Holiday Blues?

So, it’s time for the Holidays (Thanksgiving + Christmas), plus it’s time for a ton of engagements. If you’re currently in a season right now where you’re not completely satisfied with your portion, I want to encourage you today.

Don’t let the questions and interviews from your family distract you from the season that you’re in.

If you’re single – they want to know why you don’t have a man as they try to give you advice on how to get and find one.

Then, if you’re newly married –everyone is going to have the best marriage advice that works for your marriage. And, they will be questioning you on when you’re going to have kids. They know that you were only married for 2.3 months but they want a child.
Then, if you’ve had a couple kids, they want to know when you’re going to stop or what form of birth control are you using. They will also tell you how you need to raise your children. (Although they may have some good tips, take those and reject the bad stuff)

Do you see the trend? Don’t let your family’s discontentment rub off on you. They may come from a good place, but if you know that God hasn’t opened those doors for a reason, then you have to be so sure of your identity in Christ, that you won’t let what anyone else says ruffle your feathers.

Identity defined: “The fact of being who or what a person or thing is”

Let's look at these scriptures:

Ephesians 1:5 "He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will."

Romans 6:6 "For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin."

Genesis 1:27 "So God created mankind in HI sown image, in the image of God He created them, male and female He created them."

Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you a prophet to the nations."

1 Peter 2:9 "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s royal special possession, that you may declare the praises to Him who called you out of darkness."

Whew.

So, if you know that you IDENTITY is this: 
1. You belong to Jesus Christ.
2. He adopted you as His own.
3. Your old man is gone, so you no longer think, act and pursue what the world pursues.
4. You’re created in His image, so there’s nothing “wrong with the way you look.”
5. Before you were even born, God assigned you with a purpose and a PATH for your life, this path won’t look like anybody else’s path.

It’s very easy for me to lovingly correct family members (or anyone else) if they say things that are out of line. I know my lane. I know my identity. I know what I am called to do. I know who I am. When you are confident in your identity in Christ and WHO He called you to be, you can stand firm in where God has placed you in this season because you TRUST HIM and HIS timing.

So, if you’re getting any of the:

“You’re not getting any older.”

“Your clock is ticking.”

“You better hurry up.”

“You need more of this or that.”

Remind them that:

“The plans that God has for you are so good and at the right TIME, you will be sure to let them know of the great things that He has done.”

Show the love of Christ through your EXAMPLE of patience. This generation is very impatient and NEVER satisfied. But you, my sister, are satisfied and content with your portion.

Anybody can get a ring. You don’t just wanna bring any o’le man to the house. You want a godly man sent by the Lord. Generations will be affected by your obedience.

And, rejoice with your godly friends that get engaged this season. I went through a season where everyone was getting engaged and God was telling me to break things off with my then boyfriend. I’m like JESUS. You mean to tell me that I have to START all over? And while they’re planning weddings, I am over here – still single?
It was during that season that I really turned to scripture to see who I was in Christ. I asked myself a few questions:
1. Am I still valuable as a single? YES
2. Does God still have a purpose for me right now? YES
3. Do I want to be married?  YES

But, more than wanting to be married – was recognizing that I am valuable right now and I have purpose right now. I never ignored my desire to get married. I never ignored my desire to have children or even a good marriage. I prayed for those things. I prayed for a godly man as a single. I prayed for godly children – even after our miscarriage.

Although my desires were THERE, my attention shifted to knowing my IDENITY.  When I became confident in WHO God called me to be, I became content in Heather alone – free from titles and whatever else. I didn’t NEED (this or that) in order to be satisfied. I was satisfied with our without those things.

If you’re finding yourself in the midst of conflict this Thanksgiving with family or friends – my best advice would be to pursue PEACE. You cannot change those family members. What is the point of getting involved in meaningless conversations that bring drama?

Philippians 2:14 says “Do everything without complaining or arguing.”
2 Timothy 2:23-24 says, “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.”

There are certain conversations and discussions that I will not engage in. For example, if you know that a certain family supports the LGBT community and rallies against it every year and you do not – then why argue with them AGAIN this year about it? Instead, pray that their eyes will be opened to the truth. Pray that they will see God’s design for marriage. And, when you ask about it- lovingly tell them: “we are going to agree to disagree on this one. Let’s just enjoy dinner. How’s your job going?”

