONLY reason I started working at a record label in the Marketing Department was to spread Christ. Everybody knew it. From my boss to the CEO. I didn't try to hide it. I made SURE everyone knew that I wasn't just some girl who was tryin' to "get on" -- I wanted them to know Christ. I had a curse jar, my bible out at my desk daily, and I'd bump gospel music ALL day long. I didn't hang out with them.. party with them.. or whatever else. I KNEW I went there to spread Christ & that was it. I honestly didn't want to work there. I really didn't . The Lord sure knew & so did my friends. I had to learn to be content during that season. It was hard because I knew what God called me to do.. and I'm like, why am I here Lord?! Such a season of developing.

Check out some old pictures from my record label days.
1. My girlfriends visiting my office
2. The company retreat with co-workers & the president of the company
3. The presidents & CEO of the company at that time

 
Let's all be clear. I'm real free from people. How can I serve them if I'm in BONDAGE to them? As much as I LOVE people-- especially those in the music business-- I STILL have a charge. That charge is to GUARD your HEART. I am MUCH more concerned about a person's heartbeat towards God then then their feelings getting hurt.  You may say that I'm "judging" you.. but if you're caught up in the music business.. the business has already judged you. Most likely, you drink with them, party with them, curse like them.. and you look like them. Although you hit church on Sunday.. your life looks NOTHING like Christ. And baby girl or boy..we have to do better. Life is more about you getting' your "paper" & in all honesty, as you sit at home after a long night.. you're even more empty then you were when you woke up. Only Christ can fill that void. 

 1 John 1:5 says: "God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. ⁶ If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth." 1 John 2:15 says: ⁵ Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. ¹⁶ For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.¹⁷ The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.

So.. I'm not saying this to beat you down.. so don't email me with angry messages. If THIS blog makes you mad.. that means that you need to evaluate THIS area because clearly, it's challenging you. This blog bothers you because you want to continue to live however you want to live and you still want me to say it's ok. Know that I won't. I won't ever agree with it. If we're going to really live like CHRIST-- we have to not LOOK and act like this world. And please, you're not being a light around those people as you hit the club with them.. you see.. you look EXACTLY like them. WHY would they want to serve your Jesus that has ZERO standards. Of COURSE you can get saved for real-- and live the right way.. but you have to "die" to some of your ways & let God lead your life.

MUSIC is POWERFUL. TV is POWERFUL. Why? Because it's setting an atmosphere in your living room & your eardrums that is planting seeds in your heart. Listening to certain songs and watching stupid reality TV shows begins the more YOU will start accepting that treatment into your own relationships. Yeah, he cheats on you, lies to you.. but he takes care of you. I mean, he pays your bills with his drug money or whatever money and he loveeeees you.. I mean you have that "ride-or-die" thug kinda love. Girl, please. Where did you get that from? We aren't 13 anymore. We're grown ups. And as a GROWN-UP-- we need to start having GROWN-UP relationships. Remember, your NEXT generation of CHILDREN could look like this man or woman. So stop complaining about this rebellious "generation" of kids when you're dating the main drunk & chick that is dropping it like it's hot at the club.
           
Before I get into the origin of music, Tupac used to be my favorite rapper. I had Thug Life painted on my wall as a teen. I LOVED rap & R&B. I LOVED ALL secular music. Until 2003.I got saved and gave my life to God-- for real. And being that I was a baby in Christ-- I had no idea that I wasn't supposed to listen to that music. Nobody "told" me. I remember-- sitting in my car one day-- and pulling out a secular CD from my CD player.. and thinking, this is garbage. It makes feel horrible and reminds me of my past. I can't listen to this crap anymore, it's not feeding my spirit in a good way.
From THAT day forward.. I stopped listening to that music, literally, listened-- one day & then next day, it's like God knocked the taste out of my mouth. So, since then.. I've listened to Gospel. My favorite artists are Kari Jobe, Kim Walker, Jesus Culture, Jimmy Needham, Hillsong and Matt Redman to name a few. So if you're struggling in this area.. as we ALL have areas where it seems like God delivers us quickly.. vs. us going through a process- GIVE that area to God & leave it there. Guard your heart. Do your part.

Lets look the origin of music.

The two Scripture passages that describe Satan before he fell are Ezekiel 28:12-19 and Isaiah 14:12-15. Satan was the “anointed cherub” (Ezekiel 28:14). He was adorned with every precious jewel imaginable (Ezekiel 28:13). He was “the model of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty” (Ezekiel 28:12b). Likely he was the highest of all angels. He was persuasive enough to convince one-third of the angels to join him in his rebellion (Revelation 12:4. Satan fell because of PRIDE. He did not like being “second best.” He wanted to be God: “You said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the sacred mountain’” (Isaiah 14:13). Satan knew how easily influenced we could be listening to music or being entertained-- being that it's a DOOR for him to creep into your heart, he'll glady take it if you don't know any better. 

Was Satan the head musician? This cannot be answered definitively. After researching scripture-- it does not say enough about what his duties were in heaven. Considering the fact that the angels constantly worship God (Isaiah 6:3; Revelation 4:8), it is possible that Satan led that worship. One thing is sure: for Satan to rebel despite having such an high position and close relationship with God, the devil is surely due his eternal destiny (Revelation 20:10).

Many Christians struggle with this question. Many secular musicians are super talented. Secular music can be very entertaining. There are many secular songs that have catchy melodies, thoughtful insights, and positive messages. In determining if you want to listen to secular music, there are three things you must consider: 1) the purpose of music, 2) the style of music, and 3) the content of the lyrics.

