Ever found yourself in that place? Maybe you had an ex boyfriend that you went back and forth with.. or an ex girlfriend you used to just sleep with or maybe it's just that friend with benefits & things didn't quite work out.. ya'll never had a title and both of you would always get into other relationships but there was still a hope deep in your heart that you would go from side chick to main chick. (same for guys as well)
Let's be clear, people DO what they want to DO. So if someone needs some water-- they go to the faucet and get water. If they want to work out, they go to the gym. If they WANT to go to school, they go to school. If they SEE your value, they make a point to develop a relationship with you & STAY with you. WHY do we get so confused when people don't WANT to be with us? Stop making it so complicated. It just IS what is IS. We must understand that GOD closes & opens certain relationships doors for your PROTECTION! You can no longer cry over spilled milk. Instead, dust yourself off-- GET up and get FOCUSED. God has a plan for your life and it's much bigger than your relationship status! Satan is trying to have you all messed up & confused and sad and Jesus is interceding on your behalf -- saying, my CHILD, I want your WHOLE heart so I can LEAD your life & introduce you to MY best for you.
I wouldn't have CRIED over all of my exes if I knew WHAT I know now! Stop crying over people you were never meant to be with! All the signs were there-- but you lifted your STANDARDS because they were "fine" or your "clock was tickin" or you were lonely.. so instead of refusing to get into that relationship-- you slowly excepted their cursing.. lying, sexual antics.. staying the night.. smoking.. drinking.. clubbing.. well he only cheated.. 3 times.. or 5.. or 6.
Let's all be clear, no person is perfect but you need to have deal breakers from the very beginning! For example-- are you a Christian? Ok, you are? What KIND of Christian are you? Do you just go to "church" on Sunday but will try to sleep with me Monday? Ok, do you really LIVE this thing? Are you going to pressure me to do things that dishonor God?? And while we're at it.. WHO told you your body was yours?!? Your BODY is the temple of the HOLY SPIRIT!! (1 Cor. 6:19-20) The Holy Spirit lives in YOU. Does He like to live in you or does HE want OUT?! Are you filling your heart.. and body with more randoms..?
I have to be raw and honest with just a few reasons why they won't commit to you.
1. They aren't 100% sold. That sounds horrible, I know- but it's the truth. They think you have some great qualities.. but not enough to lock it in forever. He or she is "waiting" for you to get "better" here or there but in all honestly, LOVE is PATIENT-- it grows & develops with you & if you can't take them JUST like they are-- then you don't need to be with them. Don't marry an expectation that YOU can change a person. Everybody has an issue.. including you.
2. Fear of commitment. Maybe they saw their mama or daddy or someone else NOT commit for years. For them, it's like confinement. It's WRONG. Perfect LOVE casts out all fear (John 4:18), including that one.
3. That's NOT Gods best for your life. We all think sometimes that we can control our little lives & "make it work"-- once I was in a relationship & wanted to marry the guy. I was determined to DO things God's way to MAKE it work. It got so unhealthy-- the Lord told me that if we dont' break things off-- it's only going to get worse. It was God's way of closing a door that "looked good" in my head & LEADING & guiding my LIFE because I submitted all of it to Him.
4. WHY buy your cow if YOU are giving homie the milk for free? I'm just saying!! If you PLAY house with him.. cook his meals, sleep with him & help pay the bills.. WHY would he marry you? Put some standards up & stop playing house.
5. Money. THIS is a huge one. STOP waiting for everything to be perfect. Guess what? The conditions will never be "perfect" for marriage, kids or whatever else. This could ALSO be a man's excuse for one of the above as a cover up. I'm just sayin'. Some men SAY it's money but they are really SCARED of the responsibility of being a husband to ONE woman. BUILD your kingdom together with your woman. Start with a blank canvas.. and save, pay off debt-- do what you have to do. Plus, you can save ALL your money & prepare, prepare, prepare-- and something happens where you LOSE it all. Now what? Are you going to divorce? Of course not! Marriage will COME with it's own struggles. You cannot run when life gets hard-- take it head on. And more than anything.. GOD is your provider. He has your back.
Know your worth. Know that God values you. God provides for you. He's WITH you. He SHOWS you the hearts of all people so that He can lead & guide you to healthy relationships.
And a quick side note: This isn't your chance to run to your person & say.. is it "one of these reasons?!!?"-- because most likely, they won't tell you. This is what you do-- have OPEN & honest communication about the PURPOSE of the relationship. If it DOESN'T have a purpose, YOU shouldnt' be in it. So NO, I will not "date this person for 10 years." Ask God for wisdom if you think the realtionship should end. He most likely has already SHOWN you. Obey Him.
God LOVES you like crazy!