As believers, we must have some fruit of the spirit – or self-control in our lives. I believe that living for Jesus will plant seeds in your families heart that will encourage them to live for Jesus!

So, this holiday season – let’s pursue peace, be content in our portion, refuse to engage in silly arguments and walk by faith.

--

Few Things:

1. The 2017 Pinky Promise Conference was EVERYTHING!!! Like literally. Here's the night I taught on "Running From God." Registration is open NOW! www.pinkypromiseconference.com 

2. Ah, I'm SO excited that the Pinky Promise Movement page has a new look! Check it out HERE. 

3. ALSO, the Pinky Promise Boutique has a new look too PLUS a ton of cute MODEST, FAB, CLOTHES, jewelry, promise rings, clothes, journals, etc! Check it out HERE.

4. Be sure to check my calendar to see if I'm in your city soon! (under Calendar)

5. Are you in Atlanta? Come and visit our church! We are in Sandy Springs! The Gathering Oasis Church - we meet at the Galloway Private School in the Amphitheatre. 215 W Wieuca Rd NW Atlanta, GA 30327 every Sunday at 10AM EST.

5. My New Book, Silent Seasons was on the Amazon Best Seller's List as the #1 in New Releases and in Religious for 5 weeks! ahh!! Find it HERE.  or on Amazon/Kindle/Ibooks/Audio Book.

6. My dear friends, Havilah Cunnington and Lisa Bevere have an amazing 12 part series titled #MomOfMen - teaching you how to raise godly children. Sign up now and recieve a FREE e-book. You can sign up HERE.

God loves you like crazy,
Love always,

Heather Lindsey

Rocking one of my favorite dresses from the Pinky Pomise Boutique!

Overcoming Depression, Anxiety & Mental Health

So, I don't run Pinky Promise alone. I have a "Dream Team" of about 15 women that help me and it was on my heart to ask a few of them to share their testimonies of an area where they overcame. My sweet sister in Christ, Wynter Dean is sharing her story on Overcoming mental health - Depression. I truly believe that this is a silent area that people deal with so I am excited that Wynter is sharing her story.  I pray that it ministers to you. 

"Toughen up!" "You just aren't praying hard enough!" "Black girls don't get depressed (anxiety), you come from a strong family!" "Girl, you just too sensitive!" These were just a few statements I got from some well-meaning people in my life when I tried to discuss my mental health concerns.
Long before I was formally diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and Dysthymia (mild/chronic depression) I knew something wasn't right. I knew that my moods were greater than "worrying" or "stressing". I knew that shutting myself off from friends and family wasn't healthy. I knew that trying to operate on less than 12 hours of sleep a week wasn't making me the most productive or pleasant person and I knew that not leaving the bed for days was not necessarily the best thing to do. There were many days when I literally could not move. I had zero motivation to do anything but sit up, let my dogs out and habitually go over scenarios that either never happened or were totally out of my control.
I knew that I needed to talk to someone....but that meant I wasn't trusting God...right?! I mean 1 Peter 5:7 clearly says that we are to "cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Going to a doctor isn't the “Him” this scripture is referring to so clearly going to a psychiatrist or therapist was bad right?! I was so confused and had fully isolated myself from everyone that cared about me. I had a mind full of very scary thoughts and started quickly spiraling out of control. I thought about how many pills I needed to take to sleep because I was so exhausted, 10? 15? Anything to help me sleep and quiet my mind down. It was then that the same God I was so worried that I was not trusting or that I was disappointing nudged me to seek help.

Action Steps:
1. Seeking help doesn't mean you don't trust God: “Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NLT

The first thing you have to do is realize you have an issue, while also remembering that God placed doctors, therapists, social workers etc. in those positions to help. Find a therapist you like and trust. You’re going to be real transparent during your sessions, so be sure you feel safe with the person you select. There are tons of services that help you narrow down someone, take your time. Your mental health is really important so you want someone that will hold you accountable and really listen to you. I knew my psychiatrist was the right person for me as soon as I met her. When she talked, I was at peace and I felt that God gave her the desire to serve people that were hurting. I know that God was in control and ultimately gives her the tools to say exactly what I needed to hear. Lastly, remember that going to a therapist or psychiatrist is a partnership. They will give you advice and possibly prescriptions that you are expected to take. Be honest with your therapist, if the prescriptions make you feel groggy: Tell them. If you are having new struggles: Tell them. Honesty and transparency goes a long way in this process. How can you expect them to get to core issues if you don't discuss them? So I encourage you, as you build this relationship to be as honest as you can about how you feel. You play a huge role in your mental health, seeking help is the first step, doing what your clinician suggests and keeping them abreast of what is going on in your life is another huge move towards healing.