1) The purpose of music. Is music designed solely for worship, or did God also intend music to be soothing and/or entertaining? The most famous musician in the Bible, King David, primarily used music for the purpose of worshipping God (see Psalm 4:1; 6:1, 54,55; 61:1; 67:1; 76:1). However, when King Saul was tormented by evil spirits, he would call on David to play the harp in order to soothe him (1 Samuel 16:14-23). The Israelites also used musical instruments to warn of danger (Nehemiah 4:20) and to surprise their enemies (Judges 7:16-22). In the New Testament, the apostle Paul instructs Christians to encourage one another with music: “Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs” (Ephesians 5:19). So, while the primary purpose of music does seem to be worship, the Bible definitely allows for other uses of music. And honestly, even if that person can play the flute really well-- if they are gay-- I ain't listening. It just is what it is. Because their LIFESTYLE doesn't glorify God-- that person is subject to satan and his spirits. I don't want his little spirits entering his music & then plant messy seeds in my heart. Just is what it is. Let me elaborate on this: WHAT is inside of YOU flows OUT of you-- you are a slave to whoever you serve (romans 6:16) so someone who is practicing homosexuality is a SLAVE to satan & sin-- I don't want that ON me. I worship and serve the Lord. That homosexual has perverted their gift and uses it to glorify satan and their lifestyle. So don't get all mad at me for calling it out-- somebody gotta say it. I LIVE for Jesus. MY standards are clear, THIS won't change, because you're mad that I said it.  So please, stop sending me your angry emails as if my stand according to the bible will change because of some humans view?! I LOVE you-- I really do, but I could care less about your "thoughts"-- I live according to the bible.

2) The style of music. Sadly, the issue of music styles can be very divisive among Christians. There are Christians who adamantly demand that no musical instruments be used. There are Christians who only desire to sing the “old faithful” hymns. There are Christians who want more upbeat and contemporary music. At the end of the day-- if it glorifies God, that's ALL that matters.

3) The content of the lyrics. Since neither the purpose of music nor the style of music determines whether a Christian should listen to secular music, the content of the lyrics must be considered. While not specifically speaking of music, Philippians 4:8 is an excellent guide for musical lyrics: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” If we should be thinking about such things, surely those are the things we should invite into our minds through music and lyrics. Can the lyrics in a secular song be true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy? So if you're struggling with getting over your ex-- you should probably turn off Adele. Yes, her voice is beautiful but every time it plays.. it reminds you of your little boyfriend or girlfriend. So do a music check & a TV show CHECK. Is what you're WATCHING glorifying God or is it painting this picture of what you want in a husband based on some basketball player or rapper? Is it HELPING your walk with God or is it HINDERING it?

Most secular music does not meet the standard of Philippians 4:8. Secular music often promotes immorality and violence while BELITTLING purity and integrity. If a song glorifies what opposes God, WE shouldn't be listening to it. However, there are many secular songs with no mention of God that still uphold godly values such as honesty, purity, and integrity. If a love song promotes the sanctity of marriage and/or the purity of true love—even if it does not mention God or the Bible—it can still be listened to and enjoyed. As I mentioned before, I still don't listen to those songs either, but that's just me. I like to LISTEN for the heart of the artist. Even with gospel singers.. your heart could be so far from God or homosexual & you're just a singing'-- I will turn you off. You don't know Christ, your heart told on you. WHEN you're spending a ton of time with God-- HE shows you that stuff so the crap that is on the inside of them, doesn't get on you. We must guard our hearts on who we hang around. So yes, if your hang around that music long enough-- you'll start looking like it. If someone is struggling with depression for YEARS or lust.. and they are just singing their little troubles in your ears.. guess what you'll be struggling with?!? STOP surrounding yourself around it. When we SPEND time with God-- HE shows us this stuff. 

Remember that the above applies as well for Television. It's the SAME thing. Check out the content, the words, the acting.. because if it's not glorifying God-- it's glorifying your flesh and most likely-- you're seeing results in your life. So if you're struggling with sex outside of marriage, you shouldn't be watching shows that have people shacking up. It just is what it is. 

Whatever a person allows to occupy their mind will sooner or later determine their speech and actions. This is the meaning behind Philippians 4:8 and Colossians 3:2, 5: establishing RIGHT thought patterns. Second Corinthians 10:5 says we should “take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.” These Scriptures give a clear picture of the kind of music we should not listen to.

And as I mentioned in ALL of my blogs-- we can all get saved & change. I am not throwing away "
anybody"-- I'm just challenging us to DO better.

So, let's do better. Let's give our carnal nature to God & really live for Him for real. I really love & I'm praying for you.

Also, I've gotten some nasty responses.. as I was sure that I would. If you read my other 100 blogs-- I'm sweet, kind, gentle-- YES-- but at times-- God charges me to be BOLD & blunt about certain areas. So if it bothers you... good honey. WE all have areas we need to work on.. including me. I'm a straight WORK in progress & desperate for GOD daily. I NEED His help & I'm LOST without Him.
And check out this links!

Pinky Promise Store (bracelets, ring, shirts) www.heatherlove.bigcartel.com
Pinky Promise Conference (register! Join me in Atlanta!) www.pinkypromiseconference.com
Pinky Promise Movement (Join a local group or start one!) www.pinkypromisemovement.com
For Speaking Engagements: Kristi@PinkyPromiseMovement.com

Lastly, SO sorry that I haven't been posting! :) Been super busy! But.. I'm back at it!


God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey

(at a speaking gig in Philly)