2. Align yourself with strong friends. "Iron sharpens iron, such as a friend sharpens a friend" Proverbs 27:17 NLT

I have been blessed to be loved by strong family and friends. I recognized that God was beginning a pruning process very early on, however, pruning and isolation are completely different things. When God prunes you, he removes things/people that are unlike him, people that stunt your growth and the purpose that he has for you. Though pruning was never an easy process, I knew God was using it to make me better. However, when I isolated myself from my support group, it essentially made me weaker. Gone were the people that held me accountable, gone were the people that made sure I got my tail off the couch, the check-in calls were unanswered and the random texts weren’t responded to. It was a really lonely time and being/feeling alone can be really dangerous. It was during this time that I thought about how the world might look without me. I obsessed about EVERY bad decision I made in my life and how those decisions made me a failure in God’s eyes. This was a dark place, a scary place, this was a place the enemy loved seeing me in because not only did I push my loved ones away, but I also pushed God away. One night after staying up almost 24 hours, I looked at my phone, ignored the missed calls and instead looked at a message from my GroupMe. I saw a message from one of my Pinky Promise Dream Team sisters. Though short and sweet, it snapped me out of the haze I was in and I made a conscious decision to GET UP. The message said “Wynter, you were on my heart. God wanted me to encourage you to put up some scriptures and whenever you have a thought that doesn’t line up with the Word pull one of those scriptures out”. Belonging to such a wonderful group of women has literally been a Godsend. We laugh together, pray together, hold one another accountable, and most of all we LOVE each other. Outside of my Dream Team family I have a network of friends, family, and an amazing boyfriend that lovingly makes sure I never stay in a funk for too long. I also have to make sure that I do my part. My loved ones encourage me, but I have to make the conscious decision every day to make sure I don’t let my depression or anxiety take me over. I get out and walk, take pictures, write calligraphy, write things I am thankful for, or visit family; anything to make sure I get out of my funk. For me my depression and anxiety intensifies when I am idle, so I try not to sit around too much and try to get out of the house even when my brain tells me not to.

According to a 2014 report by the American Association of Suicidology, African- Americans accounted for 5.46 per 100,000 suicides in the United States with African American men accounting for 80.30% of the population. When I read this, the numbers were jarring and I saw how my situation could have went another way. If God hadn’t stepped in when he did, if my loved ones wouldn’t have been so persistent, I could have been a statistic. A young woman that people thought had it all together. They would probably say “well she was so happy on social media” not knowing that behind that smile was a lot of hurt, pain and silent suffering. I think that the most dangerous part of this disorder is that it gives you the perception that you are alone. It exacerbates little setbacks and makes you feel hopeless. When you a feel alone, the enemy can do a number on your mind, but God reminds us that we a NEVER alone. Deuteronomy 31:6 says “So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Isaiah 41:10 states “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand”.  One of my personal favorite verses that I continually run to when I am in a depressive or anxious state is Psalms 34:17-18 “The lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed”. 

These are just a few reminders out of several in the Bible that God never leaves us, He will never forsake us, and He is always present. If you know me personally then you know that I am a person that really can’t stand clichés. But one statement that I always remember is “if you feel far away from God, it’s you that moved”. For me this statement is cliché but very true. During my intense depressive and anxious state, God was there, I didn’t feel him because I didn’t want to. I was resting in my misery and I blocked him out. Even though I was blaming him for everything I thought was wrong during this time, even though I was being extremely ungrateful for everything he has done for me, He still saved me. God stopped me from taking the pills I counted out and He is still constantly reminding me how much I mean to him and how I have a purpose. There is something that I need to do or someone that I need to help and without God stepping in when he did, I would not be here to live the life He has for me.

I may always struggle with depression and anxiety, but I will never be in that place I was in before I got help. I still see my psychiatrist twice a month for check-in appointments and medication management. My loved ones make sure that I never go missing for long. If I don’t answer my phone or respond to texts after a couple of tries, I can count on someone being on my front porch.  As I stated before, I make the decision everyday not to sit in the house seeping in my emotions. When I am feeling like laying on the sofa or not to get out of the bed I push myself to get outside, even if it is to walk the dogs or sit in my backyard. Lastly, I thank God every day for never leaving me and for loving me in spite of myself. So if you are struggling with issues regarding your mental health here are a few resources and reminders that helped me.

You….yes YOU…. have a purpose, SO get out and meet folks that love Jesus, join a Pinky Promise group in your area and align yourself with women that are on fire for God and His purpose! Scripture says in Ecclesiastes 4:12 that “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken”. Keep your circle strong and all of your relationships intentional. Know that you are NEVER alone (despite what the enemy tries to make you believe) and most importantly know in your heart that the same God that created the heavens and the earth LOVES you like crazy!!

Lovingly,

Wynter D.

(@the_coldest_wynter)

Resources:

·       Mental Health Referral Line: SAMHSA Treatment Referral Helpline – 1‑877‑SAMHSA7 (1‑877‑726‑4727)

 

·       National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:1‑800‑273‑TALK (8255)

 

·       http://www.everydayhealth.com/depression/guide/resources/

 

·       https://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/ask-and-learn/resources

 

“The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

Thank you Wynter for sharing your story! 

Love you dearly!

xo

Heather Lindsey 

Feeling Down?

Have you ever felt like life is purposeless? Or that life is just weighing on you and you feel like there's no way out? You know the scriptures, you know that things are going to get better but at the same time, you're like why God? "I feel trapped in my own life." Have you ever felt like, this test is too big and I don't see the way out. I don't know how God is going to deliver me from this one. If you're feeling this way, I can assure you that this battle has nothing to do your physical environment. The screaming children, the job you hate, the fact that you're tired of being single or broke. This battle is SPIRITUAL. NOT PHYSICAL.

Ephesians 6:12 tells us: "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places."

So, although it may seem like it's people, things and your situation that has you frustrated but I want you to know that you're in the midst of a war. A battle. An attack against your walk with the Lord. This is not the time to recite how much you hate your life, or how frustrated you are with everything. This is the time that you need to go to WAR. This is the time where you need to guard your heart more than anything. This is the time where you have to cast down those crazy thoughts and make them submit to God's word. (2 Corinthians 10:5). This is the time where you have to PRESS past your feelings & remind yourself that this season won't last always.

I discussed this in an earlier blog,  and the reality is this, satan has demons assigned to kill, steal and to try to destroy your life (John 10:10). He isn't a one man show. He sends his messengers to tell you lies. He sends his messengers to make you feel defeated. He sends his messengers to make you feel like quitting. Satan doesn't care about YOU! He just wants you OUT of the way so that he can go onto the next Christian & try to destroy THEIR life. He just wants to ruin your marriage so that he can kill your witness.

So, what are you fighting with? 

Physical means? Yelling, screaming, complaining, gossiping, worrying, fearing while comparing your life to everybody else's & wishing that you had it because you think it's better than yours? NO! Those are physical means! You cannot take earthy things to a spiritual battle!

This is what we must take to the battle:

Ephesians 6:10-18 (NLT)

The Whole Armor of God

10 A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we[a] are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

I believe that it's in those moments where we just stand firm to what we know and we know to be true while PRAYING in the Spirit (tongues) and staying alert and UNDISTRACTED. If we don't spend time with the Lord, we will won't have our sword of the Spirit. Most of us are leaving our swords of the Spirit in the car, waiting for church tomorrow. It's not enough to get an 1 hour word on Sunday. We must be intentional about sitting before the Lord.

I recognize that satan attacks when we feel weak. Or when we are our worst. The bible says he "roars around like a lion, seeking WHO he can destroy. (1 Peter 5:8). I'm reminded of the animal kingdom. The lions usually seek to chase after those animals that are weak, are old, slower or sick. Those animals that don't appear to have a fight in them. Satan is doing the same thing to you. If you feel weak, distracted, sick or not your typical self, I believe that satan is seeking to attack and destroy you.  He's aiming for YOU because you have put your guard down and you have given him an open door in your life.

We have to FIGHT back. So, repent of your sins. Repent for not trusting in the Lord this time. Stop bickering and fighting with your family. Make things right with your spouse. Get your fight back. Get back on your face in prayer. Pray on all occasions. Don't quit. Don't give up. Don't go back to your past & what seems comfortable. Press forward. Stop emotionally eating to deal with your portion. Stop texting people from your past to fill this void. This fight is SPIRITUAL.

We win in Christ.
So, now that you recognize the enemies attack. Use it against Him.

James 1:2-4
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

My prayer for you:
Father, in the name of Jesus we bind every spirit that is attacking those people reading these words right now. Satan, you  have NO authority over us. We pray right now that our hearts aren't troubled and that we trust in the Lord. We pray for peace in our homes, on our jobs, in our family, in our marriages. We pray right now for perspective. That we will recognize that these attacks are spiritual and not physical. Lord, give us wisdom on how to deal wisely with our portion. We declare Lord that we are content in  YOU and YOU alone. YOU are our peace, our joy and our strength. Strengthen us as press forward.

You have a purpose, YOU have a plan. This earth needs you to accomplish what God called you to do. Don't give up. There's something on the other side of this all.

Just a few things:

1. Find my (4) books (including my NEW book, "The Runaway Bride"), purity rings, shirts & all that good stuff via pinkypromiseboutiques.com!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under: Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Midtown Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA. 

4. Register for the 2016 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 40,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

God loves you like crazy,
Love you all so much!

Heather Lindsey

Happy 3 months to our Ms. Taylor Milan! :) 

Lord, I'm Broken

Soo, in the past two months, my father passed away, my 23 year old nephew committed suicide and a good friend who was 29 died of a brain aneurysm. Then, I lost a lot of relationships that I used to have--I've learned that when you step out & do what God is telling you to do, 50% of the people won't agree with you. They will think you are crazy & that you lost your mind. I've learned that people don't like change much. But WHO cares? You obey GOD. I don't care who disagrees with you. What a season of a separation!! Talk about broken!!! I learned what was really important, life wasn't about all the stupid things I thought it was about. I learned that our days our numbered on this earth--so you better make the right decision while you are in this physical body. I learned that everyone cannot go with you where you are going. In Genesis, God to Abraham.. GET away from those people that frame your mindset, get away from that family & go to a place where I will show you." I'm pretty sure Abraham got some heat for that one. As all of this is going on, I'm getting weary, tired, drained & I'm still grieving. Then..

The Lord told me to GET UP--He said "Heather, you have got to press forward & do all the things I told you to do, don't let your situation or an excuse be the reason you stop growing!!! It reminds me of John 5--Jesus saw a man who was lame with a disease for 38 years, laying by the pool of Bethesda. He went to the man and said "Do you want to be well?" He cried out the the Lord, telling Jesus that every time he tried to get into the pool, someone went ahead of him and got their "healing". Jesus didn't sit and join the man's pity party, He told him to GET UP and later on in that chapter He told him to "stop sinning before something worse happens to you." I believe there was a couple weeks in there where I was RESISTING GOD. I was so tired, so drained from ministry, life, and all of these things happening, I didn't have a motivation to do anything! I believe that I was in the beginning stages of Depression. Whatever you focus on, will amplify. I was so wrapped up & focused on ME. I'm humbled and grateful that God took my broken pieces and sat me on top of solid ground and put a new song in my mouth..(psalms 40:3).

Now, I have a BRAND new outlook on life. I really believe that going through that season was a season of FIRE. My faith was tested on levels I didn't know EXISTED. I'm amazed that each & every day while I was going through things, I still had my hope placed in Him as the Holy Spirit whispered to me that "I am not alone, I'm always with you, I'll never leave or forsake you."...

I want to challenge you to GET UP from whatever situation happen in your life! Don't dwell on it, ponder it, focus on it!! Go FIND someone who is broken and help them. God loves you like crazy & has an awesome plan for your life. Let Him refresh you. Remember that everyone can't rock with you. BUT still LOVE, forgive them & MOVE on. .."They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us... 1 John 2:19"

God is beyond faithful. His presence IS my abundance.
Love,
Heather